26.
Gardner Vance was a remarkably busy man; you didn’t learn to run with the big dogs by sitting on your ass, and he had trained under one of the most ruthless men in the business when he had been younger and still living in London. His personal assistant had been with him for the ten years that he had owned Vanguard; he knew that he couldn’t organize his schedule as meticulously as Lorrie did, and made sure that it was reflected in her yearly bonus.
He expected perfection from his staff and could make even the most senior of artists quake in their boots if his requests weren’t met. When he had taken over the Ryder agency, he had culled most of the staff; they had been lazy and complacent in their roles, something that Gardner had no need for. But then the young hot shot had sat down across from him. Full of piss and vinegar, Gardner had disliked Brian Kinney on sight.
His reputation proceeded the man through Gardner’s door; he had heard the rumors about Brian Kinney. About a man who did whatever it took to get the client to sign; who worked hard, often arriving before anybody else, and more often than not, was still working long after everyone else had left for the night. And while Gardner appreciated Brian’s work ethic, what he didn’t like was the ugliness of the sexual harassment suit that had left a dark cloud over the Ryder agency.
But Brian had met Gardner’s demands; signing Brown Athletics had forced Gardner to make Brian a partner in his business. It was a decision that he hadn’t regretted, however. And as time went on, the one thing he did regret was listening to the rumors about Brian Kinney, instead of meeting the man with an open mind. Perhaps if he had done that, he wouldn’t be in the position he was in now.
Lorrie had let Gardner know that Brian had requested a meeting with him two days ago; what proceeded the meeting, however, was a single file. The presentation in the file was as meticulous as the man who had written it up. Well thought out and clear in its intent, the presentation held facts, including costs Vs. business growth, and Gardner could all but smell the desperation that rose from the paper as he stared down at the file.
Closing the manila folder slowly, Gardner sat back in his chair and blew out a quiet breath. No, he hadn’t liked Brian Kinney initially for the simple reason that he had reminded Gardner of himself in some ways. Not his sexual orientation, but the layer of ruthlessness that the man wore like he did his Armani. He was a hard worker, and his temper was legendary when his direction wasn’t followed. He was arrogant, dominant, and a text book, Type A personality.
Six months ago, however, something had happened; Brian changed. It had been subtle; he worked harder, travelled more, and threatened the art department staff with dire consequences when his expectations weren’t met. He brought in more clients over the next three months than all the other senior staff combined. His clients sang his praises, and the art department trembled whenever one of Brian’s campaigns crossed their desks. His demands were met and followed, yet Brian’s dissatisfaction was more than apparent as he found fault with every campaign that he did.
There were whispers that rode the coattails of Brian’s restlessness; malicious gossip that swept that through the corridors as the gossipmongers reveled in the fact that Brian’s young lover had left him for another man. And while Gardner sympathized with him, he had enough on his plate without having to worry about some lover’s spat. If Brian continued to yield results, Gardner didn’t care what the man did in his free time. If it didn’t bring shame to Vanguard, the man could whore his way through Pittsburgh for all he cared.
But then Brian called in sick one Monday morning. And the man who returned to work the next day looked like he had had his entire world torn apart; he was still focused, but there was a palpable sadness to him now that he couldn’t quite hide. His work was still impeccable, but three days a week Brian left the office early and finished his working day remotely from home. Gossip ran rampant throughout Vanguard, and Gardner was forced into the position of taking disciplinary action, especially after he found two temporary staff members talking spitefully about the man over their morning coffee.
After dismissing both girls and having a meeting with the staff, Gardner began to make discreet inquiries. Gathering answers was harder than he thought it would be; while people loved nothing more than to talk about Brian, no one actually knew what was going on in the man’s private life. His personal assistant Cynthia remained tight-lipped when Lorrie herself asked if Brian was okay and wouldn’t say anything outside of the fact that Brian was working on the most difficult campaign of his life.
She wasn’t wrong in her answer; Brian continued to bring in clients, but there was an awareness to the man now that Gardner had never seen before. And it was none more apparent than when Brian was in the art department. Gardner had seen the lost look on his face when the upgrades were being done to the computers that the artists all used; the upgrade allowed greater dexterity when using the stylus, and Gardner had overheard him quietly asking how much the upgrade was and if it was accessible without the actual computer being present.
The computer tech had said that it wasn’t, and as Gardner listened, Brian asked if he could make an appointment to get the upgrades. He owned one of the computers, and even though it wasn’t being used presently, he still wanted it to have the latest modifications, so if it was ever used again it would be ready to go without a problem. The technician had whistled quietly before saying that Brian must have dropped a mint to own the computer; he’d received a silent shrug in response before Brian had walked away.
Gardner had grown up with his nanny telling him that curiosity killed the cat; to mind his P’s and Q’s, because one day he would learn something that would shake his faith in what he thought he knew. That memory echoed in his mind as Gardner later pulled the technician aside and asked him how much one of those computers would cost for personal use. And when he was given the figure, Gardner nearly swallowed his own tongue.
Thousands. Brian must have spent thousands to own a computer that he truly had little use for. It was an artist’s computer. You couldn’t go online with it. You couldn’t play games on it. You could only produce art. And when the technician called Vanguard a few days later needing Gardner to sign off on the upgrades in the art department, Gardner was given another side of who Brian Kinney was when he learned that the man had spent another thousand dollars to have the computer in his loft upgraded.
Carefully worded questions told of a loft that was immaculately decorated; of white Italian leather and chrome accents. A real showcase; Gardner had expected nothing less from his partner. What he hadn’t expected, however, was the description of a dusty desk. Of a computer that when turned on to install the upgrades, showed a partially completed digital painting of unparalleled talent. The tech had said that Brian had asked for the rendering to be saved; that they weren’t finished.
They. It was telling how much Brian had revealed in that simple sentence. An artist’s computer, which sat on a dusty desk. A lover who had left him for another man. But Brian had said that they weren’t finished. And then one afternoon, Gardner learned more about Brian Kinney than he ever thought possible. His nanny had been right – once you knew, your entire world was tilted on its axis, and nothing was ever the same again.
He had needed the pre-presentation that Brian had been working on to answer questions that the Iconics representatives had; they weren’t willing to wait to speak to Brian himself, and Gardner had headed for Brian’s office while muttering about having to babysit temperamental clients. And as he rounded the corner, he had seen a slim blond talking to Cynthia. The young man had his back to Gardner, but the tension in his shoulders was telling, as was the way he twitched slightly when he asked to speak to Brian.
He didn’t stay long after learning that Brian wasn’t in the office. He simply walked away with his shoulders hunched and his chin lowered as Cynthia picked up the phone and frantically punched in a phone number. But as the blond went to step into the elevator, he glanced over his shoulder, and Gardner caught sight of his face.
And in that moment, everything that Gardner thought he knew about Brian Kinney changed. He knew that young man; he knew him well enough to trust him with what Gardner considered to be his most beloved creation. And as he approached Cynthia’s desk, he caught the tail end of the voice mail she was leaving as she, too, stared after the blond.
“… he’s pretty upset. He said to tell you that ignorance is bliss, and that you should have remained blissful. I don’t know where he’s headed, Brian, but…look, can you call me back? Thanks.”
Cynthia herself was pretty upset; known for her ice queen persona, to see her blinking rapidly had Gardner changing direction mid-step and letting himself into Brian’s office without comment. The folder for Iconics was sitting on Brian’s desk. Letting his eyes travel over the space properly for the first time, Gardner had admired the large painting that hung behind Brian’s desk, and the way that his personality was reflected in the clean lines of the furniture.
And as his hand had drifted to the desk drawer and pulled it open briefly while he opened the folder with the other, only Gardner would ever know that Brian kept a silver framed photograph of a laughing toddler being held by a smiling blond youth tucked safely out of sight. He stared at the framed photograph for a minute before slowly closing the drawer and returning his attention back to the folder in front of him.
And when Cynthia walked into Brian’s office a few minutes later, she would quietly tell Brian that Gardner had been on the phone reassuring Iconics that Brian was well on track with their campaign and they had nothing to worry about. That Gardner had full faith in his partner’s capabilities, and that the campaign he was designing was some of his best work. That Gardner had hung up the phone and shrugged when Cynthia had met his steady gaze before muttering that he hated babysitting clients who couldn’t wait until the following day for an answer.
Back in his own office, Gardner had sat at his desk and stared into space for several minutes before he had reached out and picked up his phone. An hour later, he had all the answers he needed and was wishing that he didn’t. He had learned about a relationship that had lasted nearly two years. About a young blond man who had lived with Brian before their relationship had ended four months ago. Another discreet inquiry told him that Brian was in therapy with a clinical psychologist who specialized in depression. And as the facets of Brian Kinney’s persona shifted again, Gardner began to pay closer attention.
Gardner learned more over the coming weeks; he learned about a young man who was suffering from debilitating depression, and an ex-lover who was seeking therapy to try and understand the how’s and why’s. That the same young man had been admitted to the hospital after he had tried taking his own life five months earlier. After learning of that fact, Gardner saw yet another side to his business partner as he began to piece together the timeline of watching Brian change, and adding in these new facts. And as more information reached his ears and he learned that the same young man had been re-admitted to the hospital, Gardner wished like hell he had been more open to meeting Brian Kinney instead of listening to rumors about his reputation.
So here he sat with a business presentation that reeked of desperation, and a clearer picture of just who his colleague was outside of Vanguard’s walls. And when Brian was shown to his office, despite being impeccably dressed, he couldn’t quite hide his anxiety as he sat down. Gardner knew that Brian had expected to have this meeting in one of the conference rooms, but as Gardner watched him, he was relieved that he had chosen the privacy of his own office as Brian began to speak.
“Thanks for seeing me, Gardner. I wanted to talk to you about internships.”
Gardner simply nodded, and as Brian began to talk, he slowly relaxed as he relayed the facts to Gardner: that taking on an intern would be cost effective, and that it would give the art department a much-needed creative boost. And when Gardner asked if Brian had someone in mind, he simply nodded before talking about a young man who was a second-year student at PIFA. Who had a Grade A average and was remarkably talented. Who wanted to pursue computer animation as a career.
Pride; the man was proud of what his younger lover had accomplished at school, and he couldn’t hide it from his voice, or conceal the way his eyes glowed as he spoke about a driven young man. He talked about working credits, and as Gardner steepled his fingers under his chin, Brian finally fell silent and looked at Gardner with barely masked hope.
“We use a state-of-the-art computer program here, Brian,” he began.
Brain nodded. “The young man I am thinking about is well-versed in the use of these programs, Gardner,” he said quietly as Gardner tilted his head slightly.
“Why did Justin have to learn how to use that type of computer?” he asked softly, and Brian’s eyes jerked up towards him in open shock.
For a long moment, complete silence pressed in on them from all sides. And when Brian’s eyes narrowed dangerously, Gardner reached out and slowly turned the silver framed photograph on his desk towards him. The photograph was a posed school portrait; it showed a youth with large grey eyes and silky black hair, and as Brian’s eyes flicked between the photograph and Gardner, Gardner finally shrugged and tapped the top of the frame with his index finger.
“My son… Tommy.”
Understanding slowly crossed Brian’s face, and he gestured towards the photograph.
“Justin’s Tommy?”
Gardner rested his hands on the desk as Brian’s eyes flicked between his face and the photograph of his son. And when he finally shook his head, Gardner rose to his feet and crossed the wet bar that was set into the wall. Pouring a shot of Chivas Regal into two glasses, Gardner set the cut crystal decanter back and then moved back to his desk. Handing Brian one of the glasses, Gardner took a sip from his own before he spoke quietly.
“I knew that Tommy was gay long before he told me himself. When my wife was dying from breast cancer, we spoke for a long time about what to do when she passed. The one thing that we agreed upon was that Tommy would never have to fear coming out to us or facing a family who didn’t support him. I don’t think Tommy ever told his mother that he was gay; but by the time he had gained enough courage to tell me, I had already educated myself as much as I could without pulling him out of the closet before he was ready.
“I chose to take over the Ryder agency because of where it was situated. I needed a home base for Tommy, even though I know his plans are to graduate early and move to New York so that he can attend Tisch. I needed to know that I was close enough to get to him quickly, without him feeling like he was being babied as he took the steps he needed to start his life. It was the same reason that I explored Liberty Avenue before I even started my takeover bid for this place.
“If I hadn’t found Boytoy; if I hadn’t known that Ari took thorough care of the young gays who go to his club on a Monday, I would have looked elsewhere. Nothing in my life, Brian, means more to me than my son. I could lose this place tomorrow, and I wouldn’t care. If he’s safe and happy, then the rest of it could go up in flames and I would walk away with a smile on my face.”
Gardner picked his glass up and took another sip. Brian kept his silence as he stared at Gardner, and he sighed as he set his glass back down and steepled his fingers together while he continued to speak.
“The first time I let Tommy go to Boytoy, I sat outside the club in my car the entire time he was there. We had talked about the rules I expected him to follow; he wasn’t to leave the club without letting me know where he was going first, and he wasn’t to go anywhere with anyone he didn’t know. I didn’t even have to ask him not to take drugs from strangers, because Tommy treats his body like a temple.
“When ten p.m. rolled around, I saw Tommy walk out of the club with some blond kid. The guy had his arm around Tommy’s shoulders, and Tommy was laughing as he looked for me. And when he pointed me out, the young man walked him over to the car and introduced himself. Said his name was Justin Taylor; he just wanted to make sure that Tommy had a lift home. He squeezed Tommy’s shoulder and said that if Tommy had enjoyed himself at Boytoy, then he would look out for Tommy the following week.”
Gardner sighed and dropped his eyes to his glass as he shook his head.
“The following week, Tommy went back to Boytoy, and I once more spent the next three hours sitting in the car. Come ten p.m., Justin walked him out and over to me. This time, however, Tommy had Justin’s phone number, and Justin told Tommy that if he needed to talk or if he wanted some advice on choosing a school, to give him a call. And every week without fail after that, Brian, Justin would walk Tommy out to my car.
“I asked Tommy after a couple of weeks if he and Justin were dating, but Tommy just laughed and said no. He said that Justin looked after him while he’s at Boytoy; that they dance and talk, and that Justin had made Tommy promise him several things. That he wouldn’t ever go anywhere with a stranger, without letting someone else know first. That he wouldn’t ever accept a drink from someone unless it was unopened.
“That he wouldn’t ever go home with someone he didn’t know, and that he would never let anyone make him feel like he was nothing more than a pretty face. I never thought that they were anything more than friends. I knew they were close; I knew that Justin looked out for him. I knew that Tommy thought that Justin was invincible. But then one night, Tommy called me from Boytoy and said that Justin was in the hospital, and he was going to go to the diner with a man named Emmett who was good friends with Justin.”
Brian’s gaze jerked upwards from where it had been trained on the table, and Gardener managed to smile when he saw the look on Brian’s face.
“I waited for Tommy to call me again, but instead of Justin walking Tommy out to my car, he was delivered by a man who towered over him and redefined the word gay in my head. Tommy was really subdued on the way home, and when we got there, he told me what he had learned. That his friend had been readmitted to the hospital, and that this kid he thought was king of the world was suffering from clinical depression.
“To say my son was rattled, Brian, is an understatement. We spent several hours that night talking about what Justin had said to him in the past, and how things that hadn’t made sense at the time now did. I hadn’t seen Tommy cry since he lost his Mama. But he cried that night; I saw my son turn into a man between me dropping him off at Boytoy and picking him up at the diner a few hours later.
“Emmett picked Tommy up from school the following day and took him to see Justin. After that, it was me who would take Tommy to see him. I never went inside the unit. I always waited outside, so that Justin and Tommy could have some privacy. And after I saw you heading in there one afternoon, I continued to wait outside so that you could keep your own privacy, without ever running into me in the corridors.”
Brian looked away as Gardner finished his drink, and when he leaned forward Brian finally looked back towards him.
“I have been lucky enough to see Justin’s work in the past, Brian, when Tommy toured PIFA; Justin met up with us and he showed Tommy the painting he was working on while we were there. So, I know how talented he is. My question is, why does he need to use the computer when he is able to produce the art that he does?”
Brian blew out a harsh breath, and Gardner felt the first slow roll of deep sympathy for the man.
“Brian; no one, and I do mean no one, outside this office knows what is going on with Justin, and if they do, it isn’t because I told them. I’m not judging either one of you. Justin is my son’s friend. You are my business partner. And I will do whatever it takes to protect your privacy, including sacking staff who are gossiping about you over coffee.
“I have known about you and Justin for a while now. I have known about what he is going through, and what you are going through. I know that you are in therapy, and that he is also, no doubt, in therapy himself. And while I might not have spoken to you about this before today, what I did do, was look into the insurance that’s a part of your salary package to make sure you were covered properly.”
Brian reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose, and when he finally spoke Gardner could hear the underlying anger and misery reflected in his voice as humiliation swept through him over the realization that Gardner knew his personal business.
“Justin has brain damage,” he said finally. “It causes his hand to cramp when he uses it for too long, or if he is trying to make his hand work the way it used to for the finer details. I got him the computer after he started at PIFA when he was talking about dropping out because of the trouble he was still having with his hand. His dexterity is a lot better than it used to be, but he still struggles, especially if he’s tired.”
“Was he in an accident?” Gardner asked, and Brian raised his hand to his mouth; sweat beaded across his upper lip as he slowly lost all color in his face, and he eventually shook his head.
“No,” he said hoarsely, and as the word left his mouth, Gardner swallowed hard.
“Then how does a healthy young man have brain damage, Brian?” he asked softly, and when Brian raised his eyes, Gardner saw the haunted look on his face.
“He, uh… a jock at his school took offense to the fact that Justin was gay. He came out in his senior year, and this jock was a closet case if I ever saw one. They, uh… they had a physical altercation in the locker room, and things slowly escalated from there until this kid followed Justin down into the parking garage after prom...”
Brian’s voice trailed off, and a haunted look crossed his face. Swallowing convulsively, his voice was barely audible when he spoke.
“He, uh… Hobbs hit him. He…” Brian shook his head slightly, and he dragged his hand down over his mouth. “He came at Justin from behind, and he… he hit him in the head with a baseball bat.”
Brian’s chin dropped, and he chewed on his lower lip as an unsteady breath escaped his mouth. Gardner finally nodded when he realized that Brian couldn’t articulate any further what had happened, and he deliberately opened the folder on his desk.
“You know that the pay for an internship isn’t good, Brian, and considering that he is working night shift at BP, that is quite a monetary difference,” Gardner said briskly, and when Brian’s eyes snapped back towards him with barely concealed hunger, Gardner sighed as he wondered what else Brian didn’t know about the young man he so obviously loved.
“I’m, uh… willing to personally make up the difference…” Brian managed, but Gardner shook his head.
“No. Justin isn’t stupid, Brian; he would know what the going rate is for an internship, and if we offered him one that was higher than normal, he’d smell it a mile off.”
Brian blew out a soft breath but then nodded.
“He needs to know that he can do this on his own,” he said finally. “He needs to know that I’ll respect his decisions; that I’m not trying to… to interfere. I can’t be the one to offer this to him, Gardner. He’ll say no, just for the sake of saving his pride.”
Brian closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose as he sank dejectedly into his seat. Gardner remained silent as he watched Brian fight to gather his thoughts, and when Brian finally opened his eyes again, Gardner sat forward.
“I spoke to PIFA this morning; if offered an internship, Brian, the school is willing to combine Justin’s days into two full school days and three on-site work days. But there are strict conditions applied to this from both sides that he must adhere to. Those are hard lines, Brian, and if not followed, the internship will be dissolved immediately.”
“And those are?” Brian asked, and Gardner smiled grimly.
“He has to maintain an A grade average in all classes. No time off unless he produces a documented medical excuse. He also must continue therapy; I’m looking into ways of making it possible for him to get insurance with us, so that he can cover the cost better. I’m also thinking of combining the internship with freelance work. He’ll get the scholastic credits he needs, and we can pad out the monetary side of it there.”
Folding his hands, Gardner fixed his eyes on Brian’s face and then spoke flatly.
“As for here, it is quite simple, Brian. If Justin accepts an internship, he will intern under Murphy, and he will report to me. You will have no say in his duties here. You won’t work on any campaigns with him, and if there are any disciplinary instances, you will have zero say in what happens. I have absolutely no problem with you spending your lunch hour with him, but outside of that, during work hours, you will maintain your distance. Am I making myself clear?”
When Brian cleared his throat, Gardner leaned forward.
“I like Justin, Brian. I like him a lot. He’s been nothing but good to my son, and I want to be able to return that favor to him. But this is business for me; and while I am agreeable in going to bat for you, and willing to do whatever it takes to help you, I will not have it disrupt my company.”
Brian finally nodded, and when Gardner held his hand out, Brian’s grasp was firm. Rising to his feet, Brian turned to leave the room before Gardner spoke again.
“I already have Justin’s current phone number. I’ll call him this afternoon, and organize a meeting.”
Brian nodded again, but before he left the office, his voice whispered through the air.
“Thank you.”
Gardner looked up, but all he saw was Brian’s shadow as he walked away. Smiling to himself, Gardner reached out and picked up the phone. No, he hadn’t liked Brian Kinney when he had first met him. But this man? This man he could see himself liking. Dialing the number that he had memorized some time ago, Gardner leaned back in his chair and waited for the phone to be answered.
When Justin did answer, and Gardner identified himself, Justin’s first question was to ask if Tommy was all right. After reassuring the young man that he was, Gardner went on to explain why he was calling. And as expected, Justin’s confusion turned into anger that had him flatly refusing what he called charity. But when Gardner laughed, Justin fell silent and he listened as Gardner laid it all out for him. The terms of the internship, and the conditions that applied.
It was only after Gardner had explained the rules that were in place for his working days at Vanguard that Justin spoke. His voice shook slightly as he asked if those rules had been explained to Brian, and when Gardner said yes, Justin blew out an unsteady breath. It took Gardner a further half-hour to convince Justin to come in; to sit down with him, and at least what the internship would entail. But when Justin finally agreed, Gardner smiled as he made an appointment to meet with him the following day.
After ending the call, Gardner sat back in his chair and smiled again. While he was ruthless when it came to business, at the end of the day, he was a simple man. Family always came first. And maybe, just maybe, he could help heal the fracture in Brian’s family.