OUTSIDE MEL AND LINDSAY’S HOUSE
BRIAN
I look in actual awe at Ben. “So you’ve been planning this since when?”
“After Carl ripped into me. When I got home that night, I was drained. Reality had hit and hit hard. I came through the door to find them both facing me, like an accusing council…”
Start of flashback
BEN AND MICHAEL’S HOUSE - ALMOST THREE WEEKS PRIOR
BEN
“Where the hell have you been?!! We have things to discuss!” As Michael yells, his spittle lands on my hand and I almost dry-heave from knowing what he’s done. His yelling is exacerbating my already sore head.
“I went for a walk as I…”
“A walk? You went for a walk?! We’re in the middle of a crisis and you decide to go for a fucking walk!”
“Yes Michael, a walk!” I yell back, silencing him. “We are only in a crisis because you, yet again, are over reacting to something that has fuck all to do with you!”
“How can you say that?! You and his best friend, damn near his brother, fucked!” Deb screeches, her wig almost wobbling off in fury.
“I can say that Debs because it’s true! You agreed in the diner so how come you’ve suddenly changed your mind?!”
“Because I’ve listened to Michael’s reasons and they are valid!”
“Which are? Do tell me how something that happened 8 years ago, before you were even a twitch in my cock, matters now? Irrespective of who it is, Brian would’ve fucked someone that night. He chose me. So fucking what?! You were not a virgin when we met so this amount of hysterical hypocrisy is galling to say the least! Valid...my ass! What we have here is the plain old fashioned green eyed monster! Get the fuck over it! I don’t carp unduly about your past so why the hell are you carping about mine?!”
“Your past got you infected!” Michael snarls. “You got careless!”
“That is so unfair! Do you even hear what you say? You know all too well that I did not get fucking careless; Paul did!” I can feel the tears burning my eyes and see the triumphant gleam in theirs. “You know what... we are not going to discuss this anymore. It is done, dusted and over with! Brian is, despite his many, and I mean many, peccadillos as clean as a whistle! Now I have to go and pack!”
“Pack?!” Michael shrieks panicked. “Wait a minute! Where are you…”
“Not only do you not listen when you speak, you don’t listen when I speak. The Teachers Training Conference in Whistler, remember?!”
Some colour returns to his face. “Oh yeah. Yes I remember but in all of this, I forgot!”
“Of course, you did. It was about me, not about you, Debbie or Brian!” I retort and storm upstairs. When I am in the sanctuary of the bathroom, I sob at the cruelty of his words and the glee in his eyes. After a couple of minutes, the tears finally stop. I take some deep, cleansing breaths and decide, that I will have to do some serious thinking about my future and if it will still involve the monkey on my back and his mother!
End of flashback
“So you just came here and did everything you needed?” I look at him with a new respect.
“Well almost. There is one more thing that I would like to do...if you would be amenable…”
“What’s that?” I frown.
“Lean in and take the keys in my hand.” He whispers with a shark like smile. “And then when you lean back, lick your lips. I can feel the eyes drilling into the back of my neck. Get home safely, Brian and these…” He hands me the keys. “...are something you need to give to Carl. These are the papers you both need to sign when you get back.”
“Ben is everything okay with you?”
“Everything is absolutely great, I promise you. Now lean back, lick your lips and get in the car!”
I do as I am bid and thank the gods for Daph’s military training because although she is perfectly still, she is killing herself laughing. I watch him go back up the path and the front door is almost ripped off its hinges by an incandescent Michael, who is being shoved out of the way by Lindsay, who is shouting my name and trying to advance down the path, but Ben easily blocks her attempts.
“Floor it, Daph!” I order and finally, we give into our laughter and head home.
LOUNGE - 10 MINUTES LATER
LINDSAY
“Why did you do that, Ben?!” I demand. “I wanted to speak to Brian! Mel, give me Daphne’s number!”
“What for?” She replies as if I had just asked her if she wanted a cup of tea.
“I want to speak to Brian about what just happened!”
“You do not need to speak to Brian about what happened. I will speak to Ted about what happened, and will be happening in future. Although I suspect he will have already been apprised of the situation and will most likely send you to voicemail, if you try to speak to him.”
She then turns to Michael, who is pale and his eyes are bulging out his head as he struggles to control his temper. Debs is no better. “You owe three months support, which is payable now. If you can’t pay it, then you can’t see her. Simple as that.”
“Mel!” He explodes. “I am dealing with the disintegration of my marriage!”
“Civil union, we weren’t married in the eyes of law or, it seems, in yours.” Ben interrupts as he leans against the door jamb. “And I would caution against saying another word either of you.”
“Now just a minute, you…” Debs roars.
“And you can shut up as well, Mrs Novotny! You hold no power here and no power on Liberty Avenue. You think that you are Doyenne of the Avenue, the Matriarch, the Grande Dame, the Materfamilias? Well you’re not! You’ve been replaced a long time ago by Kiki and then Delores, who, if what I hear is true is going to be replacing you in more ways than what she already has!” He stares her down with equal malevolence. “And to think, I thought you, a PFLAG Chairwoman, was a great champion of gay rights. You’re just a champion of your rights and that of your idiotic son! Your vituperative hectoring and lecturing has alienated so many people and you are so arrogant in your misplaced sense of authority, that you can’t see that over the years the chapter has decreased in numbers. People are running away from you...much like I have and much like Brian will...and believe me...he will! Mel, I’ll call you in a couple of days once I’m settled. I would say the same to you, Lindsay, but quite frankly, I don’t like you. I never have and always thought Mel’s settled for you, but each to their own!”
“How dare you come into my house and…”
MEL
“Like I said, I don’t like you and now, I no longer have to listen to you.” Then nonchalantly Ben puts his earphones in. “Taxi will text when it arrives.” He explains and smirks at an apoplectic Michael, who is so angry, he can’t formulate a thing to say...Bliss!
“Our house, Lindsay. The house is ours. Well technically, the house belongs to Gus, so we have the most adorable little landlord.”
She whirls around to look at me. “What do you mean it belongs to Gus?”
“Well it was one of the conditions of getting his rights back. Not too sure if it was Ted or Cynthia’s idea, but the deed is in Gus’s name. And it remains in his name until he is 18. The deed is held in trust by someone he trusts implicitly.”
She turns to Michael. “How could you not tell me this?!”
“The key words there are trusts implicitly…” I interrupt coldly. “Carl has it. Carl is the executor of Brian’s estate, therefore, he has it.”
“But, I... I mean, one of us should be executor of his will!” Lindsay declares heatedly.
“What on earth for?” I ask. “Wait, who are you talking about?”
“Brian, of course!” She shrieks, pacing.
“Of course, it should be one of us three!” Mute Michael unfortunately has regained the power of speech. “Me, Ma and Lindsay have known him the longest; we practically raised him!”
“Raised him?! Raised him?! That’s what you three call what you did and continue to do to Brian?!” I explode. “I’ve seen feral and rabid wolves raise their young with more care! You constantly berate, badger, degrade and denigrate the man, but run to him to solve each and every fucking problem your stupidity, selfishness, callousness and plain old fuckery and cuntish behaviour gets you into. You say that he owes you. No! You owe him! You owe him an apology for every fucking thing you’ve done to the guy! Before you say one single fucking word about me championing Brian, I swear to God I will rip you an asshole so big you won’t be able to sit down without the chair being sucked up to your throat! I am showing him the things I should always have shown him. Decency! Kindness! And com...compassion…” I find myself brushing away tears. “I am so fucking ashamed of myself that I allowed you to use my own insecurities against him.”
“Now just a minute, missie! I have…”
“Done nothing but raise a whiny bitch cub, which the only thing you don’t for is wipe his ass for him. No, you metaphorically get Brian to do that! Now you listen and you listen good, Mr Daddy of the Fucking Universe in Your Own Mind, you will either pay now or leave!”
“Come on Michael, let’s see how long they last without us!”
“As long as we’ve lasted with you!” I shout.
“What the fuck are you still doing here, Ben?!” Lindsay snarls, her face bright red with humiliation and anger.
“Recording this for posterity and sending it to Brian. He’ll enjoy it!” He laughs. “The expressions on your faces...reminds me of that really godawful porn movie you did for our anniversary, Michael. You know the one with you wearing a French maid outfit.”
“BEN, SHUT UP!” Michael screams.
“Nah don’t wanna...oh how many times I’ve heard that!” He turns to me. “So how’d it feel?”
“Pretty damn good!” I grin tearfully.
“Liberating, isn’t it?” He asks and I nod. “And Michael, you are going to have to be extra super dooper Captain Astro-esque nice to Carl from now on.”
“Oh and why’s that? You forget that Carl...”
“Now owns our old house. And if you’re very lucky, he will let you pack properly instead of throwing you out on your ass like I would’ve done!”
There is a stunned silence as we all absorb what Ben’s said and done.
“Michael, are you going to pay now or are you going to leave never to come back until I say?” Then I turn to Lindsay and stare her dead in the eye. “Take note, Lindsay. Ben’s very Zen and he did this. I’m a grade A bulldyke bitch lesbian. What do you think I could accomplish? Change your behaviour or else!”