10.

Brian had only ever set foot in Boytoy once, and that had been back when he had first started hanging out on Liberty Avenue.  The club, and the vapid boys who had once filled it, had done nothing for him; he had preferred the men of Babylon and hadn’t had a reason to return to Boytoy since.  He had vague memories of bright colors and velvet décor that still left a sour taste in his mouth over a decade later.  Other than Sap owning Babylon, and the club being Brian’s playground, Brian couldn’t figure out what drew Justin to Boytoy and kept him there when there were other clubs on Liberty. 

He had been five minutes away from PIFA when Alex had rung him to let him know that Justin and Daphne had left the bar.  Brian had cursed softly before turning his jeep around and heading back towards Liberty Avenue.  But when he had driven past Boytoy, he had been unable to get a parking space and had ended up parking nearly a block away and returning on foot.  As he came upon the line to the club, however, he began to get the inkling that this wasn’t the same Boytoy he remembered. 

He could see how far back the line stretched as he rounded the corner; young twinks huddled together for warmth while talking about school and music, and the cute guys they were hoping to see as Brian walked the length of the line.  He could see many a blond head waiting, but was yet to lay eyes on Justin.  As he reached the start of the queue, he heard the whispers start – he heard his name mentioned, and glanced over his shoulder cautiously.

The boys waiting in line were staring at him as if they knew him; maybe they did.  Perhaps his reputation had reached even these young ears.  He couldn’t remember Justin ever appearing this youthful, however, and he relaxed when he heard Alex call his name.  Walking towards Alex, Brian bit back the question he wanted to ask when Alex turned his back to the club and walked away from it.  The curious whispers from the young twinks faded as they turned the corner, and Alex sighed in relief as he led Brian around towards the back of the club.

“Where are we going?” Brian finally asked as Alex led him deeper into an alley, and his companion glanced at him with a slight smile.

“Back entrance – it’s under twenty-one night, Brian, and Aristide has stringent rules here about who he lets in on those nights.  It keeps the underage boys safe from the hawks.”

Brian stopped dead in his tracks and stared at Alex in shock.

“Those boys are….how old?” he asked, and Alex shrugged as Brian quickened his pace to catch up with him.

“They range in age from fifteen to twenty-one.  Those under seventeen are rounded up and signed out no later than ten PM.  The older ones then have free reign of the dancefloor until Aristide shuts down around three AM.  This isn’t the Boytoy of old, Brian – Aristide took this place on two-and-a-half years ago, and if Gary doesn’t adapt to the changes of time, Babylon will go under and places like Boytoy will take its place.  Aristide runs a tight ship here; very clean, very safe.  If Justin had known about this place when he first hit Liberty Avenue two years ago?  He would have had a very different support group.  Come on.”

“Signed out?” Brian questioned as Alex knocked on a door, and Alex nodded.

“Yep; each person who is let in has to produce school ID, and they are signed into the club.  When they leave, they are signed out, and the bouncers make sure that they have a ride home.  There is no underage drinking here, nor are there any drugs – there’s the alcove, but even that is guarded by bouncers so that none of the younger ones go in there.”

Alex broke off when the door opened, and a young man in his mid-twenties looked out.  Slim, with closely cropped black hair, his skin was a gorgeous café latte color; it was the pale gold of his eyes, however, that turned him from cute into stunning.  A small smile crossed his face, and he leaned forward to brush his lips lightly over Alex’s in greeting.

“Chér,” he said quietly in greeting, and Brian heard the sound of the bayou in the soft baritone of his voice as he ushered them through the door and out of the cold.

Brian glanced around the dimly lit room, and found that they were in a storage room of sorts.  It was clean, and meticulously organized, and he watched as Aristide locked the door behind them before pushing bolts into both the ceiling and the floor so that the door couldn’t be opened from the outside.

“Ari, how are you?” Alex asked, as Aristide turned back to face them.  A small smile played across his lips, and he tilted his chin up slightly.

“I’m good, Chér.”

“And how is your family?” Alex asked, Brian glancing at him when he heard the slight change in Alex’s voice.

“They’re good,” Ari said simply.  “Liana is growing more every day; she is lovely.”

“And how is Grant?” Alex asked politely.

“What brings you here tonight?” Ari asked curtly without further pretence.  “When you came to me several months ago, I told you that I didn’t have a problem with you observing young Justin from my catwalk, Alex; that I would keep an eye on him while he was here, and call you should anything happen.  I do, however, have a problem with you bringing Mr. Kinney into my establishment.  He has the asses of Babylon to choose from – I will not have him hunting in my house.  Not when I personally greeted Justin with a kiss as he came through my doors tonight.”

Brian’s eyebrows flew up, and Ari smiled at him coolly.

“Yes, I know who you are, Mr. Kinney.  The Stud of Liberty Avenue.  Mr. ‘One Fuck Only.’  Though I suppose I should thank you; if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have young Justin dancing in my house.  He draws in quite the crowd when he’s here.  So, he is welcome – you, however, are not.  So again, Alex; why are you here with him, when we both know that it is no secret around Liberty Avenue that he discarded the young man?”

Alex sighed even as Brian’s temper flared.  But then Alex laid his hand on Brian’s arm and looked at Ari with sad eyes.

“Ari… Brian didn’t know about Justin.  He only found out a few days ago.  He thought Justin was in a relationship with Ethan.”

Ari’s soft sound of surprise was as musical as his accent, even as he raised his eyebrows and shook his head.

“Ethan?  Sam’s Ethan?”

Ari looked utterly gobsmacked when Alex nodded – his jaw dropped as his eyes widened, and Brian might have found the look on his face funny if the laughter that erupted from Ari wasn’t directed in part at himself.

“Uh…no,” Ari finally said when he pulled himself back together.  “Ethan, Sam, and Justin fucked around, that’s no secret, but they aren’t together… who fed him that line of horseshit?”

“Someone he trusted,” Alex said quietly, and Ari smiled.  It wasn’t a pleasant smile, however; Brian could see the mocking quality those curved lips had, and he looked at the two men slowly.

“And this is why open relationships don’t work, Alex.  Because the one person you should be able to trust without question is the man you are fucking.  Anyone else who tells you information that might be detrimental to your relationship is probably telling you that information for their own personal gain.  History has a nasty habit of repeating itself… doesn’t it, Chér?  Tell me… how’s Ricky?”

Alex shook his head and blew out a steadying breath.

“Brian isn’t here to cause trouble for Justin, Ari.  I just want him to see Justin, while the boy is unaware.  We won’t stay long, I promise.”

Aristide looked at them for a long moment, before he turned on his heel without further comment and headed towards the stairs.  But before he opened the door that muffled the sound of music, Ari looked over his shoulder at the two men and spoke quietly.

“Maybe history won’t repeat itself; maybe Mr. Kinney will learn from… his mistakes.  Time will tell… won’t it, Chér?”

The smile that lingered on his lips was slightly bitter, but before Alex could say anything, Ari opened the door, and the dark sounds of techno drowned out any chance for further communication.  Brian let his eyes adjust from the dim lighting of the storage room to the flashing lights that danced across the room.  It was only then that his jaw dropped when he took in the changes that Ari had made to Boytoy.

Gone were the bright colors and velvet décor; there were no large speakers, and the DJ was tucked against the wall, leaving plenty of space on the packed dance floor.  Brian could feel the base vibrating in the walls and under his feet as he followed Alex and Ari up a broad staircase towards a deep catwalk that ran around each wall of the club, turning what had once been a single level room into a split level.  Sheer white material ran down the walls from the roof, and it glowed as the flashing lights bounced around the room currently filled with young men.

Couches lined the walls on the second level, and young twinks sat together and shouted to be heard over the pounding music that seemed to make the air pulse as Ari wound his way through the young, smooth bodies towards the back of the club.  Brian could see the discreet glass-walled office that Ari pointed towards, but couldn’t stop himself from peering over the catwalk and down towards the dance floor.

Standing behind the material that fell from the roof gave the catwalk the feeling that Brian was looking out from behind mirrored glass.  He could see the action on the dance floor, but had the feeling that no one could see those on the catwalk easily from down below.  He jumped when Alex grabbed his arm and tugged him towards the office, and it was then that Brian realized that a whole section of catwalk near the room was empty.

There was a door set into the end of the catwalk and when Ari shut it behind them, although Brian could still feel the pounding pulse of the music, the noise level dropped significantly.  He glanced at Ari in surprise and received a cold smile in return as Ari offered him a glass of scotch.  Taking the provided drink with a murmured thanks, Brian brushed the glass wall silently with his fingertips.

“My husband helped me design the club, Mr. Kinney,” Ari finally offered, ignoring the flinch that Alex was unable to hide at his words.  “And the first thing we put into place was thick soundproofing.  One cannot run a business when your brain wants to bleed out of your ears due to the music.  I’ll leave you to it.”

Ari glanced at Alex and tilted his head in farewell before he let himself out of the office and walked away.  Brian turned to face Alex, who shook his head slightly when he saw the questions in Brian’s eyes.

“Do you really think that you’re the only man who has ever made a mistake, Brian?” he finally asked.  “You at least have the chance to rectify yours – I have to live with mine every day.”

“And Ari was your mistake?” Brian asked, and Alex laughed bitterly.

“No, Ari…” Alex blew out a shuddering breath and shook his head.  “No,” he said finally.  “Ari was the casualty of my mistake like Justin was yours.  But by the time I figured that out, by the time I figured out what I wanted and needed, he had moved on.”

When Brian opened his mouth, Alex shook his head and moved up to stand beside Brian.  Looking out over the dance floor, Alex scanned the boys that danced to the seductive music.  It took him several minutes, but then he merely pointed towards the middle of the dance floor.  He knew the exact moment Brian located Justin because the man went utterly still beside him.  Glancing up at Brian, Alex saw the look on his face and sighed softly –the man thought he was able to deftly hide how he felt about the blond.  Alex smiled slightly and wondered if he should tell Brian that his feelings were written all over his face.

Brian swallowed hard as he stared down at Justin; the boy danced with his shirt off, and Brian ran his eyes down the curve of Justin’s spine slowly.  Justin’s skin glowed under the flashing lights, and Brian could see the shift of muscle play out under the lights as he kept his arms wound around Daphne’s waist.  His wore those baggy jeans that he tended to favor, and they clung to his hips as Justin rolled them in time to the driving music.

His hair was damp with sweat and curled around the nape of his neck; he shoved his hands through it, and pushed the long strands back over his head, causing a sharp stab of desire in Brian’s gut as his hands itched to repeat the motion.  It was only when Daphne stepped away from Justin and pointed towards the bar that Brian saw Justin turn around.  If he thought his heart had been broken to learn what Justin had done, Brian was in for a surprise – he was sure the sound of it was audible when he caught sight of the lost look that graced Justin’s face as he paused to take a breath.

The feeling in his chest grew worse when a young boy stepped into Justin’s space and reached out to rest his hands on Justin’s stomach.  The change in Justin was clearly visible – a soft smile curved Justin’s lips; it was filled with genuine affection and seemed so out of place after seeing how lost his boy had looked only moments earlier that Brian reached up to rest his hand against the glass.  He heard Alex breathe out softly when Justin stepped closer to the boy and began to gyrate his hips in time to the music again.  The boy only hesitated for a minute before he caught onto Justin’s rhythm and began to dance with the blonde.

Daphne appeared by their side, and Justin leaned into her slightly as she lifted her lips to his ear and spoke, while gesturing towards the bar.  Following Justin’s lead, he glanced towards the bar and saw Ethan and Sam leaning against it; Justin tilted his chin up in greeting, and a slight smile crossed his face when Sam blew him an exaggerated kiss that had Ethan’s face lighting up in laughter and Justin shaking his head as Daphne grinned.  Brushing a kiss across Daphne’s cheek, Justin turned his attention back to the boy he was dancing with and pulled him closer so that their bodies touched with each movement of Justin’s hips.

Brian felt his hand's clench as he watched Justin dance with the boy – he had seen this side of Justin before, had actually taken pleasure in watching his boy dance with other men.  But watching this hurt; it hurt somewhere deep inside, and caused Brian’s jaw to clench as he watched the boy skim his hands down Justin’s sides.  The younger man was brunette; decidedly effeminate, and shorter than Justin, but with a youthful innocence to him that Brian could remember Justin once having.  The boy seemed shy, but he relaxed into himself when Justin rested his forearms on the boy’s shoulders and linked his fingers loosely behind his neck.

“That’s Tommy,” Alex said finally as Brian watched Tommy wrap his arms around Justin’s waist.  “I don’t think he’s any older than sixteen, but he took a real shine to Justin the first time he came here.  Justin always saves a dance for him – he said he remembers how scared he was the first time he ever set foot on Liberty Avenue, and wanted to make sure that Tommy had only good memories of coming out and discovering what kind of gay boy he wanted to be.”

Brian nodded distractedly as he watched the pair continue to dance.  They seemed to be having a conversation; shouting at each other to be heard over the music.  Justin shook his head at whatever it was that Tommy was saying, but then he tilted it to the side slightly as Tommy’s mouth began to move again.  Brian knew Justin; knew every inch of his body, and nearly every expression that could and had crossed his face.  And whatever Tommy was talking about had Justin pursing his lips slightly in consideration.

Tommy continued to talk, and as he did, he drew the tips of his fingers across Justin’s chest several times.  He traced the delicate lines of Justin’s clavicle, before smoothing his thumbs across the slope of Justin’s collarbones, then he reached up and lightly touched the full pillow of his lower lip.  And as he talked, Justin’s eyes never left Tommy’s face.  Brian barely had time to ponder what decision Justin seemed to have made when Justin lifted his hands and cupped Tommy’s face.  And as Brian watched, he gently tilted Tommy’s chin up as Tommy rose up onto his tiptoes and pressed his own mouth against Justin’s lips.

Brian swallowed thickly as jealously set fire to his blood and left him to burn.  He knew the exact texture of Justin’s lips; knew how they felt when pressed firmly against his own.  What his tongue felt like when it darted into Brian’s mouth in a game of advance and retreat.  What his breath tasted like when panting against his mouth as they moved together.  He knew the heights of desire that Justin’s mouth could bring; whether it was his tongue flicking along Brian’s skin to taste, or the suction of those soft lips around the head of his cock.  He could recall each and every touch of those lips with perfect clarity.

Justin broke the kiss slowly; Brian knew the feeling of that intimately.  The nibble of his teeth, and the final flick of the tip of his tongue across the center of Tommy’s top lip.  Tommy seemed to sway on his feet, and Justin’s hands left Tommy’s face and gripped his shoulders slightly.  Tommy dropped back down onto flat feet, but his face lit up when Justin took his hand; he followed the blond docilely towards the stairs, and Brian tracked their movements as Justin led Tommy up to the second level.

He had a moment of panic when Justin rounded the corner, but Justin wasn’t coming any closer to the office.  He merely leaned against the balustrade that ran the length of the second level, and drew Tommy towards him and into his arms.  Separated by mere meters and a glass wall, Brian closed his eyes when Justin lowered his head to kiss Tommy again, but try as he might, the images were burned behind his eyelids. 

It didn’t matter that it was more than evident that this was Tommy’s first kiss – that he had asked Justin to take him through that first foray into the life of a gay man.  Brian had never liked seeing Justin kiss other men – it was why he had agreed to the no kissing rule so readily.  But watching as Tommy began to quickly rock his hips against the thigh Justin had wedged between the boy’s legs, Brian knew that Justin had taken Tommy from that simple sip of lips on the dance floor to a full-blown tongue-twisting, spit-swapping kiss that apparently had the boy ready to blow his load in his jeans.

Brian could remember giving Justin his first kiss – the way Justin had taken such hesitant steps across the loft towards him, as he waited for the blond to come and get what he had so obviously wanted.  From that first teasing lick across Justin’s bottom lip, Brian had tasted cigarette smoke and innocence; when Justin’s knees had all but buckled during that kiss, Brian had felt ten feet tall, and a driving need to claim every virginal inch of him. 

But unlike Brian who had taken Justin from zero to sixty on that very first night, Justin was slowly easing Tommy down as the boy suddenly sagged against him and panted into Justin’s mouth.  Gentling the carnality of the kiss to those soft sips that Brian remembered so well, Justin smoothed his hands across the boy’s shoulders, and then down his back as Tommy buried his head in Justin’s neck and clung to him. 

Brian’s heart pinched when Justin wrapped his arms around Tommy and gently held him as Tommy shuddered in his arms.  Justin turned his head and rubbed his cheek across the top of Tommy’s head, a slightly wistful smile crossing his face as he closed his eyes and rocked slightly.  It was innocent in a way that Brian couldn’t ever recall sharing with Justin.  It was more than evident that Tommy had blown his load, and watching Justin ease him through the aftershocks, Brian felt the first slow lick of shame as he recalled the first time Justin had cum, and the way Brian had callously thanked him for ruining his duvet.

Lost in memory and regret, Brian almost missed it when Justin opened his eyes.  Almost.  But he felt the full power of Justin’s gaze when Justin glanced towards the office, and they locked eyes for the first time in over three months.  Brian almost staggered under the punch of pure emotion he felt as Justin stared at him; his boy couldn’t hide his shock when he recognized Brian, but just as quickly, his face melted into the smooth mask he had taken to wearing during the last few months.

Brian moistened his lips slightly as Justin continued to stare at him, but when Tommy shifted in his arms, Justin dismissed Brian entirely when he turned his head and smiled softly down at the boy.  Cupping Tommy’s face in his hand, Justin smoothed his thumb down over the corner of Tommy’s lips, before he leaned forward and brushed a gentle kiss on Tommy’s forehead.  Brian continued to stare at them as they exchanged words; he could see the blush that stained Tommy’s face, but whatever Justin was saying to him had him smiling crookedly before he nodded. 

Standing up on tiptoe, Tommy pressed a shy kiss to Justin’s lips before he stepped back and walked towards the stairs.  Justin stayed where he was; hands loose by his side and that gentle smile on his face as he watched Tommy walk down the stairs and disappear into the crowd of dancers.  It was only then that he looked back towards the office; that gentle smile faded and was replaced with detachment as Justin looked at him.  Justin’s eyes flicked to Brian’s left, and Brian bit his bottom lip when Justin showed the first real hint of emotion.

Betrayal stole across his face, bleaching it of all color when he saw Alex standing with Brian.  But just as quickly, even as Alex swore, the walls that Alex had warned Brian about were thrown up and Brian saw what Michael had meant – he was looking at a stranger.  This wasn’t the boy who had loved Brian with everything he had – this was the man that Brian and his family had turned that boy into.  Gone was the innocence that had drawn him to Justin that first night – it had been replaced with pain that Brian could almost see undulating beneath Justin’s skin.

Brian couldn’t help the flinch that caused him to twitch as Justin’s lips pressed into firm lines.  It was with that involuntary flinch that Justin shook his head slightly; whatever spell had caused him to stand there was broken, and with one final, unreadable look towards Brian, Justin turned on his heel and made his way through the crowded catwalk towards the stairs. 

“For the first time in your life, you are going to have to chase after someone who is going to run for cover the minute they lay eyes on you.”

Unable to stand the sound of Alex’s whispered warning echoing in his head, Brian crossed the room in quick strides and was out of the office and onto the catwalk before Alex could even draw breath to warn him to stop.  He caught up with Justin only seconds later; calling his name, Brian watched as Justin’s shoulders rounded, but the boy continued to move through the throngs of young twinks.  Unable to stand it, unable to continue watching Justin walking away from him yet again, Brian lunged forward and grasped Justin’s hand in his own.

Justin froze at Brian’s touch, enabling Brian to take that final couple of steps towards him so that he could feel the boy’s body heat seep into his skin through the thin shirt he wore under his leather jacket.  But their close proximity also allowed Brian to smell the scent of youthful sweat and lingering cigarette smoke that curled up from the warmth of Justin’s skin.  He was able to see the subtle tremor that danced across Justin’s body when his free hand rose to curl around Justin’s hip.  And when Justin slowly turned his head, Brian was almost physically sick when blank eyes met his own.

“Take your fucking hands off me.”

Justin’s voice was shrouded in pure ice, and the tone of it had Brian’s fingers flexing to do what Justin wanted before his brain engaged and reminded him that Justin’s fight or flight response had kicked in.  If he let the boy go now, he would only be reinforcing Justin’s insecurities, and he’d be fucked if he ever did that again.  Brian tightened his grip on Justin’s hip in response as he closed the final step between them and felt the touch of his boy’s body resting against his own for the first time in far too fucking long.

Brian’s eyes fluttered shut momentarily; he couldn’t help it.  He didn’t care how weak it made him look – he didn’t care what anyone thought.  Lowering his head slightly, he felt his nose skim the side of Justin’s head, and he inhaled.  Justin’s scent, half-forgotten, filled his lungs and Brian was unable to hide the shudder that went through his body.  But just as he was unable to conceal his reaction, neither was Justin.  Brian’s eyes popped open when Justin started to shake beneath his hands, and he saw that Justin had dropped his chin.

Pale hair hid Justin from sight, and Brian carefully shifted his body so that he could see more of Justin’s face.  The color had fled Justin’s skin, and he was biting his lips hard enough to cause his teeth to leave indentations in the supple flesh.  Brian felt his face contort, and he let his hand slip from Justin’s hip, but continued to hold onto his hand.  It was only when Justin’s name fell hoarsely from his lips that Justin finally peeked up at him; the blank look was gone and what Brian saw in those beautiful blue eyes almost drove him to his knees.  But then Justin spoke, and Brian finally learned what real pain was.

“I can’t… Brian… just let me go.  Forget that you ever knew me; you’re back to being the Stud of Liberty Avenue just like you wanted… just… just let me go.”

Brian shook his head helplessly when he saw the depth of pain and suffering that Justin couldn’t hide as he stared up at him.  Justin’s mask was gone, and Brian’s fingers went lax on Justin’s hand.  For a heartbeat, he felt Justin’s fingers tighten within his own, and then Justin pulled free of Brian’s grip as he turned and walked away.  Brian could only stand there and watch as Justin stumbled down the stairs and across the crowded floor to where Daphne was dancing. 

Within seconds of reaching Daphne’s side, Daphne had her arms around Justin, and her eyes were searching the catwalk as Justin dropped his head to her shoulder.  Her gaze found Brian’s, and Brian saw sheer loathing reflected back towards him before Daphne wrapped her arm around Justin’s shoulders and, with one final heated glance towards Brian, she led the blond away.  Standing there, unable to move, Brian could only watch as Justin was steered out of Boytoy; Alex touched his elbow gently, and when Brian turned his head slightly, Alex stared him dead in the eye.

“Is he still worth it, Brian?” Alex asked softly, and as the door closed behind Justin, Brian could only shake his head.

“How…?” he finally managed, and Alex smiled grimly as Brian stuttered over his words.  “How do I fucking do this?”

“By not giving up; by holding on, while now knowing that he has let go.  By being strong enough to fight his demons.  You love him enough for that, Brian?”

Brian closed his eyes; he ignored the thump of techno, and the sound of young, gay boys around him.  Justin’s voice whispered in his mind and gave Brian his answer.

“Just let me go…”

 “Tell me what to do.  Tell me how to make this right,” he mumbled, and Alex’s hand squeezed his elbow in response.

“Okay.  My office – tomorrow.  Make an appointment.”

Alex’s fingers slipped from his arm, and Brian blew out an unsteady breath before he followed the man down the stairs and towards his future.