Justin sat at Mel's old roll top desk and sifted his hands through the mountain of papers scattered in front of him. The last two weeks had probably been the hardest and most painful of his life. He could hear the sound of the television muted by the closed study door. He didn't have to go to the family room in order to know what was happening out there. Gus and JR would be sitting at opposite ends of the large sofa in front of the TV screen and pretending that they were paying attention to whatever was being broadcast. You would only know they were blind to the set if you looked directly in their eyes.
Everyone in the Marcus-Peterson home had spent the last two weeks walking around in a fog and time hadn't improved the situation yet. Justin seemed the only one who had been able to keep a clear head when it was absolutely necessary, so most tasks had fallen on his shoulders. Even the normally together Brian had seemed to shrink inside himself. Justin knew how much he cared for his friend Lindsay, but her sudden and unexpected death had hit Brian much harder than anyone would have guessed. Justin was actually very concerned about his husband. Justin finished gathering all the papers into their individual piles, based on their importance, and heaved a deep sigh. There were only a few more days left to finalize the details of getting the house on the market and preparing to move back to Pittsburgh with the teens in tow. Both kids had an unpleasant meltdown when they were first told of the move, but after a couple of days of sulking they seemed to accept the inevitability of their situation.
Justin's heart bled for the kids. He knew how hard the death of their mom's had been on them. Justin's own mother, Jennifer... bless her.... was still a very active fifty something lady with a younger boyfriend of many years now, but Justin's father had died of liver cancer just before Justin's thirtieth birthday. It was actually an odd feeling since the almost identical thing had happened to Brian. Both men had little respect for their parent, but Justin found it a hard pill to swallow that his Dad was now gone and they would never have a chance to make up with each other. Of course he realized that Gus and JR were even worse off since they adored their parents and were far too young to make it on their own. The sudden sound of glass breaking pulled Justin out of his memories and caused him to rush, from the study, in the direction the sound had come from... the kitchen. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Brian leaning over and picking at the remnants of a large tumbler laying on the floor. Brian stood up awkwardly on shaky legs when he heard the kitchen door slam open. "I had a wee itty bitty accident, Sunshine," he slurred.
Justin moved to Brian quickly and took the large jagged piece of glass from his fingers.
"Brian, sit down before you fall down. I'll take care of this." Justin tried to keep his tone non-judgemental, but he was getting a little tired of Brian's attitude. The man had been like a rock for the first couple of days after the tragedy but all of a sudden he seemed to disappear into himself and he spent most of his time drinking and toking. Justin knew that this was Brian's way of escaping from the pain, but it was time for him to come out of it. Justin couldn't take care of everything by himself for much longer.
Justin cleaned the kitchen floor quickly and scooped Brian into his arms. With his arm around Brian's waist, he led his lover to the stairs leading to their bedroom. Gus met them halfway down the hall with a look at his Dad that was half frustration and half confusion. Justin sent him back to the family room with a reminder that dinner would be in another hour or so. Gus turned back but not before showing his irritation at Brian.
Justin took the stumbling Brian up to their room and dropped him onto their bed. He was just about to leave the room when he heard the small whimper from Brian that tore at Justin's insides.
"I'm scared, Justin!" Brian almost whispered the words and Justin barely caught them, but it was enough to make him come to an immediate halt.
Justin turned back to the bed and laid down beside Brian while wrapping his arms around the man from behind. Brian scooted himself closer to Justin as if the warmth of his husband's body would bring him back to life. Justin held tight as Brian screwed up his courage to talk.
"Gus is almost a man, Justin. I don't know how to be a full time father. I'm going to mess this all up. And what about JR. I'm going to fail them. They're going to end up hating me."
Every word seemed to be a pain for Brian to say. Justin could feel Brian's fear as it hung heavy in the air between them. It tore at Justin to see Brian so unsure of himself but he understood where it came from and there was no way that he would let this magnificent man continue to doubt himself.
"Brian, I want you to listen to me." He paused long enough to give Brian a chance to turn around and face him. "Are you listening?" A quick nod from Brian spurred Justin on. "We've already got the ball rolling. We've got things settled concerning the kids and everybody is on board with it. You know that Michael would never have gone along with the plan if he didn't trust you. And I KNOW that you can handle this. None of this is as it should be, but now it has to be this way. We're going to screw up... that's a given. But we're going to do it together... and the kids are going to be fine, Brian." Justin paused again. Then, "you believe me, don't you?" Brian looked straight into Justin's eyes, and even in his drunken state, couldn't deny Justin's sincerity. He thought again of how much love Justin brought into their relationship. He knew that it was Justin that made him feel whole no matter what. All the business and tom-catting success he’d had before Justin had come into his life had never brought that feeling of satisfaction that Justin gave him every day of his life now. He trusted this man with every ounce of his being.
"I believe you!" he stated quietly, but with conviction.
Justin smiled at Brian. He could see the man pulling himself together with each passing second. He now knew it was safe to leave Brian alone and let him get some rest. He needed to get back downstairs and talk to the kids, especially Gus, and then get some dinner going. Justin leaned down and pulled Brian's face up to his. He planted a firm kiss on his lovers lips and felt the familiar stirring of pleasure that Brian's lips always brought to him. Brian returned the kiss with all the fervor of a man who had been drowning and just been saved.
"I'm going to go downstairs and talk to the kids. You take a nap. I'll wake you for dinner. Sound like a plan?"
Brian shook his head in gratitude and stretched out in order to relax his body. His eyes shut and Justin could swear he had fallen asleep before Justin had even reached the bedroom door. Justin was tremendously grateful because he knew Brian hadn't gotten hardly any sleep in the last couple of weeks. He quietly closed the door behind him and paused with his back against the door. A deep sigh escaped him as he gathered his thoughts and prepared himself for an all important session with Gus and JR.
Justin thought back to the first three days after the tragic loss of Mel and Linds. There had been no sleep that first night for anyone. The sound of crying filled the house as JR succumbed to her pain. Gus could be heard crying occasionally and then silence from his room. After a bit, the crying would start once more and then there would be silence again. This went on the whole night. Brian had gone from one room to the other trying to comfort the kids. Justin usually would be found in the room that Brian had vacated. Both men had refused to allow their own grief to get in the way of being there for the young ones.
The next day, both of the kids stayed in their rooms, refusing to eat or talk anymore. Michael had flown to Toronto that day and gotten into town in time for lunch. He had been forced to come alone since Ben was in the midst of another bad infection that now plagued him frequently. Debbie had stayed behind to keep an eye on Ben. The three men had sat around the kitchen table discussing what was to be done for the future. Both girls had left their children with no relatives on their side who could be of any help with anything. Mel's parents were long deceased and she had very little contact with the rest of her scattered family. Lindsay's mom had died several years after they moved to Toronto and her father spent all his time travelling with his new girlfriend and enjoying a freestyle life. He and Lindsay had grown closer since her mother's passing, but he had no intention of settling down. Lindsay's sister was on her fifth marriage, but it didn't matter since she had long ago made it clear that she detested her sister after the display she put on during her third marriage reception. It was clear from the beginning that the fathers would have to be responsible for the kids.
Justin had located all of the girl's private papers in the study room's roll top desk, which included the wills for both girls. A careful reading made it clear that Mel and Linds had been well prepared for any contingency. They had left everything they owned to the kids with Brian and Michael as equal guardians of said property in case both women died. It was that part of the will that had thrown Brian for a loop. When Justin had read the part that put the responsibility for Gus on Brian's shoulders, Brian seemed to change overnight. That was when he had started to withdraw.
Brian's attitude had confused and angered the kids and irritated Justin, but now he better understood where it came from. His job now was to explain it to the kids.
Michael had only stayed two days, so he was unaware of Brian's reactions. He had left the very next day after the will was read. That night the three men had discussed fully what was to be done with the kids. There was definitely not enough room in Michael and Ben's house for both kids. Debbie had Hunter's room and the third bedroom was quite small. It would never hold two teens, especially of the opposite sex. On top of that, Debbie had not been in the best of health lately. She had been having angina attacks more frequently and was often tired and run down. There was no way she could handle sharing her room with an active young teen girl.
Brian and Justin had sold Britin a long time ago and bought a very modern all glass home that had four bedrooms, a large game room, a study, and even a studio that Justin used for his art. The master bedroom was completely separate from the other bedrooms which provided a lot of privacy when the men had guests over. Justin also liked the idea of keeping the kids together. He truly believed that they would be good for each other. So, with Michael's approval, the decision was made for both kids to move in with Brian and Justin. They could even attend the same school by being enrolled at St. James Academy, which had classes for all grade levels. Justin had had his problems there when he was attending, but he did get a great education and the place had learned a lot of tolerance over the years.
Once Michael had left and decisions had been made, Justin had hoped that things would settle down some, but Brian had just gotten more distant. Now Justin finally understood and had a better handle on things. He was beginning to feel more confident in the future. The kids had seemed to accept the decisions that the grown ups had made concerning them but they had said very little. They were obviously put off by Brian's distant attitude and Justin was too busy getting all the business details completed, such as selling the Toronto home, packing up everything, making arrangements to close Lindsay's studio, and clear out Mel's things from the law firm. Arrangements had to be made concerning school transfers. The kids had gone back to school during the last week, but they said little about their days when they returned home. The truth was, that the gap was growing steadily with each passing day between the men and the kids. Justin was hoping that a lot of that could be aired out tonight. Changes that no one had ever wanted were happening and it did no one any good to deny that. At least he now felt that Brian was ready to deal with things. Tonight, he hoped, would set the tone for the future. And he prayed that tone would be one that all of them could live with.
Justin pushed himself away from the bedroom door and headed for the stairs. He could hear the television still playing in the family room so he headed in that direction. He reached the entryway to the family room and stopped. He stood there watching the kids as they stared at the screen. He took a deep breath. It was now or never.
"Ahem," Justin began. The kids turned and looked at him. Justin faltered for only a second and then added, "can you turn the TV off, guys? We need to talk."
Gus grabbed the remote next to him and clicked the set off. The two teens settled back on their ends of the sofa and waited for Justin to settle in the overstuffed lounge chair across from them. They were not sure what was to come. They had stopped trying to understand the chaos their lives had become. The one man that they had thought was going to be their strength had failed them and fear was written all over their faces. Now they just hoped that Daddy Justin would have the answers to the questions that they needed answered and the questions they didn't even know they had. They looked at Justin and waited.
To be continued....