13.
“What do you mean…my tuition has been paid? I was told I had a week to pay, but I can’t afford it; I’m here to formally withdraw.”
“I don’t know what to tell you, Justin. All I can say is that your tuition has been paid in full for the remainder of the school year.”
“Who paid it?”
“Now, Justin, you know that we can’t divulge…”
“Who paid it!”
“Calm down, okay? I really shouldn’t be doing this, Justin. I could get into so much trouble… Now let me see… Brian Kinney paid your tuition in full on Monday afternoon last week.”
“…..”
“Justin? Are you all right?”
“I don’t want his money! You can’t accept it… send his money back to him!”
“We can’t. The money was already deposited. There is nothing you can do.”
“I don’t want his money. I never wanted his money! Can I have the paperwork for the withdrawal?”
“Justin… an artist of your caliber should not be withdrawing. Just accept what Mr. Kinney has done and be happy about it.
“Just accept… fuck that!”
“Where are you going, Justin?”
“To tell him that I don’t have to accept shit!”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“Justin… hi, how have you been? I haven’t seen you for ages!”
“ Is he in, Cynthia?”
“No, sorry, sweetie. He’s got a standing appointment that he goes to today; he generally works from the loft after that, so you’ll be able to catch him at home in an hour or so.”
“...Shit.”
“Do you want to leave him a message?”
“...No.”
“Justin… are you okay?”
“You know what, Cynthia? I will leave him a message – tell him from me that ignorance is bliss. He should have remained blissful.”
“Justin?”
“Goodbye, Cynthia.”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
To say that he was agitated when he staggered into Alex’s offices was a gross understatement; Justin’s hands were clenched into fists, and he knew his rapid, labored breathing meant he was frighteningly close to having a full-blown panic attack. Justin hadn’t even planned on coming to Alex; heading home and eating his weight in ice-cream had sounded like a better plan, but his feet had apparently decided on a different idea.
It had started at school, but he had reigned it in enough to get across town to Brian’s office. But when he had learned that Brian hadn’t even been there, the feelings had snuck back in. They had worsened when he left Brian’s office, and all it had taken was for a passerby to brush up against him and that had been it – the last few months of anger and misery had risen up and swallowed him whole.
Alex’s receptionist, an older woman named Peg, looked up when Justin lurched through the door; quickly standing up, she hurried around the edge of her desk as Justin leaned against the wall and tried to calm his breathing. But when she gently laid her hand on his arm, his ability to fight back the panic disintegrated and Justin wrenched away from her touch, closing his eyes as he rested his burning face against the wall.
“Breathe, Justin,” Peg instructed firmly, and Justin fought back the whine that wanted to escape as his breath continued to erupt from his lungs in sharp little bursts.
He vaguely heard the click of her heels as she hurried across the office and briskly knocked on Alex’s office door. Black spots swam across his eyes when he opened them, and Justin gagged slightly as the overly metallic taste of his own saliva flooded his mouth, causing him to slam his eyes back shut. Soft murmurs echoed incoherently, and as he fought to stay upright he heard the sound of Alex’s voice rise over the noise in his head.
“Justin?”
A warm hand rested against his back, and Justin flinched away from it with something akin to a yelp. He slid along the wall a few steps, tripping over his own feet in his haste to move away from the unwanted touch. He had the vague impression of a new set of footsteps hurrying towards him, and a firm voice saying “move!” as he pressed his face against the wall and tried to regulate his breathing down from the broken gasps that continued to escape his mouth.
His flight-or-fight response kicked in as Justin pushed away from the wall. It was then that the back of his neck was grasped firmly, and an arm was wrapped securely around his waist. Unadulterated panic broke out and took over his mind; Justin stiffened momentarily before he began to struggle wildly as he was physically muscled into a dimly lit room. He struck out violently and was pulled into the curve of a body that forcibly dropped to its knees and took him to his own with a painful thud.
“Justin, stop! Fucking breathe!”
Gasping, fighting to pull away, Justin vaguely wondered why he heard that voice; wondered why he was listening to it now as he was bodily dragged back in between muscular thighs before the hand on the back of his neck moved up to the back of his skull and shoved his head forward and between his own knees. But then he couldn’t think at all, as the painful rasp of his breathing finally stuttered, and his inability to pull oxygen into his lungs took him from panic to darkness in the time that it took for him to unmistakably hear Brian whisper against his ear.
“Justin… come on, Sunshine, breathe!”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“Don’t touch him.”
Alex saw the feral glint in Brian’s eyes when Brian spoke, and he watched as the man tightened his arms around Justin’s limp body. Brian sat on the ground with his back against the section of wall that formed a corner; wedged in, uncaring of how wrinkled his Armani was becoming, he sat with his legs spread, and Justin curled against his chest. With his legs draped over Brian’s right thigh, Justin was as pale as Alex had ever seen him. Brian shifted Justin slightly within his arms, and the hand that he lifted to smooth Justin’s hair back visibly trembled as he tucked Justin’s hair behind his ear.
“I need to check his pulse, Brian,” Alex said gently as he knelt down beside the pair, but Brian shook his head.
“He’s fine.”
“Brian, he passed out!” Alex exclaimed, but Brian laughed softly as he smoothed the tip of his thumb across the arch of Justin’s eyebrow, before tracing the sharp angle of his cheekbone.
“Do you really think that this is the first time I’ve seen this happen to him, Alex?” he asked quietly. “Please. This happened a couple of times after the bashing. I’m just glad that he wasn’t at school, that he was present enough in his own mind to come here.”
“What do you mean?” Alex asked, and Brian shifted Justin so that his head was resting against the curve of Brian’s neck.
“He loses the ability to judge shit properly; he becomes completely vulnerable to his surroundings. That’s why he was so scared to be out on his own after he got out of the hospital. He never knew when one of these panic attacks was coming on, and they would completely wipe him out. Scared the shit out of me the first time it happened – it never got better after that.”
Alex shook his head as he shifted so that he was more comfortable on the floor.
“I’ve seen him have a panic attack before, Brian. But this today? That was something else entirely.”
Brian glanced at Alex and shrugged.
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Alex; I’ve seen Justin shut down like this before. I’ve been with him when he’s been unable to fight back the panic. He’s all right.”
“So, what do we do now?” Alex asked.
Brian tilted his head slightly as he looked down at Justin before he finally looked back at Alex.
“There’s nothing you can do; where is it that he lives with Daphne?” Brian asked, and Alex sighed as Brian raised his eyebrow. “I know damn well that you wouldn’t have let him live alone after he was released from the hospital, Alex; I also know that he would have refused to move back in with his mother. And after the ass kicking that Daphne gave me, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out.”
Alex shook his head as Brian continued to toy with the soft blonde hair that he had tucked behind Justin’s ear.
“I can’t tell you where they live, Brian,” he said finally, and Brian nodded.
“Fine; but you might want to let Daphne know what has happened. He generally sleeps hard for at least an hour after this happens, but he’s still pretty out of it afterward. So, tell her from me – she has a choice. Either I take Justin home to her. Or I take him home with me.”
“Brian…” Alex began, only to have Brian shake his head.
“No,” he said firmly. “We tried it your way – I stayed away from him. I’m not staying away from him any longer; I’m not waiting like you did until some other fucker finds him and I lose him completely!”
“And if Justin wants you to stay away from him?” Alex asked softly, and Brian laughed bitterly.
“I don’t care what Justin wants right now; he’s skin and bone. I can tell just looking at him that he’s running on a mixture of coffee and Pop Tarts, and that he’s not sleeping properly. Jesus, Alex, we’re talking about a kid who still watches cartoons in the morning while eating his fucking breakfast, and you expect me to stay away from him? To let him continue living the way he is? No… this shit stops now. Get Daphne on the phone.”
Alex nodded as Brian turned to look down at Justin as he traced the skin under Justin’s eye lightly. Standing up to leave the room, Alex heard Brian’s quiet murmur before he closed the door behind him.
“I tried it his way, Sunshine. Now we do it my way. You think you stalked me? I’ll show you fucking stalking. You won’t be able to take a fucking piss without me holding your dick for you.”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It started with a twitch of Justin’s hand against Brian’s stomach. Hyper aware of every spasm that Justin had been making over the last thirty odd minutes, Brian tilted his chin and looked down at the mop of blond hair that was nestled so trustingly against his chest. If you had asked him before Justin walked out if he would miss him if he left, Brian would have smirked and said no. But now he knew differently; it wasn’t even the sex, although he missed that more and more every day.
It was this; holding him, as the warmth of his body seeped into all the cold places that Brian had inside. It was the look that would appear in those pretty blue eyes when Justin first woke up; naked and rumpled, with sleep blurring his gaze, Brian had been able to see what Justin no longer verbalized. No matter how bad things had been between them at the end, that was the one time that Brian saw naked, honest emotion on Justin’s face.
Justin’s hand twitched again, and Brian blew out a soft breath when Justin shifted slightly and curled further into Brian’s body. However, when Justin’s hand rose and fisted in the silky material of Brian’s shirt, Brian knew that he had only moments left to bask in the feel of the slim body that he was holding. Sure enough, as he looked down at Justin, the boy rolled his head back slightly so that it was resting against Brian’s shoulder and those sleepy blue eyes peered up at him from beneath gold-tipped lashes.
Clouded over with the remnants of his panic attack, a small smile still curved Justin’s lips slightly as he smoothed his hand up over Brian’s chest. His fingertips lightly grazed the skin where Brian’s shirt was open at the throat, and Brian swallowed when he saw the look that was reflected back at him from Justin’s eyes. But even as something inside of him relaxed upon seeing it, the veil was slowly coming down over Justin’s face as awareness returned. Brian tightened his hold on Justin’s body and spoke quietly.
“Don’t. Just… don’t,” he managed, but Justin was already tipping his face downwards, and hiding his face from Brian’s view as the muscles in his body grew rigid.
A pale curtain of hair slid down over his cheek, and Brian reached across to tuck it back behind Justin’s ear with one hand, while the other tightened slightly around Justin’s shoulders. Tucking his thumb under Justin’s chin, Brian nudged the boy’s face upwards; the smooth mask that he had grown to hate was back in place, as was the blank look in Justin’s eyes. Hopelessness wanted to kick in, but the memory of what he had seen peeking out at him when Justin first woke lingered and gave Brian the metaphorical balls to speak.
“Justin, I’m sorry.”
It was whispered; gritted out from between clenched teeth, and Brian saw Justin’s eyebrow kick upwards slightly even as he firmly pushed away from Brian’s body. Brian tightened his hold as Justin struggled to keep him at arm’s length.
“What for?” Justin finally asked as he stared at Brian, who suddenly experienced a significant case of déjà vu as he recalled having a similar conversation with Justin before.
“You know what for,” he said finally. “I didn't mean for this to happen.”
“This?” Justin hissed; he showed no recollection whatsoever of the meaning behind Brian’s words as he pushed against Brian’s hold again. “What do you mean… this?”
“Everything,” Brian said finally.
Justin scoffed as he finally succeeded in pushing free from Brian’s arms; Brian wondered how badly Justin would react if he told his former lover that he looked like a little blond sand crab as Justin scuttled a few inches out of Brian’s reach on his hands and knees.
“I didn’t realize that you were responsible for every decision I’ve made since I left, Brian,” Justin said quietly. “But then again, with the size of YOUR ego, I’m not surprised that you blame yourself for every imaginary thing that could have gone wrong. The thing is, I’m a big boy now; I make my own decisions, and I live with the consequences,” he said as he rolled unsteadily to his feet.
“Including the consequences of trying to kill yourself?” Brian managed as he stood up; Justin staggered over to the desk and leaned against it, and he stilled for a long moment before he eventually looked over his shoulder to meet Brian’s eyes.
“Including those ones, too,” he said finally, as a ghost of a smile crossed his face when Brian recoiled at the confirmation of what Justin had done.
“Why?” Brian asked hoarsely. “Why would you do something like that, Justin?” and Justin shrugged as he looked away from Brian.
“I was tired. I wanted to sleep,” he said finally, as he looked down at the surface of the desk he was leaning against.
“So you tried to what?” Brian asked, and he took a few steps towards the blond as his voice began to rise. “Go to sleep permanently? You nearly fucking DIED! Do you not understand what that would have done to everyone if you’d succeeded? What knowing that you wanted to die has done to everyone?”
Justin’s head snapped up, and heated color flashed across his cheekbones as he stared at Brian who stood there panting with his hands clenched. And from deep inside, the anger rose up and ripped the scab off every swallowed word that Justin had ever held back.
“I didn’t want to fucking die, Brian! I just wanted to stop feeling like I was going to!” he shouted; Brian’s teeth audibly clicked together and he snapped his jaw shut as Justin took a few steps towards him.
“You might be able to go back to how you wanted things to be with nothing more than a fucking smile,” Justin snarled, “but I fucking loved you! I loved you and loved you and loved you until I thought it would fucking kill me! You have no idea how much it hurt me to walk away that night, Brian, but, hey! You were back to status quo, right? Do not talk to me about what it would have done to everyone if Ethan hadn’t found me that day, because not one of you gave a shit about me before Alex opened his fucking mouth!”
“That’s not true, Justin,” Brian said shakily. “We just didn’t know! We would have been there if we’d known, I would have…”
“Don’t delude yourself, Brian!” Justin interrupted. “You would have been there… that is such a crock of fucking shit! Because I haven’t seen hide nor hair of you in nearly four fucking months!”
“You left me!”
It was shouted, and in the silence that followed, Brian didn’t know whether to stand his ground as Justin gaped at him, or cut his losses and run.
“I left you…” Justin said slowly. “Is that what you think? No, Brian… I didn’t leave you. How could I? You left me long before I walked out of Babylon.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Brian asked, and Justin laughed in disbelief as he raised an eyebrow mockingly.
“You know, I should have figured out that I was just another fuck to you like everyone had told me so many times before. But, no… I didn’t listen… I should have figured it out when you weren’t there last time. I left you… please, you left ME over a year ago when I was in that fucking hospital!” he said flatly.
Brian closed his eyes when he heard the bitterness that coated Justin’s tone. He’d known that withholding that piece of information from Justin would eventually come back to bite him in the ass, but he never thought it would be as bad as it was. He opened his eyes when he heard Justin walk across the floor towards the door, and he spoke without thinking.
“I was there.”
Justin glanced back at him with narrowed eyes, and Brian swallowed hard as he watched Justin trying to figure out what he meant.
“When you were in the hospital, Justin… I was there.”
Justin shook his head slightly as his confusion gave way to anger again.
“Yeah, I know. You sat there for three days to make sure I wasn’t going to die, so that you could alleviate your conscience when you took off. Business as usual – when your boy toy gets broken, get another toy, right? Isn’t that what Emmett said? While I needed you like I will never allow myself to need anyone again, you were out sucking and fucking.”
Brian shook his head as he took a step towards Justin; Chris Hobbs had more than rewired his boy’s brain – he’d fucking scrambled it, if this was how Justin truly thought and felt.
“I was there,” he said hoarsely. “Every night.”
Brian stepped closer to Justin again as he watched the blood drain out of his face; another step, and then he reached out and lightly traced his fingertips over Justin’s face – over an area that he had avoided like the plague since he had tasted copper and grief on his lips as Justin lay in front of him in an ever-growing pool of his own blood. Skimming his fingers lightly over Justin’s right temple again, Brian fought to make the right words emerge as those pretty eyes stared up at him.
“I was there,” he repeated in a whisper; the words hurt as they slipped past his lips, but not as much as watching understanding dawn in Justin’s eyes before they blurred over with unshed tears. “I sat in that fucking corridor, and I watched you through the window. Every night, until you went home. I was there, Justin,” he repeated, and when Justin closed his eyes, those tears spilled down over his pale cheeks.
Carding his fingers through the soft hair under his hand, Brian curled his hand around the back of Justin’s neck as he took the final step that separated them.
“Don’t.”
He could hear the emotion that Justin was fighting in that single word; confusion, anger, despair. Brian closed his eyes and pulled Justin against him; he could feel the heat of Justin’s breath against his throat, and he exhaled heavily in frustration when Justin’s hands rose between them and pressed firmly against his chest in an effort to get him to step backward.
“How could you lie to me like that?”
It was muffled against his chest, and Brian sighed as he lowered his head slightly.
“I’m sorry.”
“Sorry’s bullshit!”
Brian staggered back a step when Justin wrenched out of his grasp with his hands clenched into fists; panting for breath slightly as he stared at Brian as tears continued to cascade down his face. His eyes showed the depth of bewilderment he was feeling, and he shook his head frantically as he huffed out a sound of pure disbelief.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he demanded as Brian peered back at him helplessly.
“I don’t know,” he said when Justin continued to stare at him. “But I didn’t lie to you, Justin.”
“Yeah, actually, you did! A lie of omission is still a lie, Brian,” Justin snapped, and Brian narrowed his eyes.
“Like when you lied to me about why you quit dancing at Babylon?” he asked, and Justin swallowed hard as he dragged his sleeve over his damp face.
“What was the point in telling you?” he asked as he took a step away from Brian. “So you could sit back and say ‘I told you so’? Any decision I tried to make for myself had to have your stamp of fucking approval all over it, because I couldn’t possibly know my own mind,” Justin spat, and Brian flinched before he could stop himself.
“Not always,” Brian said quietly.
“No?” Justin asked, and then he chuckled softly. “How about when you told me to get some friends my own age?”
“That’s not fair, Justin,” Brian said softly, and Justin tilted his head slightly.
“I’ll tell you what’s not fair, Brian,” Justin said, as his jaw clenched with anger. “You told me to get some friends. So, I did. Fuck the fact that I can’t stand people; I put myself out there, and I gave Ethan and Sam a chance. That was the best decision I have made since I was seventeen years old. But by giving them a chance, Michael was able to finally get rid of me. Before I knew what the fuck was happening, I was tossed out of your life, like you tossed me out of your fucking loft when I made the mistake of forgetting to set the alarm.”
Brian licked his lips slightly as he tried to ignore the flair of pain he felt when he heard that meeting Ethan and Sam had been the best thing to happen to Justin; if they were the best, then Brian and his family were probably the worst. Shrugging helplessly, he held his hands out to the side.
“He’s my best friend, Justin; he saw Ethan kiss you, and he was trying to protect me. He made a mistake… I made a mistake. I knew you were unhappy… I thought that you had decided that Ethan was a better choice for you… that’s why… the night of the Rage launch…”
Brian managed to push the words out of his mouth, but when Justin raised his eyebrows, he swallowed hard. He knew that look; most people thought that Justin was a beautiful twink who was all sweetness and light – people didn’t realize that Justin could wield words like weapons that could leave wounds that bled you dry. And from the look on Justin’s face, his boy was about to wield a knife that would sink straight through to the bone.
“From what I remember of the Rage party, you damn well meant for me to understand what it was you were saying. You wanted me to understand that you would never want me the way I wanted you. You would never love me, the way I loved you. I was just a guy you fucked more than once… Message sent and received. YOU made the choice that night, Brian – to give me no choice, no say in the matter - you decided what you thought was best for me, without asking my opinion,” Justin said, as a slightly mocking smile curved his lips again. “And as I said to Michael – you made the decision to believe him without even asking me what was going on. You decided that whatever the fuck we were was over; you made that decision, Brian; it was all YOU… now live with it. We’re done here.”
Brian shook his head as Justin turned away from him, and he huffed out the sound of cynical laughter.
“What happened to the obstinate kid who wouldn’t give up, who wouldn’t take no for an answer?” he asked in desperation as Justin reached out to open the door and Justin shrugged.
“He took a bat to the head, Brian,” he said monotonously, and Brian blanched as Justin turned back to face him with anger showing visibly on his face.
“Justin,” Brian began, but the blond shook his head as he took a few steps away from the door.
“No. We aren’t doing this; I don’t know how, but I will get you your money back. I’m withdrawing from PIFA; I can’t afford to pay, and I won’t accept the money from you.”
“We had an agreement, Justin,” Brian reminded him. “I would pay for your education, and you would pay me back when you were situated in a career and making a steady income.”
But Justin shook his head again.
“I thought that was the agreement that we made, but what we really had was payment for services. Isn’t that what it really was? What was it that Michael called me? Ah…that’s right. Your live-in fuck boy. He told me not to delude myself, Brian – so don’t start saying that I meant anything more to you than a convenient piece of ass, when I have lost count how many times I have heard you tell anyone who would fucking listen that I meant nothing to you.”
Brian felt the air in his lungs wheeze out in a painful gush as Justin stared at him steadily. It had been one thing to hear Alex and Debbie tell him what Justin had thought, but to listen to those words actually spill out of Justin’s mouth hurt him far more than he had thought possible.
“I never called you a whore,” Brian said unsteadily. “I never thought that, Justin,” and Justin snorted.
“Really? So paying for my tuition, even though you aren’t fucking me anymore? What was that if not a financial transaction for services owed?”
“I paid them because you needed my help, Justin,” Brian said, and Justin snorted as he took a step away from him.
“I don’t need your help, Brian. I don’t need or want anything from you. Not when it’s all about checks and balances; you can pay for as many terms of schooling as you want, but I won’t get on my knees for you. Not now. Not ever again.”
In the silence that followed, Brian could only stare at Justin in disbelief. But when Justin turned towards the door again, Brian uttered quickly.
“What if I said to keep the money – just go to school. We can work something out.”
Justin sighed heavily, his head knocking against the door with a muted, thudding sound.
“No, Brian,” he said dully. “I’m not like you… I can’t go back to feeling like that; like a kept boy,” he said quietly.
“I’m not asking you to, Justin,” Brian said as he took a step towards the boy. “What if I asked you to return to therapy, to resume your sessions with Alex? Would you do it?”
“He betrayed my trust when he told you what I said in therapy.”
Taking another step towards Justin, Brian bit his lip when he lifted his hands and saw how badly they were shaking as he reached out and gently curled them around Justin’s hunched shoulders.
“He didn’t betray you, Justin, I promise. He didn’t tell me anything that you had told him during your sessions; he refused to discuss what was said between you. You can trust him.”
Brian breathed out slowly as he closed his eyes and lowered his head. He could feel the warm skin on the back of Justin’s neck under the tip of his nose, and he inhaled deeply. Justin stiffened under his touch, and Brian sighed as he lifted his head and skimmed his hands down Justin’s arms before reluctantly stepping back and allowing his hands to fall away.
“Then why are you here, Brian?” Justin asked, and Brian bit his lip before shrugging.
“You aren’t the only one in therapy,” he said finally, and when Justin slowly looked over his shoulder, Brian smiled slightly.
“I didn’t handle finding out about you… being in the hospital very well; I’ve been seeing Alex since I saw you at Boytoy that night.”
“Why?” Justin asked as he turned to face him, and Brian cocked his eyebrow briefly.
“I told you I was sorry,” he said quietly. “I meant it. I never meant for things to go so badly that you would… I’ve spent the last few months thinking that you were happy, that you were in a relationship with Ethan. I didn’t know about Sam… I didn’t know what Michael had said to you… Jesus, Justin, surely you know that I never thought that… please tell me that you aren’t that fucked up, that you think I’d prefer you to be dead.”
Justin shrugged, and Brian’s breath hitched painfully when Justin lowered his eyes. Ignoring the way Justin tensed, Brain reached out and cupped Justin’s chin in his fingertips; gentle pressure bought Justin’s eyes back to meet his own, and Brian lowered his own chin slightly as he stared into eyes that were shrouded over with misery.
“I didn’t know,” he reiterated softly. “I would never wish you… surely you know that. Just…tell me you know that much, Justin.”
He watched as Justin licked his lips while his eyes flickered away from Brian’s. But when Brian nudged his chin up again, Justin finally looked up at him and spoke so quietly that Brian had to strain to hear the words.
“I don’t know anything anymore, Brian. I don’t even know who I am.”
Brian winced and blinked back the burning in his eyes when that whispered confession reached his ears.
“I know you… you’re Justin fucking Taylor,” Brian declared hoarsely after swallowing past the lump in his throat. “And you’re stronger than this.”
Justin lowered his chin slightly, and Brian was unable to stop himself from reaching out and pulling him into the curve of his body. It was only when he felt Justin’s head come to rest against his shoulder that Brian let out the breath he hadn’t been aware he was holding as he tightened his hand against the nape of Justin’s neck.
“Come home with me… we can sort this out,” Brian pleaded softly as he turned his head and rested his cheek against soft hair; he tried to ignore the flare of pain in his gut when Justin immediately shook his head.
“You’re asking me to go back to feeling the things that you never wanted with me, Brian… I can’t do that,” Justin whispered.
“We can work things out, Justin,” Brian said again. “It’ll be different this time…”
“I never wanted you to change, Brian,” Justin said before pulling away from Brian’s embrace. “But I did. And I can’t go back… I won’t.”
Staring down into the eyes that showed all emotion for the first time in longer than Brian cared to remember, he reached out and lightly touched Justin’s cheek.
“I want you in any way that I can have you...” Brian murmured. “I'll take whatever you can give me, Justin. Friendship, if you can’t give me anything else; just stop shutting me out. Let me in… let me help you.”
For the longest time Brian thought that Justin would simply walk away without another word. But then his shoulders dropped in defeat and he spoke quietly.
“I’ll talk to Alex.”
Brian smiled in relief, and when Justin turned to open the office door, he glanced over his shoulder towards Brian as Daphne’s voice filtered through the door over the thundering of Brian’s heart.
“As for the rest of it… being friends? We were never friends before, Brian. I just don’t know…I’ll think about it.”
He was gone before Brian could say another word. Leaning against the desk, Brian pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. The kid would no doubt break his heart a hundred times over before this was done, but at least the lines of communication were finally open. And if Justin was willing to think about being his friend? Well…it was a start.