19.

Emmett rubbed his hands on his pants to wipe them dry; they had been clammy since he had received a phone call from Alex Wilder requesting his presence at Allegheny Hospital.  Justin had been a patient for seven days now; there had been no news on how the boy was doing since he had been re-admitted, however, other than the fact that therapy was draining for him.  But as Teddy had said, at least Justin was in therapy - that was the best way to look at it.

The family itself had met up at Deb’s on last Monday night; over steaming cups of coffee and freshly baked lemon bars, they had been spectators to one of the most painfully intense conversations that Emmett could ever recall listening to.  Michael had been the catalyst for that conversation, where more than just accusations had flown.  Brian had been relatively calm right up until Michael had said his name; after that?  It had taken Ben, Emmett, and Ted to hold him back after Brian had turned around and punched Michael in the face when the man made the mistake of asking how Justin was doing.

Michael had wisely stayed on the ground after Brian had thrown his punch; he hadn’t made excuses, nor had he looked to his mother to fight his battles for him.  He had waited until Brian had been forced into his seat, with Emmett himself sitting on Brian’s lap to keep him in his chair, to even speak.  And when he did, he had merely said that he deserved the punch.  He deserved to lose the respect of the family, his friendship with Brian, and the trust of his partner after he had treated Justin so appallingly.

It was then that Michael had dropped his own bombshell; he was seeking help.  Not with Alex – he didn’t want Justin or Brian to think that he was trying to interfere in the tattered remains of their relationship.  No, he was seeing a therapist through the GLC, and had been since he had stepped over the line with Justin at PIFA.  He had sworn that would be the last time.  Her name was Tatiana, and under her guidance, he was learning to be a better man, friend, and son.

In the silence that followed his revelation, Michael had slowly sat down at the table across from Brian and had laid it all on the line in halting sentences.  Tatiana had helped him see that he had been so scared of losing his place in Brian’s life that he had tried his best to push Justin out.  He could have blamed his shitty behavior on a lack of daddy issues, or any other number of excuses, but that would have been all they were.  Excuses.  And like Brian, he was done making them.  He had fucked up, and he was admitting to it for the first time in his life.

He had been jealous of Justin; of his good looks, his artistic talent, and his intelligence.  But having Brian take the boy to his bed so often had been the proverbial straw for Michael; he could see that his oldest friend was changing for the blond, and it had frightened him.  Afraid of being left behind, he had unconsciously tried to hold onto the Brian that he knew by driving a wedge between the couple.  Michael had kept his eyes on the table the entire time he had spoken, but when he did finally raise them, they had been surprisingly dry.

“Tatiana has made me see that I told Justin about your tricking, Brian, to hurt him so that he would leave you.  So that you wouldn’t leave me.  Ma was right; I used him to make my dreams come true, while undermining him at every turn.  I re-enforced his insecurities about his place in your life by reminding him that although you fucked him, it was me that you turned to for emotional support.  I told him about our history, and the fact that we had known each other for fourteen years, so that he was constantly reminded of the fact that I knew you better than he ever would. 

“He had your cock, but I had your heart – after all, you told me you loved me; always have, always will.  You said that in front of him so many times, but you refused to tell Justin that you loved him.  I made him feel like he was just a phase in your life; a distraction that you were playing with until you decided it was time to grow up and choose me.  If he complained to me about anything, like he did when you went to Chicago instead of Vermont, I would tell him that he knew the type of person you were; that he couldn’t expect you to change when you were only fucking him – that you weren’t in a relationship.

“I took his trust and his naivety, and I used it against him; the worst thing I ever did to him was the thing that tipped not only Justin over the edge but me, too.  I knew, even back then, that I had crossed the line.  Justin trying to kill himself was my fault; I’m aware of it, and I must live with that for the rest of my life.  All I can do now is wait and see if Justin is willing to listen to me when I apologize to him.  If it takes me apologizing to him every day until I die for him to believe me, then I swear, I’ll do it.  It’s the very least I can do to try and make it up to him.

“I don’t need any of you to tell me how ashamed you are of me – no one feels that shame more than I do.  I took a long, hard look at myself after you and I last spoke, Brian, and I didn’t even recognize myself anymore.  Ma was right – she hadn’t raised me to be cruel.  And what I have done is beyond cruelty.  I let you, Ben, the family, and Justin down.  I let myself down. 

“I failed you as a friend by re-enforcing your own insecurities, instead of telling you that you were nothing like your father – by failing to call you out on how you were treating Justin, and pushing you to seek help for the addictions that I helped to not only create, but reinforce every time you looked like you were trying to change.  You have no idea how sorry I am… for everything.”

Michael had fallen silent after that, and Emmett had wisely remained anchored on Brian’s lap for the duration of the meeting; it was obvious from his friend’s silence that he was nowhere near ready to accept Michael’s apology.  They had agreed to weekly meetings, especially if one of them was summoned for a group session with Justin.  Emmett had received the first offer, and the family as a whole was feeling the same sense of nervousness that was currently invading Emmett’s body.

Brian himself had been impossible to deal with over the last two days since Alex’s call; God love the man, but if he banged on Emmett’s door one more time at two a.m. to remind him of what not to say, Emmett was going to go all diva on his ass.  The man had been so jittery that Emmett had thought he was high on some drug that Anita had cooked up.  But the more Brian twitched and stuttered over his version of advice, the more Emmett had come to realize that Brian was more nervous than he was.   

Emmett sighed softly as he looked up at the imposing building; it wasn’t the first time he had visited Justin at Allegheny Hospital, but the last time had been when Justin had been bashed.  This time, however, the reasons behind Justin’s stay were so much worse.  Emmett had no idea what was going to happen when he saw Justin; no idea how his friend would greet him.  But he knew it wouldn’t be with that beautiful smile, or with a kiss and a hug. 

That boy was lost to Emmett; lost due to malicious gossip and Emmett’s own mistake of not knowing what to say to Justin after he and Brian had broken up.  But as bad as that knowledge was, Emmett knew that Brian was suffering far worse than he was.  Even if Justin forgave Brian and allowed the man back in as his friend, Brian had admitted that he was shit scared that he would end up like Alex: forced to watch as Justin met someone else.  Forced to watch as he fell in love and moved on, leaving him on his own for the rest of his life.  Brian’s fears, admitted drunkenly over beers at Woody’s last night, had broken Emmett’s heart.   

Blowing out another breath, Emmett squared his shoulders and entered the hospital.  Alex’s directions had been straightforward, and Emmett had no trouble finding his way to the psychiatric unit.  He was signed in behind the locked doors, and he followed the serious-faced nurse towards the office that Alex had in the building.  The feeling of melancholy was heavy in the air, and Emmett felt it pressing down upon his shoulders like a physical weight.

The nurse he was following knocked on a door, and as she pushed it open Emmett called on his inner strength and straightened his spine.  The family depended on him to be strong – to smooth the way should Justin reach out to the rest of them.  There was no way he could fail – he missed his baby too much.  Emmett lifted his chin and squared his shoulders; stepping into the room, he swept his gaze over the area, only to have his breath explode out of his lungs in a pained exhalation of air.

Justin stood in front of the vast windows; he was looking out over the parking lot, and his body was backlit by the sunshine that streamed through the windows.  With his hair curling around the nape of his neck, Emmett thought briefly that Justin looked like one of Botticelli’s angels.  But then the boy shifted his weight, and Emmett was bought out of his fanciful thoughts and back to earth with a thud.

That was no angel standing in front of the window; he knew from the tension in those slim shoulders that Justin’s face would be set into mutinous lines.  There would be belligerence in those blue eyes, and a pout on the fullness of his lips.  But as cute as that pout normally was, Emmett knew that if pushed Justin would lose the pout and cut him to the quick with his words.  And after glancing quickly at Alex, he knew that the other man knew it, too.

“Hello, Emmett.  Thank you for coming here today,” Alex said quietly as he gestured towards the couch for Emmett to take a seat.

Emmett nodded as he crossed the room and sank down onto the offered seat.  Looking back towards Justin, Emmett took a deep breath to calm his nerves and then spoke.

“Hi, Justin.”

He was pleased that his voice was steady, but that pleasure fled when Justin didn’t return his greeting.  The blond lowered his chin slightly, and when Alex called his name gently, Justin’s shoulders jerked as if he had been poked with a cattle prod.

“Justin… come and sit down, please,” Alex said firmly, and Justin shook his head.

“I’m fine where I am, thank you.”

Emmett swallowed hard; it had been the first time he had heard Justin’s voice in a long time, and the difference in the boy’s voice was staggering.  There was no laughter in his voice now.  He could clearly hear the unhappiness in Justin’s icy refusal, and he was left wondering how long he had gone missing the sadness in Justin’s voice before the blond had left their little family.  Alex sighed again and shifted in his seat.

“Justin, we’ve spoken about this,” he said softly, and Justin snorted.

“No, you spoke about this, and then you decided what I was going to do,” he said flatly, and Alex pinched the bridge of his nose as Emmett looked between them in bewilderment.  That feeling was cleared up quickly enough when Justin continued to talk.

“I told you that I wasn’t ready for this, that I wanted to speak to Ethan or Sam first.  I don’t recall you telling me that I would be cut off from my friends when I agreed to come back here, Alex.”

“Why is it so important that you speak to them, Justin?” Alex asked, and Justin’s shoulders curled slightly.

“Because I made him a promise, and I’ve already broken it once.  I don’t want to break it again – I try to keep my fucking word when I give it to someone, Alex!”

“What promise?” Alex asked gently, but Justin shook his head, and Emmett watched as Justin raised his hand to his mouth. 

That gesture he knew; Justin was chewing on his thumbnail, a sure sign that he was upset.  He thought quickly over the men in Justin’s life that he could have possibly made a promise to; there was only Sam, Ethan, Gus, and the young boy that Ethan had mentioned.  What was his name again?  The answer came to him so quickly that he was left feeling like he had whiplash, but Emmett knew deep inside that he was right.

“Is this about…Tommy?” he asked hesitantly, and he relaxed when Justin stilled so entirely that he looked like a statue.

Justin’s head turned slightly in the silence that followed; Emmett could see the angle of his jaw, and Emmett bit his lip slightly before he spoke again.

“If you need to get him a message, Justin, I can track him down…if… if you want me to.”

Justin turned his head a little more, and Emmett reached for some courage as he rose to his feet and slowly crossed the room to stand by Justin’s side.  He didn’t look at the blond; he merely kept his gaze on the steady flow of traffic he could see out the window as he deliberately tucked his hands into the pockets of his coat.

That simple gesture had Justin lowering his hand from his mouth.  Emmett could see him in his peripheral vision, and he watched as Justin turned so that he was looking out the window.  The silence between them stretched out slightly, but it didn’t feel brittle.  It was comfortable, and Emmett tried his best to hide his joy when Justin shifted his weight, and their arms brushed briefly.

“I…”

Justin swallowed, and Emmett forced himself to keep looking out the window as Justin shifted again so that there was space between their bodies.

“He’s…fuck.”

It was hissed out, and Emmett swallowed hard when he realized that Justin was having trouble asking him for anything.  That realization showed Emmett just how much damage had been done to their friendship, and he pressed his lips together briefly in grief before he spoke.

“You know, Justin, I wasn’t friends with you just because of Brian.  I’d like to think that I was friends with you outside of the Big Bad; I’d like to think that you could ask something of me and that you would know that there were no checks and balances between us,” he said softly.  “I’d like to think that I could come to you from time to time, and just sit with you in silence – that you would realize how I understand that trying to find the words is sometimes harder than making yourself be heard.

“I hope one day that you will hear me out, so I can tell you what REALLY happened.  About how Michael twisted what I had said about Brian into some bullshit that I thought you were something that you are definitely not.  I never thought you were broken, Justin.  I never thought you were a toy – not Brian’s and certainly not mine.  I always viewed you as your own man; a man, who when he looked at me, didn’t see some gossipy queen without an original thought in his head.”

Emmett fell silent as he continued to look out over the parking lot.  He could hear his friend’s breathing, and when that breathing hitched, Emmett closed his eyes briefly as Justin’s voice cracked mid-sentence.

“I made Tommy a prom…a promise to be there for him when he went to Boytoy.  That I would be his friend and look after him.  He’s…. he’s just a kid, and I… I promised him, Emmett.  That means something to me.”

Emmett turned slightly and looked down at Justin when he heard desperation coating his words, and saw that Justin had squeezed his eyes shut.

“When does he go to Boytoy?”

“On Monday.”

It was mumbled, and Emmett immediately saw why Justin was so rattled.  Tomorrow would be the second Monday in a row that he had failed to meet up with Tommy, and when Justin peeked up at him, Emmett flashed him a quick smile.

“I’ll find him for you, Justin; do you want him to know where you are?  Or do you just want to make sure he’s safe when he’s at Boytoy?” Emmett asked sincerely, and Justin’s lips parted before he shrugged helplessly when the words refused to come.

“I’ll find him, baby,” Emmett said softly, and if it sounded like a promise, neither man mentioned it.  “What’s his full name?”

Justin swallowed hard before he slumped slightly.

“Tommy Vance.”

“And if he’s not there tomorrow night?”

Justin’s squinted slightly before he shook his head.

“He’ll be there; he’s always there on a Monday.  He’ll get there around seven, and Ari always makes sure the younger ones are out no later than ten.”

Emmett nodded, and when Justin finally looked up at him, he could see the fight that Justin was having with himself; could his friend allow himself to trust him, or was he better off not believing him in case the nelly queen let him down again?  The confusion in his eyes was more than apparent, and Emmett could no more stop himself than he could prevent the sun from rising.  He turned towards the blond and reached out to briefly cup his face in his hands before he drew him gently into his arms. 

He felt Justin stiffen and raised his hand to gently run it down Justin’s spine as he tilted his head to rest it against the crown of his head.  He never tightened his arms; he never mentioned the fact that Justin was trembling slightly within his embrace as he lifted his head slightly and kissed that soft blond hair, before resting his head against it again. 

“I am so sorry that you doubt me at the moment, baby; that you doubt how much you mean to me.  I won’t let you down,” Emmett vowed quietly.  “I’ll find him; I’ll find your Tommy, and I’ll bring him here myself on Tuesday, okay?  I promise.”

Nestled in Emmett’s arms, Justin gradually stopped twitching.  And when he finally nodded, Emmett blew out an unsteady breath and closed his eyes as Justin’s whole body shuddered; he went from holding himself rigidly, to finally curling into Emmett’s arms like he had once done.  Justin didn’t speak for the remainder of their time together; he stood by the window, curled into the warmth of Emmett’s body, as Emmett ran his hand up and down Justin’s back slowly, maintaining the silence that Justin was so obviously seeking.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The flashing lights and the thumpa-thumpa were similar to Babylon; the beautiful boys who twisted to the dark, techno beat were not.  Smooth skin, much younger faces, and the tinge of excitement in the air replaced the tumbling glitter and the ghostly echo of Brian Kinney calling Gary Saperstein a rapist.  Emmett hadn’t stepped foot in Boytoy in several years; Babylon had been his playground, but maybe one day the young twinkies who were dancing below would offer up the excitement that a man like Emmett looked for.  But he wasn’t here to find a playmate; he was here to locate the young boy that clearly meant so much to Justin.

Alex stood by his side, and Emmett was grateful that he wouldn’t be visiting the alcove and learning just how far Justin had slipped away.  No, he knew where Justin was – tucked up safe and warm, and being given the best possible care there was.  But déjà vu continued to hit Emmett, none more so than when Alex reached up and gripped his chin in his fingertips.  He allowed the man to turn his face, and following his outstretched arm, he finally spotted the slim brunet that Alex was pointing towards as the young man handed his school ID over and scrawled his name in the sign-in book as he chatted with the bouncers.

The boy was beautiful – he appeared delicate, but the white shirt he wore was unbuttoned, and as he headed towards the dance floor, the material moved across his body, allowing Emmett a tantalizing peek of the lightly sculpted muscle tone on his stomach and chest.  His hair was so dark it looked black, and it was cut in such a way that it hung in jagged layers across the curved lines of his face as he began to move with the music.  While he was definitely a baby twink, Emmett knew that there was more to this boy than met the eye – there had to be for Justin to have offered his friendship to one so young. 

“Is that him?” Emmett inquired, and Alex nodded.

“Yep; that’s Tommy.  Are you going to go and talk to him?” Alex asked, but Emmett shook his head.

“No, not yet.  Let him dance for a bit before I ruin his night, telling him about Justin.”

Alex nodded, and then pointed towards the glass office.  Emmett nodded as he leaned against the balustrade of the second floor and took a sip of his virgin Cosmo.  He missed the tang of the alcohol, but sipped the drink that Alex had bought him regardless as he watched Tommy close his eyes while he moved to the driving beat of the music.  Watching the boy, Emmett had to wonder why Justin was so taken with him – it wasn’t like they could date – not if Justin wanted to keep his delectable little tushy out of prison. 

Tommy could dance, and incredibly well – maybe that was what had caught Justin’s attention.  Justin would have recognized his talent; would have been moved to capture the flow of the boy’s body on paper or canvas.  Emmett had lost count of the amount of times that he had seen Justin drawing things that were in motion; people, trees, animals… the list was endless, and Tommy’s body in motion was pure poetry. 

Emmett finished his drink as he continued to watch Tommy dance before he finally made his way downstairs and across the crowded dance floor.  He lost sight of the boy for a few minutes, and when he found the boy again, he was dancing with his back towards Emmett.  Emmett reached out and gently tapped Tommy on the shoulder.  He spun around, and Emmett sighed when he saw the smile that was shining on Tommy’s face fade away.

“What?”

Emmett gestured the boy to follow him, and when Tommy hesitated, Emmett held his hand out.  Tommy tilted his head warily as he eyed Emmett’s outstretched hand, and Emmett sighed again.

“It’s about Justin!” he shouted, and Tommy’s eyes widened, but he finally reached for Emmett’s hand and allowed the taller man to tug him off the dance floor.

Tommy followed Emmett up to the office on the second floor; he maintained his silence as Emmett handed the responsibility over to Alex to explain why they were there, and instead looked at the young man in front of him.  And in looking at him, Emmett wondered what else had attracted Justin to the younger man.  It wasn’t just his dancing ability, although that would have drawn Justin’s attention the first time he saw the kid move his slender body. 

Was it the innocence that he wore like a second skin?  The kid was pure – young, unashamedly gay, and not trapped by the bullshit of Liberty Avenue.  Tommy listened with wide eyes as Alex explained who he was, where Justin was, and why.  Maybe it was the emotion that Tommy wore on his sleeve – his heartbreak was more than apparent in those stunning grey eyes as he chewed on his thumbnail before he dropped his hand into his lap and looked between the two men expectantly.

“When can I come and see him?”

“Tomorrow?” Alex ventured, and Tommy nodded.

“I finish school at two.  It might take me a while to get there by bus.”

“I can come and get you,” Emmett offered, and Tommy turned those wide eyes towards him.

“I don’t know you,” he said by way of answer, and Emmett smiled slightly.

“Well, do you want to come to the diner with me, and have a milkshake while we get to know each other?  You know Ari – he can vouch for Alex, and Alex can vouch for me.”

Tommy tilted his head, and when he glanced towards Alex, the man nodded with a small smile.

“Emmett’s one of the good ones, Tommy; he and Justin were very close at one time.”

Tommy looked back towards Emmett and then narrowed his eyes slightly.

“What do you mean by… they were close at one time?  What?  Did you abandon him when he needed you most?  Is that why you aren’t close anymore?  Because I can tell you right now, if that is what you are vouching for, I’ll take the freaking bus, thanks.”

Emmett’s jaw dropped; he knew it was, and he couldn’t help it.  Nor could he help the huff of laughter that escaped his mouth when the lightbulb finally went on for him; this is what had drawn Justin to Tommy – Tommy’s fire and his loyalty, were exactly the same as Justin’s.

“What?”

Emmett grinned when he heard the snarl in Tommy’s voice and he shook his head.

“I’ve been watching you and wondering how you and Justin became friends.  I just figured it out,” Emmett said with a smile, and when Tommy raised his eyebrow in an exact replica of Justin’s, Emmett grinned again.  “You’re just like him; balls-to-wall brave, and not scared to tell it how it is.  Let me guess; your friends would consider you incredibly loyal, too, right?”

Tommy chewed on the inside of his lip for a moment before a mischievous smile crossed his face.

“Something like that,” he said cheekily; he glanced down at himself and then began to button his shirt.  When he finally looked back up, he smiled again.

“I’ll have a chocolate milkshake, thanks, and some fries…what?!” he said when Emmett hooted with laughter.

Emmett simply shook his head in amusement as Tommy rubbed his stomach thoughtfully; exchanging fond smiles with Alex, he rested his hand on Tommy’s back and led him from the office.  Emmett waited patiently as Tommy signed out of the club, and when he made Emmett wait again while he rang his father to let him know that he was going to the diner, Emmett forced back his sigh. 

It was only after hanging up that Tommy explained that Justin had told him to never go anywhere with a stranger without letting someone else know first.  Emmett smiled at the boy gently for his defense of the blond, and wrapping his arm around Tommy’s slender shoulders, Emmett led the boy towards the diner.  Upon their arrival, Debbie greeted them both with a red lipstick print to the cheek, but when she went to ruffle Tommy’s hair, Emmett was reduced to laughter again at the indignant squawk the boy let out as he batted Debbie’s hands away from his head.      

“Justin warned me about her lipstick and hair-ruffling tendencies,” Tommy said darkly as he patted his hair back into place, and Emmett snickered as he led Tommy towards the booth at the back of the diner.

Tommy slid into the booth, and then smiled up at Emmett when the nelly queen took his place in the seat across from him.  And as promised, they spent the next hour getting to know each other over chocolate milkshakes and greasy fries.  Emmett learned about Tommy’s dancing abilities and his plans for the future.  Who his friends were, and the fact that his mother had passed away a few years ago from cancer.  It was just he and his dad now.  But unlike so many of them, Tommy spoke about a parent who’s love and support were unwavering.

“Dad moved his business here a little over a year ago; he wanted me to have the best shot at getting into a fine arts school.  I suggested that we move to New York, but Dad said no.  He was happy being a big fish in a little pond, whereas if we moved to New York, then he’d be a little fish in an ocean full of sharks.  Besides, New York is only an hour away by plane – once I go to school, I can come home to him whenever I want.”

Emmett rested his chin on his fist as Tommy finished his milkshake.

“So, you and your Daddy are close?” he asked, and Tommy nodded.

“He’s all I’ve got.”

“And how did he handle you telling him you were gay?” Emmett asked, and Tommy grinned and shook the hair out of his eyes.

“He knew long before I did; when he suspected that there was a high possibility that I was gay, Dad went to the library, got on-line, and he spoke to people in the GLC to educate himself.  It was kind of a letdown in a way when I did come out to him; he just smiled at me and asked me to pass the salt.  It was like… here’s this earthshattering thing, and he wanted the fucking salt, you know?”

Tommy huffed out the sound of husky laughter, and Emmett couldn’t help but smile at the bright sound. 

“So, I passed him the salt, and after we had eaten dinner, he sat me down and told me everything I could expect.  Nothing is ever taboo with my Dad – I can ask him whatever I want, and he’ll answer it, even if the tips of his ears DO go red.  He was the one who found out about Boytoy when we moved here – he came down here and he spoke to Ari, and then he came home and told me that he had found me a safe space to explore what being gay meant to me; where I wouldn’t feel scared because I was looking at another boy, or dancing and kissing one.”

Tommy looked down at the table and shook his head.

“I can still remember the first time I saw Justin walk into Boytoy.  Sam was deejaying that night, and I saw Ethan talking to this blond guy, and then he turned around.  It was like…bam!  You know?  Instant recognition in a way.”

“Are you in love with him?” Emmett asked softly, and Tommy snorted.

“Fuck, no!  Look, I care about Justin; he’s one of the nicest people I know, and I’ll admit it – I have a massive crush on him.  Would I want him to be my boyfriend?  Of course – who wouldn’t?  But I’m not in love with him.  Justin warned me… I think it was the third time I spent time with him… not to fall in love with him.  He said that he cared what I thought about him, and that I was one of only a few people he could stand to be around.  He didn’t want to hurt me in any way, and he was so fucking scared that he was unknowingly toying with my feelings…”

Tommy tucked his hair behind his ear and ducked his head slightly as a blush stole over his cheeks.

“He gave me my first kiss; he didn’t even laugh at me when I blew my load in my jeans.  And it took me several weeks to convince him to give me that kiss.  I told him that I wanted my first kiss to be perfect; to be with someone I cared about, and who knew what they were doing.  But even though he eventually agreed to kiss me, he still told me that although I had given him the gift of that first kiss, he couldn’t give me anything else but friendship.”

Tommy frowned as he looked down at the table; scraping his nail across the worn formica, he pursed his lips as he thought back on the conversation that he had had with Justin a week or so earlier.  Emmett left him to his thoughts as he looked out across the diner.  When Tommy finally looked at Emmett, it was with troubled eyes.

“It should have surprised me when you told me that Justin was in a hospital for mental health issues; not a guy who makes you feel like you’re king of the world when he smiles at you.  But it didn’t, Emmett.”

“Why do you say that?”

Emmett winced when his voice came out as a croak, and he cleared his throat as Tommy bit the corner of his mouth before he sighed.

“We came here on Thursday after I found out about Tisch; we were talking about my dance audition, and how he understood that when I lose myself in the music, that is the only time I am completely free.  That I want to go to Tisch more than I have ever wanted anything in the world.  He understands how I feel, because he feels the same way when he is drawing.  He said that his art was the one place he felt safe, the one place where he could lose himself.

“Some guy came up and hit on him while we were here, and when Justin said he wasn’t interested, the guy asked if he was back in Kinney’s bed.  I couldn’t believe it… this guy was openly insinuating that being this Kinney asshole’s bed warmer was all that Justin was good for, you know?  Justin went kinda weird after that; I was asking him about being someone’s boyfriend, and he said that my age had nothing to do with why he couldn’t give me that type of relationship – he said he couldn’t give it to anyone.  He, uh…he said he was damaged goods.”

Tommy looked back down at the table and jerked his shoulder.

“The thing is, Emmett, Justin isn’t damaged – not in the way he thinks.  I know his brain is all twisty right now, but when he gets better?  He’ll learn that there are plenty of men outside of Liberty Avenue who would love to date him.  Who would be proud to call him their boyfriend.  He told me not to waste my virginity on a guy who just thinks I’m hot – to wait to find someone who loves me completely.  Someone who will treat me like gold, you know? 

“He said that I should hold out until I find someone to make love with – he said that he’d had his fair share of fucking, but I honestly don’t think that he’s ever made love or been made love to.  I want that for him; I want him to find a man who will look beyond how pretty Justin’s outer package is and discover how beautiful he truly is.  I want him to find a man who doesn’t allow him to feel like he is nothing more than a fuck buddy – a man who will treat him like gold.  I want that for him more than I want Tisch for myself.”

Emmett closed his eyes as the heavy feeling of guilt and grief settled down upon his shoulders.  He had had a hand in Justin feeling like this; while Michael’s words had been disgusting, Emmett’s disregard of Justin’s feelings for Brian had also done damage.  Turning his attention back to Tommy, Emmett reached out and lightly brushed the boy’s hair out of his eyes.

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow,” he said quietly.  “And I’ll take you to see Justin; he could use all the friends he can get right now, and you, my darling Tommy, are one in a million.  I’m so glad that he has you in his life.  Thank you for letting me get to know you tonight.”

Tommy blushed, the delicate pink shade spreading over his cheeks as he ducked his head.  But the smile he shot Emmett reminded him of another sweet boy; one who, Emmett hoped, would eventually forgive him for his mistreatment.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Separately, both boys were beautiful.  But tangled together the way they were, they were truly breathtaking.  Tommy was cuddled up to the blond on the bed in Justin’s room; sitting between Justin’s legs, with his back to Justin’s chest, he rested his head on the curve of Justin’s shoulder, while Justin wrapped his arms loosely around Tommy’s waist, leaving Tommy to toy with his fingers as they spoke.  Justin’s legs were tangled with Tommy’s, and their faces brushed every time Tommy turned his head to grin up at him. 

The relief on Justin’s face when Tommy had walked into the room earlier had been as clear as day, and he had wrapped both arms around the younger boy without hesitation when Tommy had walked over to Justin and slipped his arms around his waist without comment.  But when Tommy raised himself up on tiptoe and kissed Justin softly on the cheek, Emmett saw the innocence of the friendship between them, and how Tommy’s innocence was like a balm to Justin’s soul. 

Curled up like puppies on the single bed, they spoke in low tones as Emmett watched over them.  He couldn’t make out what they were saying, but he enjoyed the rise and fall of their voices, and the musical quality Tommy’s laughter had to it as he giggled over something that Justin murmured.  And when Justin looked up and a small smile curved his lips as he and Emmett locked eyes, Emmett finally felt some of the pressing weight on his shoulders shift.  There had been thanks in Justin’s steady gaze.  And as the blond lowered his head back towards Tommy’s so they could continue their conversation, Emmett sent up a prayer that maybe one day, he, too,  would see forgiveness.