January 4 (Part Two)

“And don’t even get me started on his Twinkie obsession,” Brian groused, grimacing as he sipped his coffee. Christ; why the fuck couldn’t he get a decent fucking cup of coffee in this place? “I’ve literally found boxes of the damned things in the weirdest fucking places.”

Setting his cup down, he reached over and grabbed the sugar container, pouring in a generous amount in the hopes of curbing some of the burnt flavor. He didn’t hold out much hope, however; no one could ruin coffee like the Diner. He had no idea why he even ordered it when he knew it was for shit.

“Pickles,” Ted offered up for their ‘weird shit my pregnant spouse does’ rant. “As clichéd as it is, Blake is obsessed with pickles. He has to have pickles on everything. The last straw for me was when he topped his blueberry cheesecake with them. I had to leave.”

“You can’t be serious,” Drew said, his nose scrunched with disgust.

“Oh, he is,” Brian answered in place of Ted. “Eating with Justin these days in an adventure not meant for the faint of heart. Or stomach.”

Brian shuddered, thankful that Justin wasn’t there terrorizing them with his latest culinary creation. If he had to watch his husband doctor a perfectly good dish with something ‘extra,’ it might just put him off eating on a permanent basis.

“Blake wasn’t too bad,” Ted conceded, having been privy to Justin’s ‘creativity’ in the kitchen. “It was just the pickles or pickle juice, on fucking everything that got to me. I mean, who sprinkles pickle juice on popcorn?”

Brian stared incredulously at Ted, who just shrugged in a ‘what can you do’ manner and went back to his breakfast.

“I’ve since banned Twinkies from the house,” Brian added, scowling when Ted threw back his head and laughed at him.

“Good luck with that,” Ted snickered. “You can ban them all you want; they just get sneakier. I finally gave up. I figured, so long as he wasn’t eating something detrimental to the baby, I wasn’t going to worry about it. Besides, I’m quite fond of my dick remaining attached to my body, which his last threat featured if I didn’t ‘back the fuck off.’ His words not mine.”

Brian winced and reflexively squeezed his legs together; that was harsh and he hoped like hell that he’d never hear those words fall past Justin’s lips. Although, the little twat was as fond of his dick as he was, so he didn’t ever see that being in the picture. That didn’t mean that the little shit wouldn’t get creative. His husband was devious and knew how to hold a grudge.

“Justin has threatened me so often, it’s lost its luster these days,” Brian said with false bravado, blatantly ignoring the knowing looks between his friends. “Besides it just adds a bit of spice to the bedroom. Trust me, you don’t know what you’re missing – leads to the best sex ever.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” Ted snorted as he wiped his mouth with a napkin. “Unlike you,” I don’t enjoy winding my partner up until they finally break and attack me. Forgive me for wanting to live through the experience.”

“Ha ha,” Brian snorted; he stared at his empty cup for a moment or two, grimaced and then flagged down the waiter for yet more coffee.

It might be for shit, but he had a feeling he was going to need it based on the pictures Emmett had sent of Justin’s sugar-laden ‘breakfast’. Pictures that he could have happily lived without; but, apparently, if Emmett had to suffer, then he was going to drag Brian along with him.

“You’re just so hilarious, Theodore,” Brian drawled, deleting yet another text from Emmett without opening it. If it were anything important, Emmett would call him; so, this was just pure spite on his part. “Laugh while you can because in a week or so, you won’t even be able to remember your own name.”

“God, I hope it’s soon,” Ted whispered fervently, scrubbing a hand over his head. “He’s already a week overdue; and while he may be all sunshine and light around all of you, he’s not so composed at home.”

Brian snorted and arched a brow, but didn’t comment; he didn’t need to. Ted had been full of horror stories during their weekly meetings. It had almost been enough for him to reconsider the whole pregnancy thing.

“This morning was the worst,” he continued tiredly. “One minute he was all happy and bubbly about going to brunch with Em and Justin; and then I made an offhand remark about being out of something; you know, so that we could put it on the shopping list; and the next thing you know he’s raging at me for expecting too much of him.”

Brian chuckled and shook his head; rookie mistake. He should have just put it on the list and not said a damned thing.

“And then, when I explained I was just making a mental note to put on the shopping list,” Ted ranted, rubbing a hand over his brow. “He burst into tears and started apologizing for ‘thinking the worst of me.’ So, then, I tried to console him and tell him it wasn’t a problem; but that was all wrong too; as, apparently, by saying that, it implied that it could have been a problem.”

By this time Brian was laughing outright; he knew he should be more sympathetic to his friend’s plight given the fact he’d soon be in his shoes, but this was funny as shit.

Meanwhile, Drew just gaped and seemed to have a hard time grasping it. If he only knew that this was only the tip of the iceberg. Brian actually felt sorry for the boy if what he heard was true, and he and Emmett were talking babies. Because, if Blake was bad, and Justin a drama princess, he so didn’t want to see what the Queen of all Queens would be like while pregnant.

“So, he pouted the entire ride over to the café,” Ted finished with a heavy dose of exasperation. “Wouldn’t say a word to me; but as soon as he saw the two of them, he perked right back up and was his happy, cheerful self again.”

“I’m dreading when Justin hits that stage,” Brian admitted ruefully; Justin’s minor breakdown when he realized he couldn’t have three cups of his precious coffee every morning had been bad enough. “Personally, I’m just planning to keep chocolate in my brief case, so that when I run across one of these moods, I have a way to defuse them.”

Ted stared at Brian with no little amount of awe. “That is brilliant; why didn’t I think of that?”

“Because, while you are a brilliant numbers man, Theodore,” Brian smirked, chewing on his toothpick. “I am the best ad man in the state, if not on the entire East Coast. It’s my job to think of these things.”

“Isn’t that a bit manipulative?” Drew asked skeptically.

“Yes,” Brian said without a shred of remorse. “But you do what you have to do because you aren’t the one carrying the baby. And if you’re at all attached to your dick, you will remember that.”

“Amen to that,” Ted fervently said, smirking at Drew’s doubtful expression.

Ah, to be so inexperienced; when you thought that there was no way you would ever employ such underhanded tactics on the one you loved, because they were reasonable human beings. But what Drew hadn’t yet realized, was that pregnant people were very rarely reasonable. He’d learn that lesson eventually.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Brian asked, arching an amused brow.

“I deal with Emmett’s crazy on a daily basis; it couldn’t be any worse than that.” Drew said with an unconcerned shrug.

Brian laughed at his naiveté and exchanged a knowing look with Ted.

“Ohhhh,” Ted said, shaking his head. “You did not just say that.”

“He did,” Brian snorted; heartily amused by Drew’s confused look. “But as with all that follow in our wake, we must allow our young padiwan to make his own mistakes. Good luck with that. If you think Justin is a drama princess, wait until you’ve seen a true Emmett queen out.”

Ted chuckled, and then opened his mouth to respond, but was halted when his phone lit up and started blaring Dancing Queen. Frowning, he quickly answered it, as there was only one person that could have that tone, and he was currently brunching with his very pregnant husband.

“Emmett?” Ted greeted, his brow pinching as he listened to whatever had Auntie Em in a tizzy now. “What do you mean he’s been in labor the entire time you’ve been eating breakfast? Why didn’t you take him to…” Ted paused, and then rolled his eyes skyward. “Of course, he didn’t tell you. So, where are you now?” There was another pause. “Ah, good, take him to West Penn. I’ll be there soon.”

Ted ended the call and hurriedly pulled out his wallet. Grabbing a stack of bills, he tossed them on the table before stuffing it back into his pocket.

“So,” Brian prompted impatiently as he grabbed his jacket.

“As you could have probably guessed, Blake is in labor,” Ted said, stating the obvious; Brian gave him a ‘well, duh’ look. Ted rolled his eyes and climbed out of the booth. “What he didn’t tell me, was that he has been in labor since about six this morning.”

“Well, that will do it,” Brian snorted as they headed for the door.

“Do what?” Ted asked, trying to find his keys.

“It’s likely why he was in such a mood this morning,” Brian said, rolling his eyes when Ted fumbled said keys and dropped them. “I can’t imagine that being very pleasant.”

“Well, he could have said something to me,” Ted griped as he stooped to pick up the keys and only to fumble them again.

“Christ, Schmidt; give me the fucking keys,” Brian groused, yanking them out of his hands and shoving him towards Drew, who ushered Ted into the passenger seat once Brian released the locks. “There is no way in hell I’m going to let you drive. I’d like to live to see my child born.”

Ted rolled his eyes, but remained silent for the entirety of the ride, too busy texting with Emmett to engage in any conversation; which suited Brian just fine. He knew the madness was just beginning and he wanted to enjoy the peace and quiet while he could. God knew he wouldn’t get that at the hospital.

In no time at all, they were pulling up to the hospital, and Brian dropped Ted off in front of the East Tower before parking the car near Justin’s SUV. Locking up the car, Brian swiftly made his up to the fifth floor waiting room, and where he assumed that Justin would be waiting.

Stepping out of the elevator, Brian swiftly strode down the hall and paused, rolling his eyes at the scene before him. Justin was huddled in a corner with a tray containing French toast, country potatoes, milk, orange juice, a fruit cup and a pudding cup in front of him. On top of that, a nurse hovered nearby, asking if he needed anything else while she was up.

Justin flashed a bright smile and thanked her, before saying he was fine for now. The nurse smiled brightly, fluttering her lashes a bit, and then walked away, while Justin just kept eating as if his life depended on it.

“Why am I not surprised?” Brian asked as he strode over and threw himself into the chair next to him, shaking his head in amusement.

“What?” Justin said, just a bit defensively. He scowled and hovered over his food as if he expected Brian to take it away from him; which he wasn’t. He’d learned a long time ago not to get between the twat and his food. “Blake said this will take hours and I’m still hungry!”