KINNETIC - FRIDAY MORNING

MAIN CONFERENCE ROOM

CYNTHIA

They have been bickering about that board since yesterday evening. Cumfuch signed, as of course they would, but now they are arguing the finer points of being obvious and not! Justin wants the condom to be less prominent, as in peeking out of the pocket of the jeans, but Brian is arguing against it. Of course he’s right, but Justin is being stubborn, insisting that it looks better buried in the model’s bush.

“It’s too obvious there!” Justin declares, picking up from exactly where they left off.

“It’s supposed to be obvious…” Brian growls. “It’s a condom advert! The days of tiptoeing around fucking are long gone!”

“I am not saying that it shouldn’t be prominent, but why does it have to be there? If it must be somewhere around there can’t it be in the waistband of…”

“No. It. Can’t.” Brian spits out. “And since when…”

“I have a right to my opinion, before you since when anything!” He blazes.

“Justin…” Murph tries, like last night, to defuse the situation. “...Brian, maybe we can have both boards and then…”

“NO!” They both shout at him.

“Now just a minute!” He shouts back. “I was going to say, let’s take it to a vote.”

“Fine. But no threatening of job removal!” Justin scowls. “And that includes mine!”

“Which job am I supposedly threatening you with removal from? The one you are hired to do, which is draw what I ask you to! Or the Arbitrator of Taste and Decency?!”

“I can’t believe you just fucking said that!” Justin hollers. “After all...well do it your way, and just so you know, you suck!”

“And you swallow so it evens out!” Brian bellows back.

And then there is silence...complete silence as the enormity of what Brian has just said reverberates around the room.

“I…” Justin begins before putting the board down quietly and walking out.

I look across at Ted and give a small wink. It worked, now all he has to do is explain to Justin!

FABULICIOUS FOODS - THREE HOURS LATER

EMMETT

“For heaven sake stop snivelling!” Darren berates me. “They are going to be fine!”

“Oh, I know that!” I sniff and dab my eyes. “It’s what he’s asked me to make, it’s so, so and I mean so sweet! And typical Kinney!”

“What is it?” He frowns and then pouts. “Surely you can tell me now? Since you wouldn't let me help with it.”

“I can’t, I promised not so show. And I never break a promise, especially one to him. But you can taste. Will that bring a smile to your face?”

“Yes!” He grins and takes a spoon to the bowl, for a few minutes he chews and looks thoughtful. “You know what? I need to get a partner, so I can piss him off and you can tell me how to cook that as an apology!”

“I know right!” I taste it again and add a bit of salt. “But no. Nobody but them will get the recipe, again I promised.”

“Oh for goodness sake, Ems, pull yourself together!” He chuckles and hands me another tissue.

KINNETIC - AN HOUR LATER

ARTISTS FLOOR

JUSTIN

I walk back to my desk with my head down. After that humiliating display I am not speaking to him. He didn’t have to be like that. Thankful that everyone is busy at the moment, I make my way quickly to my desk and come to a stop.

“Wh…” I stutter.

“So there’s them, the box and the note. So stroke, then read the note and then open the box.” Cyn orders and she’s smiling.

“I don’t…” I begin looking at the bouquet and box on my desk and then at the envelope with familiar scrawl on it.

“Start stroking Mr Slim.” Brian is leaning against the wall and you can hear a pin drop in the next county.

“Justin. The note.” She prompts gently and with a trembling hand I reach for it and tear it open.

I start to read and then laugh. “Gotta admit that you did it with inimitable style, so you two were in on it?” I look at Cyn and Ted and they nod.

“Three.” Murph grins at me.

“And four if you count Emmett. So care to share with the rest of the class?” He drawls.

I poke my tongue out at him and clear my throat. “Mr Tempestuous, I think that is also what I will call you from now on. I know you don’t eat when you’re upset, so figured you hadn’t eaten in a while…” I look at the box.

“Finish reading, Mr Slim.” Brian orders quietly.

“Bossy britches!” I declare and go back to reading. “I am not one for great declarations, but since I told the Avenue, I thought it best that everyone here makes absolutely no mistake, you are my partner. Anyone that pisses off my partner, apart from me of course, will be in deep - and I mean deep - shit. I will try not to play favourites, but just look at him. He has decided to love me and I love him back. He is my prince and I am his frog...who he accepts, sometimes, warts and all!”

I hear a sniff and look across at Kelly. “Don’t please. I’m barely…”

“Come here, Kermit.” I look up and find he’s standing right in front of me but I shake my head, he sighs knowingly. “Okay, I shouldn’t have said the swallow thing. Now will you come here?”

“Can we come to a compromise on the board?” His eyebrows shoot up. “Wait, don’t explode, have it there but not so much bush? Maybe do up a couple of buttons? Or even have a zip part way down.”

He sighs again. “One button. Has to be button fly, you lose the impact with a zip.”

“Okay.”

“Okay? Is that it? Are we done with the condom thing?”

“Ribbit.” I whisper, then he swoops down to kiss me and the office explodes with cheering.

Five minutes later, he lets me breathe. “Tell me they’ve made up so I can do the rest?!” I hear Emmett shout.

“They’ve made up!” Cyn shouts back discreetly wiping her eyes. “Now open that lovely smelling thing!”

Carefully I lift the lid of the Fabulicious box and just gape at it. “Oh wow! What’s that smell?

“Duck, goats cheese and corn topping for a pizza is inside.” He grins.

“You...you remembered!”

“Yes. The low roar of thunder and slight pout when they had run out cemented it in my memory.” He laughs and I almost snatch it back from Emmett when he takes it off my desk and starts to walk away. “We’re going to eat in my office.”

“The food, not each other!” Murph calls out. “We have a pitch at 4pm and I need him to draw up the boards.”

“Yes, boss!” Brian calls back, and pushes me in front of him.

BRIAN’S OFFICE - TWO MINUTES LATER

BRIAN

“You are kidding me?!” He exclaims as he sees two cocktail glasses on the table. “If that is Nutella Martini you are in a sweet load of trouble.”

“Oh, what is my little Tigger going to do to his Big Bad Bear?”

“Ahem...still setting up here!” Emmett titters. “At least let me out before you start on the food or each other!”

“Out, Honeycutt!” I demand.

“Going, Triple B!” He snorts and shuts the door behind him.

“Now where were…” I rest my head on top of his. “...seriously, have at the frog! But take a picture of it first, I think that Gus…”

“Oh for crying out loud!” He sniffs and bursts into tears.

“You are such a twat!” I hold him and reach for napkins.

“Your twat.” He snivels.

“That never leaves this room!”

FABULICIOUS - SATURDAY MORNING

EMMETT

I stare transfixed at Hopper. “Say that again. He said what?”

“When he swaggered in to collect the rest of his detritus he said that they are living life high on the hog, and to tell Mel to have his daughter ready for a visit at the diner on Saturday.”

I look at Vic and he is looking as fucked off as I am! “We need to end this shit! Get them over here, let them think that what they think is happening is happening. Tell Mel and Ben to take the kids as far away from the Avenue as they can. It’s a public holiday on Monday and Tuesday, let’s have one as the Novotny No More Day! And the other…!”

“Okay, now calm down, Vic.” I order. “You go back to the house, and by house I mean Brian’s. Seriously, take him up on the offer to get away from here for a few days and I’ll sort this out, alright?”

“Yes. I think I need time away just to clear my head.” He sighs and gathers his coat. “Can…”

“I will call Brian and he will send Daph to pick you up and take you there.” I seethe at the stress these two have put him under with constant calls, which he’s not answered, and the like. I quickly send Brian a text, I know that he is with Gus, so won’t really want to be disturbed, but this is about his dad. “Hey Brian.” I sigh as he immediately calls me. “Look, can you send Daph to...yeah my place and then to yours. Perfect. Oh, and can you tell Mel and Ben not to be at the house over the public holidays, you neither, get off the Avenue. Take Del and Carl with you.” I snicker at his next question. “Yes, and of course Justin, I thought that was a given!” I laugh harder when he abruptly hangs up.

“Oh Shanda!” I call out the back where he is icing a cake. “I need you to do the Avenue a favour!”

DEBS AND MICHAEL’S NEW HOME - SATURDAY AFTERNOON

DEBS

I briskly shut the curtains and fume. That Mami and her friends have been casting dirty looks at the house ever since we moved in here! And as for Precious she is still smarting from Michael’s arsiness, but it’s okay with the money he got from the store, I am looking to move away from here, maybe around where Mel and the kiddies are going to be! We tried to get the contract voided but we would’ve ended up owing him money! Michael is still sulking about the loss of his collectibles...seems that he got shafted at a swap and lost a good few bucks on them.

And as for that father issue again I have never experienced such humiliation! First having to change it and then, of course, there was the cost of getting it changed. That being said, Danny wants nothing to do with him, having met him just the once. It is funny how many people say that and he never picks up on his little jokes not being funny to some people...I get them as we share the same sense of humour. Other people...not so much!

I can hear my phone, but it takes me a while to locate it and I am surprised when I see it is Darren. Now him I have time for, he was virtually the only one of the Avenue residents who didn’t badmouth us or surround Brian.

“Darren!” I beam down the phone at him. “How’s my darling Shanda?! Good. Good. What?! What did you say?! Michael! Michael get down here!” I bellow but he doesn’t make a sound from his room. So I rush upstairs and burst through the door.

“MA!” He screams as he pulls the sheet back over his naked body.

“For crying out loud! Lock the door the next time you are doing that!” I shriek and rush back out again! “Shanda, can you give me a second...need to clear an image!” I take some calming breaths and shudder again. “Okay am back!” I listen very carefully and when I put the phone down I punch the air. “Oh yes the Queen of the Avenue is back! Michael! They want us to come on Monday, Brian has something to say to us!”

FABULICIOUS - 10 MINUTES LATER

DARREN

I am inhaling the duck mix and trying to glare Emmett’s smirk off of his face.

“So is your mind a little less...um...frightened?” He queries spooning another portion into the bowl.

“She told him to lock the door next time he is doing that! And he screamed really loudly…”

“It doesn’t necessarily follow that he was doing…” He trails off as I pause in my eating, I just point at the bowl. “This is your last helping. Now finish that spoonful and tell me what you told her.”

I take my time chewing until he gets the face, so swallow quickly. “Told her that the Avenue and Brian realise what they have done and want to show them how they should’ve been treated.” I twist my lip in disgust. “You should’ve heard her at the end. Oh yes the Queen of the Avenue is back she shouted...silly old relic.”

“An old relic, who not only confirmed the gayness of a guy but also said guy makes a better woman than her!”

And this is why Emmett is the true Bitch Queen of the Avenue!

JUSTIN’S TOWNHOUSE - EVENING

LOUNGE

JUSTIN

I stare at the glass dubiously. “And this is called?” I take it like it is a bomb.

“For fuck sake, Tigger!” I try not to grin too hard as he hardly ever calls me Justin when we are alone, and he gets that little smile when I call him Bear. “It’s Black Velvet. Guinness and champagne, now just taste it!”

I sniff the glass and then take a sip, and my eyes light up. “Oh, that is gorgeous!” I take another sip. We’re end to end on the sofa and despite saying no work, we’re are working on a couple of pitches. Because of the public holidays and the meetings being on Thursday we only have Wednesday to fix anything his lordship doesn’t like!

“Did you get the recipe off of Emmett?”

“Yeah. So what’s the next pitch?” I ask him, sliding my hand up his pants to stroke his calf, which elicits a toe curl and smile.

“Cow Nose to Tail.” He sighs, and returns the stroking.

“So what are you thinking?”

He looks up and then back at the paper he’s holding. “How the fuck I can make a whole cow sexy? Especially the tail, the oxtail - maybe I can add a ‘c’ to the front with a hyphen to make it sound like cox and...oh that’s a food face. What is it?”

I have heard of oxtail but never had it so I decide to multitask and start to check out recipes. I completely tuned him out, but on hearing food face am back in the room. “That looks gorgeous! Look at that!” I turn my pad to face him.

“Jesus! That would feed me for about three days!” He takes the pad from me and starts to read. “Four hours! You need to cook it for that long. But it does look nice, have you ever had it?”

“No. And there are dumplings too!”

“Come on, focus on the pitch not the food. Let’s make this look good.”

“Yes, Bear. But first need to piss.” I run to the bathroom.

BRIAN

I grab my phone while keeping an eye on the door. “Cici, it’s Brian, can you text me your email address? I need to send you a recipe that I want to cook for Justin, and...and I want to do a test run first. Thanks. Bye.”

I look at the recipe again, and then have a thought about next weekend. Everyone that matters is now coming to the house for dinner on Friday afternoon. Vic has been at the house getting some rest, and Ben has been with him. Since he is insisting on coming back to the Pitts, I am going to suggest that he lives there, knowing them the way I do now, if they think he is at the Loft or their old place they will plague him.

“As much as I love champagne, it goes right through me!” Tigger chuckles as he retakes his seat. “Where were we?”

“Forgetting about sexy cows, and asking you to take Friday afternoon off.”

“Okay, but why?”

“Dinner. At the house with Mel, Ben, Carl, Del and the kids, oh, and Tyson. Gus is rather keen to see his Jussin. He also has a plot point he wants to discuss.” He grins at me. “Okay, Ben and I want to do a tiny tweak and thought it would come across better if Gus said it.”

“Twat!” He snickers.

DEBS’S AND MICHAEL’S HOUSE - MONDAY MORNING

DEBS

I put down the phone, Shanda called, bless him...I mean her...just double checking that we are still coming. As I want to get there as soon as possible to show them that I am ready to take back my reign as the Queen Mother of the Avenue, I know I have to face the hell that is Michael’s room and mardiness!

“Michael.” I bellow upstairs, he yells something I don’t understand. “Get your ass in gear!  We’re going back to the Avenue. We’ve been away from it for a couple weeks, and now they are welcoming us back, having seen the error of their oh so considerable ways!”

Michael stomps down the stairs in his dirty jeans and the t-shirt he’s been wearing for days now. I look at him and think: no wonder that not a single decent guy will give him a second look.. Just look at the state of him. So I roll up my sleeves, grab his arm and drag him up the stairs.

“Maaaa!” He whines. “What the fuck?”

I yank open the bathroom door, push him inside and growl at him: “Get yourself cleaned up! Wash your hair and for God’s sake brush your teeth! You stink like a billy goat in heat.” I slam the bathroom door and wait till I hear the water running and yell. “I will put some clothes on the bed for you to wear. I want to make a good impression when we return to the Avenue.”

Half an hour later he comes downstairs, finally clean and dressed in a decent pair of trousers and a clean button down shirt.

“Much better!” I declare. “Now, the first port of call is the Loft. He has to escort us and then when it’s just us, he has to put everything back the way it was. I know…” I stop him before he can bitch about his store...again. “...the store is gone, but he helped you with this one and so he can help you with another one. Now let’s go!”

Finally his gleam and smile, where Brian is concerned, is back on his face, so I toss him his coat and we leave for the Avenue.

THE LOFT - AN HOUR LATER

GRAHAM

“So where is he?!” Michael demands, leaning against the table and digging his nail into the desk and leaving a mark. He looks at me challengingly. “You will answer the question, I mean you were part of the dismissal committee that owes us an apology and keys. Brian said you have to give us keys.”

“At the diner. With the keys.” I manage to suppress my gag and laugh reflex as he looks both surprised that his lie worked and smug. “So, is there anything else you need to know here?”

“No.” He states, and straightens up. “Enjoy your last day. You are going to be the first of many changes!”

“Oh, okay, I understand. And I will try to enjoy my day as best I can.”

He snorts and then heads to his gurning and preening mother, who had stood outside the loft waving at passersby. Once the door closes I reach for my phone but then start to laugh, it takes a few minutes for me to stop. “Ems, it’s Graham, they are on their way.”

DEBS

This is more like it! As we walk towards the diner, people smile and wave, the very same people who were traitorous before are falling back into line! I have decided to stop in each and every shop on the way to make sure that they know that we forgive them!

LIBERTY AVENUE DINER - TWO MINUTES LATER

EMMETT

The diner is buzzing. I walk over to Kiki and tell her: “They are on their way here. They should be here in 45 minutes. Rally everybody and get them here and let them bring their goodies.” She grins and walks by every booth and along the counter, quickly people fly out the door and phone calls are being made.

Within 30 minutes the place is packed and tension is rising. A group of Meathook members are huddled in the corner. I see several cartons being collected and put in the back with all the other “goodies” in the courtyard waiting to be “offered” to our Queen and her bastard prince. Just before they should be arriving, the door opens and in come those lovely old ladies. How did they call themselves? The Gaggle? They see me in the gang’s regular booth and make their way over.

“Hello, young man, I’m Cici, not sure we were introduced. You are Emmett and I have an oxtail favour to ask you which can wait until later.” Cici says, kisses my cheek and sits down beside me. “Do you mind if we join you?” The other ladies scoot into the booth. They are giggling like schoolgirls. Can’t wait for the fun to begin…

LIBERTY AVENUE

DEBS

As I look behind me I see the people of the Avenue following, all holding boxes. I really do feel like a queen on parade. When the diner comes into sight, I gasp. There is a red carpet and a courtier on either side. “Michael!” I gasp.

“I see it, Ma, this is what should have happened!” He gloats then bows and gestures that I should go ahead. With a curtsey I head up the carpet and can’t resist the wave to the assembled crowd.

“Ladies, gentlemen, sometimes gentlemen and freaks!” Michael shouts. “I should thank you for finally coming to your senses, but I won’t. Suffice to say that the Queen and I are back and we are never leaving. So, what we have decreed Brian will enforce. Ma, let’s go take your crown!”

We head  inside and the diner is packed to the rafters, but I don’t see Vic or Brian.

“Where’s…”

“He wanted us to say what we needed to say first.” Kiki steps up to us.

“Ooh now He-She what do you have to say to us? I notice that Delusion is not here. So, as well as welcoming the Queen and his best friend back, has he also fired the fuckbuddy to my Ma’s ex and barred them?”

“Michael, you know we should not be saying such politically incorrect things. As the Queen of the Avenue, I love all my folks just like they love me. There are some people though who have some serious groveling to do before they are back in my good graces, the first on that list would be, Brian, of course. And I am really disappointed that he is not here. This behaviour surely doesn't put him off my shitlist anytime soon.”

“And he shouldn't be!” Michael continues. “He really behaved like some whiny little child and his supposed nervous breakdown was way too much created drama. Attention seeking much is all I can say about this. After all, I suffered enough pain and humiliation because of him. Therefore it was within my rights to have at least some revenge. So I chose the good old spare the rod, spoil the child! But I will overlook all of this and let him come back to his family of heart. He will have to leave his blonde living sex doll though, stop having contact with Del-fuckcunt-lores and seriously dump his so called father! As for my Uncle Vic...he stays my uncle and therefore has no time at all to act like his dad which was a joke anyway in my opinion. Blood family always comes first...unlucky for him!”

MAMI

“Oh for fuck sake!” I shout. “Let’s end this bullshit! Listen, Queen and Prince of Nowhere. I have never...and I have, as an FBI analyst, worked on some fuckers...never met such fuckers as you two! You pretended, oh yes you did, you pretended to love that dear sweet boy! You played on that kid’s insecurities, his fears and exploited it to your own ends. Well I say, that this shit ends now! All I did that night was help you out, but now I am going to say my piece, in fact the Gaggle is going to say their piece. One more word out of you your Majesty and I will ram this piece of tubing so hard up that dried up old twat of yours that you will feel it in the back of your throat!”

“And then I will pull it out of your throat and beat you to death with it!” Cici yells. “Wolvy shut the door.”

“What’s going on?” The Queen asks irritation showing on her face.

“Your welcome back meal is about to be served!” I retort. “Didn’t that fine-streak say he wanted to remove each and every trace of them?! And that includes the last place they were!”

DEBS

“And this is the last place that they will be!” Cici yells.

I have no idea what the old fossil is talking about! “What the fuck…” I stop as I am hit in the face with an egg. Wiping it off my face, I am about to say something when a putrid tomato hits me bang in my eye. “Ugh! Wha….uck!” I spit and almost choke as something hits me in the mouth.

“Ma!” Michael screams and I turn to look at him, but then my vision gets blurry and we are hit from every side by squelchy things. Although it doesn’t hurt to be hit by them, it stinks to high heaven! I try to make my way to the door, but slip and fall over and my ass hurts as it connects hard with the floor.

“Ma! Help me!” Michael’s whine is somewhat muffled as I have food in my ear. I turn to him and he looks like a living garbage can.

“Stop this nonsense immediately!” I demand as I stand up to rescue my son, but I am hit with another salvo of rotten tomatoes and some brown, slimy lettuce. “Whoever came up with this is dead to me!”

“EVERYONE STOP!” Emmett yells. “Let her speak!”

“Thank you Emmett!” I snarl and wipe my face as best I can. “How dare you treat us like this? I was always like a mother to you and treated you with respect and loved you and this is how you repay me? I should have let you to rot on the street as your own blood did! That's what you would have deserved!”

“You loved them like a Mother?” Kiki yells, her hand dangerously close to a bucket of what looks and smells like rotten eggs. ”Sure! Just like you loved Brian! Just like you treated Brian! Do you want more repayment? There is still lots of stuff that wants to be thrown!”

“Michael!” I shout and then cringe as yet again he hits the floor in an effort to get up. “For fuck sake you are a Novotny!” I bellow as I stride up to him to help him up.

“He’s a DeVore!” Darren yells. “I saw to that! And you are a Grassi! And if I could have got you expunged from that name I would’ve done that as well!”

“Da...Shand...why?!” I gasp.

“Because of what you are, who you are and what you did!” He replies, and before I can say anything he hurls something in my face that tastes like rancid cum!

“STOP IT FOR FUCK SAKE!” Emmett shouts and everything goes quiet and still. “Get him up.”

I pause at the tone in his voice. “Why are you…”

“And get out. This…” He waves his arm around the diner. “...is the final fuck off and goodbye from here. Now get lost!” I look at who I considered one of my lost boys, and he is staring back at me with a coldness I have never seen before, not even on that night. “I said get lost.”

“Emm…”

“Mr Honeycutt.” He clips out and then points to the door. “Go now. Or....” He gestures to the buckets and tubs. “...get the rest of this!”

“Ma!” Michael whines. “Come on, let’s get out of here. We can deal with these cumstains later!”

I just nod. I can’t speak because if I do they will hear the tears that are clogging my throat, I swallow them down and again get that taste. As I follow him out, I realise that they hate me!

MICHAEL

As we step out, I start to slick the shit they threw at us off of me.

“Oh, I wouldn’t do that if I were you!” A voice yells and I look up and it’s Granger. “Ready everyone!” I look down the street and on one side it is lined by everyone that followed us up.

“Michael!” Ma hisses and starts to tug on my arm.

“What is going…” I am cut off by a flurry of stinking stuff hitting us. “Ma! Run!” I scream and take off.

DEBS AND MICHAEL’S HOUSE - THREE HOURS LATER

LOUNGE

DEBS

It took us two hours to walk back here because no cab or bus would take us. I have finally got clean and Michael is in the bathroom now.

I take a sip of the brandy I poured to settle my nerves, and finally allow the tears to fall. But they are not tears of anger, no they are tears of pity, for me, for, and I will never admit this to anyone but myself...tears for Brian. True, I should never have done it, and I would’ve killed anyone that did that to Michael, but he just made me so angry all the time. Michael suffered so much because of his love for him, and all he had to do was love him back, yet he always acted like loving Michael was something abhorrent to him. Or he thought it was the most ridiculous thing to happen. Like he thought he could get better. There is nobody better than my Michael. Nobody! Especially not this fucking blonde twink he publicly declared to love like he’s some great award he never thought he’d win. What always angered me the most was that he not only refused to love Michael, but that he always threw it in my face how much better he was than my baby! The way he talked, dressed, the way he succeeded, both in school and jobwise, despite everything that happened! If Michael stubbed his toe he took to his bed for a week!.

Just looking at him made me realise how I failed as a mother, every fucking time! So I made him suffer. And boy did he suffer! I wonder how his mother is doing? I may just find out and let her know what her son has been saying about her...because there is nobody that could rattle that asshole like his mom! I think it's time for me to attend the early mass tomorrow…

http://www.dartagnan.com/duck-corn-and-goat-cheese-flatbread-pizza-recipe.html

https://www.sainsburysmagazine.co.uk/recipes/drinks/nutella-martinis