Justin had holed up in his apartment for a few days waiting to see if Brian would call him again. He had a paper to write and he did some sketching and worked on a painting for one of his classes. And mostly he just waited. Brian didn't call and he got more and more worried that he had ruined everything by listening to Michael. He had let his doubts get the better of him and now he was paying the price.

He had a scheduled shift at the diner that he had been debating blowing off, but he knew that wasn't fair to Debbie, even if she did have a cunt for a son. When he walked into the diner, he was tempted to turn around and walk right out again. He took a deep breath and approached the counter.

"You look like shit," Debbie said bustling around and making a new pot of coffee. "What are you waiting for? Get rid of your coat and grab an apron. The dinner rush will be starting any fucking minute."

Justin looked at her for a second. Nothing had changed here. He went to get ready to start his shift.

They were very busy for the next couple of hours. Justin kept his eye on the door wondering if Brian might pop in. He kept trying to think of what to say to the man if he did see him. He had fucked everything up royally. He didn't know how he could possibly make it right. Pleading and begging didn't seem like viable options with Brian.

When it finally started to calm down, Justin noticed Debbie watching him. He wondered when she would start the inquisition. He didn't think he was ready for that.

"I'm heading home," Debbie said as she finished clearing her last table. "Kiki will be in in about a half hour and then you can head out."

"Um ... sure," Justin said thinking he was going to get off lightly for once.

"Brian was in earlier today," Debbie said conversationally as she gave the table a last wipe.

"He was?" Justin asked hoping Debbie would give him a read on how Brian was feeling.

"He seemed worried about you. But I hadn't seen you so I couldn't tell him anything."

"Worried?"

"Yeah, he asked me if you had called in sick or anything," Debbie said with a knowing smile.

"Oh."

"What did you do, Sunshine?" she asked.

"What makes you think I did anything?"

"Brian doesn't ask about anybody's health, and you looked like something the cat dragged in when you arrived tonight. Trouble in Paradise?"

"There is no Paradise," Justin said slowly. "I fucked everything up."

"I'm not even going to ask what you did, but once Kiki gets here, you get that bubble butt of yours over to Brian's loft and straighten things out."

"I ... I can't do that," Justin said. "He doesn't want to talk to me."

"What makes you say that? He wouldn't have asked about you if he didn't care."

"Are you sure about that?"

"I've known Brian fucking Kinney for a lot of years. He cares. And if you two fuck this up and don't try to fix it I'll never forgive either one of you."

Justin smiled. "You really think I should go, that he'll talk to me?"

"I do. Now clear your tables and let me get the fuck out of here. I'm pooped."

Justin smiled as Debbie headed to the back. Maybe there was some hope for him and Brian after all.

-----~~~~~~~-----~~~~~~~-----~~~~~~~-----~~~~~~~-----~~~~~~~-----

The pounding on the loft door pissed Brian off. The fucking front door was supposed to provide security but people seemed to be able to get in left, right and center. He saved what he had been doing on the computer and went to the door. With a violent yank he pulled it back and said, "What?"

Justin literally took a step back. He had half expected Brian to be out. He had expected at the most a lukewarm welcome. But he hadn't expected outright hostility.

"I ... I'm sorry. I must have interrupted you. I'll go," Justin said turning away.

"Oh, no you don't. Come in," Brian ordered.

Was that a good sign? Could he consider this an invitation to stay or was he going to get his insides ripped out in the inimitable Kinney style that he had heard so much about. He stepped into the loft praying that he could make Brian see that they still had something worth fighting for.

"Brian, I..." Justin didn't know how to finish that statement. He let his voice trail off.

"I assume you have something to tell me, Sunshine, but you're going to have to do better than that. My mind reading skills leave a lot to be desired."

"Sunshine," Justin thought. "That was a good sign." He stared at Brian for a minute and decided he needed to start with an apology. "Brian, I..." Once again he was unsure what to say.

"Want a beer?" Brian asked sensing how much difficulty Justin was having expressing himself. Maybe a beer would loosen things up.

Justin nodded glad for a bit of a reprieve and a chance to collect his thoughts. He had been sure he knew what he was going to say before he got there, but everything had flown out of his head when Brian had yanked the door open. All he had wanted to do was grab Brian and kiss him until neither of them could breathe. And then he would kiss him some more and beg him to take him back and then fuck him until they both expired from their fiftieth orgasm.

"Here," Brian said touching Justin on the neck with the cold edge of the beer bottle. Justin jumped but took the bottle and downed about half of it as he willed himself to be strong and coherent and not babble and get this the fuck over with. "So, are you ready to tell me what you're doing here?" Brian asked with that little smirk of his, not the big annoying one, the cute little smirk that meant he knew you were at a disadvantage in his presence and he was enjoying it, but wouldn't put you through the wringer about it.

"Debbie made me come," Justin blurted out and then regretted it as soon as the words were out of his mouth.

Brian chuckled. "Is that the same as 'the devil made me do it'?"

Justin laughed and remembered why he liked being with Brian so much. His wicked sense of humor was always interesting, and in this case, a perfect ice breaker. "I came to say I'm sorry for turning you down the other night."

Brian frowned. "Justin," he said seriously, "you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. If you don't want to come here, all you have to do is say so, just like you did the other night."

"But I wanted to come," Justin blurted out.

"Then why didn't you?"

"I ... I ... I don't know. Yes ... yes, I do. I had had a couple of bad days. I met Ben at the gym a few days earlier and he was really nice and I felt like I had found a friend, and then I went home ... and Michael was waiting for me ... and ... and he said some stuff ... and I started doubting everything. I felt like shit and ... and then you didn't call me for so many days. I don't even know how many but it seemed like forever. I thought Michael was right about everything and then you finally called ... and I felt like you didn't appreciate me or really want me ... and ... and I hung up on you ... and I'm so sorry." Justin finally stopped to take a much needed breath.

Brian sat in silence the whole time a smirk on his face followed by a frown as he heard about Michael's visit. He wasn't sure exactly what had happened according to Justin's ramblings but he intended to find out.

"What did Michael say to you?" Brian asked. "And tell me the truth."

"He said you couldn't ever love me, that you pitied me," Justin gulped out, feeling humiliated and waiting to see if Brian would validate Michael's assertions.

"I see," Brian said and Justin could feel the coldness in his voice.

"Is that true? Do you pity me?"

"Have I acted like I pity you? Have I said I pity you?" Brian asked. Justin shook his head. "Then why the fuck would you think that I pity you?"

"But ... Michael said ... and I have HIV and I never had another lover ... and you can have anyone you want..."

"Have I indicated that I want someone else?" Justin shook his head. "Then I don't see why you would believe Michael."

"I came here that night ... after your phone call ... and you were gone and I knew you had found someone else to fuck."

"You came here?" Brian asked frowning. "I did go to Babylon that night."

"And you found someone else," Justin said with a sigh as if that made everything he feared true.

"Yes, I found someone to suck my dick, but I didn't find someone to replace you. No ... no one can replace you," Brian said hesitantly. Justin was instantly alert. "He was a trick, Justin. I told you I was going to trick. It wasn't part of our agreement that I wouldn't."

"I know, but I thought I had broken the agreement by refusing to come over and that you would just replace me."

"Do you think so little of yourself that I could replace you in one night?"

"I ... I don't know."

"Come with me," Brian said. "Stand up and come with me."

Justin stood. He was slightly scared by the tone of Brian's voice. Brian took his hand and dragged him up to the bedroom. He opened all the drawers in the chest by the bed. "Do you see anyone else's clothes here besides yours and mine?" Justin shook his head. Brian opened the closet. "Do you see anyone else's clothes in here?" Again Justin shook his head. "Give me your keys." Justin stepped back like he had been struck. Brian was going to take back his keys. Justin fished in the pocket of his cargo pants and handed the key ring to Brian. "I have never ... never ... given a key to anyone except Michael ... and you. No one that I have fucked has gotten anywhere as close to me as you have," Brian stated between clenched teeth. He hated admitting these things, but he had to make Justin understand.

Justin felt tears well up in his eyes. Was Brian saying what he thought he was saying? "Do you mean that?" Justin asked.

"I say what I mean," Brian averred. "I mean it."

"Do you still want me here?" Justin asked the first tear making its way down his cheek.

"Would I be telling you all this if I didn't?"

"I ... I don't know. I'm so confused," Justin stammered.

"Do you want to be here ... with me?"

"Oh God, yes!"

Justin found himself in Brian's arms. Their mouths met in hunger and need. The kiss went deep, down into their souls as they melded together. Justin gasped for air as Brian finally released him.

"How could I have been so stupid?" he gulped.

"Mikey played on your insecurities. I'm going to have to have a word with that lad." Brian's voice sounded cold and strange. Justin was glad Brian was talking about Michael and not him when he sounded like that. In Brian's head he wondered how he could make Michael stay out of their business without killing the little fucker. But he would find a way. He had to ... for Justin.

"Do that later," Justin moaned as Brian began nibbling on the soft spot where his neck and ear met. He could never have enough of anything Brian did to him. "I want you so bad," he gasped as Brian bit him. He knew he'd have a mark there in the morning, but he didn't mind in the least. Brian wanted him and the mark would merely remind him of how much.

Brian began removing clothes. Justin's T-shirt came off over his head. His cargo pants were shoved to the floor along with his underwear. His cock sprang free, erect and red and ready. Brian dropped to his knees.

"No," Justin cautioned thinking Brian would take his dick into his mouth. They had to use a condom, always. He longed for the feel of Brian's lips along his cock, the scrape of his tongue on the large vein, the gentle rasp of Brian's teeth. And then he was feeling all of those things as Brian's mouth moved up and down his dick sending waves of pleasure through every part of his being. "Brian, stop," he moaned. "You can't. I'm going to shoot." His hands grabbed at Brian's hair trying to pull the man's mouth away from the one thing that could destroy Brian too.

He felt Brian's lips leave his cock and he moaned in frustration. They were replaced by Brian's hand which slid up and down the saliva covered shaft. His thumb pressed in the slit and then released and Justin exploded. Brian's hand milked his dick getting every drop of his essence.

One of Brian's hands steadied Justin as he wobbled above him. His other reached for a tissue. "I wish I could taste you," Brian said releasing Justin and wiping the jizz from his fingers.

"I wish you could too, but it's a fact we have to live with. You can't," Justin said sadly.

"But that wasn't so bad, was it?" Brian asked with a crooked grin.

"Hardly," Justin gushed. "That was about the best hand job I've ever had."

"In your limited experience," Brian grinned up at him.

"In my limited experience," Justin admitted with a smile.

"We'll have to see if we can keep improving on that," Brian said standing up. "But first I'm going to fuck you."

Justin grinned. He liked the sound of that. Brian pulled him close and nuzzled his neck.

"You smell like French fries, Sunshine," Brian told him. "I thought it was just your clothes."

"We could shower ... together," Justin suggested with a giggle.

"That we could," Brian said. "Come on." He took Justin's hand and pulled him into the bathroom. He reached in and turned on the shower.

Brian ran his hands along Justin's sides reaching around to squeeze the globes of Justin's ass. He heard the boy sigh against his chest. "Like that?" he asked.

"I'm hard again ... already," Justin whispered.

Brian smiled. "Ah, youth," he whispered back. His own cock was so hard he could barely stand it. He opened the shower door and pulled Justin in. As the spray hit his face Brian captured Justin's lips and his tongue dueled with the boy's. He wished he could taste Justin's essence like he was tasting his lips and his mouth but he knew that could never be. There were limitations with fucking HIV, but he could still pleasure this glorious creature in so many ways, and Justin had proven that he could pleasure him right back.

Brian used the soap to open Justin's hole and prepare him. His fingers brought moans and gasps of pleasure. Justin's eyes were closed and he clung to Brian's shoulders for support. This young man was built for sex. Everything about him screamed his need for it. Everything he did proved that he was a quick study and a willing participant. Brian knew Justin's expertise would grow with each encounter and he wanted to be part of each and every one.

His own cock leaking and aching, Brian could wait no longer. He turned Justin and pushed him gently against the glass. He sheathed his cock and drove home. The boy cried out as he was impaled and Brian waited till he started to breathe again. His thrusts were quick and sure. He had missed Justin over the last few days, had missed this ass, had missed his sharp mind, had missed his compliant and eager body, had missed his sense of humor and his flustered ramblings, had missed his gentle and caring nature. He hoped he could take away some of the insecurity and fear that Justin had experienced over those days. Brian knew that his own beliefs about life and his fucked up upbringing limited what he could promise the boy. But he would make it clear to Justin that this was an ongoing arrangement. He needed his blond lover like he had never needed anyone before.

Brian grunted and moaned as he thrust into Justin. He felt the boy clamp down on his dick and he almost came. His hands grabbed Justin's hair and he yanked his head around into a smoldering kiss. He wanted them to come at the same time. He could wait.

He fought his impending orgasm waiting for Justin. He could jack him off, but he wanted Justin to come just from the action of his cock in his ass. It was a matter of pride to Brian. He continued thrusting, his nails raking up and down Justin's back, his other hand caressing and pinching one of Justin's nipples.'

"Oh fuck, Brian," Justin groaned. "Close."

Brian continued his thrusts thinking of the pleasure they could experience together if he could hold on a little longer. He sucked in a deep breath and thrust at lightning speed.

Justin was jammed against the glass finding it difficult to breathe. The cock up his ass seemed to shove all the air out of his lungs with each thrust. He felt the ripples start running up his spine, little jolts that grew in intensity as Brian continued to drive into him. He had just come a few minutes ago, but he knew Brian was holding off his own orgasm, waiting for them to come at the same moment. He gave himself over to the heat of the cock up his ass and the weight leaning against him and the friction of Brian's nails on his back, and the warm water and the lips that sucked at his should blade and the feeling of closeness that he had always wanted so desperately. And then he exploded shooting all over the glass as wave after wave swept through him. He could feel Brian following right behind him. Brian's groans of satisfaction pleased his ear and warmed his heart. They had done it.

He felt Brian's cock slip out and then he was turned around into Brian's embrace. He rested his head on the man's chest as they supported each other. He felt all his loneliness and despair slip away. It was like he had been frozen and now he was alive and happy. Anything was possible as long as he was in Brian's arms. He felt like he wanted to cry, but they would be tears of joy not sorrow. He loved this man so much.

Brian held his lover close fighting the tears that threatened to escape. He knew he had never felt these things with any of his other tricks. He let the emotions sweep over him - joy and satisfaction and completeness and ... maybe love. He had no idea what love felt like, but this had to be at least close. His hand slid down Justin's back caressing the soft skin and holding the boy next to his heart.

The water was beginning to cool and Justin shivered. Brian turned off the water and stepped out grabbing a fluffy towel that he wrapped around Justin gently rubbing all over the boy.

"Are you all right?" Brian asked as he dried himself off.

"I ... think so. I'm kind of ... overwhelmed.

Brian smiled gently and ran his fingers along the side of Justin's face. He felt the boy lean into the caress and he wanted to weep from the sheer joy that simple gesture gave him. Justin was so trusting and brave. How could anyone have done to him what that asshole on Liberty Avenue did? Or what Michael had done the other day?

Brian took Justin's hand and led him to the bed. He threw back the covers and gently pushed Justin down. He slid in beside him pulling the covers over them both and making sure they were tucked in along Justin's back. He felt the boy snuggle up against him and he welcomed him offering warmth and protection as his arm went across Justin's body to draw him closer.

"Brian," Justin said softly. "Thank you."

"For what?" Brian asked.

"For taking me back."

"You never left as far as I'm concerned."

Justin sighed contentedly. He wanted to say "I love you" but he bit his tongue afraid of what that might produce as a reaction.

"Warmer now?" Brian asked.

"Uh huh," Justin whispered.

"Good."

"Are you worried?" Justin asked.

"About what?" Brian asked with a frown.

"About the HIV."

"I ... suppose I am - worried that you could get sick, worried that something could happen when we fuck. But we need to take each day as it comes. The HIV will always be there in the background, but we don't have to think about it all the time."

"I used to," Justin confessed. "I think I'm finally coming to terms with it."

"That's good."

"Yeah," Justin responded. "Ben offered to help me eat right and work out properly."

"Are you going to develop a six pack like the hunky professor?" Brian chuckled tweaking one of Justin's nipples.

"I don't think I have the right body type for that," Justin giggled. "Are you disappointed?" He held his breath while he waited for Brian's answer.

"Nah, I like you just the way you are." That earned him a big sloppy kiss from Justin. "You must be feeling better," Brian observed.

"Suddenly I'm getting very warm," Justin grinned, his hand sliding down to find Brian's cock which was already starting to respond.

"Seriously, Justin, I think you should take the professor up on his offer to help with nutrition and exercise. You need to take care of yourself. I want you around for a long, long time," he whispered against Justin's ear.

Justin felt his cock jump at Brian's words and all they implied. "Make love to me, Brian," Justin asked. They stared into each other's eyes.

"I think I'm ready to do just that," Brian said as his lips found the ones he wanted ... for as long as they might have.