Oh No You Didn’t… 

God, Justin looks so fine. I’ve missed him so much, it’s practically driving me crazy. Although I’ll never tell him, I’ll never let it show. To think, all it would have taken was a few little words and some cheap trinkets. But now it’s too late, he wears his ring and calls him his fiancé. They’ve made a commitment to each other, so I hope he’s happy. I always thought he was happy with me, but then that fucking banjo player came along and stole his heart. I still can’t believe he fell for all those pretty words. Doesn’t he know actions always speak louder than words?

I see him almost every day. He seems to be everywhere I look, but he looks right through me, like he doesn’t see me, like I never meant anything to him. My heart breaks a little more each time I see him. Oh, how I wish I hadn’t fucked everything up. I’m still hoping he’ll come back to me. I put on a brave front for all our friends. If you asked them they’d say he never meant anything to me. But what do they know? I’ve never been brave enough to tell it like it really is, how I really feel.

I joke about him wearing the same clothes as he did yesterday, because it’s easier to pick a fight with him, than to not say anything at all. Besides, I’m hoping there’s trouble in paradise. He really is everywhere, even in the art department when I go down there to yell at the staff about the current story boards. That’s when I find out he’s the new intern, which totally pisses me off. God, he looks so good, I want to reach out and pull him into my arms.

I can’t help myself from snarking about him being at my place of work, as he mumbles something about needing the credits for school. I harass him, questioning him about love’s eternal refrain, demanding to know why he isn’t working at some other advertising agency. But he comes back with some logical reasoning about how Vanguard is the best. Fucking twat and his 1500 SATs. I make a point of telling him not to expect any favors. I can’t help wondering how that chin rat feels about him working here with me. Then again I’m taken back by his beauty, as I fight not to kiss him passionately, letting him know how much I miss him.

Later that night I see him at Babylon and notice he’s not wearing his ring. I razz him and he stammers something about how eternities aren’t as long as they used to be. So he did split up with the fiddler. I can’t help wondering what went wrong, he seemed so happy. Now I’m stuck watching him trick and it breaks my heart just a little each time I see him kiss someone new. I still follow the rules, I never kiss anyone, get any names or take any numbers, and I’m always home by 3 am. Some habits are hard to break. I can’t stop watching him, wishing it was me that he was with. I want to hurt him so bad. Doesn’t he know what he’s doing to me?

I never meant to fall in love with him. It’s just like Debbie said, he got in under the wire and now I can’t seem to get him out of my system. How can he just carry on like this. Didn’t I mean anything to him?  I need to get high, so I find Anita lurking in the shadows. After getting some E and trail mix, Mikey and I meet in the restroom and have a few hits. It’s funny how Michael can always read me so easily, knowing when I’m sad and lonely. Yet he never puts two and two together, realizing I’m still longing for Justin.

It’s obvious Mikey’s still in love with me. I can’t believe he still hasn’t given it up, even though he’s with the professor now. We’re both pretty high and the next thing I know he’s cupping my dick, caressing me through my blue jeans. I ask him what he’s doing. I can’t believe part of me is actually thinking about letting him go for it. He’s wanted me for so long, but how will it be between us in the morning. Could he handle being just another one of my tricks? I haven’t stepped back or moved away and he’s still feeling me up. We’re both too stoned for this, and yet part of me thinks that maybe it’s time to give Mikey that final push off Mount Kinney. Because that’s what it would be, and hell, why shouldn’t he be just as miserable as I am? Maybe he already is?

I look down into his eyes and ask him if this is what he really wants? It’s the perfect time, with the professor in the Midwest for the Christmas holidays, Minnesota or some ungodly cold place like that. But I won’t take Mikey back to the loft. I don’t take tricks to the loft anymore. There’s too many memories of Justin that I can’t get out of my head. I close my eyes and pretend that it’s him squeezing my cock. I’m getting excited. I need to put an end to all this foreplay, or not. I have another hit of trail mix as I feel my zipper being lowered. But I don’t stop him…

I tell Michael that this means nothing, it’s just head, and I hope he heard me. I lean against the stall, throwing my head back, letting the drugs do their job. He starts to take me into his mouth, and I know this is all wrong. I should stop it. But I can’t. It’s warm and wet, and it feels good. I’m totally hard now, but not for him, but for my Sunshine. I pretend he’s Justin, except the technique is all wrong. I should stop this, but it’s too late. I’m too stoned. I hold his head in place and start fucking his mouth. He’s nowhere near as good as Justin, then I hear myself yell, “Cover your teeth, asshole!”

I can’t believe I have to tell him that. I close my eyes and see Justin looking up at me. I thrust forward a few more times before I cry out Justin’s name. I push him away, shooting against the cold steel wall, streams of cum running down the bathroom stall. Just as I finish I look down into Michael’s big, sad, puppy dog eyes. Unconsciously I whisper, “I love Justin.” Looking at his face, I know he heard me.

Our eyes meet as I step back and do up my pants. Michael asks me, “Didn’t it even mean anything?”

I can’t help saying you really need some practice, that he was worse than I ever imagined he might be. Michael stands up, begging to go back to the loft together. He’s sure he’ll be better if he’s someplace familiar, more comfortable. It just slips out. “I don’t take tricks back to the loft anymore.”

He looks heartbroken. “Is that all it was? I’m just a trick?”

“What did you think this was, Michael?  You’re with Ben. Right?”

Looking at him I’m getting angry. Why does he have to push so hard? I know I’ve done it this time, we’ve reached the point of no return. No more Brian and Mikey show, so I finish it off with. “Merry Fucking Christmas, Michael.”

He’s hurt, he stands up and runs out of the restroom. I just lean against the stall and do a couple more hits of trail mix. I’m really stoned as I leave the restroom and make my way out to the jeep. I’m standing there fumbling with my keys, when I see Justin leaving Babylon. I ask him if he needs a ride. I drop my keys, unable to get them into the lock. He takes them from me and asks me what I’m on. I can’t believe he’s right here. I reach out and pull him into me by the front of his coat. I wrap my arms around him, and start kissing him. I murmur to him how much I’ve missed him.

My hands are everywhere as I practically molest him. I kiss him, whispering sweet words of love that I’ve never spoken to him before. Next thing I know Emmett, Ted and Michael are in the parking lot. Michael is screaming that he hates me, telling me I ruined his life. Ted and Emmett scowl at me like I’m the devil reincarnated.

I can’t help shouting back. “So wasn’t it everything you ever dreamed of? It was lousy for me too, Michael. You really should learn some technique, and don’t blame me! You started it! I never wanted you!”

Justin is shocked by our exchange, as he has no idea what went down tonight. I sway and stumble, using the jeep for support. He struggles to get me into the passenger’s seat. I want to lay down in the back with him. I need to be with him, to tell him how I feel. He finally gets me all buckled up and drives me home. Wobbling and stumbling he finally gets me into the loft, and on our bed. I ask him about Ethan. I need him to tell me what happened to the fucking fiddler.

“He wasn’t the person I thought he was, he wasn’t you.”

“Now tell me what happened between you and Michael? He looked really upset.”

 I shrug my shoulders and offer him some trail mix.

Shaking his head no, he tries again. “Tell me what happened?”

I can’t help it. I reach out and pull him closer so I can kiss him.

“God, it feels so right holding you in my arms.”

“Brian! Aren’t you worried about Michael?”

“NO! I won’t be trapped by his little games!”

“Please tell me what happened.”

“Only if you promise not to leave, or get all mad and pissy with me.”

“Okay. Fine.”

“Mikey came on to me.”

“Really? Was that the first time? I mean, I know he pines for you. But I never thought he had the balls to actually go for it.”

“We were both stoned. I must have I kissed him, like I always do. Then he started cupping my cock. I asked him if this is what he really wanted.”

“Brian! You didn’t stop him?”

“I should have, when he started feeling me up.”

“Oh! God! Brian!”

I raise my eyebrows, and he motions for me to continue. “Okay, go on…”

“I had a few more hits of my trail mix, and then he started sucking me off.”

“Brian!”

“He’s gives really lousy head. I had to tell him to cover his teeth.”

“Seriously, Brian!”

“I don’t know what happened. I know I should have stopped him.”

“Christ, Brian!”

“You said you wouldn’t get mad.”

“Okay. Okay… Go on…”

“I guess I got excited. I was stoned, and I was too far along, so I started fucking his face. I closed my eyes wishing it was you. But when I got close, I pulled away, calling out your name when I came. I may have told him that I loved you.”

“You told Michael that you loved me?”

“Yeah. I do. I love you. I wanted it to be you. I was pretending it was you.”

“Oh, Brian…”

“I’ve missed you so much, and seeing you with those other guys just made me crazy. I needed to get stoned, needed to lose myself and escape. I was so worried that maybe we wouldn’t get back together.”

“You want to get back together? So you fuck your best friend?”

“That wasn’t fucking! It was just head… Very bad head…”

“Well, yes, that goes without saying.”

Brian looks like a little boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “So are you mad at me?”

“Honestly, Brian! I can’t believe you did this.”

“I told him that I loved you. That I really needed you.”

I look at him, shaking my head. “This is what you do to try and get me back?”

“I was angry. I didn’t really think about what we were doing. I never thought it would go that far. Did I mention that I was really stoned?”

“I don’t know what to say to you at this point…”

“Do you still love me, Justin?”

“You fucked Michael tonight!”

“I didn’t fuck him! I just let him suck me off! I didn’t kiss him! Besides, I told him I wished he was you.”

“You’re unbelievable…”

 “Do you love me, Justin?”

“You know I do…”

“Will you please come home? Please… I promise things will be different.”

“What are you going to do about Michael?”

“Nothing!”

“Brian!”

“He asked for it. He came on to me. What did he think was going to happen for fuck’s sake?”

“Oh, Brian! You know this is going to break him. Things are never going be the same between you two again.”

“He came on to me! He should have thought about the consequences before he felt me up! He knew I was stoned! Why is this my fault? I didn’t even fuck him! It was just head!”

“Aren’t you even worried about how this is going to affect your friendship?”

“Justin! We didn’t actually fuck!”

“Yeah! Just like Bill Clinton. Brian, you really need to fix this somehow.”

“What do you suggest? What did he think was going to happen?”

“Deb’s going to kill you.”

“Michael knows I’m in love with you! In case you didn’t notice, I said I’m in love with you, like a million times!”

“Yes, and you’re really stoned… How are you going to feel about all this in the morning?”

“Well, if you come a little closer, I can show you how I feel about it right now.”

Justin shakes his head. “Go! Take a shower!”

Justin thinks to himself, as bad as things are, maybe this chapter of the Brian and Mikey show is finally over. Maybe they can finally start to be a real couple, if he even remembers any of this in the morning.

Brian calls from the shower, “Justin! Are you joining me?”

Brian’s POV

As weird as tonight has been, Justin seems alright about everything. I did ask him to move back in, and I told him I loved him about a zillion times.

The next morning…

I wake up with one hell of a headache, I mean hangover. I’m trying to remember last night. The only thing I remember is that I dreamt of Justin again and it seemed so real. Justin kept asking me if I’m worried about Michael, but for the life of me I can’t remember why. The loft seems so cold and quiet, yet I swear I can still smell him on my sheets. The next thing I know there’s pounding on the loft door. Or is that inside my head? I get up to answer it and Ted and Emmett storm in, both looking pissed as all hell.

Emmett shouts, “How could you do this to your best friend?”

“Do what?”

I’m unsure what they’re talking about, but as I become more awake, the previous evening starts to seep into my brain. I remember being distraught about Justin, then Mikey and me getting really stoned. Something might have happened in the bathroom. I’m not quite sure. I need coffee, so I get dressed and we all walk down to the diner. When I see Justin, my heart skips a beat. He’s working this morning and he’s wearing my blue cashmere sweater and his tan cargo pants. He looks hot and the sweater really brings out the color in his eyes. He brings us all strong coffee, without us even asking for it. Our eyes lock onto one another, but the silence doesn’t deny the emotions going on between us. I grin slightly as he asks if we all want our usual breakfast.

I can tell he’s not angry with me, he might even feel sorry for me. We all look up to see Michael, who looks like he’s been up all night crying. I’m still putting it all together, parts of last night are still foggy. I know that I’ve hurt Michael, who’s sitting at the counter and won’t even look in my direction. So I take my coffee, and flop down next to him. I ask him what he’s so upset about, which brings tears to his eyes. I finally say he needs to just come clean, tell me what happened, because last night is a total blank. I don’t remember much after watching Justin in the backroom.

This seems to anger him even more. He shakes his head. “You really don’t remember, do you?”

The only thing I seem to remember is my dream about Sunshine, but then it seems that maybe it wasn’t a dream after all.

“Do you want to tell me what I did, or do I have to guess?”

“No, I’d rather we just forget about it. It was a really big mistake and entirely my fault. I just wanted something that you’re never going to give me. I know now, that you’re never going to get over Justin. No matter how much time passes. So you might as well just kiss and make up, you both have it so bad for each other.”

Justin comes back with the coffee pot to refill our cups and I can’t help reaching out, pulling him into me for a kiss. He doesn’t resist, he even returns the kiss in front of everyone in the diner. I ask him when he’ll be done, and he says in about an hour. I kiss him again and ask him if he’ll come over after his shift.  I look up to see half the diner staring at me, like I have two heads. But I don’t really care, and then there’s Michael who is practically in tears again. I ask him again what this is all about. His voice breaks. “You really were wasted last night.”

“You know you’re going to have to tell me. I’m not a mind reader, and I really don’t remember very much about last night. Did Justin and I work things out? Because there’s nothing I want more than for us to get back together. I can’t help feeling like something happened between us.”

There’s something about the way Michael looks at me, my mind flashes with an image of his puppy dog eyes. We’re in a bathroom stall, stoned on E and trail mix, and he’s on his knees… Oh! God! No!

Justin’s POV

I woke up about fifteen minutes before I had to be at the diner. I’m working the early shift but part of me wants to call in sick. If I leave there’s no telling where Brian and I will be when I see him next. God, I hate these seven o’clock shifts. I search Brian’s closet for a shirt to wear as I can’t exactly go to work in my club clothes. I finally see a blue sweater tucked down in the box for Goodwill. I can see that it’s too small for him these days, but it fits me perfectly, hugging me in all the right places. A run all the way to the diner, and get there just minutes before my shift starts. I’m surprised that it’s already crowded for this early on a Saturday morning. I pour myself a large cup of coffee, drinking it down as fast as I can, then I refill it and put it under the counter. I start waiting on the customers, taking orders and filling coffee cups.

My mind reels with everything that happened last night…

I’m remembering how crazy it all turned out to be. The truth is I feel a little sorry for Michael, but he couldn’t have really thought that anything would have come of his tryst with Brian. After all, a blowjob for Brian is kind of like a handshake. The worst part is that Brian made it clear it was really lousy and didn’t mean anything.

I have to wonder why Michael did it, he knows Brian’s attitude towards casual sex. He had to know Brian would never take it seriously, or let it mean anything. After I finally got him showered and into bed last night, he looked so beautiful and innocent. I haven’t seen him that high for a very long time. It felt so good just to lie there, holding him tight. I was caressing his hair as he told me he loves me. That he’s never stopped loving me, and wants me to come home. I couldn’t help my heart from practically leaping out of my chest.

Then I heard the knocking on the door. I never jumped up so fast in my life. It was three o’clock in the morning, I was sure it was Michael. I was so hesitant to answer it, but he just wouldn’t stop knocking. When I pulled to door back I looked into the eyes of a trick who could have been my twin, right down to the cargo pants and haircut. At first I didn’t understand what was going on, then he finally said.

“You must be Justin. I’d know you anywhere.”

It took me a couple of minutes to realize he was a hustler. That Brian paid someone to come to the loft, dressed like me. I wasn’t sure if I should be angry or flattered. He turned out to be a really nice guy, who told me all about his rendezvous with Brian. How Brian professed his love for me, how he never kissed him, but always held him tight. How he would stay with Brian until he passed out, because he was usually extremely drunk. He told me how Brian even cried a couple of times, begging for me to come back home.

He told me I was a very lucky guy to have someone who loved me so much. That Brian had let me go, just so I could be happy, instead of begging me to stay, just to make himself happy. We had a long talk, and several glasses of Beam. He told me the truth about what Brian had been up to these last few month’s we’ve been apart. I found his three-hundred-dollar payment by the phone and gave it to him. I thanked him for being so honest with me, although I’m still in a state of shock as the reality, and what it all means, sinks in. I wish I didn’t have to work at 7 am, it’s already four-thirty. Tomorrow’s going to be a very long day.

Crawling back into bed, Brian rolls over and starts playing with my shirt, twisting and pulling it, trying to get it off me. He’s still totally wasted and I really need my sleep. I take my shirt off and Brian settles down. I rest my head on his chest, holding him close as he drifts back off to sleep.

I hear him whisper, “I love you, Sunshine. Please don’t ever leave me again,” and then he’s out cold.

As crazy as it seems I’m even more in love with Brian than before. I can’t help thinking about how things are going to be in the morning. Will he even remember I was here? Will he just think it was the hustler he’s been sleeping with for months now? Did he really mean it, when he said he loved me? Of course I love him. I have all along. I was just fooled by Ethan’s pretty words. But he never made me feel loved, not the way Brian does.

Poor Michael. I can only imagine how crushed his heart must be, after Brian letting him go down on him. He always holds onto the slightest hint of misdirected romance, that Brian throws his way. You have to wonder why he still holds on to his childish fantasy, of the two of them together. They’re thirty-two years old, for fuck’s sake. It would have happened by now if it was meant to be. Besides, Brian told Michael that he loves me. Me! God, I sure hope that it’s true.

I want to remain neutral in this crazy showdown, but here comes Ted and Emmett, looking to see if the great God Kinney has made an appearance yet. They just order coffee, saying they’re going to Brian’s to see how he’s doing today. I kind of wish they’d just let him sleep it off, but they’re already headed out the door before I can say anything. Then I remember that I’m staying out of it, as much as I can, anyways.

Debbie seems oblivious to the situation and I thank my lucky stars. By the time the boys have returned with Brian they all seem to be talking, and the tension has dissipated, until Michael shows up. He sits at the counter away from everyone. Debbie quizzes them about what’s wrong with Michael, but all they say is that everyone has a hangover. Michael seems pissed, but how exactly is he going to explain to his mother that he came on to his best friend last night, while he was totally wasted on E and trail mix?

Brian’s now sitting with him at the counter talking, and we’re all trying not to get involved.

“You really don’t remember, do you?”  

Brian just looks at him and says, “Do you really want me to tell you what I do remember, or can we just leave it in the past?”

“I should have known better than to think you might have wanted the same things I do.”

“Where exactly did you see this going? After all, you do live with your boyfriend.”

“That’s all you’re going to say?”

“Like you said, it was a mistake. A very big mistake. Can’t we leave it at that?”

“So we’re never going to have a chance to be together?”

I can’t believe he just said that, with his mother walking by just at that moment. Debbie turns and looks at the two of them, shocked, and for once she doesn’t know what to say. I just refill their coffee cups and go back to my other tables. Emmett and Ted are feeling left out of the conversation, so they quiz me for information. I just shake my head and smile. “Maybe Brian and I might have a chance, if I play my cards right.”

“As for the Mikey and Brian show, I’m pretty sure it’s just been canceled. Without the possibility of reruns. Maybe they can work out some new kind of friendship over time.”

My shift is almost over and I’m starving. I want pizza so I decide to place an order. Brian still has only had coffee, so I ask him if he wants to split a pizza with me. He smiles, and we leave to walk back to the loft. We’re bundled up because it started snowing a while ago. We have to hurry up and meet the pizza delivery man, so he ties up my long scarf and puts his arm around me. Walking me out of the diner, we wave good-bye to the gang.

We have our arms around each other’s shoulders, and I can’t help feeling so happy to be back together with him. I know there’s a lot we need to talk about, so I just hope we can work things out without getting into a fight. We get to the loft just a few minutes before the pizza arrives. I set the table and he takes out a couple of beers. I raise my eyebrows. “Hair of the dog that bit you?”

Grinning, he tells me he’s never letting things get so out of control again.

“Yes, things were out of control. But maybe I might not be here now if they weren’t. You said some things that I’m guessing you might not have been able to tell me, if you weren’t as fucked up as you were last night.”

“I’m not sure what I said. But the fact that you’re still here says a lot in itself.” 

“Let’s just take it one day at a time and see how things go.”

“Does this mean that we can go and get your things from that fucking fiddler’s place?”

“Yes and no… I’d love to go and get my things, but they’re at Daphne’s, not Ethan’s. I moved out of there a few weeks ago.”

Brian grins and whispers, “Good boy!”

He reaches out and pulls me into his arms, snuggling his face into my hair. He starts placing butterfly kisses next to my ear, and around my chin, until our mouths meet, and our kisses become more passionate.

“I want you so bad.”

He lifts me up over his shoulder, carries me into the bedroom, throwing me down in the middle of the bed. He starts with my feet, pulling off my shoes, then my socks. He reaches forward, undoing my belt and then my zipper. Brian takes hold of the bottom edges of my pant legs and pulls them off, grinning when he sees I’m going commando. I sit up and pull Brian’s blue sweater up over my head. I’m now lying in the center of the bed completely naked, anticipating Brian’s next move, longing for his touch.

Brian grins a little mischievously as he pulls his long-sleeved black tee-shirt over his head, shimmies out of his pants and toes off his shoes. He starts crawling up my body, leaving small nibbles, and sucking red marks on the inside of my legs and thighs, as he works his way to his treasure. I can’t help myself as I start getting a hard-on. Each one of Brian playful nibbles and kisses makes my erection ooze pre-cum.

Brian runs his hand across my shoulders and down my stomach, until he takes my cock into his hands, gently caressing and squeezing me. He bends down, lowering his lips to lick the dripping cum from my head. Then he swirls his tongue around my ridge, gently sucking me for a few moments. He runs his tongue down my shaft to the base, licking around my cock.

I pant and moan from the pleasure Brian’s giving me. I’ve never received this much enjoyment from Ethan. He rarely went down on me, and when he did he rushed it. Like it was a chore, not the blissful delight when Brian sucks me off. I chuckle a little, remembering Brian bitching about how lousy Michael was. I thrust my hips forward, pushing more of myself into Brian’s mouth.

Brian would like to prolong my torture, but it’s been so long since we’ve been together, he knows we won’t last long. He licks his way up my stomach, sliding his dick against my belly. We’ve both created a nice slick mess from our pre-cum oozing between our bodies. He reaches for a condom and hands it to me, nodding for me to put it on him. Brian kisses me passionately, expressing all the longing and desire he’s been missing.

Placing my legs on his shoulders, he then runs his hands down my legs. I hear the snap of the lube being opened, then I feel the cool gel at my entrance. Brian’s gentle with me, just like the first time. He pushes deep into my tight channel as I arch my back. I take all of Brian’s length into me. It’s been a long time since I’ve been this full. I forgot just how big and beautiful he is, and he feels even better. I can’t believe that I gave all this up for some pretty little words and bullshit lies.

We both look deeply into each other’s eyes, reading the love and passion we have for one another. Brian starts slowly, pushing himself in and out of me, moans of elation come from some place deep within me. I forgot how good the two of us are together, and I wonder how that could have happened. I now remember just how vanilla Ethan was. The way he’s fucking me, it’s like he needs to prove to me just how much he loves me. How much he’s missed me, and how glad is to have me back in his arms, as well as his bed.

I feel like I’ve died and gone to heaven, as my body responds to the pleasure Brian is sparking inside of me. He gently caresses my prostate on each and every stroke. Soon Brian increases his thrusts, gliding his cock back and forth into my welcoming chasm. It isn’t long before I feel the waves rushing through my body, bringing me closer to cresting. I hold on tight as Brian takes us over the edge into pure ecstasy. He pumps my cock to the same rhythm, as sweet streams of milky cum spurt between our bellies. Brian’s right there with me, his balls pull up tight as pleasure pulsates through his body and he cums.

Brian’s mind drifts, thinking the only thing that would be better than this, would be if they were totally committed to one another, doing it raw. Brian shakes his head, questioning where the hell that thought came from. Is that really what he wants? He pulls Justin close nestling his head into Justin’s neck as he holds him tight.  He answers his own question with a yes. That’s exactly what he wants…

The End