Bewitched and Bewildered

= 1 =

Justin pulled back the loft door juggling his bag of groceries and the bottle of wine. He was going to make Brian a nice dinner and then fuck the man senseless. He hit the alarm deactivation. Brian had never changed the numbers or asked for his key back.

Justin was happy all things considered. He had asked Brian to take him back and Brian had agreed. The only stipulations had been no violin music in his presence and agreeing to work long, hard hours deep into the night. That had been no hardship. In fact that had been the best part. Justin grinned as he set the bags on the counter and went to close the door.

When Brian had consented so easily to Justin returning to his bed, the blond had been surprised. He had expected Brian to give him a hard time and make the list of demands almost impossible to meet. Neither of those things had happened. Justin wondered if that was because he had told Brian that he now understood his place. His place was in Brian's bed with no expectation of a relationship.

He knew he was the only guy Brian fucked over and over again. He had even made that point with one of Brian's tricks. He had been proud of that fact … then. Justin frowned. It still irked him that Brian found it necessary to fuck other men. Somehow Justin felt he should be enough. Brian was enough for him.

Justin set out the things he needed to make dinner. Everything would go in the oven. That way it could be turned down or off if Brian was late or they got involved in other things first. He puttered away assembling all the ingredients. The chicken and vegetables were soon ready and he shoved them into the oven.

As he cleaned up the counter he heard the elevator come up and then the loft door opened. He turned and smiled. Brian was there kissing some guy. Christ, couldn't he even take a break over dinner time.

Justin cleared his throat to make them aware of his presence. He hoped Brian might send the guy away.

"Justin," Brian said with a frown, "what the fuck are you doing here? We didn't have anything scheduled."

Justin swallowed. That was true. He wasn't Brian's six o'clock or eight o'clock or eleven o'clock. He wasn't scheduled for today. "I thought I'd surprise you with dinner," he managed to get out.

"You surprised me all right," Brian conceded looking at the guy who still hung all over him. "But I'm not hungry … for food, so maybe another time."

"Sure, sure," Justin stammered now thoroughly embarrassed. So much for Brian sending the other guy away. "Dinner's in the oven. It's just starting so you can eat it in about an hour or turn it off or throw it out. Whatever you like," he said grabbing his coat and beating a hasty retreat.

He ran down the stairs to the next landing where he stopped and took some deep breaths. He could feel the tears behind his eyes but he fought them off. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" he muttered to himself. He was such a fucking fool. Memories of Hotlanta and zucchini man flooded through his mind. When would he ever learn? Brian was never going to change. Justin was supposed to be all right with that. He knew the score. He had accepted that score.

So why did it hurt every time he saw Brian with someone else, saw him kissing them and touching them. It hurt because it should be him. It should be only him … that Brian wanted and needed.

Justin heard the loft door slide shut up above him and he knew Brian would be undressing that guy, would be kissing him, and soon would be fucking him. The image was emblazoned on his brain. He had seen it many times before. He should be fucking used to it by now.

The bus let him off near Daphne's apartment. He walked the last half block lost in thought. This wasn't what he wanted his life to be. He had a futon at Daph's and a sometimes bed at Brian's. He could stay at his mother's or Deb's if needed, even the Munchers', but he belonged nowhere.

He unlocked the door to Daphne's and saw her sitting in the armchair eating pizza and watching MTV.

"Hey," she said with a smile. He glowered at her. "What's the matter with you?" she asked.

"Nothing," he responded dropping his coat and collapsing onto the futon.

"Brian," she said with a sigh.

Justin stuck his tongue out at her and gave her the finger.

"Nice, Justin, really nice. Fuck you too."

"I'm sorry," he mumbled. "He makes me crazy sometimes."

"What did he do?" she asked with another sigh. She could guess.

"The usual."

"Was he fucking him when you got there?"

"No, I even got dinner made and put in the oven. I was cleaning up when he opened the door kissing some asshole that he had picked up somewhere."

"Fuck!" she said. "What did you do?"

"I … hoped he'd tell the guy to get lost," Justin admitted sadly.

"But of course he didn't."

Justin shook his head. "He told me that I wasn't scheduled in today."

"Scheduled? Scheduled?" she repeated twice in disbelief. "Fuck, Justin, who the hell does he think he is? Why do you put up with that shit?"

"You're the one who told me to go after him, make him take me back."

"And he did, but what kind of fucked up relationship is this?"

"It's no relationship at all," Justin admitted. "He never agreed to that."

"Then tell him to get lost. You deserve better."

Justin smiled at her. "Thanks for thinking so."

"You do deserve better. Don't you know that?"

"I guess not. He's what I want."

"And as long as you let him treat you this way, he will," she said with total confidence.

"What can I do?"

"You're going to hate me for telling you this," she said slowly.

"What?" he asked knowing that he probably didn't want to hear what she was going to say.

"Dump him," she stated.

"Are you kidding? I just got him back."

"In case you haven't noticed, Justin, you didn't get him back. You got a few hours a week in a bed that seems to have plenty of other occupants. What does that make you - an unpaid fuck?"

"Thanks," Justin said angry that she was right.

"You know that's the truth. Tell him what you want and if he won't give you more, then tell him to get lost."

"That would certainly get his attention for two seconds until the next good looking guy walked by," Justin said glumly.

Daphne sighed. "Can we not talk about His Royal Assholeness? I don't want to see you settle for this shit when you deserve so much better."

"Sure," Justin said with a wry laugh. "We can refer to him as HRA from now on."

"If we have to refer to him at all," Daphne said with a grimace.


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Justin danced swaying to the music letting it wash over him and into him. It felt good to be free and to be wanted. He felt the bodies that bumped up against him looking for any kind of encouragement to take it farther.

He opened his eyes and looked at the latest one to try to pick him up. This guy was kind of cute, a little taller than him with brown hair and brown eyes. The guy danced closer grinding against him. Justin ground back liking the feel of the hunt. He liked being in control with the power to say yes or no. This must be what Brian felt like all the time.

Shit! He would have to think about HRA. It definitely spoiled the mood. He shook his head at the guy who was still bumping against him. He had lost interest. The guy shrugged and moved away.

Justin walked over to the bar and ordered a beer. He was glad Daphne had told him to get out and go to Babylon. His sighs had been driving her crazy, and quite frankly he was driving himself crazy thinking about his non-relationship with Brian and how he wanted that to change. He knew Daphne was right. He wanted more than Brian was prepared to give him. If he continued to accept the way things were there was no reason for Brian to change it. Brian had the best of all worlds. Maybe he needed to show Brian that he was desirable to other men, that they would chase him and want him and treat him better than Brian did.

He finished his beer deciding to pick up someone and have a casual fuck. If Brian could satisfy his needs whenever and with whomever he wanted why couldn't he? He danced his way back onto the floor. He closed his eyes again and let the music take him. Suddenly he felt someone gyrating against his ass. He smiled. That didn't take long.

He turned around to find penetrating blue eyes staring into his. The guy was older, not as old as Brian, but old enough. He looked Justin up and down.

"I like blonds," he said with a soft, sultry voice.

"I like blonds too," Justin said with a grin. The man had dark blond hair.

"You're a good dancer," the man said. "My name's Kirk."

"Thanks. I'm Justin."

"Been here long?"

"Long enough."

Kirk laughed. It sounded pleasant. "I understand they have a backroom here."

"Yeah, they do."

"Ever been in there?"

"Once or twice."

"I'm new in town."

"I didn't think I had seen you around," Justin said. "Want a tour of the backroom?"

"Um … sure."

Justin linked his finger into the belt loop on Kirk's jeans and began to lead the man through the crowd to the backroom.

"Um…just so you know," Kirk said. "I'm a top."

"Yeah, right," Justin said knowing who would be the top in this encounter.

As soon as they found a spot Justin pushed Kirk against the cool wall. His lips found those of the other man and ravished them thoroughly. His hand reached for Kirk's crotch and squeezed. The man was already hard. So was he. This was exciting. This was what he needed.

He spun Kirk around as the man started to protest. He shoved him against the wall and reached around to unzip his pants. With a deft move he had them down around the man's ankles before he could say anything. Justin's finger pressed into his pucker and the man cried out.

"Like that?" Justin asked.

The man groaned in response. Justin worked his fingers in and out a few times until the man was panting and pushing back against him. He unzipped his own jeans dropping them to the floor around his ankles. He ripped open the condom and slid it on. He lubed it generously.

"Ready?" he asked.

Kirk gave one nod of his head and Justin impaled him against the wall. The man gave a long drawn out cry as he was filled almost beyond capacity. Justin waited a minute for him to adjust and then he began thrusting. Kirk took all he had to offer. As the speed and intensity of the fuck grew Kirk started jacking himself off. Justin could hear his breathing becoming ragged and he knew they were both getting close. Suddenly Kirk yelled out and shot all over the wall. His ass seized Justin's dick and he came forcefully into the condom. He rested against Kirk's back for a minute until he recovered. Then he pulled out and disposed of the condom. He retrieved his pants and walked quickly away while Kirk still rested against the wall.

He felt strangely good. It was the afterfuck glow, but also something else. He had seen what he wanted and he had gone after it. He could do whatever he wanted. He could have anybody he wanted. He liked that feeling.

He knew his face was flushed and he was smiling foolishly but he began to dance again suddenly full of life and energy. "Fuck Brian," he thought. "I can do perfectly well without him."

His smile increased as he felt a hand snake around his waist from behind. Someone else wanted him. He ground his ass against the groin that leaned into him. He could feel the stiff cock pressed into his crack.

"Getting a little ahead of yourself, aren't you?" he said turning to see who was making the move on him.

It was the guy with brown hair and brown eyes from a few minutes ago.

"I want you," the guy said breathlessly.

"You're persistent. I'll give you that," Justin replied trying to decide if he should send the guy away again or give him a pity fuck. He smiled as he thought about what he was saying. Power could be intoxicating. He decided he'd dance with this guy for awhile and then decide if he wanted to fuck him.

Justin was enjoying the dance. This guy wasn't half bad. Once again he felt someone come up behind him. He was about to tell the person to leave him alone when he felt arms come around his chest and pull him back into the embrace.

A voice above him said, "Fuck off!"

Justin caught the disappointed but slightly frightened look on the brown haired guy's face as he beat a hasty retreat.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing, Brian?" Justin demanded, but he made no move to escape Brian's embrace.

Brian ground his cock against Justin's ass making it very clear what he was after. "I saw you dancing with that loser and I came to rescue you."

"What happened to the dinner trick?"

"Long gone."

"Must have been short and sweet if you're here."

"Short and not so sweet."

Justin smiled to himself, taking satisfaction that the fuck Brian had sent him away for hadn't turned out to be so great. "Poor baby," he said in mock sympathy.

"Um … want to come home with me?" Brian whispered into Justin's ear.

Justin felt his dick twitch at the invitation. Fuck, he was easy. "I … I didn't think I was scheduled for today," Justin said deliberately using Brian's word.

"I can pencil you in."

"Don't bother," Justin said scraping some pride together. "I don't feel like being penciled in." He moved away from Brian and found the first reasonably attractive body that came into view. He began gyrating against the man whose smile got bigger by the second as he realized his newfound good fortune.

Justin risked a glance back at Brian who stood in the same spot staring at him. As soon as Brian realized that Justin was looking at him he grabbed a body and pulled it to him. Within seconds he had his tongue stuck down the guy's throat.

Justin thought he might be sick to his stomach but he straightened his back and continued dancing. "Fuck Brian. Fuck Brian," he said over and over inside his head. Unfortunately that was exactly what he wished he was doing.

He pulled his dancing partner to him and started kissing. He knew he was a good kisser and before long he had the man moaning and panting.

"Come," he ordered and started towards the backroom. He knew the man would follow him. He never looked back. He didn't need to. He breezed past Brian who still had his arms full of the man he had been kissing. Once he reached the backroom Justin was tempted to shove the trick away and leave, but then he saw Brian leading his trick in there too. Justin reached out and pulled the man in for another mind blowing kiss. He released him long enough to shove the man to his knees. He glanced over to see Brian staring at him and forcing his trick to his knees as well.

Justin felt the man unzip his pants. A soft mouth closed around his cock. He shut his eyes and blotted out everything except the feel of lips running up and down his shaft. He knew Brian would be watching but he refused to look. The guy did a passable blowjob, and before he knew it, Justin came forcefully into the guy's mouth.

Once it was over Justin zipped up and walked quickly out of the backroom. He glanced at Brian who was still getting his cock sucked. Justin was tempted to give him the finger but he just kept walking. He went straight to the bar for a beer.

He stood sipping his beer and looking out at the dance floor. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Brian emerge from the backroom. He didn't look very happy. Justin smiled to himself. "Serves him right," Justin thought. "He deserves whatever he gets, fucking HRA."

Brian arrived at the bar and ordered a Beam. He glanced at Justin. Justin ignored him. Brian wasn't sure what had just happened, but he had felt the subtle shift in the balance of power and he knew he didn't like it one little bit.