BRIAN

“Everyone except Brian go inside, please.” Carl orders, and, with a kiss to my cheek, Justin is the last one to follow.

“You heard Ma, get away from here!” I step up to him, I don’t even want to say the name Michael anymore.

“Brian…” Carl begins, but without taking my eyes off of him I hold up my hand.

“Finally, you’ve given me a present I want, a mom and a dad.”

“You are welcome to my sloppy seconds.” He spits, and with one more nasty look slams the van shut then gets in the driver’s seat. He guns the engine and as he peels off, Carl is howling with laughter.

“What happened?” I demand, but he is doubled over and holding up his hand so I wait for him to compose himself. “Carl?” I prompt.

“When everyone is here. I think that is Mel now.” He nods up the road. It is her, and she is holding Henry’s hand. “Oh good grief how cute is he?!”

“What?” Diana looks puzzled, but Mel is looking full of herself, yes definitely full of herself.

“Was it a gift?”

“Yes. And since he is wearing it, no gift receipt. Sorry.”

“That’s it! He is telling me where he gets them from!” I grouse, and look for my Mystery Shopper. “You!” I find him in the kitchen and pin him against the counter. ‘I demand to know!”

“What is wrong with…” He starts to smile as he hears Mel laugh. “...awww, doesn't he look so handsome!”

“Jiggle. I will toast you until you tell me.” This gets his attention back on me. “I am serious, toast and tug. We will go home now…your choice.”

“Can we toast and tug later?” He nuzzles my throat. “Debs needs us here now.”

“Look forward to it.” I return the nuzzle. “Where is she?”

“Upstairs.”

“Mel, with me, please.”

“Is everything okay?” She asks as she follows.

“Not really, no.” I check the bathroom and I am pleased to find she’s not in there. “Ma! Where you at?”

“In here!” She calls out from Little Grub’s nursery. “Has he gone?” She asks as she rocks him.

“Yeah. Want me to take him while you explain?”

“Explain what? What’s happened?” Mel rubs Gus’s knuckle as he is transferred into my arms.

“Carl told Michael that he’s not welcome here as long as we are together because of what he did at the dinner.”

“Really?! Good on him! I’m sorry, Debs, but that was just so…” She fishes for a word.

“Michael?” I supply, and Ma looks sorrowful. “You knew this time would come, didn’t you?”

“But I thought I would be the one to do it. He really loves me, doesn’t he?” She brightens up considerably. “Do you really think Benson can do that to the car?”

“Benson do what to the car? Please start from the beginning!” Mel grumbles, stroking his chin. “Sorry, Gus, no need for the Grumpy Face, Auntie Mel is just a little frustrated with your daddy and gramma.” After a few seconds of Little Grub thoughts he grins at her and reaches for her finger. “So ‘splain to me, as Desi would say.”

“Desi?”

“We were watching I Love Lucy in bed this morning.” She smiles.

“And Desi is the girlfriend?”

“Oh honey, you and Justin need to do more in bed than sleep and fu...fulfill your desires!” I quirk an eyebrow. “A weekend, I bet you can’t do a weekend?”

“Oooh I will take change on that!” Mel grins. “I bet you $1,000 that you can’t.”

“You do realise that I earn that in interest alone in about 5 minutes?” Their faces fall, much to my amusement. “Okay, here’s my terms. If we can go 48 hours without fulfilling our desires, then you take me to where Justin shops. And if we can’t do it, then...oh what can it be, let me think about it a bit.”

“Why don’t I like that smile?!” Ma peers at me. “You are up to something. You’ve got your back end covered somehow!”

“I don’t know what you are talking about. But back to the matter in hand. Michael tore up a picture of Ma and threw it away, along with the clothes from the weekend. He didn’t deny that he put it in the trash and demanded her to choose between him and Carl. She chose Carl, and Benson is going to compact his car and send it to him in a one inch cube.”

MEL

“Debs, you guys coming soon?! They really want to know what’s making me laugh down here!” Carl calls up, and Debs heads towards the door, taking Gus on the way, which affords me the opportunity to stop Brian.

“What? About this bet, I haven’t…”

“No not about that. He really is a nasty piece of shit isn’t he?”

“Yep. But hey, I at least can use my key now.”

“Key?”

“I’ll tell you in a minute, but first Carl wants to say something.”

LOUNGE

We are all looking at him with great expectation. We could hear him intermittently chuckling, but refusing to tell them without Debs.

“Okay, she’s here now.” Ems curls himself into the corner of the sofa. “Now where does Little Grub need to be?” We all frown at him. “Well you laughed and gave him the finger, so whatever it was he did, it was both funny and annoying. So who does he need to be with?”

“Auntie Ems.” He replies, and this silences the room. “And maybe Henry too.” He waits for them to get settled and for Ems to inhale deeply. “He spat at me.”

“He what?!” Debs growls, and she jerks her head at Brian.

“Yeah, pulled a sputum from deep down in that pit of his throat and spat.”

“How is this funny?!” Brian is halfway out the door.

“Sit down, son.” He looks at him until he does so. “The window was shut.”

It takes a few seconds for it to register and I shudder. “Eww! But serves him right! That is disgusting!”

“And no amount of Big Grub Little Grub is helping. Take them. Take them now.” I have never heard Ems speak so calmly but look so enraged. Debs and Diana take the children and he gets up very slowly. “I won’t be long...and nobody best get between me and him.”

I look around the room and no one is moving to stop him. “Uh, guys, you are going to do something, right?”

“No.” Debs replies. “Normally when it comes to things like this, he gets calmer the nearer he gets to his destination.”

“Like what?” Diana is rocking a slightly put out Henry as he had just got comfy.

“Just before they went away, someone spat in his face and he then found out the guy was positive.” Debs starts to tear up and I just can't believe this. “Worst two weeks of my life, waiting with him for that result.” I sit next to her and kiss her cheek. “I never, and I mean never ever want to see him that scared again. He made us all promise…”

“And typical of him!” I snarl, and stride out in the hopes that he hasn’t got far.

EMMETT

He is parked and furiously cleaning off the window. “Emmett!” I sigh as my hopes of a surprise attack are dashed by Mel bellowing my name, so I stop and wait for her to catch up. “Any calmer?”

“No.”

“Good. But be quick, Henry and Gus wants their lap back.” This makes my fury die down a little bit. “I had no idea.”

“You weren’t privy to my life then, you are now.” He is leaning against the van and I try not to look at the window. “Spitting. Seriously?”

“It was the least I could do, a final parting gift. Now fuck off you nelly prick and butchy dyke, this is private property.” He turns back to the van and mutters something under his breath. I shove him in the shoulder and he whirls around but backs up when he realises how close I am.

“We’re only staying long enough to tell you that if you, you sussurating shithead, do that to anyone again, especially a member of my family, this nelly prick will shove that car up your ass and the butchy dyke will seal it shut!“ The last time Ems spoke to him like that was at the hospital, and he, like then, says nothing. “I know this hire company very well, if there is one spec of your miscreant DNA anywhere...I will break your face.”

Ten minutes later, having watched him clean the window to his satisfaction, we are heading back laughing our heads off.

BEN

I heave a sigh of relief when I hear the door opening, I think everyone does. I look across at Blake and he gives me a small nod, I think that he needs to talk to him too.

“So what did we miss?” Mel asks, settling Henry on Emmett’s lap.

“It was Lindsay who called and said that Michael mentioned about trying to screw with the wedding.” Debs repeats what Carl told us, and they are as flummoxed as we were.

“Why would she warn you though?” Mel frowns.

“Yeah, we had just got to that part.” Brian scratches his head. “It's just like…”

“She’s sold the cottage to her father and is leaving the state.” Emmet sips his drink. “Oh, that’s better. No, that's not right, I sold her cottage to Daph and Daph sold it to Ronald.” All eyes are on him. “Further elucidation?”

“Honey…”

“Okay, Big Bad.” He adjusts a dozing Henry and tells us how Daph and her mom got the cottage off of Lindsay after Jennifer had suggested to him that he take it off her by subterfuge, if necessary, after all the money that he poured into it. And after all they did, he began to warm to the idea. “So there you have it. One down, one to go, and go he shall. Now onto more pleasant subjects, please.”

“So, Kiddo, what’s the wager?” She tops up his glass.

“Wager, Guvnor?” Benson looks utterly adorable lying with his head on my lap and Gus sleeping on his chest.

“Hmm. Mel and Mom have bet me that Justin and I can't go 48 hours without sex, and I accepted.”

“You did what?” Justin looks ill.

“Accepted. If we manage it, then Mel takes me to the store and I go nuts, and if we don’t, then she gets to be Gus’s godmother.”

“You sneaky…!” Justin hisses.

“Aha, knew you had it covered! Well played!” Debs laughs.

Now everyone is looking at Mel. She gets up and takes the blanket and covers Gus up. “Born Under the Moon.”

“Thanks, Godmomma.” Brian smiles, and then blows Justin a kiss.

“I wanted to T&T later.” He gripes.

“That will still happen.” Brian licks his lips and Justin lights up.

“Why will it? Whatever you are talking about that has him like that.” Blake asks.

“Because he cut out the labels. How can you be a label queen junior, if there are no labels?!”

“Oh, Kiddo, only you!” Debs chuckles.