FEASTING OF THE ASSES...ONE GOOD BUT THE REST BAD VERY BAD...PART 1!

BRIAN AND JUSTIN’S ROOM

JUSTIN

Slowly I lower his legs from my shoulders and kiss my way up to his fluttering eyelids. We are a beautiful mess at the moment, but soon we need to have a shower.

“Think that’s going in her spank bank?” He mumbles as I settle down on his chest.

I look up at him and he’s got that devilish grin on his face. I smile about what happened almost 20 minutes ago. I had just opened him up and was about to sink into heaven when Mel came in, she just stared, her face was a mix of fascinated and mortified.

“Maybe, but it is definitely going in mine!” I decree.

“What time is it?” He flails an arm out, cursing as he knocks his phone on the floor, then he clears his throat

“What?”

“You fucked me into oblivion and now have me pinned. It behooves you to pick that up.”

“Behooves is it?” I grouse, kissing him on his sternum before reaching down to get it. “There you go you fine, but flacc...languid fellow.”

“Were you just about to call me flaccid?”

“Maybe. Why? Does that cause a problem for you? For it is a true description of yourself at this moment.”

“Prefer satiated...flaccid sounds as disgusting as its definition.” He snickers. “I know you’ve been to Babylon, but have you heard of Duil Filcher?”

“Yes, everyone has heard of him, but nobody knows who it is. Do you?”

“Yes, of course, but before I tell you; you know there are two definitions of filcher? Of course you do, you are a genius! Well, this person is named after the negative one, and his first name is not French, but is a description of an emotion.” His eyes sparkle with fiendish delight, and his fingers tap a staccato tune that only he can hear on my butt. “Come on, Minestein, guess!”

“Alright, can I ask three questions first?”

“You only have two left.”

“Hey!” I glare at him and tweak his nipple.

“Ouch, still tender!” He protests, but I make no move to soothe him. “You want to know so bad...I can see it in your eyes. I can wait it out longer than you. After all, I’ve known who it is for…”

“No! Let me ask my two questions first, and then guess!” He smiles in acquiescence. “Okay, as alluded to just now, you know this person. My first question has two parts, and…”

“Told you, you are a genius. Continue.” His fingers continue to tap.

“First part, have you had a to fruition sexual encounter with him in any shape way or form, and, if not, why not?”

“No, because we were interrupted and the moment was lost for us.”

“You look devastated.” Up goes the eyebrow and still he taps. “Okay, second question...wait again two part question…” I kiss away his objection to my sneakiness. “...are they aware of what the infamous person’s name means, and did you name the infamous person?”

“No and yes.”

My eyes go on stalks and I sit up. “You didn’t?! When did you do that?!”

“So, Minestein, you going to tell me your guess, or going to gawk and marvel at my genius? You get a prize if you are right…”

“Michael?”

“Yep.”

I reach for his phone and wave it at him. “Open! Open! Open!”

“Ahem! Tuscan…”

“Sorry! Sorry!” I key in the numbers and quickly get where I need to be. “What’s the language?”

“Irish.” He tugs me off the bed.

“How’d you spell it again?” I am almost jumping up and down.

“D-u-i-l.”

“Desire...you have dubbed Michael the Desire Stealer?!”

“Want to know the irony of that?”

I think for a minute. “Oh, please no! Don’t tell me that he thought that’s cool and wanted to use it as his porn name, until you talked him out of it?!”

“Who said I talked him out of it? I said that the name sounded cool and the guy sounded legendary, even more so than me. He pleaded with me not to use it!”

I lean against him laughing at the idiocy. He goes back to tapping with one hand and removes his phone with the other. Suddenly he pushes me face down on the bed. “Brian! What are you doing?! We haven’t got time!” I try to scoot across, but he quickly pins me down.

“You don’t have time for a demonstration of the positive definition of filcher?” He breathes in my ear. “Are you absolutely sure?” I shiver. “Push back for no or spread wide and rise for yes.”

Spread wide and rise it is!

OUTSIDE MEL’S HOUSE - 90 MINUTES LATER

NANCY

I can’t help but be thrilled. This house is absolutely gorgeous! “So, this place Ronald, is this going into our portfolio?”

“I hope so, but I will have to do some hard negotiating with the owner. He’s very tough. What do you think, Lindsay?”

“Daddy, you have to get this place!” She gushes as she looks around at the perfectly manicured lawns and front gardens. “It looks the perfect place to bring up a child.”

“Hmm, I suppose so. He said that he would meet us inside...”

“Giving you the keys to the place already?! That’s a good sign, isn’t it?!” I demand. “Where are they?! I want to be the first across the threshold of the newest acquisition to the Peterson portfolio!”

“It is not acquired yet, and I was entrusted to collect the key. Now wait here, I won’t be long.”

I make sure he gets a good distance away before I turn back to Lindsay. “This! This is the house that you must get!”

“Of course it is!” She clasps my hands. “How do you suggest I play this? I have an idea of my own, but…”

“What’s yours? You know what they say about great minds thinking alike?”

“This could be a flagship home and who better to live in it than the daughter of President of the company and her child?”

“And I do believe I spy an annexe over there which could be for a sophisticated and glamorous grandmama?”

“Great minds!” She giggles.

RONALD

I take the keys from the neighbour with a smile. I saw their collusioning just now, all hand-grabbing and greedy smiles! As I spot the other surprise guest, I try not to think about the expressions on their faces when dinner is served!

“Sorry it took so long, needed the codes for the alarm.” I call out as I rejoin them.

“Oh, what about the wine?” Lindsay points to the trunk and that throws me a little. “Not for me of course, not in my condition, but we should present this as a gift to our host and soon to be clients.”

“An excellent idea. Now let’s get inside, you know how much I hate to dawdle.”

“Yes, Darling.” “Yes, Daddy.” They chirrup like maniacal mynahs.

As I open the door, the first thing that hits me is the smell. “They’ve cooked for us! How lovely!”

“Peterson family?” A tall and elegant lady glides down the hallway towards us. “I am Pearl. It is a pleasure to meet you. May I take your coats?”

“Yes.” Nancy assumes the Lady of the Manor tone and Lindsay mirrors her demeanour. “I take it the lounge is over here?” She points to the closed double doors.

“Yes, but I have been told to escort you to the kitchen prior to his return. You understand, of course, his need for privacy?”

“Of course.” She returns but the annoyance is palpable.

“This way.” Pearl returns in the same manner and I almost lose it when, upon entering the kitchen, she flings their coats at the sofa, and not only does she miss, but makes no effort to pick them up. “Would you like some refreshments?”

“Yes, after you pick up our coats.” Nancy answers icily, and then frowns when Pearl looks at her watch. “Are they expected soon?”

“In the next five minutes. Well, there’s the water.” She points at the tray. “Have a nice evening.”

“Have a nice evening?” Lindsay repeats. “You sound like you are leaving.”

“I am. Goodnight.” Pearl clicks her heels and departs, leaving them stupefied and me tamping down my laughter.

Mel said that I should just sit back and enjoy the show...and boy did I enjoy that!

For a few more seconds they stare at the door and then to me. “Well that was incredibly rude!” Nancy declares, stalking over to pick up their coats. “Thank goodness we didn’t give her the wine, she most probably would’ve either have thrown it against the wall or stolen it!”

Before Lindsay can add her two penneth worth, the front door opens. “Helloo! Ronald, are you in here?”

“In the kitchen!” I call back.

“Okay, won’t be long, make yourselves at home!” He calls back.

“Very strange practices your would-be client has.” Nancy sniffs. “I mean…”

“I think being a single billionaire means you are allowed a bit of eccentric latitude.”

I don’t think I have ever seen her money telescope shoot up so quickly!

“Should we open this do you think?” Lindsay points to the wine. “We don’t even know what we are having for dinner. He really ought to hire staff who know what they are doing and don’t clockwatch.”

“You are so right Lindsay. What he seems to need is a wife or a companion to guide him in the areas of social niceties.”

“So, we should open it then?” Lindsay queries.

“And how do you propose to drink it?” I demand, halting her progress to the drawers. “You don’t know you way around this kitchen, and it’s not done to rifle in people’s cupboards!”

“He said to make yourself at home!” Nancy argues.

“No!” I retort sternly. “Now we will sit down and wait, we’re in an auspicious, and potential, client’s home not the Mojave Desert! If you are that parched, as Pearl said, there’s the water. A few minutes patience will reap its own reward!”

Five minutes of tense silence later, I hear footsteps and whistling and wonder what else Mel has got planned!

“Ronald!” Mel’s neighbour comes striding in, hand outstretched. “So sorry to have kept you waiting! Who are these creatures? I mean delightful creatures!”

“This is my wife, Nancy, and my daughter, Lindsay. This is…”

“Auberjohn. Rene Charles Auberjohn. Nice to meet you both. Come! Come on through to the dining room!” He starts to walk out, and I go to follow.

“Oh, Rene, we brought you some wine!” Nancy twitters as if they’ve known each other for five years instead of five minutes. “But, as we weren’t sure what we having to eat, we brought both red and white.” Nancy calls out and he returns to the kitchen.

“The menu is French themed.” He beckons us to follow him. “So the first course is Soupe de Vache Merchante; second course is Poulet au coeur Froid and for dessert Tarte à Saisir de L'argent aux Fraises.”

“Oh, that sounds delicious!” Lindsay coos.

And now I know why Mel asked if Nancy spoke French! I am barely holding it together!

“Here we are!” He declares, and opens the door and the room is in complete darkness. “And we will be manger dans l'obscurité! Now, Ronald, please come and help. Ladies don’t move from that spot, okay?”

“We won’t!” Nancy replies. “Stick close to me, Lindsay!” She whispers as the door closes behind me.

LINDSAY

“I have to say that this is slightly disconcerting, but terribly thrilling!”

“It is.” Mother giggles. “Do you have any idea what we are eating?”

“No, but it sounds, wonderful.”

“Perhaps I can help you with that?” Daddy’s voice seems to be coming from in front of us.

“Daddy? When did you get…”

“Starter is nasty cow soup; main is cold hearted chicken, and dessert is strawberry money grabbing tart!”

“Daddy! What is…”

“Don’t you find it odd that a woman of her advanced years and supposed maturity still calls him Daddy?”

I freeze and then lick my lips nervously. “Lynette? Is that you?”

“Maybe. Maybe not.” She replies. “I find it very difficult to know who I am, what with all the shortcomings I have been afflicted with.”

“Turn the light on this instant!” Mother snaps.

“Are you sure? Wouldn’t you rather just hear what we have to say as opposed to you seeing our disappointment as well?” Lynette gripes.

“On. This. Instant.” Mother barks out.

“As you wish.” Daddy retorts. “Robbi, if you could, please.”

“With pleasure, Ron.” Her voice is behind us, and when she snaps on the light we turn to find her in front of the door. “Oh, do try and move my wrathful ass out of the way. Reason being that my insipid but wealthy late husband taught me a thing or three. One of which is how to kick some considerable ass! And, speaking of asses...turn yours around and sit like the dogs you are!”

“Ronald Peterson!” Mother storms, and we both turn around and briefly all speech stops. “J-Jennifer, Craig, what…”

“Mel.” I croak. “What are you doing here? What is going on? Who are these people?!” My eyes dart from left to right and then the patio doors open and in strides Brian and Justin!

“So what do you think of it?” Brian demands.

“I…”

“Do you think it is a suitable abode for the daughter of the president of the company of the Peterson portfolio?”

“Someone tell me what is going on!” I demand, and subconsciously cradle my stomach.

“Feeling fluttery are we?” Mel drawls. “Have you found out who the father is yet?”

“I want to leave! I want to leave right now!” Mother demands.

“Tough saggy tits, sweetheart! You two always have your say and walk away. Well, you don’t get to do that shit this time. Not while I am standing here!” Del declares.

“While we are standing here!” Pearl corrects her.

“Who the hell are you?!” Mother glares at Del. “In fact, who are all of you and why should I care?!”

“Well, we’re still trying to work out who gets called what, but let’s just say Brian’s my son, this is my husband and Brian’s Pa, and the gentlemen with Roberta is Brian’s father. These ladies…”

“Ladies? Is that what you purport to call yourselves?!” Mother scoffs, but they don’t react. “I thought you said that Brian’s father was dead Lindsay?”

“His biological and abusive one is.” Del smiles at Uncle Vic. “He is the father of his heart. Now, as I was saying before you chimed in sounding much like a posturing peacock in heat, these are the Gaggle. And you should care because we are here for Brian and Justin. However, we are also interested in getting to know Ronald, Roberta, and Lynette, which will happen tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” Daddy looks surprised as does Lynette.

“Yes.” Brian chuckles. “Gus and Jenny will be back tomorrow, so you can see them then. We are so sorry, Ronald, we got so busy that we forgot to say that you can see them.” Daddy is beaming. “And you can also blame me for Mel keeping the full reasoning behind your visit from you. I wanted to dispense with that first.” I flinch slightly under the infamous Kinney Glare.

“Why are they coming here?” Mother demands.

“Because...” Mel laughs coldly. “...Lindsay and Nancy, this will be your one and only visit to Highwater, or, as me, the kids, Tyson and sometimes Ben call it...home.” My hand flies to my throat as I gasp. “Remember that six bedroom house that Brian insisted on? This is it. You saw the picture. Or is it now that you don’t have your rights, which they know nothing about, you don’t care where they live?”

“This? You bought her this?!” I yell at Brian, tears of envy clog my throat and burn my eyes.

“No, I bought them this!” He hisses. “So…”

“How could you?!” I interrupt him. “After all I did for you?!”

“You had better be talking to someone other than Brian right now!” Justin snarls and steps forward.

“Touch my daughter and I shall besmirch the Taylor name from here to Timbuktu!” Mother growls.

“I would be quaking in my boots, if I gave a fuck about anything you could do.” Justin retorts.

“You stepped back though.” Mother crows.

“Only because I am closer, Nancy!” Jennifer warns, and Mother tries not to flinch but fails, much to Jennifer’s amusement.

“Lindsay.” Lynette coming to sit next to me is a surprise, so I turn to face her. “I suggest you do that baby a favour and give him or her up…it would be for the best.”

“What exactly do you mean by that?” Daddy asks.

“She won’t love the child. She can’t love anyone other than herself and her Guru in Grimness, her Mother. So it is best that she signs the rights over to someone who will.”

I can feel my anger starting to mount. “And who do you suggest that is?”

“Me. I will take the baby.” She replies. “That way, one of my shortcomings will be eliminated by me finally becoming a mother, and Daddy gets to see his grandchild.”

“Are you out of your mind?!” I laugh. “Why the hell would I do that?! This child is mine, and…”

“You had no problem forgetting about Gus and Jenny when the need presented itself, what’s to say you won’t do it again?”

“I do not want to discuss family business in front of total strangers! Ronald, we are…”

“Lynette, please do not condemn yourself for not being able to have children.” Aunt Roberta halts Mother’s attempt to continue to speak with a look. “Being able to carry does not make you a mother. Wanting to nurture and love a child no matter how that child came to be is what makes you a mother.”

“Here-here.” Daddy smiles at Lynette. “And I think what you have suggested shows why you would be perfect. Now, onto one of the real reasons we are here...”

“Other than to humiliate us?!” I demand, and stand up.

“Sit. Down.” Aunt Roberta orders, and points at the chair. “I will, albeit gently in light of your condition, put you in it, if you don’t sit down now.”

“You continue to disappoint and hurt people. Why?” He asks. “First, the diary and now you’re helping them again!”

“Diary? What diary? And helping who?” I frown then wince as Aunt Roberta jabs me in the shoulder, rubbing the spot I sit down but not before I shoot her a filthy look.

“Brian’s co-abusers. You were going to try and rent them a place on Liberty Avenue so that they can move back there in six weeks’ time.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Justin bellows before he is carried out of the patio doors by Brian, still shouting and swearing.

“She won’t stop you know. Now she’s got you by the balls, she won’t stop coming back to you. Look what she did to Brian, and he has money to fight back with.” Mel snickers. “I suspect that you won’t have money to fight a blackmail charge. Right, Ronald?” Daddy nods, his eyes blazing. “Trust me when I say this. If she goes, you go.”

“What are you talking about, Mel?!”

“Miss Grassi, Mr DeVore and Mrs Kinney are all to stand trial for child abuse.”

“What?! When did this happen?!”

“She’s been selective with the information, I see.” She starts to frown. “You could be charged with that too.”

“No. No. No. I never did the abuse, I never contributed to it…”

“You simply profited from it.” Aunt Roberta sneers. “How much was it again?”

“$10 grand.” Daddy replies and members of the Gaggle whistle and glare.

“And what about the rest?” Mel cuts her eye at me before turning to Daddy. “You know she worked for Mr DeVore, right?”

“Yes.”

“Craig buying the store meant that she was out of a job. She wasn’t in the US when that happened. I know her and I’ll bet she demanded, and got, a severance package from him!”

All eyes turn to me.

“How much was it?” Mel asks.

“I earned that money, and Daddy, you didn’t…”

“For less than 3 months’ work you got a severance package worth $90 grand!” Brian snarls from the patio doors, and my heart starts to pound. For once, I am pleased that Ben is here as he is blocking a furious Justin from coming back in.

“You’re feeling so proud of her aren’t you, Mother?” Lynette bites out.

“At least she shows gumption! She found a solution that works for her and followed through!”

“How do you know that? The amount she got, I mean?” Aunt Roberta queries.

“I just asked him. He said he paid you $90K. Seems that there is an advantage to having a hero worshiping milksop for an ex-best friend.”

I throw my head back and laugh. “No he didn’t, he paid me $70K so Debs must have taken the rest as I suggested she do.”

“Back to the rental issue. You won’t be able to rent from anybody in the wider Pennsylvania area, not even a hovel near the swamp. Your names are the ones that are besmirched. Your reputations that are sullied. You are the feculent ones. Your acts of desecration has led to the destruction of your precious standing in the community…”

“Ronald?” Mother sounds wary and she never sounds wary where he is concerned.

“I have sent the word out. You have been blackballed. Both of you.”

“What do I have to do with any of this?!” Mother frowns.

“Because you knew what she was doing.” He clears his throat again. “You knew about the book, Nancy. I concede that you may not have known the contents, but you knew she had it. And, no doubt, told her to keep hold of it until such time as it could be used to its fullest potential.” He reaches for the wine glass in front of him and takes a sip. “Do you deny that?”

“No I don’t deny that! Like I said, Lindsay shows gumption, ingenuity, and…”

“You have just admitted to being an accessory to blackmail!” Brian crows. “In front of an attorney no less. I’m surprised you made such an amateur mistake, Mrs Peterson. Although you do remind me so much of Mrs Kinney.”

“How dare you compare me to her?!”

“Because of your cold, callous and dispassionate nature towards your daughter, which is exactly the same as hers is to me. But I hope, like me, she will find the strength to walk away and be happy without the pair of you and to find a family for herself like I have.” He kisses the back of Justin’s hand.

“How nauseating you have become being in the presence of your trite little twink!” I deride him.

“Mom!” “Jennifer!” Justin and Craig yell as Jennifer leaps to her feet but Lynette stands between us.

“Thank you, Lynette.” I tremble and again cradle my stomach. “Goodness knows what damage she could do!”

“Don’t thank me for anything. I see you have found a use for my child now though?”

“Your chi…”

“Yes, mine, for I will raise your child Lindsay, and do a much better job than either of you two have done!”

“I am not staying to be insulted! Ronald, I demand we leave immediately!  And as for this accessory rubbish, how will this Grassi woman even know what I have done?!” She retorts.

“Simple.” Brian wraps his arms around Justin and basks in the look of admiration that he gives him. “I am going to tell Michael what Lindsay advised his mother to do.”

“He already knows!” I scoff.

“No he doesn’t. If he did he would’ve bitched to me about it. In his tiny feeble mind we’re still friends, you see, and he would want me to fix the problem, by giving him the money to replace what he paid you. So he doesn’t know, and when he does he will do nothing about it. He had a chance to be a man, but he fucked it up by failing to follow through, again, so he’s bound by his balls to her apron strings. He will forever be under that Satan’s yoke.”

“I can’t see how you feel that you are in position of power by telling Michael what Debbie did. Without the book she has no leverage!” I regard him smugly.

“She has the book. Or she will have.” Justin glowers at me. “You sent it this morning didn’t you, Mom?”

“Yes, darling, I did.”

“So what do you think will happen when he tells her that he knows, thus ruining any plans she had? She’s going to come after you, Lindsay, with every bit of nastiness she’s got!” Brian taunts me.

“You don’t even know where she lives!”

Well I hope he doesn’t!

“Of course I do! How do you think I served them their papers?” I swallow and can feel the sweat starting to gather on my upper lip, but refuse to wipe it away, not with Lynette watching me so keenly. “You did remember to send the note as well, didn’t you, Jennifer?”

“But of course, Brian. Now that we have said our piece you can leave. Go and plot your future, like the quick to switch-witch-bitches you are!”

As Mother and I get to the door, she pauses and looks scathingly back at them. “I take it, Ronald and Lynette that you are staying here to bond with your new family?” Mother sneers.

“No. The four of us are going back to the house to discuss the future member of the Peterson family. But we do wish to say goodbye to our new friends, in private, so go and wait by the car. We won’t be long.”

PETERSON CAR - 5 MINUTES LATER

NANCY

“Can you believe what just happened?!” I pace furiously. “What are we going to do?!”

“About the blackmail?”

“Amongst other things, yes!” I snipe, and then pat her arm. “Sorry, it’s just been one shock after another!”

“I know, Mother, I know. Look, let me get in touch with Debs to see how much he has said is true. He lied about the depth of his wealth, so it stands to reason that he’s lied about this as well. But, as for this child, I’d rather put it up for adoption or sell it than let Lynette bring it up as hers!”

“Lindsay! That’s exactly what you are going to do!” I kiss her on the cheek. “Let them think they have won, let them think they’ve won for now!” I link arms with my favoured child. “If she thought I made her childhood miserable, just wait till we get finished with her plans for motherhood!”

MEL’S DINING ROOM - 5 MINUTES LATER

ROBBI

The silence and despair is heartbreaking! Neither of them even move. “What?” Lynette weeps. “What have I done to either of them for them to hate me so much?”

“You married for love and they can’t understand why you don’t just marry for money now that you are widowed.” Ron begins. “Nor do they understand why you would want to take Lindsay’s child...”

“I would love to have any child!” She cries, and I gather her into my arms.

“I know, darling, I know. You wanting to do the right thing is baffling to them.” Ron sighs. “Why make so much effort is their thinking. Better yourself above all else. Above anyone else, but take the easiest route and to hell with who you hurt in the process.”

“Surely Mother…”

“At first, maybe, but then as the wealth and standing grew, she loved me more for what I could bring to her table than anything else, and she created Lindsay in her own image.” He looks at Mel. “Not sure how we heard what we heard though?”

“Meet Mami, or should I say ex-FBI analyst, Mami Auberjohn.” Pearl laughs. “She’s the reason you know what you know.”

“Still not following.” Lynette sniffs.

“She asked me to get Ron to use the convertible today." I pause and start to smile. "...and I suspect that you…”

“My grandson, not me. I am retired and have no access to anything whatsoever, nothing at all, and nobody can prove otherwise.”

“Rene is FBI?!” Mel gapes at her.

“No, he’s a private detective. And you have given Brian the one thing he always wanted...to be a father in the fullest sense. And until such time as Rene puts his dick to good use...seriously I have seen monks get more action, there’s dedicated and there’s celibate and in a chastity belt to keep his fucking or should I say non-fucking focus! Sorry, I digress...sore subject! You have given us, the Gaggle, grandchildren and I protect my grandchildren. Until such time those roaches of rankness are secured, he stays next door.”

“Mami…” Brian begins completely taken aback by what she’s done.

“Chief Goose’s mind is made up and there is no changing it. Now you two…” She turns to Ron and Lynette. “Do what they think you are doing. Let them think they’re winning. Rene will be watching them, every slithering step of the way!”