GUS

Grand Central Station, thy name is the loft. 

Everyone gave us a couple of days before invading. Dad and Jus let Al’s family stay with them, since the loft wasn’t built for guests. And they managed to keep everyone busy so we could have a couple of days. Which was mostly spent with Al asleep, and me dealing with all the things I needed to catch up on for school. Nick called and said the team wanted to come by and see him. They all stayed at the hospital until he was in the clear, but had to get back to work. It was weird at first, because in a way our lives were lived in two places for the last five years. When I went to visit him we spent time with his friends, and when we were here, my friends. It really showed the differences in our lives.

He lived his life with his team as his second family, they weren’t just friends. When he first introduced me to the partners and wives, it was awkward. They didn’t know what to do with me. I didn’t sit with the girls, but played with the guys, at whatever game they were playing. So when the guys left, I wasn’t in the circle of the ones waiting, other than Aunt Daphne. Which didn’t help, since she was alway busy working herself. Only, what I didn’t see was that they were waiting for me to show them that I wanted them around, which Jus explained when he went with me to pick up Al.

“You have to make time to spend with them when you visit. They don’t want you to feel like they’re forcing you into a role because your with Al.” He tells me.

“They sit around talking about their kids, and having girls night. I don’t really have anything in common with them.” I tell him.

“What about your brother and sisters? I’m sure they would love to hear about them. Girls night is no different than going out with the guys, except we don’t follow each other in the bathroom. Well, we do, just not for the reason they do.” Jus smirks.

“Al wanted to invite them to visit here, saying it would be a way to combine my friends with his.” I tell him.

“Then instead of leaving the girls to fend for themselves, take them out with your friends. Trust me, girls love to go clubbing with us.” Jus tells me, making me want to ask what Aunt Daphne did when they went out. Only, deciding that should forever be a mystery in my life. 

At first I wasn’t sure if Al’s friends would want to go to Babylon with us. I knew they didn’t care that Al and I were together, but they were all straight. Apparently they all liked the idea of their wives and girlfriends going somewhere where men weren’t hitting on them, and didn’t have a problem with women hitting on the girls. Something I got, since I still found women attractive, and if I wasn’t with Al, wasn’t opposed to dating women. The girls were dancers, while the guys were more interested in the free drinks my dad made available to them. For the first time, I didn’t hang out with the guys, but had fun with the girls. We bonded over shots, and laughed when guys would try to hit on the guys. By the time the night was over, I realized one thing. I was the one keeping a distance from them. Something I talked to Dr Turner about later, with Al there.

Dr Turner was still in my life, but not because I was still having problems. We worked through why I first started seeing her. I continued to see her because after everything that happened, I tended to close people off, not wanting to add people to my world. It was something Al mentioned once when Luke would bring someone new around us. That while I was nice, I really didn’t get to know any of them. It even took me a while to warm up to Kara. Sitting with Dr Turner, we managed to get to what caused me to not really open myself up to new people in my life. 

I didn’t see it at first, because I let Al into my life. But Al was around when everything was going on. So were Luke and Terry. But Dr Turner asked about Leda, who wasn’t there. Why did I warm up to her? 

“She isn’t trying to be anything but Mama’s girlfriend, and she doesn’t really ask questions.” I tell her.

“What questions?” She asked.

“About Lindsay and Michael. Most people don’t know me well enough to ask.” I tell her.

“So you keep only the people who do know you well enough, and know it’s not something you want to talk about?” She asks.

“After everything that happened, even at school kids would be whispering, and would stop when they saw me. When they would talk to me, they wanted to know the things they hadn’t read. It was easier not to get to know someone than to find out they were just curious about the case.” I tell her.

“You can’t close yourself off to people, but you can set boundaries. Start with your close friends, since the people who you’re closing off are people they bring into your life. Explain to them what topics are off limits around you. If the person chooses to ignore them, then closing them out is healthy.” She told me.

I called Al afterwards and told him what we talked about, and he told me to trust the friends who stood by me. The next time I went out with Luke and Terry, I made an effort with Kara. I found out she didn’t have a clue about any of what happened until Terry gave her a brief summary of it. It was a mixed bag with Luke’s whatever they were to him. Luke shut them down and out of his life if they asked anything. After enough time passed, people forgot about it.

So here I stood in my kitchen, surrounded by the team and wives, wishing myself back to the days where I didn’t welcome so many people into my life. But loving every one of them for being here because they loved Al.

AL

Gus was surrounded by everyone. They wanted to see him just as much as they wanted to see me. He naturally attracts people to him, something that sometimes bothers him. My mom once told me after meeting him, that he was the perfect combination of his fathers. Gus and I talked a lot about how Justin came into his life, and everything up to when we met. Justin was the father when Brian couldn’t be there, when Gus was young. It was hard for me to imagine a time when Justin and Brian weren’t together. Because by the time I met Brian, he and Justin were back together, and seeing them together made it impossible for me to understand how they managed to screw up. In a word, it was communication, and keeping the wrong people in their lives. 

I knew that at first, Gus was having problems finding a place with my friends, and there were times I wasn’t too thrilled with one of his. Luke, at first, got on my every nerve, and I’d hide behind my smile and jokes. He never crossed any lines with me, and eventually got that Gus had a life that didn’t include him. One of the things I discovered about myself is that when it comes to Gus, I’m a jealous bastard. It wasn’t something that was a problem before Gus, but I didn’t like the way Luke expected Gus to jump when he needed him. I also knew that at one time Luke and Gus tried, but it didn’t work for either of them, so I stuffed my jealousy of Luke aside and got to know him. What I found out was that Luke would willingly do anything for Gus, not because he was in love with Gus, but because he loved Gus like a brother. Only, Luke had problems the way Brian did, and hid it the way Brian did, by hanging out with Gus and Terry. I realized it was more about Brian and Justin for Luke, they gave him a place to go. I honestly thought Gus knew about Luke, when I asked him about it. We were at his fathers house, sitting around after Cameron and Anna went to bed. Justin and Brian made it a standing rule that the whole family ate together when I was home. I was just curious if Brian ever talked to Luke, since Brian had told me about his birth family.

“Why would Dad talk to Luke about that?” Gus asked.

I looked over at Brian and Justin who didn’t seem surprised at why I would ask. “I just thought since your Dad had some experience with it, that maybe it would help Luke.” I tell him.

“Experience?” Gus asked.

“He never brings it up, so until he did I didn’t want him to feel cornered.” Brian tells us.

“Dad?” Gus asks.

“Luke’s home life wasn’t what you thought. We couldn’t prove anything, but there are just things you know from experience.” Brian tells him.

“I’ve been to his house.” Gus tells him.

“And I’m sure everyone was on their best behavior anytime you or your friends were over there. It’s how they keep from letting everyone know what’s really going on. If I could have gotten Luke to admit what was happening, then we could have gotten him help. It’s just, my old man left bruises, something Luke’s didn’t do, he was smarter.” Brian says, as if it pissed him off.

“They were always really nice.” Gus tells us.

“If you asked anyone at church, my mother was a saint.” Brian tell him.

Gus spent the whole ride back wondering how I came up with Luke being abused in some way.

“I really don’t know for sure, it just reminded me of the things your Dad talked about. Why he was the way he was at one time. Luke never keeps people in his life other than you and Terry.” I tell him.

“Luke has too many people in his life.” Gus tells me.

“How many of them other than you two are still around?” I ask.

“Why wouldn’t he tell me? We tell each other everything.” He comments.

“I could be wrong, but it’s likely he didn’t want anyone to know.” I tell him.

“He didn’t get beaten or anything like that.” He tells me.

“Abuse comes in a lot of different forms.” I tell him.

Gus didn’t bring it up again, but I knew he started to wonder what kind of friend didn’t notice things like that. It wasn’t until I came back for a visit that Luke was waiting and angry at me. It was in that moment we became friends, because his anger was because he didn’t want Gus worried about him.

“Why would you tell Gus something like that, you don’t know shit about me or my life.” He spits at me.

“If it’s not true, then why are you here, pissed at me?” I asked.

“Because you opened your mouth and changed my friendship with Gus. He thinks he was stuck so far up in his happy home life that he was ignoring the bullshit you made him think.” Luke tells me.

“He only saw what you let him.” I tell him.

“I didn’t want him to know that my father wished my mother had miscarried me. That he hated me for taking her attention from him. But I was lucky, because he didn’t dare do anything that would upset her, just waited till we were alone to tell me all the reasons I ruined the life he wanted only with her.” He tells me.

“Gus wouldn’t have cared, he just wanted to be there for you.” I tell him.

“You don’t get it. Gus, he would have tried to help, it’s just the way he is. I wasn’t beaten, just not wanted. I could deal with it, because my two best friends made up for that. Only I didn’t want them to see me as anything but the guy they knew. If I have them, the rest doesn’t matter.” He tells me.

“It matters, because you matter to them. It matters because you were there for Gus when he needed real friends. By hiding your life from them, it makes them feel like you don’t trust them. It’s why I didn’t realize when I said anything, that Gus didn’t know.” I tell him, feeling like an ass that I opened my mouth.

Gus walked in, looking relieved to see Luke. “Where the hell have you been?” Gus asks him.

“I needed space, is that okay?” Luke asks sarcastically.

“Then text me to ‘fuck off’, not just disappear.” Gus tells him. 

“It’s not like it matters to you, when Al comes home.” Luke tells him.

“Or when you see the next trick.” Gus shoots back at him.

“Dude, sorry, but getting laid, or talking about my feelings? Laid it is.” Luke jokes, but seems to get that nothing changed with Gus knowing about him.

“Well then, why don’t I return the favor, since Al is here.” Gus tell him.

I almost got knocked over by Luke when he tackle hugged me. “My dad hates me.” Luke says out loud.

“He’s an asshole. But my dads like you, so who cares. Now can you let go of Al?” Gus growls jokingly.

I looked around at Luke hitting on my sister, not really worried, since I made sure she knew exactly where to hit, if needed. My mom and Brian arguing about who was paying for the wedding. My dad and Justin, likely already deciding how that was happening. Anna, snuggled up with me. And Emmett, teaching the wives how to make something mouthwatering, and groaning that this wedding was going to be big no matter what we said.