CHAPTER 53 - SERVICE WITH A SMILE...ALBEIT A FALSE ONE

EMMETT

I managed to speak to Ted when I heard the, unusual for him, pissed off tones of Blake growl down Brian’s phone. I can understand why he is beyond fucked off, as they treated Blake like the proverbial interloper. There were times that all three of them ignored him entirely, only acknowledging him when they wanted Ted to tell them where Brian was!

“Auntie Emmy, will Daddy be back soon? I don’t want our bread to go soft.”

“I’m back now, Sonny Boy…”

“Are you finished with your bidness?” Gus looks appealingly at him.

“Yes I am, and to make double sure, do you want to eat with Daddy?” He asks then laughs as Gus just about stops himself from running across the table. “So what are we having first?”

“Greens spears with green sauce on and the crunchy bread.” He replies proudly, having helped me with the green sauce.

“Green spears and…”Justin frowns and then smiles. “...asparagus with sauce gribiche on sourdough.” He explains to a puzzled Brian as the platter is put down. “Now Gus, you know how much Daddy likes his vegetables, so he’s got to eat them all up okay?”

“Yes, Jussin! I will make sure. Can I serve Daddy?”

“Of course. Now don’t try and use one hand, they are big spoons so one in each, okay?” He nods and takes them firmly in his little hands. Tongue between teeth, he manages to get some on the plate without dropping any. “Do you think that is enough, Sonny Boy? I mean enough for you and me?” He looks at the plate, then at his Daddy, then down at himself and loads another bundle on. “You need your strengths, Daddy, just like Popeye.”

“Popeye?” Mel looks around the table and we’re all slightly confused.

“Hmm. Oh, this is nice, Auntie Emmy.” He finishes his spear and wipes his lips. “Popeye ate spinach to grow bigger muscles, so maybe these spears will make your pointy bits bigger. Do you have pointy bits Daddy?”

“Yes, I have pointy bits…”

“Like your nose and your ears and your…” He pauses and I can see Justin starting to blush. “...thingy. That is definitely a pointy thing isn’t it?”

“Thingy?” Ben asks barely keeping a straight face. “What is that exactly?”

“What’s this called again, Jussin?” He points to his elbow. “You said you banged in again Daddy one time and that's why you squawked. He did, didn't he Daddy?”

“Not quite what I said. I said I banged my elbow against Daddy.”

“He does that a lot as he is so clumsy sometimes.” Brian smiles, thoroughly enjoying Justin’s squirming. “But it’s okay, I love it when he bangs his elbow because I get to make it all better.”

“Daddy gives the best boo-boo kisses.” Gus decrees.

“Yes he does.” Justin grins. “Nicely done, Daddy.”

IMPOUND YARD - TEN MINUTES LATER

NANCY

“I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR SUPERIORS!” I yell as I investigate the scratch on the door. “This was not here when we left the car where we left it!”

“The scratch was on the door when we picked it up.” The jobsworth shows me his phone, and the picture clearly shows the scratch. “This level of shrillness is why we take photos before we load the vehicle. So can you pay the release fee so I can close up?”

“Mother, come on, we can get Abigail to pay us the money as she is responsible for calling these people.”

“Oh, she is definitely going to pay!” I snarl. I could not believe it when she had it towed, now we have the ignominy of having to tow it back and then explain to Ronald what happened to his pride and joy. Galling doesn’t come close!

BRIAN AND VIC’S HOUSE - SAME TIME

BALCONY

JUSTIN

It started to rain, so we dashed back to the balcony. Luckily, Emmy had planned for this. I am not remotely smug about the fact that I managed to snaffle the last leg before Brian did. Gus very sweetly ran some interference for me!

“So, I can have this recipe, Ems?” Ben asks as he spears a piece of breast.

“Yes, but no,” He takes the piece he just took off his plate, and replaces it with another. “Too spicy for your Imp. Have some relish on the side for you.”

“Okay, thanks.” He replies carefully, cutting up the chicken into Jenny sized pieces. “Want me to blow, Jenny?”

“Yes, please, Daddy.” She replies, and then holds her mouth open waiting for the food to be dropped in, but Ben has gone still and it takes a few seconds and a prod from Mel for him to feed her.

“I told her to do that, Uncle Ben.” Gus pipes up with a smile.

“Wh...what do you mean, Sonny Boy? I mean, Gus.”

“Ben, Sonny Boy is fine.” Brian smiles at him and, at that moment I hope they don’t stay too late, because he needs to be kissed thoroughly, and put his hands anywhere he damn well wants!

“I told her that he’s her proper Daddy now.”

“What about Uncle Michael?” I ask gently, and he frowns for a few seconds.

“He can be her Papa Michael. Uncle Ben is always here for her, like my Daddy, so she should call him that.”

“Well thank you, Gus. That has made me very happy.”

“Good. Now Auntie Emmy, you know the cake? How many slices can I have today?”

“One slice as it is very rich.”

“Rich like Daddy?” He looks up at Brian.

“Where did you hear that Daddy is rich?” Mel questions.

“Uncle Michael said so once.” Then he grimaces. “I didn’t like the way he said it though, like he was cross about it. That’s why I called him Meankee…” He trails off his eyes wide before he looks down. “...will he be cross at me too?”

“Will who, sweetheart? Give me him, want to come to Gamma and tell me about it?” He nods and Brian allows Mami to take him inside. There are several tense minutes of silence before we hear her guffawing. “Go and get it and then tell them okay?”

“Okay, Gamma, are you…”

“I am absolutely sured!”

She comes out grinning and then there are the sounds of Gus running back to the balcony and he is holding a piece of paper.

“What you got there, Sonny Boy?” Brian asks as he settles him back into his lap.

“The names for them.” He holds the paper so that only Brian can see. He starts to smile, and then rolls his lips in. “That’s okay isn't it? Gamma said it…”

“Oh, it is fine. Ahem...so you call tell everyone now.”

“So I named them Meankee, Stinky and Foggy.” He tells us, and Brian and Mami start to laugh.

“Who is them?” I have a very good idea, but want to be sure.

“The naughty animals in our book. The littlest of the big monkeys, the hinga-hinga thing and the big monkey. That’s their names.”

“Meankee? Hinga-hinga? Book?” Claire looks confused, while the rest of us smile.

“Why don’t you go and get the book so you can show Aunt Claire and Uncle Arthur?” I suggest, and once again he zooms away, but when he comes back he sits with Claire and Arthur...the boys crowd around so they can see too.

“Before you start, Gus, let me quickly explain. A hinga-hinga is a hyena, and it is based on...well, Gus can tell you that.”

“Jussin wrote and drew all of this!” He explains proudly. “I’m, chief...um...oh editor. Grampa Vic is proo reader, and Jenny does the colours. She’s really careful about not going over the lines too! So the little monkey is called Meankee because he says mean things. The hinga-hinga is called Stinky because I sawed one on TV and it made this really yucky noise and Mommy said it was laughing. I didn’t like the laugh, not like Mommy or Aunt Libette, or the teeth, its teeth were really horrible, all red and brown and I bet its breath smelt. And Foggy is because of Uncle Craig. I stoled it from him because she shouts all the time. The words are big, see? To show that she’s shouting.”

Claire takes the book and looks at it and I start to cringe as I haven’t disguised her very well. “Oh, that’s absolutely perfect. Please, make sure that I have a copy of this when it is published!” She composes herself and then turns back to Gus. “So tell us all about the story.”

For the next hour we discuss the book and name the rest of the characters that have been written. Soon, we have two pooped kiddies and flagging teenagers, so it is agreed that it is home time! There is a small fight over the remains of the cake. It is solved by Claire getting the recipe off of Emmett, and John making her pinky swear to let him help her make it by the next weekend! He has a date and wants to impress...Brian said he would go over and sort out his wardrobe!

Mel gives me a firm hug and whispers thank you. I hug her back just as firmly. I couldn't, with a clear conscious, base Stinky on Lindsay. No matter what, she is still his mother and Gus would be upset. So we changed it to someone much more appropriate and deserving of the caricature and the name. So yes world, meet Stinky. She is modelled on the queen of piety and sobriety, Joan Kinney!

MASTER BEDROOM - AN HOUR LATER

The kitchen is now back to pristine and Vic has gone to stay with Mel and Ben. It is just the two of us, and we are in the loveseat. Or the bubble kisses seat as Gus calls it.

“Want to go to bed now?”

“Hmm.” I murmur, lifting my head briefly from his shoulder. “But to sleep. I think that…”

“You should not have had that second slice of sachertorte perhaps?” He teases, but I am too full to argue. “Peppermint tea and a hot water bottle?”

“Mmm.” I stumble over to the bed and get in. “I absolutely promise to nail you at some point tomorrow...might not be first thing, but nailed you will be!”

“And I absolutely will hold you to that!” He calls over his shoulder.

PETERSON RESIDENCE - MONDAY MORNING

DINING ROOM

ROBBI

I keep thinking of what Gus said yesterday and smiling. Out of the mouth of a very smart young man...always a bonus that it is irritating them to no end! Another bone of contention for them is that Ronald refused to tell them about his day yesterday, and is insisting that they are liable for the damage to the car, because if they hadn’t left it there in their haste to be where they should not be; they would’ve remembered that the spare key to the corvette is in in his office along with all the other spare keys in the spare keys cupboard!

“So…” Nancy is trying another tact. “...what do you think of Lynette and this Frederick situation?”

“What situation is that?” Ronald sips his coffee in that measured manner that pisses Nancy off he has taken to using more and more, much to her chagrin as I heard her bitch while we were in Texas.

“They seem to be developing an unwise friendship. The social ramifications of her fornicating with the…”

“Her fornicating is better than yours. At least she is widowed, whilst you were married. But, like you said, that is water under the bridge. What Libette does with whomever is her business. She is getting a need well and truly met, as Brian said.”

“Don’t you mean Lynette? What have you got in your cup? Sure it’s coffee, Daddy?”

“No, I meant to pronounce it like that. And stop sounding like an overgrown and overbearing two year old! Libette is what Gus and Jenny call her. Oh, and that reminds me, he says thank you for sending two more people to love while you’re on your trip.”

“My trip?”

“Yes, well we couldn’t very well say that your Momma has abandoned you, could we? We had to make you look like you still care. But as they grow up, and if they ask about you...I assume that you will continue to keep your distance...the truth will be told to them.” She just glares at him. “Your sorrow and remorse over that is, once again, duly noted. Was there anything else? Or will you two go and pack so that you can head off to the airport?”

“You can’t seriously be encouraging this...this…”

“Whatever it is, it is none of your business until such time as Libette seeks your advice, which will be never, so you will never know. Now, we shall leave you to pack and be back by two. I need to go to the garage to sort the car out, then Libette and I are going to the office. Robbi, are you still going to meet with Claire and Arthur? You remember Claire, don’t you, Lindsay? She poured oatmeal over your head.”

“I should sue her for assault.” She bites out with an avaricious glint in her eye.

“You do that. You won’t get very far, but it will be fun watching you try and screw Brian over once more and fail.”

“Oh, Ron, don’t be so discouraging, she could, just one more time, manage to screw a Kinney.” I twist that knife just a bit more.

“Why don’t you two jolly japesters go about your business and leave us to attend to our packing?”  

“Yes, let’s go harness our balls and go about our business, Ron.” I smirk at their disgruntled expressions. “Although it is stuffy in here, you know with all that smouldering annoyance, don’t open the window. Given the right breeze, their faces may get stuck like that, which although it would be an improvement, they might decide to sue God…”

“Robbi, stop putting ideas in our heads! Now let’s go, you mischief maker!”

DEBS AND MICHAEL’S HOUSE - LUNCHTIME

MICHAEL’S BEDROOM

MICHAEL

I have got my case in my room. It is now, like my life, empty, but in being such a mouthy bitch, she has reminded me of something. Now if only I could remember what it is that she called it. Munch something by poxy. I type that in and something very interesting comes up...something very interesting indeed, this is my way out of the mess that Brian made me create!

I hear Ma coming up the stairs, so push my laptop to one side. She pokes her head in. “I see you trashed the stuff, finally accepted it now have you?”

“Yes.”

“I see. Does that mean you are going to accept what is coming our way?”

“Yes. I am not looking forward to it, unlike some, but it’s time to accept responsibility.”

“Good. Well I’m going out. See you later.”

As the door shuts, I lie back on the bed and smile at the ceiling. I barely accepted responsibility for my actions before, why would I start now?!

ROBBI’S HOUSE - EARLY EVENING

DINING ROOM

ROBBI

It was a mercifully quiet journey back, primarily because I, and I don’t know how this happened, managed to catch a lift from a Texan cowboy friend of mine who had a private plane. Such a shame there was only one seat, and they only found out about that when I abandoned them so cruelly at the airport with all their bags!

They have finally finished sulking and are sitting, delicately dabbing their lips on their napkins. I take a hefty swig of my wine and sit back. “Oh, I have something for you, it’s from Brian.” I slide the envelope towards Lindsay. “He says the rest is to follow.”

She tears it open and then goes pale. “This...this is a restraining order!” She whispers. “I don’t understand…”

“It’s very simple, he officially doesn't want anything to do with you anymore. You can’t come near him...neither of you.”

“Neither of...you mean Mother has one as well?!”

“Yes, Libette’s suggestion.” I chuckle.

“Wh...what rest? You said rest?”

“Oh yes, from your former friends, after your charming display they are following suit and cutting you out once and for all.”

“But...but I want to see Gus.”

“No you don’t. You want to use him as usual! You can still see him, but you need to arrange that with his Aunt Lynette...you have to say her name properly, only a select few get to call her by Gus and Jenny’s special name. So, call her when you two are ready to pretend to be mother and grandmother, you do remember her number don’t you? But just to remind you it’s under Drone Drudge on your phone...and in case you are wondering yes she knows about that.”

Asparagus: https://www.deliciousmagazine.co.uk/recipes/griddled-asparagus-with-sauce-gribiche-on-toast/

Chicken: https://goodfood.uktv.co.uk/recipe/spicy-spatchcock-chicken-with-jewelled-couscous/

Sachertorte: https://www.deliciousmagazine.co.uk/stories/how-to-make-a-sachertorte-2/