The house was finally quiet. Noah, having been the baby of the family and with ten years between himself and Matty, had never realized just how noisy and active a house could be with young children running around and a brand new baby added to the mix. Noah adored his niece and nephews, but his mind was crammed with jumbled up thoughts and he welcomed the peace that came with their bedtime. He sat in Jacob's tiny tidy living room of the small house he was given as church pastor and waited patiently for his older brothers to join him. They had promised to have a talk with him right after dinner and the rest of the family was settled in for the evening. Sarah, his sister-in-law, came out of the kitchen drying her hands after cleaning up and asked if she could get Noah anything to drink. He lifted his bottled water and indicated he was fine. She gave him one of her lovely smiles and bid him good night. She already knew via her husband that the three brothers were about to have a serious chat and she wanted to give them their privacy. She figured it had something to do with her father-in-law. She had learned long ago that most painful conversations centered around the elder Reverend Roberts. She left the room and took the stairs to her bedroom where she pulled out her latest romance novel and settled in for a good read.

After a brief wait Noah heard the back screen door as it slammed back into place and could hear the sound of running water in the kitchen sink. A few minutes passed while the young man sat nervously waiting. He didn't have long to wait. Jacob and Matthew came striding into the living room still drying off their hands after washing off the grime from working on the family car. Noah sat up straighter, a long established habit forced on him whenever his father entered a room. He knew his older brothers were not so particular, but he couldn't help the years of training.

"Relax kid," eldest brother Jacob responded when he saw the stiffness in his baby brother. "You don't have to snap to attention around here. Would you like a beer?"

Noah raised his bottle of water and shook his head no for the second time. Jacob sent Matthew back to the kitchen to grab a couple of bottles from the fridge. Once the three men had settled down together the older boys looked to Noah to start off the conversation. Noah fidgeted nervously, not knowing how to begin.

"Well Noah, we're not mind readers you know. You're going to have to give us a few clues as to what's bothering you if you want our help. That is what you told me you needed when you said you were coming to visit. Now you have your two big bros right here at your service. Are you in any kind of trouble, like maybe with Dad or something worse?"

Matthew interrupted, "Not that there could be anything worse than pissing off our father."

"Shush Matty," Jacob warned, shooting his brother a warning glance. "Noah, we love you. You know that. There isn't anything you can't tell us and we're not Dad. We're not going to judge you. That's God's responsibility, not ours. Now, tell us what this burden is you're obviously bearing."

The older men sat still waiting, all eyes on the younger man. Noah finally realized it was time to take the plunge and just do what he had come here for in the first place. He took a deep breath and began.

"I don't know where I should begin, but I guess I have to admit that this all started with a girl. But I'm not talking about just any girl. I'm talking about someone really special. Her name is JR....I mean I think it's Jenny Rebecca, but everyone calls her JR. She is so beautiful and the sweetest person I've ever met. I mean she can be really feisty and has a temper, but she's not mean or anything. She just stands up for what she believes in and...oh man, does she have strong opinions."

"Sound like an interesting girl, Noah," Matty interrupted, earning another warning look from his big brother. He shut up quickly.

"She is. Oh geez Matty, she is so interesting. She's younger than me...I mean she is in college. She's not a kid or anything, but she is so much more mature than I am. I mean she is so smart and...and...well I love to listen to her when she talks. She is on the debate team at school. She's into Political Science, and she can hammer home her points better than anyone I've ever heard...even better than pros." Noah stopped to take a deep breath.

"The problem is that she is very liberal. Practically every view she has is the exact opposite of what Dad would approve of. I can't take her home to the folks. If Dad knew I cared about someone like her he'd have a fit."

"Whoa kid, are you looking for a girl for Dad to be involved with or for yourself? Come on, you know it would be almost impossible for you to find someone that Dad would approve of. You're his baby boy and his last son to control. I personally don't think he would approve of a single girl you brought home unless she was exactly like Mom...totally subservient and obedient and willing to bend to his every will. That doesn't sound like someone you would want for yourself. You'd be miserable with such a girl, and you know it," Jacob pointed out firmly.

"I...I know Jake, but I don't know. I...well there are other problems. Her family...well they're...uhhh, different. I mean Dad would never allow them to even enter his house. He's already forbidden his own son to enter his home. You know what he'd do when he found out about her family."

"Wait just a frigging minute!," Matty exploded. "Are you saying what I think you're saying? We both know why Dad won't ever let me come home. What does that have to do with her family?"

"It's just what you think, Matty. Look, I found out that her Mom was married to another woman in Canada and when she was killed JR came back to Pittsburgh to live with her adoptive dad who is married to another man. Even her biological dad is married to another man. Not only that, but she has one sibling and he is gay too. He's older and a Professor at our college. Now do you see the problem?" Noah wailed. "I can't even tell dad that I know her, let alone like her."

The brothers sat and looked at each sadly for a minute. Finally Jacob asked the question that was on both of their minds.

"Noah, have you stopped to think that maybe our father is the one who is in the wrong with his attitude towards gays, and maybe a whole lot of other things too. He's not omnipotent Noah. The problem is that he seems to think he is. There is a fine line between being in control and being a bully. He likes to have a firm hand over his family and his flock, but I finally realized that it is more than just strong beliefs for him. I wouldn't call him a cult leader or anything like that but Noah, you know it is his way or no way. That doesn't give credit to the free will that God gave us as a special gift. We are supposed to be able to think for ourselves and people like our father don't want that. Isn't that a contradiction in what God wants for his people?"

"I...ahh...I guess so. I mean, well yes...maybe. But...."

"But what Noah? I've been able to see that you've been thinking for yourself more and more since you began college. You're opening your eyes to the myriad of possibilities in this world. I think you've already reached the point where you now know that not everything is in terms of just black and white. Life is shades of gray with more than one side to almost everything. I think you are also beginning to see that our father is not right in condemning Matty for being who he was born to be. Matty didn't choose to be gay. He was born gay and our father should be ashamed of himself for turning his back on him because of who he loves. I cannot and will not accept our father's narrow minded view of right and wrong nor his treatment of our brother. The truth is, Noah, that you are not a child any longer. You have to make up your own mind and take a stand. You have to be a man, not a little boy standing in fear in his father's shadow. If you truly believe that everything out of Dad's mouth is the gospel truth then forget this girl, and then you must also forget about us too because we can never follow his path again. On the other hand, if you believe he could be wrong about some things then it is time for you to decide for yourself what is right and what is wrong."

Noah sat stiffly, tears threatening to cloud his vision. He wanted to run and hide for the first few minutes as Jacob's words began to sink in. He had been having his doubts for several years now but had always been too afraid to voice them. Meeting JR had brought all the doubts to the surface, but he had still been too afraid to face them. It would make a mockery of all the things he had been taught since birth, but his brothers had finally forced him to face his doubts head on.

"You guys have given me a lot to think about," he told them with a shuddering breath. "I just wish I had come to you earlier. Even if I openly admit to JR that I've been living a lie all these years, it might be too late. I made the mistake of letting her know that I was reluctant at first to spend time with her because of her family, but only after I misunderstood about her biological Mom and Dad. I thought they were a married couple. When she realized I had judged her family so harshly she turned her back on me completely. She's with another guy now, but I'm telling you that I know he is not right for her. I've heard some disturbing things about him that I know a girl like her wouldn't like. Even if I can never be with her, I don't want to see this guy hurting her."

"Are you sure there is something wrong with this guy or is it just jealousy?" asked Matty.

"I'm completely sure, but I'm afraid that she'll take it the wrong way. I didn't want to say anything without ample proof. I also wanted to see if there was any hope for me with her before I said anything. I know...I know, that is selfish of me. She does that to me. She makes me crazy with worry and concern for her. She deserves the right guy, and if it can't be me then I'll live with that. I just don't want the wrong guy to mess her up. That's the God's honest truth."

"I believe you," Jacob interjected. "I think you do care more about her well being than what is in your best interests. You do know they have a name for that, don't you kid?"

"What do you mean, " Noah asked in confusion.

"I mean that you just described love. You care more about her well being than about getting what you want. You want this young lady to be happy, even if it isn't with you. I don't know how she feels about you but you, my dear brother, are in love."

"I agree with Jacob," added Matty. "You've been bitten so hard by the love bug that it has opened your mind and heart wide open to the whole world and all its diversities. I believe I like this girl already. Noah, take it from me because I've been there...still am there....when you love someone that much you have to do whatever you can to make them happy. That is where your own happiness will come from. You need to spend the next few days thinking about everything we've said and weighing it against all you know...not just what Dad has taught you, but what you've learned for yourself. By the time you go back home, you'll know what road you need to take."

Noah watched as Jacob nodded his agreement. The three men continued to talk, steering onto more comfortable subjects such as Matty's booming restaurant business and the adventures of Jacob's little brood until the night closed in and yawns began to punctuate every other sentence. They finally separated and went to bed. There were still several more days of Spring Break, but Matty had to get back home to be with Carl and help with the restaurant. He left on Friday morning. Noah's ticket home was for Sunday afternoon. He was to be taken to the airport right after Sunday services at Jacob's church. Jacob, with a twinkle in his eye that didn't match the serious tone in his voice, gave an impassioned sermon on tolerance and understanding among peoples of different faiths, beliefs, and lifestyles for his Sunday sermon. Noah got the point.

At the airport, after big hugs and kisses for his sister-in-law and niece and nephews, Noah said good bye to Jacob and thanked him for everything he had done for him. The brothers promised to keep in closer touch in the future and Noah gave his word that he would keep Jacob in the loop on his quest to reconnect with JR. As Noah walked away with his bags in hand, Jacob frowned deeply. He knew that Noah was about to enter a hornet's nest with little to protect him if he confronted their father. Jacob knew John Roberts too well. The man had all but disowned him completely already on more than one occasion...first when he had made it clear he didn't agree with many of his father's teachings after returning from Seminary School and secondly when he had stood up for Matty the night their father turned on him. He had been older than Noah and hearing his father's disapproval had hurt. He could only imagine how it would affect his sensitive baby brother. He prayed that this young girl, JR, would be the very thing Noah would need to give him strength to stand up to the Reverend. He knew it was the only way that Noah would be happy in the future. He rejoined his family in the car and returned home.

Noah boarded his plane back to Pittsburgh. The trip was barely over three hours long, but it was time enough to sit and contemplate what had to be done. He hadn't taken anything his brothers had said lightly and Noah had made his decision. He hadn't said anything to Jacob or Matty, because he knew this was something he had to accomplish on his own. He was tired of hiding from the truth just to keep his father happy. This was his life and he knew he needed to live it for himself. Part of that was to stop sitting in judgment of other people. It was something he had never been comfortable with anyway. Eventually he would deal with the JR part of his hopes and dreams, but first he had to take steps to prove to himself that he could be a man and stand on his own two feet. When he got home, there were going to be some big changes. His father would not be a happy man. He settled in his seat on the plane and pulled out a notepad. He began writing in it. A slow smile formed on his face as he started to map out his future plans.

To be continued..................................