CHAPTER 55 - BUTTERCUP, CUPCAKE, THE PRINCE AND STARTING A FIRE

DEL

I have known Lindsay for a few years, unfortunately, and judging by the emotions flitting across Mel’s face she sees it too. The determination of Lindsay to make this unpleasant for everyone.

“That won't be necessary, Edward. Mother and I are staying, aren‘t we, Mother?”

“Yes, I think that spot just over there will be perfect. Is there anything in his car, or outside of it, which cannot easily be replaced?”

“No.” She looks as dismissively as she can, there seems to be something wrong with her face, and flicks her hair. “Why don't you go and get us some drinks, Mother? Edward, on reflection, your last act as a gentlemen would be to bring my things to me, don’t you think? I would hate to put purloining temptation in your mistress’s reach. Although she will have adequate counsel for any charges that would be brought.”

“Of course Lindsay, it will be my pleasure. Call it an exorcism, your brief presence has left a terrible stench.” He rejoins smartly before walking off, leaving her open mouthed in his wake!

“Now, who wanted what?” Jennifer asks before looking at a puzzled looking Justin. “You okay, sweetheart?”

“Do you feel dizzy or anything?” Brian asks, concerned, going to sit next to him.

“Yes, I mean no to the dizzy, but I am a little curious and want to know if I have read this right before I say anything.” He is looking intently at Del, who holds his gaze. “You're his mistress, but not in that sense?”

“Correct.” She grins, and we all watch confusion flood Lindsay’s face. “Buttercup, was mine for a few years between relationships. It worked for us, and…” She smiles sweetly. “...and now it looks like we’re both free. I wonder if he would be amenable…”

“You know what they say, when you stop being a mistress you create a vacancy!” Lindsay trills.

“At least I didn’t try and swallow in my mother’s...I mean follow in my mother’s footsteps!” I retort, causing spluttering laughter from the rest of them and angry contorting and staining of Lindsay’s, stiff for some reason, mug.

“Oh, Duchess, you nailed her good!” Benson grins.

“Duchess?!” Lindsay exclaims. “How can you even think that of her?! I have met royalty, and she is not it!”

“Like recognises like.” Benson responds, and there are knowing looks from the boys...as Mel calls them.

“What are you talking about? Who amongst that lot is royal?!” Nancy scoffs, having returned for the end of the conversation.

“Me. And two things you should know: the correct way to start that question is with whom, and you should’ve finished with your highness since you are all about the protocol!”

“What rot, you are about as royal as I am…”

“Unwelcome.” Edwards asserts as he returns with a bag, which he almost drops on her but all she does is glare at him. “And he’s right, you should address him thusly.”

She glowers at him before turning her cold eyes back to Benson. “Like I said…”

“Meet Prince Benedictine Francis I.” Ben interrupts just as Debs comes back with a cheerful Gus.

“Prince who?” Lindsay sneers. “Like I said, I have met royalty and I would’ve heard of him. There is not a Francis in any principality. What is your family name, your high-not!”

“Zhernakovdakovich. Old lady’s maiden was Francis.” He replies. “Want me to wait while you look me up?”

“Might as well, it will pass some time.” Nancy snipes before pulling her phone out. “Sure you know how to spell it?”

“Nancy, I have no reason to lie to you. In fact, I relish the times you are made a fool of, and this is one of them, with, as usual, the help of your offspring.” Jennifer remarks. “He is royalty, albeit of a minor Russian principality but royalty nevertheless.”

If I could freeze frame I would...the expressions on their faces! And that's when I realise what is off about her, apart from her very existence!

“Benson, you’re royalty?!” Debs exclaims, and he looks abashed.

“Yeah. Still want to come to my old man’s palace and have your rehearsal dinner?”

“Pal...palace!” She gasps. “What the hell do I wear to a palace?!”

“Oh! Can I suggest a fancy dress theme?!” I burst out, surprising everyone including myself!

“Swapnight!” Justin suddenly exclaims, and we all look at him, but Benson is starting to grin.

“You mean clothes right? Men as queens and women as kings?”

“Yes!”

“Let me have a word, Guvnor, though don’t see an issue. Now Ems, how twinkly do you want to go, and Duchess, I can get your number off Mel, right? Cos you will need to speak to Wilson about getting those assets contained!”

“Mother, we need to get something to eat!” Lindsay orders brusquely, much to Nancy’s surprise but not, it seems, to Mel, Jennifer or Justin’s; and then it dawns on me...and it’s not a surprise to me either.

“Let’s take our stuff to the shade…”

“Yeah, wouldn’t want you to get more dried out.” Jennifer smiles, but this time tongues are firmly bitten.

No prizes for guessing what they are going to discuss then try and do!

MARQUEE - 10 MINUTES LATER

NANCY

I wait impatiently for her to confirm what we know to be true. Like she said, she has no reason to lie. “So now what do we do?”

“We?” Lindsay looks pityingly at me. “I am going to go to this dinner as Michael’s guest. Who you go with is your business.”

“Lindsay, this in-fighting is not getting us what we want…”

“You have a point I suppose. Once again, a ceasefire until we are firmly at the top of the pile?”

“A true ceasefire, no backstabbing from either of us?”

“Agreed. Now first things first, no doubt Michael is carrying a grievance over this marriage and will want to wreak havoc, let’s help him with that while helping ourselves!”

“And we must go back to where we were sitting!” Mother seethes. “I want to hear about this Del creature!”

“Me too, and to know when Mel started to play fucking earth mother?!”

“Language, dear!”

BENSON

“It was very nice of that couple to watch Lindsay’s bag while we moved, wasn't it?” I wink at everyone. “This is a much better area, and I think it’s time we cooled off! Anyone fancy a paddle?”

“Where? The lake is on the other…” Hunter stops talking when I signal and four guys appear carrying a massive paddling pool and behind them is a fire truck.

“A fire truck? An actual fire truck?!” Ben gasps as it comes towards us. “When did…”

“My old man. He’s a big kid at heart!” I laugh as I remember the argument as the small paddling pool morphed into a six foot thing because other kiddies in the park would be upset if they couldn’t share! Me pointing out that there was an actual lake in this park brooked no argument...especially when he said it was going to be hot and not all kiddies are under 14!

His point is well made when Justin and Blake start to tear off their shoes and roll up their pant legs!

“For goodness sake, you two!” Carl chuckles. “Let them fill it and the little ones get their paddle first!”

“Yes, grandpa!” They chorus, and he rolls his eyes.

“So you coming then?” I turn to Edward and he looks surprised and confused. “I mean to the dinner. She's coming, right, Debs? So you going to be her guest? If not, why not? She’s peachy keen judging by the looks she’s trying not to give you.”

“Are you always this direct?” He questions.

“Yep. So?”

“She needs to ask me, and…”

“She is asking you, via me, so?”

“Yes, I would be delighted to attend with her.” He concedes. “I have missed my Cupcake.”

“Oh yes, back to that!” Blake declares. “So this mistress thing, what other sense is there?” We all just look at him. “What?”

“You’re not serious with that question?” Jennifer laughs.

“Why not? It…” He closes his eyes and starts to blush. “...ah yes, got it.” Then he frowns. “May I ask another question?”

“Yep.” Del rests against Edward.

“Taking your direct approach, when are you going to tell him?” He asks, looking at me, and it is my turn to frown. “It is obvious that you do, or you are pretty close.”

“We already have kind of said it.” I mumble, wishing the pool was full so I can cool down!

“Have we?” Ben teases.

“Eight by three with three hundred pounds of thrusting power...want that again?”

“We’ve kinda said it!” Ben concurs quickly and I wink at him.

MICHAEL’S HOUSE - SAME TIME

BACK GARDEN

MICHAEL

I haven’t heard from Lindsay in a while, and I have to admit it was nice to have someone outside of the collectibles community to talk to. As I open the beer, the smell of BBQ invades my nostrils and I am a bit put out! I have been living here for almost a month now, and other than an occasional wave, none of my neighbours have invited me over. That being said, I haven’t invited them either, but I am new and they should make the first move, like a welcoming committee.

“Ouch! Fucking hell!” I yelp as something hits me in the back of the head.

“Jeez, sorry about that!” A voice yells, and a head pops up over the fence. “I didn’t mean to throw it that way! Are you okay?”

“No! I shall most likely have a bruise! You need to be more careful!”

“Hey, buddy! He said he was sorry! Can’t you…” The guy looks at me strangely before curling his lip up in disgust. “Let’s go to the park and play.”

“Uh, dad?”

“Come on, there is more room and less company.”

“Don’t you want this back?!” I call out frowning.

“No, you can keep it!”

“What the hell am I supposed to do with a frisbee?!” I demand stamping up to the fence.

“Bite on it to keep the noise down!” He snaps before following his kid inside.

“Dad, what did you mean by that?” The kid asks.

“I will explain the onanism etiquette rules to you when you’re a bit older.” He replies and shuts the door. I throw the frisbee back over the fence and go back to finish my beer, but curiosity gets the better of me and I head inside to the lounge to find my laptop.

“Own an ism, I think that’s what he said.” I type it in and the flame of humiliation burns all over me. “Onanism...masturbating.” I shake my head to clear his scowling face from my mind as Ben’s taunting words come back to haunt me. “Surely, I couldn't have been that loud, could I?!”

GRANDVIEW PARK - TWENTY MINUTES LATER

GUS

Da is carrying me to a very big bath, I am not sure about this. I look at Li, but he is smiling big. The big bath looks a lot colder than my one and there are no nice smelling round things that go away when I touch them, this is not going to happen!

“Waaah!”

Da stops and Li is no longer smiling big, there is a loud noise and I don’t like this one little bit!

“Waahaaahaaa!”

Good, he is moving away from the loud noise and we're sitting down again. I can see the big bath better now. Wait a second...where’d those round things come from?! There is loads of them! Maybe I was wrong about this bath thing?

“Ganmph!” I wave my arms at the bath, and...yes, we are going back!

Li gets in the bath, he doesn't seem to mind it...oh, here comes the water, oh, it’s like my bath at home, nice and warm! I splash my feet and blow bubbles! Yes, this is very goo...uh, what is Li doing?! I try to squirm away because he seems to be taking off my clothes...he's surely not giving me my bath now and then taking me to my room?! I can't see my room! “Nerrgh!” I try to bat his hands away but he just smiles more. “Nerrgh-nerrgh!” I repeat but despite my protests I am now naked as the day I was born, but without the icky thing!

I glare at Da but he just smiles at me...of course he’s smiling he’s not naked and...and...who is that and why is he in my bath?! It reaches for me and I start to cry but then it does something soft and gentle...it touches my face and then smiles like Li but not as big. Okay, it can stay!

MEL

I watch Henry be very gentle with Gus and can’t help the warm feeling. “Aren’t they adorable?” I sigh to Diana who just nods. “I hope they will be friends when they are older.” I can’t help but smile wider as they are both sitting on the grass and appear to be getting along famously!

“Thus implying…” She puts an arm around my waist. “...that you intend to stick around?”

“As long as you want me to.” I reply, and kiss her tenderly...and there’s a fluttery feeling, one I have never had with Lindsay not even when I first met her!

“I was so nervous. I thought he wasn’t going to be comfortable with you.”

“You too! But I seem to have worked my magic! So, what do you think of Del’s idea of fancy dress?”

“I am not sure about that. I might break royal protocol and insist on wearing a dress. But I do look forward to seeing you dressed as a king...my queen.”

This is going to be one shopping trip that I will enjoy, and it will be just the two of us!

LINDSAY

“Any luck?!” I demand of Mother as we have split up in an effort to find where they have gone. “Where?! What fire truck...oh, I see it! Yes, see you over there!”

I stride over with the basket of food and drinks, which I suppose was a good idea of Melissa’s. Having finally secured my bags somewhere, I could not believe they just left it with a total stranger! Well, a club member who I have a vague recognition of, but it wasn't one of them looking after it, and it should’ve been!

As I am joined by mother, we both scowl when we see Edward with his slattern of a mistress sitting all cosy. “I always had my suspicions about her you know?” I raise my voice, as we settle down on the grass, so she can hear me, there is no point insulting her otherwise!

“In what way, dear?” She adopts the same tone.

“Well, she had to be subsidised in some way, because of the cost of all outfits she wore...I mean, let’s just say that paid-in-kind must have been one of the terms.”

“Allow me to defend the honour of my lady. I would caution you both against any diatribe at this point!” Edward yells as he strides over to us. “Del has a uniqueness and character that is sadly lacking in the pair of you. You, Nancy, filled a need for the brief period, and you, Lindsay, I am so glad that I did not get to find out how badly you emulate her.”

Del strolls over and links arms with him. “I think you have wasted enough time with these inferior beings, Buttercup. Time to be with me.” She looks from me to Mother then starts to smile. “I was wrong, I thought you were like this because you’ve not had a prick lately, but you have...and it too doesn’t seem to agree with you.”

“What are you blathering on about, you tiresome slack creature?!”

“Oh, the irony of that word...slack...it implies that something needs tightening, and judging by those rapidly scabbing over Botox prick holes in your forehead and temples, they’ve overdone the dose.”

“Oh you little scamp! Come away with me! You are in so much trouble!” Edward asserts laughing.

“Oh no, you are the one in trouble, Buttercup. That ass of yours is in for a major hiding!”

“Yes, Mistress Cupcake.” He replies meekly and follows her like a lamb!

BRIAN

I look across at Justin as he and Blake start to get into a water fight, the fire truck will be back later, but I have an idea, so head over to Benson. “Got a minute?”

“Sure, Guv, what’s up?” He stands and we move away from the group a bit.

“I was wondering if you can do me a favour?” I query and lean in.

“Let me see what I can do for you, Guvnor.” He walks away chuckling and on his phone.

Ten minutes later the truck is coming back, and I stroll over to a very wet Justin and wait for him to notice I am there. He pushes the hair out of his face and splashes towards me. “You have recovered fully I see.”

“Mmm.” He stands on his tiptoes to kiss me. “Did you know about the fire truck?”

“Nope. Why?”

“I was just thinking...” His eyes are lambent with desire; seems we may be on the same page here! “...have you ever seen the movie Backdraft?”

Yep, definitely the same page!