Brian awoke the next morning with an unsettled feeling in the pit of his stomach. He didn't know what was wrong with him, but he needed to get real.

He went to the bathroom to piss. He turned on the shower and climbed in. His mind immediately went to his dinner with Justin and the aftermath. He wasn't sure what it all meant.

Dinner had been okay. They had eaten the delicious chicken. Brian had almost forgotten what a home cooked meal was like. Debbie always had pasta which was delicious but this was a meal like his mother used to prepare. He had no relationship with her now, but one thing about his mother, she had always been a good cook. The few happy times he could remember as a child usually occurred around the dinner table when both his parents were sober and usually planning some small expedition for the family. That was about the only times that Brian had ever felt like he belonged to a family. Those times had been few and far between.

After he and Justin had finished dinner along with a bottle of wine, they were sufficiently mellow. They had moved back to the couch and had decided to watch an old Brando movie that Brian had on tape. Justin had never seen "The Wild Ones", but he had seemed to like it. They had snuggled against each other and watched in companionable silence. As the movie ended, Brian had leaned in and kissed Justin's enticing lips. To his surprise Justin responded and they had spent several minutes just kissing. Brian had to admit that he had enjoyed kissing Justin a whole lot. His cock grew hard just thinking about it.

His hand reached for the stiffening member slick with soap and water, and he stroked as he thought about those kisses. They had been hot and passionate, lots of tongue and caresses. His hand moved faster at the memory. Then they had groped and bucked against each other until they were panting with need. Brian's hand tugged harder and faster. He could feel his balls draw up. And then they had been grabbing at each other's clothes. He had gotten Justin's T-shirt off and was starting to pull down the zipper of his cargo pants. Brian jerked his dick more forcefully and suddenly he was coming in short spurts as he milked his cock.

He stood under the warm water letting it rinse away all evidence of what he had just done. Funny, but that was how last night had ended too. Justin had suddenly leapt up as Brian's hand had found his dick. He made some lame excuse about having an assignment due the next day and had run out of the loft without further explanation. Brian had jerked off in the shower before he had crawled into his empty bed.

He shook the water out of his hair as he turned off the shower. He didn't know what the fuck was up with Justin Taylor. He doubted the kid was a virgin. He certainly knew how to kiss. He had been rubbing all the right places and had seemed to be as into Brian as Brian was into him. Then suddenly he had frozen and beat a hasty retreat.

Brian finished drying himself off and went to get some clothes. He knew he had a busy day at work to look forward to. Maybe that would help to keep his mind off a certain blond. He wondered what he was going to do about Justin. He couldn't keep on like this. He wanted the guy, almost more than he had ever wanted anyone, but it didn't seem like Justin was going to allow anything to happen between them. Maybe he should forget the kid, but somehow he knew that wasn't an option.

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Brian returned to the loft after work. It was almost nine o'clock. It had been a long and largely boring day. The accounts he was currently working on had run into some snafus and he had spent hours trying to straighten out the mess. His head throbbed slightly and his cock wanted some attention. He decided to go to Woody's and see if he could find someone to bring back to the loft. He wanted a long, hard fuck. In fact he wanted several.

As Brian was in the process of donning more casual clothes after his shower the phone rang. He debated letting it go to the machine, but finally decided to answer it.

"Yeah," he said picking up.

"Brian?"

"Who is this?" Brian asked thinking that he recognized the voice but wanting to be sure.

"It's Justin."

"I thought it was, but after the way you ran out of here last night, I never thought I'd hear from you again."

"I ... I'm sorry about that," Justin said slowly. "In fact that's why I called. If you wouldn't mind, I'd like to come over and explain why I took off last night."

Brian groaned inwardly. He wanted, no he needed a fuck, and now Justin was asking to come there. How could he be near the blond for any length of time within screwing him into the hardwood? "Are you sure you want to come here?" Brian asked.

"Do you think we should meet somewhere more ... public?"

That answered Brian's question. Justin definitely didn't want to fuck. But, Brian didn't want their business aired in public either. "Come here if you like," he said.

"I can be there in about a half hour," Justin replied.

"Okay." Brian cut the connection. He went to the fridge and grabbed a beer. He wanted something harder, but he felt like he wanted a clear head while he talked to Justin. Maybe they could get everything out in the open once and for all.

The buzzer startled Brian from his thoughts. He had been running all of the possible outcomes of his meeting with Justin through his head. None of them had turned out the way he wanted. Somehow he dreaded what the blond was going to tell him.

He pushed the release for the outside door and then pulled back the loft door leaning against the frame as he waited for Justin to arrive. The blond head appeared, coming up the stairs.

"The elevator does work," Brian said with a smirk.

"The exercise is good for me. I need to stay healthy."

Brian frowned. Why didn't that statement sound quite right? He allowed Justin to pass keeping his position in the doorway and making it necessary for Justin to brush up against him. He took a brief whiff of Justin's scent, lemon and sandalwood, as the man went by.

"Want a drink?" Brian asked.

"I guess I could use one," Justin admitted sitting down on the couch.

Brian got them each a beer and joined Justin sitting in one of the chairs. He thought it wise to keep his distance until he heard what Justin had come to say.

Justin noted Brian's choice of seats. In some ways he was relieved, but in another way he would have liked to have Brian's strong arms around him. After his revelation, he wondered if Brian would even want to talk to him.

"I guess you're wondering why I took off so suddenly last night?" Justin asked.

"You mean you didn't have an assignment to do?" Brian asked in his best pretend naïve voice.

Justin chuckled. "No, I didn't actually have an assignment, at least not one that was due today."

"So what's going on?" Brian asked, suddenly serious.

"This is very hard for me to discuss, but I thought after what happened last night you deserved an explanation."

"Don't you mean after what didn't happen last night?"

"Yeah, I guess I do. Anyway, I haven't been with anybody for a long time because ... I'm HIV positive," Justin said softly.

"What?" Brian reacted. He couldn't believe his ears.

"I said I'm HIV positive," Justin repeated louder this time.

"How? You're so young."

"Youth has little to do with it, although maybe it's related to my inexperience," Justin said shaking his head.

"Tell me," Brian said simply.

"When I was seventeen I was sure I was gay, but I'd never done anything about it. I had heard of Liberty Avenue and I decided one night that I was going to find out what it really meant to be gay."

"You were a virgin?"

"Oh yeah! I had never done anything at that point. Not with a man ... or woman for that matter."

"So what happened?" Brian asked thinking that he could hazard a guess.

"I wandered all over Liberty Avenue. Some guys hit on me but most of them were too scary. I wish I had met someone like you."

Brian felt his stomach twist. He wished Justin had met him too. "But you did find someone?"

"I was getting kind of desperate. I didn't want to go home the same poor, pathetic, little virgin I had come there as. Finally this guy hit on me. He didn't look bad. He was probably mid-twenties and pretty muscular. I remember thinking that his eyes seemed kind of cold but he was quite hot looking. I was so horny. He said his car was in an alley nearby and we went there. He pushed me against the car and started kissing and ripping at my clothes. He opened the back door and shoved me in pulling my pants off as he did. The next thing I knew he flipped me on my stomach and I could feel his dick pressed into my ass. I asked him if he had a condom on and he told me to shut up. I tried to get up but he wouldn't let me. He hurt me ... and he didn't have a condom on." Justin's voice faded away to nothing as his words stopped.

"Fuck!" Brian reacted. "Did you have the fucker arrested?"

"I couldn't do anything. My parents didn't even know I was gay at that point. I was so scared. I told my friend Daphne what had happened a couple of weeks later. I had to have somebody to talk to. I was so alone."

"At least you had her," Brian offered.

"She convinced me to get tested. The first one came up negative and I was so relieved. But they said I had to come back several more times for repeats because it doesn't always show up right away. The second test was positive."

"Shit! So there's no doubt."

Justin shook his head. "This is the second year I've been living with this. That's why I joined the gym. I need to stay healthy as much as possible. That is if I want to live, and I guess I do, since I've been trying to take care of myself."

Brian could hear the desperation in Justin's voice. He wished there was something he could do. "Did anything happen with that fucker who raped you?"

"Raped?"

"Well wasn't that what it was?"

"I ... I never thought of it like that. I wanted him to have sex with me."

"But you tried to stop him. You asked him to wear a condom. And he fucking didn't! That's rape as far as I'm concerned."

"It doesn't matter now," Justin said sadly. "I didn't know who he was or how to contact him. I never saw him again. I couldn't help the people who notify those who have had sex with someone who might be positive."

"So that asshole could still be out there infecting others?" Brian asked.

"Yeah. He could."

"He should have his goddam dick ripped off by a pack of wild dogs," Brian declared vehemently.

"Jesus, remind me never to get on your bad side."

Brian glared back at Justin. It fucking made him crazy how some asshole could do that to anyone, let alone a young, innocent boy.

Justin had seen the emotions play across Brian's face. He knew the man was angry, and he was sure that some of that anger must be directed at him for leading him on. "I should be going," Justin said. "I just wanted you to know the story and that I really like you and I wasn't running away from you. I guess I was trying to run away from my feelings for you." Justin started to walk towards the loft door.

"Stay," Brian said from behind him.

Justin turned. "What did you say?"

"I asked you to stay."

"But why? You don't want someone who's positive around you. Nobody wants me."

"Don't tell me what I want," Brian said with just a touch of anger. He wasn't sure why he had asked the boy to stay. He just knew that he didn't want him to leave.

"I didn't mean ... I don't know ... what you want. I just thought that you would be like everybody else ... and kick me out once you knew," Justin's voice had a couple of hitches in it betraying the emotions he was trying to keep under control.

"Is that what's happened?" Brian asked gently. Justin nodded. "Well, I'm not asking you to leave," he stated. "Come here."

Justin slowly walked towards Brian wondering what the man was going to do. He had not expected this turn of events. Brian stood up and held out his arms. Justin walked into them feeling the strong embrace surround him. And then the tears began.

He cried for all his missed experiences. He cried for all the times, few as they were, when he had been rejected once he had told the man he was positive. He cried for his lost youth. And he cried because somebody cared ... finally.

Brian held the slim body against his. He felt the sobs that wracked the boy and his heart broke for him. Nobody should have to deal with HIV, especially not one so young. He wondered about all the men who had kicked Justin out once they had found out. That must have broken his heart. No wonder he was so reluctant to trust anybody, to take a chance that he wouldn't be rejected. So Justin did the rejecting first.

"I ... I'm sorry," Justin gulped against his chest. He tried to pull away.

"Don't be sorry and just stay where you are," Brian said gently. He felt Justin's hold on him tighten and they continued to stand there in silence.

Gradually Justin seemed to regain control. Brian could feel his hand move from his back to wipe at the tears on his face.

"Want a tissue?" Brian asked. Justin nodded. "There's some in the bathroom. Why don't you go up and throw some water on your face. I'll wait for you here."

Justin nodded and headed to the bathroom. Brian could hear him blowing his nose. He walked to the windows and stared out at the darkness. The boy must have been living in darkness for months, so alone. Brian shuddered. He knew what it was like to be alone. That was how he had felt growing up. It had only got better after he had met Michael and found a new family with Debbie and later Vic. He thought about Vic. He and Justin and Ben. He shook his head at the injustice of it all. They were all good people. They didn't deserve this fate.

"Brian," a soft voice said from behind him. He turned to find a battered looking Justin who tried to smile as best he could. "I'll get out of your hair now," Justin said. "I'm sorry about that, but I'm not used to anyone actually caring what happens to me."

"I asked you to stay and I still haven't asked you to leave," Brian said staring into the blue eyes still filled with pain.

"Thank you for that but I don't want to overstay my welcome."

"You haven't."

Justin stared into the golden eyes and wanted to cry all over again. "You're going to make me cry ... again," Justin gulped.

"Don't. We've had enough tears for one evening."

"Thank you," Justin said and he leaned in to give Brian a kiss. The kiss was chaste at first but Brian deepened it until they were both breathless. Justin looked into Brian's eyes once he released him. "I wish..." he started.

Brian put his finger on Justin's lips and stopped any further words. He knew what Justin wished. It was the same thing he wished for. And he had decided while Justin was in the bathroom that it was going to happen. He was a little scared, but he wanted this. He wanted to do it for Justin, not just for himself. He took Justin's hand and led him up the steps to the bedroom.

Justin's eyes were enormous. "Are you sure?" he asked.

"No, but I want to do this," Brian whispered.

Slowly they undressed each other kissing and touching, prolonging the thrill of seeing each other naked, of feeling naked skin against naked skin, of being so close and together.

"We can still stop," Justin gasped when they were fully aroused. "You don't have too."

"I know that, but I gave this a lot of thought while you were in the bathroom. I have fucked a lot of men. I'm sure some of them were positive even though I didn't know it. Some of them may not have known it either. Michael's boyfriend, Ben?" Brian asked. Justin nodded. "I fucked him at the White Party. He was probably positive then. I've always been careful and I'll continue to be."

"I want you so much," Justin said tears in his eyes. "But only if you're sure."

"I'm sure."

"I feel like this is my first time."

"Déjà vu, all over again?"

"No, no, I meant that I was ... raped ... the first time." Justin used Brian's word. "This will truly be my first time ... willingly."

"I'll be gentle," Brian said with a goofy grin.

"Thanks," Justin giggled and they smiled at each other. Justin thought that this was what the first time should be like.

Brian thought that this was how a boy's first time should be. He wanted to make it good for Justin. "Ready?" he asked. Justin nodded.

When his throbbing cock breached the first ring of muscle in Justin's hole Brian had a moment's hesitation. He understood the enormity of what he was doing, but he also understood that Justin had come to mean something special to him. He hadn't quite figured out what yet, but they could work on that later. Right now this was what they both wanted.

Brian watched Justin's face as it screwed up in pain. He waited until the boy relaxed and then he drove home. Justin cried out in pain and excitement. Brian waited once again until he was sure Justin had adjusted to his size.

"You okay?" Brian asked.

"Oh God, Brian, I can't believe this." He pulled Brian's face down to his for a deep kiss.

Brian drew back as the kiss ended and then thrust forward. He felt Justin's hips rise up to meet his thrust and he smiled. The boy's legs were locked around his waist. The blue eyes that had been so full of pain now smiled back at him in joy and amazement. Brian thrust again and heard Justin gasp.

"Feel good?" Brian asked.

"Oh fuck, yes!"

Brian chuckled and began to thrust in earnest. Justin responded to each movement. He gasped his pleasure and clung to Brian's arms and called his name and whimpered his ecstasy. Brian wanted to prolong the pleasure for both of them, but he felt his orgasm building, the telltale jolts of electricity running up and down his spine.

"I'm close," Brian whispered against Justin's throat as he took a nip out of the soft skin there.

"Oh, oh, oh," Justin called out and then he was shooting all over them both.

Justin's anus clamped down on Brian's dick and his orgasm exploded inside the boy. He filled the condom and dropped exhausted on top of the smaller man. He stayed still until the room stopped tilting at disconcerting angles.

"Fuck," he gasped as he rolled off the boy and got rid of the condom.

"That was incredible," Justin gasped staring at Brian.

"It was pretty awesome all right," Brian grinned at him.

"Um..." Justin began.

"What?" Brian wondered if he had done something to upset Justin.

"Debbie said nobody gets to stay here after sex, so should I leave now. I'm not up on my sex etiquette."

"Fuck Debbie," Brian reacted. "You stay right where you are." He reached down and pulled the sheet over them both. "Debbie doesn't know half as much as she thinks she does."

"I can stay ... for a while?" Justin asked with a little smile.

"You can stay as long as you want," Brian said forcefully. He wasn't sure why he felt that way but he did.

"I can?" Justin asked amazed at this wonderful man.

"That first time was so good; we might just have to do that again."

"Could we?" Justin asked with a happy grin on his face.

"It's the least I can do for a valued guest."

Justin snuggled up against the tall man and felt those strong arms pull him in close. He had never felt better in his life.