AL

Inactivity isn’t easy for me, but if I strained anything Gus would stop. Holy God, I’d stay still, because Gus’s mouth was doing the most marvelous things to me. It took everything in me not to let the whole hospital know my boyfriend, soon to be husband, could suck my brains out through my dick. One of the things about Gus is he never does anything unless he's perfected it and knows what he's doing. Which he did. And walking in to him working on it almost had me throwing out the window us waiting until he was ready for us to take it further. 

After Gus moved into the loft, I promised on my first leave I’d come and spend time with him. One thing I knew the day I left Gus the first time, was that he was it for me. I wanted us to do everything right, not rush into a relationship. My past relationships, while not bad in any way, ended when the haze lifted and real life came into play. Eventually my ex’s got tired of the long absences and not being able to know anything about where I was, and broke it off for a relationship with someone who didn’t miss birthdays, holidays, or anything else considered more important to them than what came with being with me. Breaking up didn’t bother me, since in the end they were missing something that I found in Gus. 

What I do when I work stays with you, even when it’s a country away. We talk to therapists to make sure we aren’t losing it, but it’s still there, even when you come home. With Gus, it all washes away the minute we’re together. Gus sees me not as some hero, he knows what I do isn’t exciting. I’m just serving my country. In the past my ex's only saw what I did as something they could gush about to other friends, getting upset because I didn’t boast about what I did.

Gus wanted to help me get back to normal after a job. He gets me; in a way no one else really does. It’s in all he does when I can be home with him. We spend it doing everything we can, to make up for when I can’t be there. He’s never once gotten upset when things get canceled, or if I don’t want to go out with friends when I come back. I know his friends sometimes give him shit, saying he settled down before he’s had a chance to see what else is out there. It was the reason I wouldn’t label us for the first year. Which Gus ignored, always introducing me to people as his boyfriend. Gus was determined that I would be his first, and didn’t care that he wasn’t mine. It didn’t matter to me, and if he had come to me and said he wanted to see other people, I was willing to let him. Not that I wanted him to, but I wanted him to be sure we were what he wanted. It would have killed me if he had wanted others, but I wanted him to be sure. For me, if we committed to it, it was for life.

I paid attention, watching him to see if being with me kept him from doing anything. When we’d go out to clubs, it was because he wanted to dance with me, not to look around. Gus proved to both of us he knew what he wanted and didn’t feel like he was giving up anything because he knew in a tree house at seventeen that he wanted me. I still tried to give him space, because life together would get lonely, and he needed to have a way to deal with me being gone when I was.

Hunter showed up one night after I told Gus to go out with his friends, who had showed up saying Gus promised to go out with them when I wasn’t sure I could come to see him. Gus left, not really happy about me saying he’d be bored watching me sleep when he could be out having fun. He was slightly pissed at me, thinking I didn’t want him with me. 

“Why are you treating him like he doesn’t know what he wants?” Hunter asked me.

“He made plans with them. He shouldn’t have to change everything just because I show up.” I tell him.

“Gus isn’t sitting home ignoring the world when you’re gone, he goes out when he wants to.” He tells me.

“I don’t want him to one day wake up and be tired of what being with me will be like.” I admit.

“He knows what being what you is like, and didn’t just jump into this because he wanted to jump you. We talked about it, because it did worry me.” He tells me. 

“That he's too young. That we met at a time when everything in his life was upside down, and it was possible he was mistaking his feelings for more because I was there trying to help him?” I ask.

“No. Even though what you say was true about when you met, it wasn’t why I worried. It wasn’t any of what you seemed to worry about. What he and I talked about was that life with you meant that his world might change. He’s lived all his life surrounded by family. Right now your job is close enough, but that might change. He’ll leave everything he’s had all his life to go with you. It’s a lot to ask of anyone, but Gus already had plans if being with you meant leaving Pittsburgh and following you around the world. He’s working towards a job where he can be anywhere to work, but also doing what he wanted, not something that made it easier to be with you. After we talked I knew he was giving up things, but willing to do what it took because he loves you.” He tells me.

“It’s still him compromising parts of his life to be with me, which I’m selfish enough to be okay with.” I tell him. 

“Not selfish, but loving him. Something Gus and I know is what selfish looks like. We saw it with the people who didn’t deserve us. We both grew up seeing relationships where one partner or the other gave up things to be with the other person, and in a few cases they weren’t worth the sacrifices they made. Ben stayed with Michael, giving up the chance to find someone who could love him. Michael didn’t care as long as Ben was there making his life easier. That was selfish, because he didn’t love Ben, or really anyone. Lindsay stayed with Mel, because being alone, to her was worse. She used Mel’s love as a way to get what she wanted in life. It made it so Gus, Jenny, and I, understood selfish love versus real love sometimes means doing what the other person needs. It’s in what Justin told me once, never to accept less, but to want more. Our happiness didn’t mean taking the easy way out, the way Ben did with Michael. It was me thinking that Ben’s fate was mine because Ben gave up a chance to have more, by staying with Michael. I felt like it was where my life was headed. Accepting what I had, as if HIV gave me one more slap in the head. Gus was already ahead of me, even at sixteen, because he didn’t accept the shit he was seeing as how love was supposed to be. He doesn’t need distractions because life with you will sometimes get lonely. He needs the times you two can be together to get him through that.” He tells me.

“It was just a night out he promised his friends.” I tell him.

“One night he doesn’t get out of the many he might not when you’re gone and his friends could be there. Which by the way, only had him coming over to my place to complain about, not partying the night away. I think he’s over talking to Emmett now, saying he didn’t want to come home and disturb your sleep.” Hunter tells me.

Leaving me to get that I’m an idiot. It happens, like I told Gus, I have flaws. I got up, showered, grabbed the candy Samantha loves, knowing we always stopped by to see everyone when I was home, and headed off to bring Gus home, where I wanted him. 

Drew answered, saying enter at my own risk, smiling as I handed Samantha her gummy bears, then left to go find them. I’ll never look at their kitchen table the same again. Although I may possibly wonder where the hell they hide that many dildos. Of course I forgot all of that when I watched Gus, trying to swallow something that made me think he was overestimating what I had. Emmett was too busy explaining the mechanics to pay attention to me standing behind Gus.

“See Baby, you just have to get it to go in at the right angle.” Emmett said, showing him why Drew likes to stare at Emmett’s mouth.

“It’s not like we don’t, it’s just sometimes he’s more than I can take.” Gus tells him. Emmett tilted his head, checking out the bulge my pants had going, just watching Gus go down on ten inches.

“Honey, practice with the real thing.” He tells Gus, who turned to see what Emmett was looking at. “Let me go put this stuff put up, before my baby girl starts asking questions.” Emmett says, sweeping everything off the table into a canvas bag.

“I thought you needed to sleep?” Gus asks.

“I sleep better with you. So how about we go home, and do that.” I tell him.

“Can I practice too?” He smirks.

“Babe, you mastered it. Maybe it’s time we try some new things.” I tell him.

Which we did. Just not all the new things we hadn’t tried. I wanted that to be something we did when I was home for more than a few days. It’s why I waited until my next leave, a week where nothing but Gus had my attention. Nick, while not wanting to know, made sure to let everyone know Gus and I weren’t to be bothered. 

Which right now, doesn’t matter, when Gus twirled his tongue down as he proved he no longer had any problems with taking what I had. Yessss he does.

“Now, will you stop growling at the male nurses?” Gus asks, cleaning me up.

“I don’t know, if I get that why would I?” I tell him.

“Why would it matter if the guy looked at you? You’re hot. I get it, and it doesn’t bother me.” Gus tells me.

“I don’t like anyone getting idea of what it would be like to play the cheese in our sandwich.” I tell him.

“On that horrible note, are they going to let you stay with me in Pittsburgh?” He asks.

“Nick got them to agree to one of the hospitals in Pittsburgh. Ready to deal with me all the time?” I ask him.

“At least Dad no longer sends Cameron to interrupt us.” He tells me, kissing me.

“You know, we could take the long way home, maybe do what your Dads did.” I tell him.

“I like the way you think Algernon, but living longer than just the wedding was my plan. Think about what Jenny and Amanda would do, then tell me you want to be the one to tell Anna we didn’t think she wanted to see her Al and Gussy get married.” He tells me.

“Do you really want a huge wedding?” I ask.

“We have huge families. But I know Dad will reign them in for us.” He tells me.

“It could take months, which at least by then I’d be standing on my own.” I tell him, thinking the wedding night would be better too.

“It could take years and I’d still marry only you.” He tells me.