Chapter 38 - This Nearly Was Mine.

The Great Pony Cart Disaster of 2016 was pretty much already forgotten before they’d even left Jayne’s farm. Gus had spent a half hour getting to know more of the ponies, grooming them with a curry comb and then helping Jayne put hay in their stalls. The scraped elbow was essentially forgotten. Nevertheless, Justin had insisted on following thru with the Ice Cream Cure as soon as they’d returned to the cottage. Gus, who’d had a lot of excitement and no nap that day - a factor that had undoubtedly contributed to the afternoon’s drama - was drooping and ready for bed almost before dinner, which had followed the ice cream, was over.

Of course, Gus wanted His Jussin, the Experter Of All Things to help him get ready for bed and read him his story that night. Brian was fine with that and sent the boys off while he started the dishwasher and cleaned up. When he’d finished that task, he thought he’d go wait for Justin in their bedroom, hoping the blond would come tuck him in after he was done with the younger Kinney. Maybe Justin would even follow through on that taking charge thing he’d hinted at, not that Brian wanted to encourage such thinking, but, well . . .

Unfortunately, Gus’ bedtime ritual seemed to be taking an awfully long time that evening and Brian found himself almost as tired out as his son. He soon found his eyelids becoming heavy. And before Justin had finished with Gus and found his way back to his lover, Brian had given in to his fatigue.

Brian awoke in the middle of the night to an empty bed; not something he was used to these days and, as much as he hated to admit it, not something he was particularly fond of anymore. After about ten minutes of laying there waiting impatiently, Brian got up to investigate the whereabouts of his missing bed mate. He panicked briefly about Gus waking during the night and having not heard him, but before he even had the chance to check on the kid, the dim light shining from under the bathroom door helped him locate his lost bedwarmer.

Pushing open the door, Brian rubbed tiredly at his eyes, waiting till they adjusted to the light. When he did, finally, look around him, Brian found his Blue Eyes sitting atop the closed toilet lid, with his bare feet pulled up so he was hunched awkwardly over his bent knees. It didn’t look like a comfortable place to just hang out in the middle of the night, especially since it was kind of chilly and Justin wasn’t wearing anything other than his shorts.

“You feeling okay, Blue Eyes?”

As soon as the question left Brian’s mouth he had his answer. Justin didn’t even need to tell him something was wrong; from the way the younger man’s shoulders were silently shaking and the rapid rate of his breathing, Brian knew his Blue Eyes was most certainly not okay.

Rushing over, Brian sank to his knees on the hard tile and enveloped the blond in his arms before asking again, “what the fuck, Justin? What’s happened? Are you hurt?”

“I . . .” Justin tried to explain, but his breathing sped up to the point where Brian was worried he might actually start to hyperventilate. “I . . . I can’t do this. I can’t. I hate this, Brian. I hate it so much . . .”

Panic seeped into Brian's voice. “What? What do you hate, Blue Eyes? Tell me.” Somehow Brian didn’t think he’d like the answer,  whatever it was.

“I just can’t do this, Brian. It hurts too much,” Justin’s shoulders were still shaking and large silent tears began to slide down his face.

“What are you talking about? What can’t you do?” Brian could feel the panic rising in his own chest as he hugged the trembling man tighter. “You're not making any sense, Blue Eyes. What’s going on in that blond head of yours?”

“It’s too late,” Justin choked out as though he hadn’t even heard a word of what Brian had said. “I shouldn’t have come with you. I should have stayed away. I shouldn’t have even met him . . .”

Brian was so fucking confused. What was Justin talking about? “Who?”

“Gus.”

“Gus? But Gus loves you, Justin.” ‘We both love you,’ briefly ran through Brian’s mind, but he kept his mouth firmly shut so that sentiment wouldn’t leak out. “Why shouldn’t you have met him? You’re not making any sense.”

Justin tried to pull himself out of Brian’s arms, something that the older man prevented by holding on even tighter, before Justin gave up and continued. “I shouldn’t have met Gus because now . . . Now I’ve let myself fall in love with him. Heck, I feel like we’ve bonded or something. He likes me. He trusts me. That was so careless of me; I shouldn’t have let this happen.”

“Bonded?” Brian was having a hard time figuring out why that was a bad thing. “Of course he’s bonded with you. For fuck sake, Justin, Gus is completely, head over heels, in love with you. There’s nothing wrong with that. You’re just being ridiculous.”

Justin shook his head. “No, Brian. It’s not ridiculous, but it was reprehensible. I should never have let it come to this. I should never have let him latch onto me like that.” When Brian just continued to stare at the sobbing man, Justin finally offered up the rudiments of an explanation. “Gus . . . He . . . He asked me if I was going to be at his . . . At his fourth birthday party, in September,” Justin cried out, the reality of what he was saying making his tears fall faster and his breathing hitch. “Applesauce, Brian! Of course I won’t be at his birthday party in September; I’ll be lying somewhere at bottom of the ocean by then.”

“Justin!” Brian’s voice broke as he spoke. “Stop it. Just fucking stop it.”

“Stop what? It’s true, Brian. You and I both know it, so there's no point beating around the bush. In seven weeks I’ll be dead. Seven weeks, Brian. That’s all I’ve got.” He began to retch and quickly got up so he could open the toilet lid, then fell heavily to his knees with his face planted over the bowl, as he continued to sob. “Gus will never see me again. You’ll never see me again. And I’ve already let it go too far. Now that he’s become attached to me, it’ll hurt him when I all of a sudden disappear with no explanation. It was wrong of me. I should never have come on this trip with you two.”

That admission proved to be too much, leaving Justin heaving into the toilet for several minutes while all Brian could do was rub his back and, when it was over, offer him a cold, wet towel. When the inconsolable man was finally calmer again, Brian helped him stand up, sat him on the bathroom counter and then used another towel to wipe the blotched and tear-streaked face. When Justin was all cleaned up, Brian stepped closer, and wrapped both arms around the defeated-seeming blond.

Brian had been debating when to bring up the whole tricky issue about Justin’s future, but it had just never felt like the right time before. Obviously, Justin had been dwelling on it as much as he had, so it looked liked now was the right time. Like it or not, they needed to deal with this; neither of them could go on with this uncertainty hanging over their heads. It was definitely time to talk.

“Listen to me, Justin. Are you listening?” There was a nod from the head pressed against Brian’s chest. “We don’t know what’s going to happen. I know what the fucking history books say, but that can’t be the whole story. I won’t let that be it. I won’t let all this - us - end like that.”

“Brian, history doesn’t lie. We both read that report on your lightbox thingy that spelled out what happened to me. We can’t change what’s already happened.”

“Bullshit!” Brian hissed angrily. “I don’t give a fuck what the damned history books say, Justin. The fucking history books don’t know everything. They obviously don’t know about the fact that I somehow managed to stumble onto that damned time portal, go back in time and meet you; you can be damn sure something like that would’ve made the history books if it had been known. Which leads me to think that there’s craploads of shit the history books either know nothing about or just plain get wrong. And if so, why can’t THIS be one of the things they got wrong? Why can’t we change this one part, huh?”

“Because we can’t, that’s why,” Justin stubbornly maintained, pushing Brian away from him. “I could see your point if maybe the history books were silent about what’s going to happen to me - if I was just another of the millions of humans who’ve lived and died in anonymity - but that’s not the case here. What happened to me is already known. It’s done. Stated in black and white. It’s already HAPPENED. We can’t change what’s already happened, Brian. If I had somehow - maybe with your interference and the time thing - managed to change my fate and avoid my death back in 1941, that change would have already happened as well and the history books would have disclosed THAT outcome. But they don’t, Brian. Seventy-five years later, it still says I will die in just a few weeks, so that’s what’s going to happen. We can’t change it because it’s ALREADY a fact.”

Brian’s head was spinning with all the possibilities and conundrums this discussion was bringing up. He understood what Justin was saying, and he had to admit that argument had merit, but he still wasn’t going to give in on this topic. There had to be a way to stop the inevitable. It had to be possible to change this one aspect of history. If not, what was the point of him falling through that fucking time rift and meeting Justin in the first place? Brian didn’t believe in coincidences; he didn’t believe that he was doomed to be a hopeless, powerless, victim of fate. He would never stop fighting against this unfairness, even though Justin clearly believed it was all a foregone conclusion.

“Please, Brian, you have to promise me one thing,” Justin insisted, standing up so he could face Brian on his feet like the steadfast, brave, fighter he was. “Gus can’t know what happens to me; you can’t tell him. I don’t want him to be hurt that way. I don’t want him to know I’ve been killed. Please don’t tell him.”

“Justin . . .” Brian might have continued to try and argue the point but he could already see the stubborn gleam in the fierce blue eyes he could no longer bear to live without, so he decided to back off . . . for the time being. “I get what you’re saying, Justin, but I don’t agree. I think we still need to talk about this some more, just not now. Not when we’re both tired and cold and standing, naked, in the middle of the dirty bathroom floor. And not when Gus is sleeping next door. Okay?” Justin reluctantly nodded his agreement. “Good. I promise you, the moment we get back to London and drop Sonny Boy off with Lindz, we’ll talk . . .”

“It’s not going to change anything, Brian.”

“Maybe not but we’ll talk anyway, okay? But until then, can we just agree not to let this shit ruin our last day in Brighton? We’ve only got one day left; let’s give our Sonny Boy the best vacation of his life - make some memories together he won’t ever forget - and not fuck it up with all this morbid shit, okay?”

“Okay. You’re right. I don’t want to do anything to hurt Gus,” Justin conceded, taking a deep breath and squaring his shoulders as if to fight against the negative thoughts he’d let in earlier. “You’re right, of course; whatever happens, I don’t want Gus to be affected by any of it.”

“Good, because I don’t know what I’d tell Gus if his favorite Experter somehow wasn’t around for tomorrow’s adventures. Besides, who’s going to take care of any other boo-boos that might happen?”

“Yeah, well, I don’t think my expert first aid skills were really tested by one scraped elbow.”

“Maybe not, but you never know.” Brian gave a little smirk as he pulled Justin closer to him, their lower bodies coming into contact and bumping together happily, “In the meantime, I might be in need of some of your expertise, Blue Eyes.”

“Oh? Do you need me to get out my first aid supplies?” Justin asked, finally managing a hint of a smile.

“No, but I do have a boo boo that needs kissing.”

Justin raised his eyebrows suspiciously, looking the man over for any sign of injury and finding none. “You do not.”

“I do, too,” Brian insisted. “You’re just not looking in the right spot. Why don’t you go take a little look down below and see for yourself,” Brian grinned as he pushed down gently on Justin’s shoulders until the man got the hint and dropped to his knees.

What Justin discovered while he was down there was the gigantic tent in Brian’s shorts hitting him square in the face as Brian canted his hips forward. Brian heard a small, amused snort of approval as Justin pulled the front of his boxer briefs down. Then they both chuckled as Brian's big schlong sprung free, smacking Justin on the nose as it did so.

“Hmmm,” Justin the First Aid Expert pretended to examine the specimen poking right into his face.

Brian waved his not so little, excitable friend, back and forth, watching in delight as he traced the tip lightly over that delicious pink mouth. “What’s the diagnosis, Mr. Expert?”

“I’m afraid I still don’t see anything I haven’t seen before down here, Brian. I think you’re gonna have to help me out and show me exactly where it hurts.”

“You can start . . . here,” Brian said, pointing to a spot on his right hip.

Justin leaned a little to his left so he could leave a light kiss on the supposed owie. “Better?” he asked, receiving a nod from Brian.

“Here, too,” Brian was quick to add, moving his finger upward and inward so he was pointing at the area where his abs disappeared into the fringes of his curly bush of pubes.

Justin obediently kissed that spot as well.

“And, definitely, here,” Brian ventured, pointing at the very tip of his fully erect penis, which was now standing up and practically begging for attention.

“Mmmm,” Justin purred as he not only kissed the affected area, but suckled it for a good, long minute. “There. All better?” He asked as he pulled away.

“No. Definitely not. I think it’s even worse now,” Brian complained. “It’s throbbing pretty badly now.”

“I’m afraid it’s worse than I thought,” Justin replied with mock-seriousness. “I’m going to need to give you a full body assessment,” the blond explained further, leaning forward to kiss the tip of Brian’s cock once more before climbing back to his feet. “Follow me to my examination table, Mr. Kinney.”

Justin laced his fingers with Brian’s and towed the unresisting man after him to their bedroom. Then the diligent First Aid Tech laid his patient down on the bed, making sure Brian was comfortably propped up with two pillows behind his head and another under his ass. Brian thought about protesting, maybe taking control of things and reversing their positions, but Justin was already intent on his preparations and . . . Fuck it, the little shit really was hot as hell when he took charge like that. How was Brian supposed to resist?

“Now, Mr. Kinney, I’m going to begin the procedure,” Justin announced as he climbed onto the bed and straddled Brian’s midsection. “First there will be a thorough oral examination.”

Brian quickly came to the conclusion that he liked the oral exam portion of the proceedings. Justin, as he’d already come to realize, had a very talented mouth. And for the next twenty minutes or so he used it to kiss and suck and nibble at pretty much every single millimeter of Brian’s body. It was exquisite torture, though, because the bossy examiner refused to be hurried along or let Brian move. When he’d finally kissed all the way down to Brian’s feet, Justin reversed direction and kissed back up to the more important portions of his anatomy.

When he arrived back at the locus of Brian’s original problem, that big boo-boo was throbbing and pulsing even more than previously, so Justin was forced to spend an extended period of time working on his exam of that area. He must have determined it needed a lot of attention, since the next thing Brian knew, the med tech had swallowed him whole. Justin then proceeded with a therapeutic massage of the site, performed with only his throat and tongue, until Brian was feeling no pain whatsoever.

But the diligent First Responder wasn’t done yet. No, no, no. Brian soon discovered that Justin was only just beginning the treatment of the affected area. Because, just as he was beginning to feel the stimulation of his big boo-boo reaching its crest, Justin added in a lovely internal prostate massage as well. And the patient might have objected to this form of therapy, if only he could have gotten enough blood to his brain to operate his speech centers; Doctor Justin wasn’t about to let that happen, though.

After several more minutes of panting and moaning - because this type of treatment really was quite stimulating, you know - Brian finally became aware of the sound of a condom packet being torn and then the snick of the lube’s cap flipping open. Okay, so he’d known from the start that this exam was most likely going to entail a rectal procedure as well, but even so, Brian still had a moment of doubt. Not that he didn’t trust Justin, but he didn’t do submissive very well. Justin, however, did dominance with exceptional skill, and he was already determined to see this thing through in his usual take-charge fashion. And so, with no more than a moment of hesitation, Brian sighed and started to roll over, mentally prepared for the body cavity exam to commence.

“No. Don’t roll over, Brian. I want you just the way you are,” Justin stopped him from moving with one restraining hand on Brian’s shoulder.

“Justin . . . I don’t think . . .”

“Did you know, when you make love to me, your eyes change color?” Justin interrupted him before Brian could say what it was he didn’t think he could do, instantly capturing all Brian’s attention with the strange non sequitur. “It’s true.” Justin smiled down on him with his biggest sunshine smile. “All the little flecks of green disappear and your eyes turn this amazing, honey brown; all liquid and warm.” Justin leaned down to kiss each of Brian’s eyes and then stayed there, hovering only a few inches away, smiling possessively as he returned Brian’s mesmerized stare, whispering the rest of his plea. “I want to see your eyes as I make love to you, Handsome. I want to look at your beautiful face. I want to see if your eyes do that same thing when I’m inside you. I want to memorize that image and save it forever. So please, my love, don’t turn away from me.”

Brian swallowed whatever words he’d meant to say and merely offered his lover a small, sad smile. Of course he’d give Justin this. He’d give him anything. Because, damn it, Brian fucking loved him. He loved Justin and he would give him whatever the man needed. And if it did turn out that they only had a short time together, Brian wanted something to remember as badly as Justin.

So Brian stayed there, lying on his back, completely open and exposed, and he let Justin make love to him face-to-face; something Brian had never given to anyone before.  

“Thank you, Brian,” Justin crooned as he deposited one more kiss on Brian’s lips and then returned to his work.

With commendable efficiency, Justin finished rolling the condom on his thick, throbbing member and got to work, making Brian feel as wonderful and as satisfied as when the roles were reversed.

And Brian had never felt happier.