March 19 – (28 weeks)

Deb bustled around her kitchen, a small frown on her face as she made all of Brian's and Justin's favorite things in preparation for their visit. She knew that it wouldn't make up for her moment of weakness, when she pleaded with Justin for the invites for Michael and Ben, knowing damned well that her Sunshine hated to disappoint her, but it was the only way she knew to express her remorse.

She, like Brian, didn't do apologies well; look at what happened to her and Vic. She was stubborn, opinionated, set in her ways and hated to be told that she was wrong; and more, she'd rather have a root canal, without Novocain, than admit that she was wrong.

The life that she had led to date hadn't afforded her that luxury, nor had it given her the chance to be soft or pampered. If she'd have ever backed down to the naysayers, to the detractors, to the ones that told her she'd never be able to support or raise a child on her own, she would have simply curled up in a ball and cried. And she couldn't afford to do that; she hadn't had the time for that nonsense. Not when she'd been a teen mom with a helpless child relying on her for his every want, need and desire.

Which she'd worked her ass off to provide in spades; building a life away from her family and friends, with exception of Vic. Working her fingers to the bone to provide a nutritious meal for Michael, even while eating scraps herself; to provide a roof over his head with a warm bed to sleep in every night, and clothing that may not have been new,but it had kept his ass covered and warm.

It had been an every day, uphill battle trying not to care that she'd often slept alone at night, clothed in pajamas that had seen better days, and feeling perpetually hungry because she was determined that little boy would never feel the loss of a father. Nor would he feel the loss of the rest of the family that had shunned her the moment that they'd learned of her pregnancy. Fuck 'em. She had been young, proud, strong and had more balls than all of those assholes put together.

But that attitude did pose problems now that she no longer needed to fight for that tiny baby's right to love and be happy. Or, more to the point, she knew that she shouldn't still be coddling Michael, and shouldn't try solving all his problems now that he was an adult; but it was so hard to stop. She'd fought so long and hard for him, something that Michael ate up, that she'd somehow missed that magical cut off date, where kids started asserting their independence and learning to take care of themselves.

She'd noticed that this was also about the time that she started having problems with Brian; at first, when he was fourteen, he'd lapped up the mothering like a starving kitten did their mother's milk. After a life with Joan and Jack, he'd been thrilled to have someone to coddle and comfort him; to fix his cuts and bruises. He'd basked in it, listening and looking to her for guidance, just as Michael had.

And it had been wonderful to have two of them to look after, to chase after; Brian quickly became the son of her heart, if not the son of her loins. She'd seen a lot of herself in him – the wild streak, the wicked humor and playful sense of mischief, his strong, independent nature and takes no bullshit attitude. They were all traits that she now wished that she'd instilled into her own son, but had purposely suppressed because she hadn't wanted Michael to face the same trouble and woes that she'd gotten herself into.

(She regretted that now; knowing that it cobbled him in ways that she'd never intended.)

She'd tried to do the same with Brian, but that independent streak grew, and developed into a very strong sense of self; and God, she was so very proud of him. And yet, she was so very terrified for him because he did not sit back and let life come to him. He took the bull by the horns and guided his own destiny, even if it went in a direction that worried her most nights because she'd been there. She'd held that same self-destructive streak and only a helpless baby had reined her wild ways in.

(It was funny how their lives paralleled; because it had been a baby that had started Brian onto his path of self-growth when he'd stagnated emotionally at the age of twenty-one. Thankfully, a sweet, sassy, stubborn twink came along at the same time and rocked his world, and he hadn't had to face it alone like she had.)

The similarities in their personalities is what caused most of their problems. Whenever you put two stubborn people who despised being wrong together, it was bound to cause sparks. Most of the time, they'd fight, go off into their separate corners to stew, and lick their wounds, and then they'd blow it off with a few words; she and Brian had been angry with each other numerous times, and it always worked out in the end.

But she didn't think it would this time, and it scared her. She'd already lost one of her sons because he was being a thoughtless brat, and his husband had stepped in and decided to separate the parties for a while. She didn't want to lose another because of her own stupid interference. Two of them really, because wherever Brian went, Sunshine followed; Justin supported Brian – always had, always would.

She didn't want to lose her boys, but she couldn't help feeling like they were slipping away from her nonetheless and…

"Will you sit down," Carl huffed from the dining room table, where he'd been sitting and watching her run around for the last several minutes. She huffed and hurried past him to peak at the lasagna in the oven, wanting to make sure it was perfect. Her Sunshine had always loved her lasagna and this might be the last…no she wouldn't allow herself to think that way.

"I just want everything to be perfect," Deb fretted, opening the oven door and standing back to allow any steam to escape; she slid her hands into the oven mitts and pulled the bubbling lasagna out. She set it on the stove to cool for 15 minutes before she added cheese to the top and put it in for another five minutes.

"You do realize," Carl said in a cautious tone, obviously not wanting to upset her, but also wanting to be honest with her. "That while this is a nice gesture, they're not likely to do the forgive-and-forget thing any time soon, Deb."

And yes; yes, damn it! She was well aware of that! She didn't need him harping on her and reminding her that she'd overstepped her boundaries once again with the boys. She could tell the other night that Brian wasn't happy with her; why did he think that she was working so hard on this dinner? It wasn't for her health, that's for sure!

"Brian has always…" She said, and then trailed off when Carl snorted; she scowled, because yes, that was a stupid thing she was going to say. She knew it, and yet she just couldn't help herself sometimes. Her mother had always told her that she had no brain-to-mouth filter and that it would get her in trouble one day.

"No, Deb," Carl stated firmly, not allowing her any wiggle room; and even if it annoyed her, she appreciated the fact that he was never afraid to speak his mind with her. "You need to understand that Michael crossed a serious line, and there is nothing you can say or do that is going to make that okay."

Deb huffed again and wiped her brow with the back of her hand; she had to fight back that little voice inside her that screamed out the need to defend her baby boy. She wanted to hiss and stomp and tell Carl to shut his fool mouth because he didn't know her boys like she did and she would damn well make it okay if it was the last thing that she did. But she bit her tongue, because deep down, she knew he was right and she was still learning to do that listen and think before you speak thing.

"I know," Deb said, taking a deep breath as she began to toss the salad, knowing that Brian would rather die than eat a ton of carbs after seven; which is why she'd also grilled up a couple of chicken breasts for him to go with it. "I know. And I promised myself that I wouldn't push. But then Michael came over and he looked so sad, and he was leaving…but, no, you're right. I shouldn't have done it. They're all grown boys capable of making their own decisions. Mostly."

"Deb," Carl admonished, crossing his arms over his chest; Deb looked up and frowned at him, because she knew damned well that he didn't think Michael capable of wiping his own ass some days, let alone make informed decisions.

"Well, you can't tell me that you would put Michael in the same category with Brian and Justin would you?" she challenged, her hands on her hips; Carl looked away. Yeah, that's what she thought. "I mean, I love my kid; but he is as capable as a two-year-old sometimes."

"Sometimes?" Carl muttered, bringing the defensive mother in her to the fore once again; and this time she couldn't hold her tongue. Because yeah, Michael could be a real idiot sometimes, but he was still her son and she wasn't going to let anyone bad mouth him; even if they were right.

"Hey, watch it, buster," Deb huffed, casting the stink eye at her husband; making Carl just stare blandly back at her. "That's my kid you're talking about."

"And that's what I mean," Carl nodded, making her scowl. Fuck, she hated when he pulled that shit just to make a damned point. "As soon as anyone criticizes him, you jump on their case." He paused and arched a brow when she frowned and slumped into a chair at the table. "You need to stop defending Michael's actions. He is an adult. He is the same age as Brian, and you would never allow Brian to get away with acting this way; why are you excusing Michael?"

"I…I know," Deb said, staring at her hands; and she did know. Carl was right; if Brian had pulled that shit on Ben, she would have been all up his ass about it. "I just…I get so worried about him. He's not like Brian." She paused when Carl growled; she rolled her eyes. "And I don't mean that in a negative way against Brian before you jump down my throat, asshole."

Carl just harrumphed, but didn't say anything.

"Michael has never been self-sufficient like Brian was," she said as she bit her lip and twisted her hands in her lap. "And still is. From the moment Brian turned eighteen and graduated from high school, he knew exactly what wanted from life and what he had to do to get it. And then he worked out a plan and busted his ass to get there. He is a self-made man; he did it all by himself, with no help from anyone."

Carl nodded, a faint proud smile on his face; and while she was glad to see it, and loved that Carl and Brian had gotten so close, she also couldn't help wishing that he'd developed the same sort of relationship with Michael. Although, she did know the only reason that they hadn't was all down to Michael and his behavior. Carl didn't suffer fools, and her idiot son just couldn't help acting like a buffoon around him.

"And then when Sunshine came into his life," Deb continued, automatically smiling when she thought about Justin; she couldn't help it. He'd quickly wormed his way into her heart with nothing more than that bright smile. "And little by little that tenacious, cute little kid whittled away the walls he'd built up over the years, bringing out this amazing man and father in Brian. The one that I always knew was there, but he'd carefully hidden away so that people couldn't hurt him…it just. I am so happy for them. And I am so incredibly proud of the man that he has become."

"Then what's the issue?" Carl asked with a frown, trying to figure out where she was going with all of this; and she didn't even know herself really. Maybe that was the real problem; she didn't have a clear enough view of the issues.

"Michael isn't like that," Deb said quietly; and she knew that this was largely her fault; she'd coddled and spoiled him, thinking she was keeping him safe, when really she was only hindering his growth. "Sometimes, I think I ruined him by coddling him so much. He's never learned to rely on himself. He's never had to work for anything; it's always been handed to him. He's never had any real goals or dreams or aspirations; he's always been happy to just float along and let everyone around him tell him what to do or how to act and… he's very spoiled. And that's my fault."

"That's the first time you've admitted that," Carl said, his brows raised in surprise; and she didn't blame him. She'd never wanted to admit it to herself. "Usually you blame…"

"Brian." Deb sighed, squirming in her seat as her cheeks flushed with shame. "Yes, I do do that an awful lot; and unfairly. I should've never expected Brian to take care of Michael. I should've told Michael to stop expecting a handout and to get off his lazy ass and do something if he was so unhappy instead of expecting Brian to solve all of his problems. If I could go back in time… there are so many things I'd change. So many things I'd stop myself from saying; and so many things that I'd tell him."

"Then tell him now," Carl huffed; and then he shrugged when Deb looked at him with bewilderment. "It's not too late. Tell him how proud you are of him, and that you don't blame him for Michael's actions. Tell him all those things you've held back before he decides that trusting you with those that mean the world to him isn't worth it if it brings nothing but pain for all of them. It's only right."

Deb sat back in her chair and thought about that; could it really be that easy? She didn't think it was, but Carl made it sound as if all she had to do was spill her guts, and maybe this rift with the son of her heart would be healed. Well, no, it couldn't be that easy; but it would be a fine start and Brian deserved to hear all those things.

"I will," Deb said, jutting her chin out defiantly; because Carl was right and Brian really did need to hear what she thought of him; and then she startled as a husky voice came from the doorway behind her.

"You already did, Ma," Brian said quietly, looking as if he was trying to hold back his emotions. Justin was pinned too his side, his arm supporting him, sporting a small, satisfied grin on his face as he looked between Brian and Deb.

"O-oh, boys," Deb stammered, getting quickly to her feet; she patted her wig down nervously as she hadn't expected them to overhear this conversation. She glanced quickly at Carl, and noticed that he was equally as surprised to see them, so, at least she wouldn't have to kick his ass for setting her up. "I didn't even see you there."

"I'd noticed," Brian smirked, his eyes glinting with humor as he rolled his lips under; and she couldn't help but smile fondly at the familiar gesture. The one that said he was trying to hold something back, whether it be words or emotions.

"I'm so, so sorry, Brian," Deb said, stepping forward to hug him, and then halting uncertainly because she wasn't sure of her reception at the moment. "I knew when I was doing it that it was the wrong thing to do, but I just can't seem to help myself sometimes; I love all of you boys to pieces and I hate to see any of you hurting…"

"Sorry is bullshit," Brian said, cutting off her explanation with a sweep of his hand; and again, it was such a familiar gesture that it made her smile. Brian looked away, uncomfortable as always when it came to emotional discussions; and then he looked back and stated firmly. "Now, this doesn't mean I'm happy with what you did. You need to stop interfering with our lives."

Deb nodded, looking down at her hands; she knew he was right, but it did hurt a bit that he was still holding back his forgiveness. Although, it did make her all the more determined to win back his and Justin's trust in her.

"You grew us up pretty well," Brian said, a small smile flickering at the corner of his mouth; and then he expelled a heavy breath. "Now it's our turn to take care of you."

Deb swallowed thickly and pressed a hand to her mouth, her eyes misting at the words; Brian rolled his eyes and huffed, and she could all but hear him thinking, 'don't get moist.' And then she had to snicker at that thought; drawing a reluctant smile from Brian.

"You can't keep doing this," Brian plowed on, his eyes growing dark and serious. "Michael was warned multiple times that I wasn't going to tolerate his attitude towards Justin any longer. And he chose…he chose to continue harassing him. I will not allow him to be a part of my life if he cannot accept my husband. And I shouldn't have to."

"You're right," Deb said, a sad smile on her face. Because she really wanted to make this right for her son; but Brian was just as important to her and she didn't want to abuse his trust by foisting Michael onto him again. "I just…no, there is no excuse. I could blame it on habit, but that is no excuse for going against your wishes. I need to let Michael live his life and deal with the consequences of his own actions. But it's tough; and I might not get it right all the time. I do promise to try; if that's…acceptable?"

"For now," Brian nodded, huffing when Justin nudged him; he looked down at Justin with an arched brow, but Justin just stared back until Brian sighed and conceded. "I just ask that you try; and we'll see.

"And if I'm overstepping you'll tell me?" Deb asked hesitantly; because she knew herself. She would try to earn their trust again, but she'd been defending and coddling Michael all of his life. It wasn't going to be an easy habit to break.

"I will," Brian nodded, rolling his eyes when Justin bounced over to Deb and hugged her; and really that was more than she'd deserved, so she just hugged him back and accepted her son's final warning. "I…hope that we can work this out, Deb. I'd really hate to lose contact with the only mother figure I've had throughout my life. But I will if I have to. Justin and Sunbeam are my life; and for them, I will do anything to keep them safe."