16.

Tommy all but bounced in his seat as he watched the clock slowly tick towards three p.m. on Thursday; he couldn’t wait to finish school – he couldn’t wait for this class to finish, so he could hug his news to his chest and wiggle a little.  He had been invited by both Tisch and Juilliard to tour their schools and to participate in their summer programs for rising dancers.  Even as a junior, this was a significant step in the right direction for him; he wanted nothing more than to finish high school and begin the rest of his life in New York.  But first, he had to get through a double session of AP English.

His teacher was out with the flu, and as the substitute continued to drone on, his fellow students were all doing one of three things:  fighting to stay awake in the overly warm classroom, passing notes that contained current gossip, or daydreaming.  The class held a mix of juniors and seniors and was one of the better courses that Tommy took.  Shifting in his seat, Tommy glanced to his left when a folded piece of paper landed in front of him.  Looking swiftly towards the front to check on his teacher, Tommy unfolded the paper in his lap and then grinned when he saw what was written.

Glancing to his left again, Tommy met Lily’s raised eyebrows with a smirk and a slight shake of his head as he quickly wrote out his reply and flicked the note back towards her.  The resulting smile she shot him in return after reading what he had written was almost blinding, and Tommy ducked his head as a blush stained his cheeks.  He had met Lily in kindergarten, and they had been best friends ever since.  She had been the first person he had ever told that he was gay, and even now the memory of her dryly saying that she had figured it out when they were ten and fighting over Barbie dolls made him smile.   

Glancing up at the clock again, Tommy stretched the cramped length of his legs out from under the table; he had always known he was gay.  He loved girls; loved the way they smelled and looked, and he loved nothing more than watching Lily dance.  But he was in no way interested in having sex with any of them.  Guys, on the other hand?  Tommy hid a wry grin.  He was definitely interested in having sex with guys.

He’d never been able to hide the fact that he was gay; he had heard the term effeminate before and knew that it mostly applied to him.  He couldn’t help the fact that he was only five feet, six inches; he had always been leanly muscled from the amount of contemporary dancing he did.  A hulking football or hockey player he was not.  He had his dad’s dark hair, but his pale skin and darkly lashed grey eyes had been a gift from his mama.

High cheekbones, what could only be called a button nose, and full lips had forever ruined any chance he had of being called handsome or rugged.  Instead, he had heard his mama call him pretty.  Lily always called him beautiful.  Other girls called him gorgeous, and stunning, and every other word that took his masculinity away and made him feel like a fucking girl.  He was pretty sure that the last time he had checked, however, that he had a seven-inch cock in his pants. 

Another note landed in front of him, and Tommy hid a yawn as he picked it up and unfolded it while the teacher continued to drone on.  He read over the note, and then picked his pen up to scrawl an answer to Lily’s latest question.  Re-folding the paper, he glanced towards the front of the class, before he tossed the square of paper towards Lily.  A  football player he was not – he winced when it fell onto the desk of one of the senior hockey players, who jerked when it hit his hand.

Tommy groaned under his breath as Roman picked the paper up.  Six foot tall and built like a brick wall, Roman was all dark blonde hair, dark brown eyes, and apparently, a hell raiser on skates; not that Tommy knew anything about hockey.  He ducked his head when those piercing eyes shot up and zoomed in on him.  Fear skittered up his spine, and Tommy tensed all over as Roman slowly glanced at Tommy and Lily.  But when all he did was slowly reach over and place it in front of Lily, Tommy relaxed slightly; Roman looked back down at the open books in front of him, and Tommy relaxed as he thought back over the note he and Lily had been exchanging for the last hour; 

Are you going to Boytoy tonight? 

No, I can only get in on a Monday night.  That’s when they have underage night. 

Once a month Ari does a Saturday opening during the day from twelve until seven.

Justin always meets you there, right? 

Yep. When I first met him, Justin said he’d look out for me while I was at Boytoy.

Do you think he’ll kiss you again? 

God, I hope so!

Good kiss?

Best kiss. He made me feel so good about it; he said that the first kiss you ever give is a gift and should be treated as such. 

I asked him about my first time, and he said that it was something that should be treasured, and not thrown away because I was horny. 

That was what my hand was for.

LOL!!  God, he sounds really nice, Tommy.  You are so lucky.  Do you think he’ll be your boyfriend?

No.  I asked Justin about being boyfriends a while ago, and he said that he doesn’t want one; that he has had enough of boyfriends to last him a lifetime. 

He said that the best thing he can offer me is his friendship, and you know what?  He’s right.  I’m happy with that.

That still sucks.

 No, it doesn’t.  Being his friend means that he’ll always be there – I can’t argue with that, Lil.

Can I come this time?

To Boytoy?

Yeah.

I don’t see why not; you do know that there are no guys there that are going to hit on you, right?

That’s what makes it so appealing!

Ha! You’re funny.

Have you told him your news yet?

About Tisch and Juilliard? No; he knows that I want to go to Tisch, though. He was the one who told me to concentrate on school so that I could graduate early. 

I feel like I’m stuck in perpetual slow motion here, Lily.  I just want to finish up and start my life, you know?

I know.  If you keep going the way you are, you’ll be able to graduate six months early.  Justin goes to PIFA, right?

Yeah.  He’s an artist; I saw his work one afternoon while I was taking a tour of the school grounds with Dad – they called him artistically gifted.

 I call him brilliant.  His work will hang in MoMA one day – just you wait.

And we’ll dance on world stages, Tommy – just YOU wait.

Damn straight we will – there is no way I could dance with anyone other than my BFF! 

I love you.  Like, seriously love you.  You are so good for my ego!!  Is Justin meeting you after school?

Yep.  I called him over lunch, and he said he’d meet up with me so I could share my news with him. 

We’ll get a coffee or something.  I want to check out Liberty Avenue during the day; Justin didn’t seem to want to go, but I think I talked him into it.

The ringing of the bell halted any further conversation, and Tommy stood up and arched his back to get it to pop.  As he straightened up, he glanced towards Lily; he was startled to see Roman looking at him, however, and quickly averted his eyes as he gathered up his belongings.  Making his way over to Lily’s side, he watched as she folded the note they had been exchanging and tucked it into her blazer pocket.

The corridor was thick with students moving between classes, and Tommy snickered when Lily grumbled behind him as they got caught up in the crush.  Glancing over his shoulder at her, he grinned when he saw that she was sandwiched between him and another student.  Looking up, Tommy blushed and quickly looked away; it was Roman who was standing behind Lily, and as Tommy looked at him, he saw Roman shove his hand into his pocket as he glanced across Lily’s small height and towards where Tommy was standing. 

Swiftly turning his head away, Tommy concentrated on getting through the crush of students.  He felt Lily stumble into his back, and grasping her hand, tugged her in front of him.  Shuffling forward with one arm wrapped around her waist, Tommy sighed heavily as he was forced to stop again.  Before he could step forward again, however, there came the unmistakable feeling of a hand brushing across his ass.  Although the touch was light, it was definitely a hand.

But when he turned around, the crush of students behind him had thinned out, and there were only a few senior boys, all of who were involved in talking and not paying any attention to him.  Shaking his head, Tommy finally pushed Lily through, and they made their way down the corridor towards their lockers.  It only took them a few minutes to put their books away and retrieve their bags; Lily linked her arm through his, and they set off towards the front of the school.

Tommy scanned the parking lot, and eventually spotted Justin leaning against what he could only describe as a muscle car; he had no idea about makes and models, but he knew that it stood out in the sea of BMW’s and Mercedes that filled the parking lot of his school.  He knew the exact moment that Lily spotted Justin, because she dug her nails into his arm and squeaked as she stared over at him.

“Oh my God, Tommy; you never said he was that gorgeous!”   

Tommy grinned, and after promising to call her later, he walked towards Justin, who smiled at him in greeting.  Justin kept some distance between them, but he did reach out to lightly touch Tommy’s arm when he stopped in front of the older boy.

“Thanks for meeting me,” Tommy said, and Justin shrugged.

“No worries.  You ready?”

Tommy nodded, and when Justin opened the passenger side door, Tommy saw another guy sitting in the driver’s seat.  His dark hair brushed against his jaw, and he smiled up at Tommy as Justin tilted the front seat forward so that Tommy could crawl into the backseat.  

“This is Sam,” Justin said, and Tommy nodded as Justin set the seat back and then slid into the front seat.

He knew who Sam was; most people who went to Boytoy did.  Sam DJ’d there some Monday nights, and was often seen with his boyfriend.  Sam started the car, which rumbled loudly as Sam checked his mirrors.  Looking out of his own window, Sam saw Lily getting into her mom’s car; the student parking lot was filled with students, and as Sam slowly pulled out, Tommy spotted Roman with some of his friends looking towards the sound that Sam’s car made.  Justin glanced at him over his shoulder; Tommy grinned, and Justin returned his smile with one of his own.

“So… you wanted to see Liberty Avenue,” Justin said, and when Tommy nodded, he seemed to sigh before he nodded.

“Okay; Liberty Avenue it is.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Tommy knew his jaw had dropped; he knew it and could do nothing about it as he stared down the sidewalk.  Everywhere he looked, there were couples walking together.  Holding hands and kissing, touching each other, and laughing as they moved freely through the waning afternoon sunshine.  But there was only one hetro couple that Tommy could see.  No, everywhere he looked, men were with men.  Women were with women.  And when he glanced at Justin, Justin grinned at him as Tommy blushed.

“I had the same reaction the first time I came down here, too,” Justin said quietly, and Tommy nodded.

Sam had dropped them off with the promise to return in an hour or so with Ethan and Tommy’s bag, which would be safe in Sam’s car.  Tommy followed Justin as the older boy made his way up the sidewalk.  Justin pointed out various shops and told Tommy some of the local gossip that he knew about the businesses.  But even as Tommy soaked it all up, he was watching the other people; people who stopped when they caught sight of Justin and stared, before they started whispering as they walked past.

Tommy began to get the feeling that Justin was more well-known on Liberty Avenue than he had let on.  He knew the blond was popular at Boytoy; guys were practically lining up to dance with him when Justin was in the club.  But this was different.  He knew that he was right when people started greeting Justin as they walked past.  Calling him Justin, and Cutie and in some cases, His Majesty.  And when one guy reached out and touched Justin’s arm, Justin gave him an easy smile.

“Justin, I haven’t seen you in ages!  How have you been?”

Justin stepped out of the man’s reach, and then smiled.

“Fine, Todd, how about you?”

Todd lifted his shoulders slightly before he grinned.

“Not too bad, honey; I’ve been going to Pistol a lot lately.  Where are you shaking that fine ass now-a-days?”

Justin snickered, before he shook his head.  “Boytoy.  Why are you at Pistol?  I thought you lived in Babylon’s backroom.”

Todd laughed and then sobered slightly.

“That’s right, you wouldn’t have heard; Brian found out about what Saperstein was doing to his dancers; he punched Gary out at Babylon and was overheard shouting that he was a rapist.  The boys deserted Babylon like rats on a sinking ship.  No one goes there now; Gary’s losing money hand over fist.  Serves the cunt right; no one touches our King and gets away with it.”

Justin’s eyebrow’s flew up and his lips parted as he stared at Todd silently.  Todd smiled, a gentle look in his eyes, as the two men looked at each other until Todd shifted his gaze towards Tommy.

“And who is this baby boy?” he asked, and Justin shook his head slightly before glancing at Tommy with a small smile.

“Todd, this is Tommy.”

Todd grinned at him, and Tommy blushed when the man stepped into his personal space and brushed a welcoming kiss over his cheek.

“He’s darling, Justin,” Todd said as he lightly trailed his hand down Tommy’s arm, and Justin snorted.

“He also only just turned sixteen, Todd,” Justin said dryly, and Todd snatched his hand back as if it had been burned.

“Damn!  Baby, baby gay!  This one isn’t chicken, Justin, he’s still in the egg!” he said, and even Tommy had to laugh when Todd theatrically fanned his face.

Glancing at his watch, Todd smiled at Tommy and then looked towards Justin.

“I’ve got to go, honey; it’s so good to see you, though, Justin; you’ve been missed.  Maybe I’ll come across and check out Boytoy; what nights do you go there?”

“Mondays, because I meet up with… Egg-bert here,” Justin said dryly as he jerked his thumb towards Tommy, causing another round of laughter as Tommy blushed, “and Saturdays.  Sometimes on a Thursday.”

“Not one for the club scene anymore?” Todd asked, and Justin shook his head.

“Nah, I work nights now; those are my only free evenings.”

“Where are you working?” Todd asked, and Justin shrugged.

“BP downtown.  I’ve been there for a while now.”

Todd nodded, and then leaned over to brush his lips lightly over Justin’s.

“I’ll be seeing you, honey.  You stay beautiful.”

With a wave of his hand, Todd melted into the crowd; Justin turned to face Tommy, who grinned at him.

“This egg is hungry,” he said with a straight face, and Justin laughed before tossing his arm around Tommy’s shoulders and turning him slightly.

“Well, let’s go and find you some food, because the proper care of twinkie eggs includes keeping them warm and feeding them,” he said seriously as Tommy slipped his arm around Justin’s waist, and Tommy laughed as Justin continued to steer him up the street. 

The further up Liberty Avenue they got, the more people greeted Justin, and the more confused Tommy became.  Justin kept his arm draped around Tommy’s neck, but he could feel the tension in the blond from the way the muscle in Justin’s arm kept twitching.  Tightening his hold around Justin’s waist, Tommy looked up at the blond whose jaw was clenched as he stared across the street at an eating establishment.

“Justin?”

Justin flinched slightly before he looked down at Tommy.  Something must have shown on his face, because Justin blew out an unsteady breath and shook his head.

“I’m fine, Tommy; come on, let’s get something to eat.”

They crossed the street together when there was a break in the traffic, and Tommy hid his wince when Justin’s arm tightened around him to almost painful intensity.  Justin opened the door and ushered Tommy inside ahead of him, and when Tommy felt Justin step in behind him, he was startled when all noise inside the diner abruptly halted.  You could have heard a pin drop in the silence that was left behind, and Tommy balked.  But Justin was urging him forward with a hand against his lower back, and as they stepped further into the room, a woman’s voice rose in greeting.

“Sunshine!”

The tone of her voice was reverent, and Tommy watched as a lady with red hair bustled out from behind the counter and approached them with a wide smile.   Justin stepped up to Tommy’s side and bent his head to receive the kiss she offered on his cheek; he winced when she left behind a bright red lipstick print on his cheek, and he lifted his hand to try and wipe it off as the lady smoothed her hand across Justin’s chest.

“Hey, Deb,” he said, and when she gestured towards an empty booth set at the back of the diner, Justin shook his head.

“No, thanks.  We’ll sit over here,” he said firmly, and pressing his hand to Tommy’s back again, he steered Tommy towards a table that was tucked behind the curve of the front door.

Muted conversation picked up slowly as Justin slid into the opposite side of the booth from Tommy, and Deb hovered by the table as the younger boy sat down.  Tommy peeked over his shoulder, and saw that the men in the diner were all staring at Justin with open curiosity; he heard the name Brian mentioned several times, before his attention was drawn back to Debbie.  Glancing up at her, Tommy took in her appearance slowly; from the badges that adorned her vest, to the piece of gum that she was chewing as she returned his open look.

“So… who’s your friend, Sunshine?” she asked, and Justin slowly lifted his eyes from the menu he was looking at when he heard the accusatory tone in her voice.

They locked eyes, and Deb seemed to shrink into herself slightly as the muscle in Justin’s jaw jumped several times before he spoke.

“This is Tommy; he’s new to Liberty Avenue.  Tommy, this is Debbie Novotny.  She runs the diner and tends to mother the lost boys of Liberty Avenue.”

Tommy drew on his manners and smiled up at her; Debbie returned his smile weakly before she glanced at Justin.

“He’s a beauty, Justin; little young, though, isn’t he?”

Justin slapped the menu down onto the table, and Tommy winced when he saw how glacial Justin’s eyes had turned.

“Not that it’s any of your business, Debbie, but Tommy and I are just friends; not friends who fuck, not friends who destroy each other’s relationships, and not friends who need mothering, no matter how well intended it is.  History isn’t repeating itself here; he’s sixteen years old, and unlike another young twink we both know, he isn’t going to get his heart fucking annihilated – not by me, not by anyone.”

Debbie flinched as the muted conversation stopped again, and she blew out an unsteady breath.

“Justin…” she began, and then faltered when Justin narrowed his eyes.

“I’ll have a coffee,” Justin said firmly.  “What do you feel like, Tommy?”

Tommy licked his lips nervously before he gestured to the menu.

“Umm… just some fries, please.  And a chocolate milkshake,” he mumbled, and Debbie nodded silently before she moved away as Justin closed his eyes and blew out an unsteady breath.   

“Tell me your news,” Justin said finally, and Tommy hesitantly relayed the news he had received that day.

Debbie bought their drinks over as Tommy told his tale, and when Justin grinned, Tommy relaxed slightly.

“That is amazing, Tommy, congratulations!” Justin said with a smile, and Tommy grinned in return.

“I wouldn’t have auditioned if you hadn’t pushed me, Justin,” Tommy said softly, and Justin waved his hand as Debbie continued to hover just behind Justin.

“Dance to you is like art is to me or music is to Ethan; we need it to breathe properly.  Without it, life has no meaning.  No color or sound or movement.  You could no more not dance than I could put down my pencils and not draw again.”

Tommy nodded as he chewed on the side of his thumb before he spoke again.

“I can graduate six months early if I continue to push with my AP classes; it means almost double the workload, but I don’t care, Justin; the only thing that keeps me going some days is the ability to lose myself in the music as I dance.  I want this more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life.”

Justin looked startled for a moment, but then he smiled and knocked his fist lightly against the table.

“I know what you mean.  No matter how shitty things get, I’ll always have my art.  It's the one place I can go where I’ll always be safe.”  Justin smiled again and shook his head.  “I’ve never told anyone that before.”

Justin jumped slightly when Debbie set an enormous plate of fries down, and then a second plate which held two lemon scented bars; when Justin looked up at Debbie, she shrugged.

“You’re too fucking thin, Justin; I’ve given you boys a double order of fries, and you’ll damn well eat them.”

Justin sighed, but ate some fries dutifully.  Debbie nodded, and then glanced at Tommy who was looking up at her with wide eyes.

“I heard what you said about school; congratulations, Tommy.”

“I wouldn’t have done it without Justin’s encouragement,” Tommy said softly, and Debbie finally smiled.

“You couldn’t do better than having Sunshine as a friend,” she said, stealing a look at Justin.  “He’ll do anything for his friends… or his family.  You’re a lucky boy.”

“Debbie…”

Justin’s voice took on a note of warning, and she huffed slightly before ruffling the hair on Justin’s head and walking away as he made a sound of annoyance and shoved his hand through the tousled strands.

“If it’s not her lipstick, it’s my fucking hair,” he mumbled, and when Tommy grinned, Justin scrunched up his nose at him and pulled a face.

They talked quietly about Tommy’s hopes for the future while they ate; that conversation was disturbed when a man walked over to the table and set a piece of paper down beside Justin’s coffee cup.  Justin and Tommy both looked up at him, and the man raked his gaze over Justin’s face slowly.  Justin scowled, and jerked his thumb towards the door.

“Fuck off, I’m not interested.”

“Back in Kinney’s bed, are you?” the man asked snidely, and Justin flinched before he sneered up at him.

“No, I’m not.  And I’m not interested in fucking a guy who interrupts what is clearly a private conversation.”

Justin shook his head and dismissed the man when he looked back towards Tommy; he waited until the other man shuffled away before Tommy licked his lips and spoke quietly.

“Who is… Kinney?” he asked, and Justin sighed.

“Brian Kinney is the Stud of Liberty Avenue, Tommy; he only fucks guys once; no repeats.”

Tommy gestured towards the man who had tried giving Justin his phone number, as he recalled hearing the name Brian whispered when they had first walked into the diner.

“But he said…”

Justin shook his head and squinted as he looked across the room.

“I was the anomaly to his rules,” Justin said finally.  “We were… fucking, for nearly two years, Tommy.”

Tommy’s eyes widened, and Justin nodded slowly.

“I was seventeen when he fucked me the first time; it ended a couple of months ago.”

“Is that why you don’t want a boyfriend, Justin?” Tommy asked, and Justin scraped his nail across the table before he finally looked back up at Tommy.

“Tommy… look, you’re a really lovely guy.  But I am far too fucked up to be your first in any way.”

“You gave me my first kiss,” Tommy ventured, and Justin smiled.

“And it was really sweet, and as I said to you that night, thank you for giving me that gift, because that’s what it was.  But sex and love and a proper relationship?  I can’t give you those things, Tommy.  I can’t give them to anyone.”

Tommy bit his lip thoughtfully as he leaned over the table, and when he spoke, it was as quietly as he could.

“Do you still love this guy, Justin?  Is that why?”

Justin sighed heavily and tapped his fingers lightly on the table as he stared out across the diner.

“I don’t know, Tommy; the mere thought of dating someone?  Of opening myself up to the possibility?  It does nothing for me,” he said finally.

“Why did you break up?” Tommy asked, and Justin smiled wryly.

“We didn’t break up, Tommy; you can’t break up with someone you aren’t in a relationship with.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I lived with Brian after I got kicked out of my home.  He fucked me.  But he wasn’t my boyfriend, Tommy.  We weren’t in a relationship.  It ended when I stopped letting him fuck me, and I moved out.”

Tommy looked down at the table, and chewed on the inside of his lip; he could feel Justin’s steady gaze on him, and he screwed up his courage to look up at Justin.

“Is it because I’m only sixteen?”

Justin blew out a steady breath and closed his eyes briefly before he spoke.

“The age of consent is seventeen, Tommy; but even if you were seventeen, I still wouldn’t… Tommy, I’m damaged goods, okay?  You deserve to be with a guy who is going to love you completely; who will treat you like gold.  Not someone who…”

Justin broke off and shook his head as Tommy reached out and touched Justin’s hand lightly with his fingers.

“You aren’t damaged goods, Justin,” Tommy said firmly, and Justin swallowed hard.

“You don’t know me, Tommy.  Not really.”  Looking down at the table for a minute, Justin finally spoke again.  “You’re pure, in a way that I can barely remember being.  I spent the first two years here being fucked in public, and fucking guys that I didn’t know.  Do I love sex?  Sure.  But I have had more than my fair share of fucking; because that’s all it was, Tommy.  It wasn’t making love.  And that’s what you deserve – your first time should be special and given to someone who loves you; not just because he thinks you’re hot.”

“How many…” Tommy broke off and blushed, but Justin simply shrugged.

“I don’t know the exact number, but well over a hundred guys.”

Tommy nodded as he watched Justin sink in on himself; for the first time since he had met Justin, Tommy looked beneath the pretty boy façade, and saw the man behind the blond hair and beautiful face.  He was startled to realize that Justin looked tired.  Tired, and slightly ill. 

“Justin?”

Justin looked up, and Tommy only just managed not to flinch when he saw the self-loathing expression on his friend’s face.

“Are you okay?” he asked, and Justin’s eyes narrowed slightly.

“I’m fine – why?”

Tommy drew in a deep breath before blowing it out.  “You look sick.”

Justin recoiled, and Tommy leaned closer as he spoke quickly.

“I mean, you look like you are going to be sick…”

Tommy was cut off from further conversation when a warm body dropped down beside him, and he looked up into Sam’s friendly eyes.  Looking back towards Justin, Tommy relaxed as Ethan slid in beside Justin, who automatically leaned into his friend when Ethan wrapped his arm around Justin’s shoulders.  At Ethan’s touch, Justin relaxed; the haunted look slowly left his eyes as Sam snagged some fries, and Ethan engaged Tommy in conversation about his hopes for the dance program.

By the time they left the diner ten minutes later, Tommy had almost convinced himself that what he had seen in Justin’s face had been a mistake.  But the memory of Justin calling himself damaged goods continued to echo in his mind, as did the way Ethan’s fingers had continued to press and release against Justin’s shoulder.  Justin was right – he really didn’t know the other boy at all.  Mind made up, Tommy decided that the best way to be a good friend was to do what Ethan had done – give Justin the love he so obviously needed.