Brian stirred restlessly in his sleep. It had been a very hard night for him. Justin had been gone for several weeks now on his great adventure in Hollywood-land. Brian had done his best not to remember how close he had come to having everything he really wanted in life. He had made up his mind once and for all during the Liberty Ride Bikeathon that Justin had to be a part of his life...the most important part. He was finally ready to admit it to the young man and had even made room in his drawers and clothes cabinet for Justin's things if and when the gorgeous blond agreed to move in with him permanently. He had made the offer, but then shot himself in the foot by not emphasizing just how much he needed and wanted Justin with him. He had automatically balked when Justin asked him if he was proposing and came back at him with his usual sharp-tongued putdown of couple-hood. He was now constantly asking himself why he hadn't just come out and said 'I love you, Justin and want to be with you all the time'. Such a simple thing to say, and yet he had held his tongue. 

The end result of his offer had been that Justin didn't give him a 'yes' or a 'no'. He had simply told him about the job offer from Brett Keller that would allow him to work the storyboards for the 'Rage' movie. It would take an indeterminate period of time so Brian's offer was put on hold. Brian knew that Justin would not have even mentioned the offer if he hadn't wanted to do it so he swallowed his disappointment and worked overtime to convince the young man to go. He could see that Justin was torn about it, but in the end Brian got his wish as he so often did...even when the wish was not in his own best interest.

Brian had spent the last few weeks without Justin, trying hard to ignore the pain of missing him. They spoke on the phone constantly and texted whenever they could but it just wasn't one tiny bit as satisfying as holding that supple body close to his own. Instead of thinking about Justin until his brain exploded, Brian threw himself into his work. His business was booming. It helped to cover up the pain of loss. He needed it since he had very little desire to fuck other men anymore, and the exhaustion from work gave him a good excuse to avoid the clubs. Of course this also caused him to have trouble relaxing enough to get a good night's sleep. Tonight would be no exception. He popped a sleeping tablet that he had gotten to help him get more rest. As he finally fell into the dream state of his unconsciousness, Brian's brain came alive.

***********************************************************

Work was going so well for Brian that his profits were up by a huge percentage. Teddy, who remarkably had become his right-hand man while Brian struggled with his cancer, suggested he buy something fun for himself with the profits. It was just the ticket for the frustrated man since he had just heard from Justin that he would probably be in Hollywood for quite a few more months and it had already been just that long. It hurt Brian to the core of his being, but he would cut out his own tongue before he would let on to the man he cared so much about. At least now he could find something fun to distract himself. He had no doubt that Justin was being distracted too. He had heard via text that Connor James was playing 'Rage' and Brian already knew that Justin had been with the guy on his first visit to Hollywood. Brian was not going to do 'jealous', so he would throw himself into a new project to keep his mind off what might be going on in California . Maybe the months would hurry by. It would be better than going on a planned surprise trip to California and then seeing first hand how much happier Justin was in Hollywood than he was in the Pitts.

While Brian went on a shopping trip for his new toy he finally let out his frustrations to Mikey. He knew in his heart that he had lost Justin for good. The glamor of show business was too much to compete with. Life just swirled around Brian for a time. Teddy started to let himself go; Emmett decided to get a place of his own for the first time ever; Mikey and Ben reveled in being parents to little JR; Debbie enjoyed being engaged to her stud muffin, Carl, and everyone finally found out that Mel and Lindsay were on the outs with one another. Of course Mikey reacted badly, especially when he discovered that Brian had known about the split much earlier. But for Brian the shutdown of 'Babylon' for tax fraud was more important. It was a golden ticket. He chose the renovation of 'Babylon' as his new toy. That would keep him busy.

Unfortunately Brian hadn't counted on the fickleness of the young gay community. In the time it took to get Babylonback up and running another club called 'Popperz'had become the place to go. Brian's frustration grew. Luckily for him, Hollywood was just as fickle and the'Rage' movie was put on ice for the foreseeable future. He happily welcomed Justin back home and into his life. It was a lot easier to deal with the drama between Mel, Linds and Mikey over who had more rights to parent baby JR while he had Justin in his bed. He was overjoyed when Justin indicated he wanted to accept his offer to move in if it was still open. Brian gladly made it clear that it was. 

Justin helped Brian in many ways as he always had throughout their years together. It was Justin's brilliant idea to make'Babylon'the 'in place' to go again by teasing the masses with the thought that everyone else wanted to get into the exclusive club. Before long both 'Babylon'and 'Kinnetik'were thriving at the same time. It was too bad that not everything else was moving along smoothly. There was nothing but drama between the battling lesbians which forced Brian to take sides for the sake of his son. This didn't sit well with his longtime best friend, Mikey. Mikey, for that matter, had changed a great deal since marrying Ben. He had become more judgmental and began looking down his nose at Brian's way of enjoying life. Brian, although supremely happy with Justin couldn't help being unprepared yet to settle down into a staid home life. The friction between him and his friends grew with each passing day. His one bright spot was having Justin with him.

Life kept ebbing and flowing. Debbie finally decided to retire from the diner. Her replacement was good but Brian missed Deb's cheerful face and blunt way of talking. He knew he'd never hear bullshit from her and he needed that in his life. Ted continued trying to improve himself after a brief bout of not caring, even going blond although he couldn't carry it off the way Brianfs beautiful blond could. Emmett finally gave up trying to be politically correct in his position with a local television news program and let it all hang out, which ended up bringing in big ratings.

Unfortunately things also started to evolve with Justin. He seemed more and more influenced by the happy faces that he saw on Ben and Mikey when they moved to the suburbs with their adopted son, Hunter and JR during visiting days. Brian sensed the subtle changes in his partner but he refused to face them. At least Justin was still willing to party with Brian most of the time and even indulged in a four-way with another couple.

Brian got a painful clue that his familiar world was crumbling around him when Mikey pulled away from him even more after settling into his suburban home with Ben and Hunter in tow. He threw a dinner party that included Brian and Justin and two of their neighbors, a longtime devoted couple which became an obvious embarrassment to everyone with Brian using his wit to put down domestic life. After that Mikey distanced himself even more from Brian, never even visiting 'Babylon' at all, including the night that Brian held especially for Mikey which centered round a comic book heroes theme. This was bad enough, but then a real blow struck when Justin became infuriated at Brian for coming home with a diagnosis of syphilis from his doctor. They had seldom had any real harsh words for each other but they did on that night. Nothing was quite the same after that.

Justin spent more time than ever with Ben and Mikey, even babysitting JR on occasion. Each time he came back home to Brian he appeared a little more distant although he never openly said a thing. Brian sensed he was losing a piece of Justin but he clung to the need to remain Brian Kinney, the uncrowned 'King of Babylon' club boy. Eventually Justin didn't even try to hide his restlessness in the relationship he had with Brian. By the time that the syphilis scare was over Justin was no longer eager to jump into bed with him at the mere mention of a night of pleasure. 

There was no telling how long life would continue in this uneasy state of limbo between Brian and Justin but events finally brought things to a head. Ted had plastic surgery which didn't really change his looks but boosted his ego enough for him to start being the life of the party for once in his life. Emmett enjoyed his elevated status with the television station and secret romance with Drew Boyd, the football player. The lovebirds continued to enjoy their marital bliss. Debbie went back to the diner. Mel and Linds continued their cold demeanor towards each other. One earth-shattering event, however, changed the landscape of Brian's life. A new stud arrived at 'Babylon' and had the nerve to diss Brian in his own backroom. Brian felt the winds of change blowing coldly against his back. The need to stay on top became all consuming for Brian which deepened the ever-widening rift between his and Justin's needs. 

The rift widened into a chasm during the disastrous housewarming party that Ben and Mikey held in their new home. Brian was his usual sarcastic self which didn't sit well with anyone, including Justin. Then Mikey and Ben brought out the brand-new issue of 'Rage', which he and Justin had worked so hard on. The issue centered round the marriage of Rage and JT and Brian dumped on it without a second thought. He left the party immediately and headed off to a sex party. There, his ego took a severe beating when a trick who was about to service him saw the new stud walking in and abandoned Brian in favor of the new guy. It was another nail in Brian's 'Stud Supreme' coffin.

That night hurt Brian's pride but a few days later real pain set in. He came home from a joyless, but active night at 'Babylon' to find Justin sitting in the living room deep in thought. They danced around with words for a bit before Justin came to the point. He asked Brian why they were still together when they simply didn't want the same things out of life. Brian gave up his last chance to change for Justin's sake and admit that he loved the young man enough to bend his unbreakable rules for living. He could have at least promised to try and meet Justin half way, but the words refused to come out. He watched as Justin gathered his bags and walked out the door for the last time as a resident of the loft. The sound of the sliding door echoed hollowly throughout the empty spaces of both the loft and Brian's heart. 

After that night everything became more desperate for Brian. Nothing had the flavor of joy he had been enjoying for so long. As his friends drifted away into more important things that mattered to them, such as fighting Proposition 14 which would strip the GLBT world of all the rights they had fought so hard for, Brian sank into a desperate attempt to maintain control of his status at 'Babylon'. Except for a brief moment of insanity when he first discovered that Justin had temporarily moved in with Ben and Mikey when he got so drunk he raced over to their home to vent his anger without thinking of the consequences, Brian set his sights on proving he was the better stud between himself and the pretender to his throne. 

When Brandon, the usurper, challenged Brian to a fucking contest he was more than willing to prove he could best the newcomer. His reward would be the chance to top the man in every way if he could score the list of top ten tricks before Brandon did. It gave Brian something to do to keep his mind off his empty heart. It didn't help that he kept running into Justin. At least he did hear that the young man had moved out to a place of his own, even though Brian knew it was a rundown area of town. The fact that Justin preferred his dingy place to the loft was simply more proof that he wasn't good enough for the man he loved. It stung to think of it but Brian continued to drown his pain in booze, tricks and his businesses. He only allowed himself to be totally honest about his feelings once and surprisingly that was to Ted. He confessed that he had lost the two people in his life who meant the most to him because of his warped attitude. After that one slip with total disclosure Brian closed the door to his feelings again.

While Brian went to any length necessary to win his bet against Brandon , Justin proved the better man by working tirelessly to prevent Prop 14 from being passed. He even stood up to his own father to make his point, ending up in jail. Brian won his battle but the victory proved hollower than he could ever have imagined. As Brandon laid spread out on his bed with his butt waiting to be invaded Brian felt a moment of satisfaction. It was quickly squashed by Brandon 's flippant tone as he promised Brian that he would take his crown sooner or later. In a blinding flash Brian realized that he had won nothing. He couldn't stop time and Brandon was right. His days as top stud were numbered and he had nothing else to fall back on....or even more importantly, no one else to fall back on. He had never felt more like a loser in his life. He released Brandon untouched.

After the debacle with Brandon , Brian gave up some of his frantic behavior and concentrated on his business. He maintained his friendships with Ted and Emmett who kept him in the loop about things that concerned Justin and Mikey, whom he no longer saw except in passing. He learned of their work to repeal Prop 14. He learned of Hunter's leaving home to strike out on his own. He learned of Justin's mom starting a new life of her own with a hot young man and Justin's apparent disapproval of it. He watched as Ted bounced from one man to another. Brian took his pleasure, if it could be called that, from an occasional anonymous fuck. Other than that Brian just lived each day as it came. There was little else to do. At least he still had time with his son. It was the only bright spot for him.

Brian did make one attempt to re-connect with both Justin and Mikey at an art show that featured Justin's paintings after a motherly talk from Debbie about what was really eating at Brian. It failed miserably. Mikey rejected him totally and he couldn't find the right words to use with Justin. They remained cordial but nothing more. Brian ended up back at 'Babylon' surveying his glittery kingdom and realizing that it was all style with little substance. Things would have stayed that way forever, frozen in time, if an explosive event hadn't shaken Brian to the very core of his being. 

The world came crashing down on him when he allowed the Stop Prop 14 campaign to use his club for a benefit concert with Cindy Lauper. Everyone showed up except for Brian. Debbie was late because of work but the building was full of revelers enjoying the show, including Justin. A homophobic madman set a bomb under the bar of the club. Brian was on his way to the airport for a much-needed vacation when he got the news over the car radio that there was an explosion at 'Babylon '. The fear that infused his entire body was so strong it almost choked the breath out of him. He had just seen Justin hours earlier while driving home. He spoke with his ex-lover for only a few moments, but driving away had taken all his effort when all he wanted to do was park the car right where it stood and jump out to embrace the blond and kiss him from head to toe. Instead the couple ended their brief encounter with platitudes and went their separate ways. Now it was possible it would be for the last time ever. Brian couldn't bear that thought. 

Brian rushed to the scene of the carnage. His first thought was finding Justin. He screamed out for the man but Justin was nowhere in sight. He finally found him inside helping others to get out. He was bruised but safe. Brian grabbed a hold of the slender body and felt the world tipping back into balance. Then he discovered that Mikey had not been so fortunate. It was a long night at the hospital as most of the gang waited to see whether Michael would pull through or not. All animosity between the old friends was forgotten as Brian prayed for Mikey's survival. Once it was apparent he could do nothing more for Mikey besides wait, Brian returned to the scene of the crime to reconnect with Justin. 

As Brian re-entered the area around the club he made his way around all the many fire trucks, cop cars, ambulances, emergency personnel, and ambulatory victims who were still on the scene in search of one blond-headed young man only. He soon spotted Justin despite the dust and debris that clung to him everywhere he could see. Brian would have known his man even if he had been caked in dirt a foot deep. He saw his eyes as they approached him and that was all he needed to see. Brian pulled Justin into a tight embrace. This time he didn't stop there. He finally let out his true feelings in three simple words that held nothing back. 

"I love you," he declared fervently against Justin's ear. He repeated it twice more to make sure it was heard and understood. 

Unfortunately for Brian the light of day brought doubts into Justin's mind. He convinced himself that Brian only said those words because of the blast and the trauma it caused. Brian's ardent protestations which included a surprising proposal of marriage (something he hadn't even planned on doing at the time), were rejected gently but firmly by Justin who refused to let the bomb destroy his peace of mind. He got on with his painting using his creative juices to deal with the tragedy. Brian knew he meant every word he had spoken to Justin and that included the proposal, but he was at a loss on how to convince Justin of that fact. Even talking to Jennifer didn't help. 

Brian finally came up with a plan that he hoped would prove his sincerity to the man he loved. He bought a house, literally a small mansion that could be their future home as a committed couple. He even prepared to sell his bachelor pad and ' Babylon'. Whatever it took he would do to gain Justin's trust. It finally worked when Brian drove Justin out into the country to see the new house. By the time they left the place and returned to Pittsburgh the house had been properly christened and the couple was engaged. Their friends and family responded with shock at first and then joy that the two men they had known all along were meant to be together had finally realized it themselves. 

Plans for a wedding progressed, with Brian wanting nothing more than to give Justin whatever he wanted. Justin, meanwhile, was being given the opportunity to advance his career thanks to some excellent publicity in a national art magazine. Little by little cracks began to appear in their blissful relationship. Brian, desperate to please Justin in every way, ended up doing a complete one-eighty and went overboard with trying to live up to what he thought Justin wanted from him. He seemed to be like a stranger to Justin which was a bit scary. Justin was starting to see that he was losing the man he had fallen in love with in the first place. Brian, in the meantime, was beginning to feel guilty for holding Justin back from his chances at real success in the art world. He became convinced that Justin would be better off if he moved to New York City and made the valuable contacts an artist could use to further their careers. 

Somehow, without either man knowing how it had come about, the couple ended up making the decision to put their marriage and partnership on hold for the future. They shocked everyone who was eager to see them happily settled in together by announcing that the wedding was off and Justin would be moving to New York City . This was on top of the fact that the bomb blast had shaken Mel and Linds up so badly they had reunited but with the decision to move to a more gay-friendly atmosphere in Canada , taking Brian's young son with them. Brian put on a smiling face but again he felt he was losing everything that mattered most to him. 

That final night with Justin was as bittersweet as any night could be for the lovers. Brian had said goodbye to his son and now he was expected to say goodbye to Justin too. Justin tried to say that they would still see and speak to each other all the time, but Brian didn't feel near as much confidence in the future as his beloved blond did. The couple made love for a final time and it was filled with all the tenderness and need they both felt for one another. Brian's pain of loss was clearly evident when he found it almost impossible to be motivated to even leave his loft for days after Justin flew away from him. He drifted from room to room, seeing Justin in every nook and cranny. 

Finally Mikey, who had thankfully survived the blast and was now back home with his loving husband and the son who had run away but returned when hearing of Michael's near-death experience, came to see Brian and forced him to get out and start living again. With his old friend's encouragement Brian rebuilt 'Babylon' to show the homophobes that the gays of the world could be knocked down but not defeated. He re-opened the club and everyone came to show their support. Everyone was there except for the most important person of all. Justin was nowhere to be found in the sea of faces that Brian looked over from his perch above the crowd. The only face he wanted to see was Justin's but it was not to be. Why did he let him go without a fight? Brian felt that pain of loss again. It stabbed at him like a cold knife straight to the gut. He felt tears forming in the back of his eyes. He heard a ringing in his head. The ringing was getting louder. It filled his brain. It......

*****************************************************

Brian struggled mightily to rouse himself into consciousness. He was completely disoriented, feeling slightly drugged out by the after-effects of his powerful sleeping pill. His eyes finally popped open and he realized he was lying alone in his bed in the loft. He had expected to see the floor of 'Babylon' and dancers everywhere when he opened his eyes. It took several long minutes for Brian to register the fact that he had been dreaming and not just any old dream. He had been dreaming an entire saga of adventures. The memories of his dream came flooding back almost in perfect sequence. What the hell had he just conjured up? The ringing had stopped but now he heard knocking. He quickly realized it was his front door. He was still too shaky to want to see anyone. 

Brian now remembered how Justin was no longer with him. He wasn't in New York but even further away. He had gone to Hollywood. He might as well be on the moon. The memories of his dream flashed through his mind again. At least in his dream he had admitted that he loved Justin out loud and to his face. Brian knew that Justin had needed to hear that before going to Hollywood but he hadn't been able to accomplish that all-important step. Something told him he could do it now, if only he had a second chance. He had done it in his dream and the world hadn't crashed around him. As a matter of fact it had felt so damned good to acknowledge his feelings to his beautiful lover. 

As Brian pondered whether there was any way he could still tell Justin how he truly felt, that is if it wasn't too late already, he heard the knocking on his door again only more forcefully this time. He couldn't ignore it any longer. It was giving him a headache. Brian slid from his lonely bed and padded soundlessly to the large, sliding door. As he slid it open he saw that someone stood there with a travel bag lying next to them on the floor. He looked up from the bag and straight into the most beautiful, blue eyes. 

"Justin," Brian cried.

He grabbed the young man and pulled him close into an embrace. He held Justin tightly to him, as if afraid he would vanish once Brian relaxed his grip. Justin was puzzled by Brian's reaction. He had decided to surprise Brian by showing up without notice but Brian was acting as if he'd been gone for a year rather than the few weeks it really was. It had only taken Justin those few weeks to realize how false some of Brett Keller's promises had turned out to be. His promise to keep Rage, the gay crusader in love with JT were slowly evolving into Rage, the bi-crusader who was falling in love with the sexy but evil villainess of the story. That was not what Justin had signed up for. Brett's explanation that it would play better to a mixed audience didn't cut it for Justin. He pulled his support from the project with the promise that the production company would be hearing from his and Michael's lawyers. 

Hollywood was too phony for Justin's blood. He longed to get back to the blunt but total honesty that he always got from his circle of friends and most importantly, Brian. He had expected Brian to welcome him back but not so desperately. He could barely breathe as Brian crushed him to his chest. Justin finally managed to wriggle free and face Brian. There was a glow about the older man that Justin had never seen before. He looked almost as if he was going to cry but that certainly wasn't the Brian he had left behind weeks ago.

"Brian," Justin questioned, "...what's the matter? You're acting very peculiar."

"Justin," Brian began tentatively, "...you have no idea how happy I am to see you."

Before Justin could respond, Brian hurried on.

"I've missed you Justin. I've missed you more than you can imagine. I've had a lot of time to think over the last few years since I first met you and I have finally come to some conclusions. I don't know why you are here instead of soaking up the sun in California but I'm extremely glad. I have something very important to tell you and I want to waste no more time in doing it."

Justin's eyebrows rose in puzzlement. Why in the world was Brian being so solemn, and what could he have to say that was so earth shattering it couldn't wait even one more minute? He took a deep breath and steeled himself. He hoped it wouldn't be bad news. He had had enough of that already. Brian bent forward and gave Justin a soft kiss. It didn't feel as if bad news was coming. Brian sat back and grabbed Justin's other hand.

"Justin, I know that I have spent the last four years spewing out all kinds of theories about the futility of loving someone and having boyfriends or committed relationships and you've always patiently listened to me. This time I want you to listen even harder. Are you listening?"

"I'm listening," Justin promised. "But Brian, you're making me nervous. Will you please just say what is on your mind? I can take whatever it is, you know."

"I know, Sunshine. You've taken far more from me than any man should have to. I love you for that. I...."

Brian stopped momentarily when he heard Justin gasp. Had he heard Brian correctly? Brian moved on while Justin tried to let it sink in.

"Oh yes, Sunshine. I said I love you, and not just for that. I love you for everything you are and everything we are together. I'm just sorry it's taken me so long to tell you. I was stupid to presume you should know it instinctively. You had the guts to tell me. I should have been as big a man. I just hope it isn't too late for you trust me with your whole heart from now on."

Brian finished his unrehearsed speech. He prayed it would be believable. He certainly meant every word. He didn't want a single thing that had happened in his bad dream to come true, least of all waiting for a bomb to scare him into making his confession. He watched Justin's face carefully. So many varying emotions played across his expressive features. Brian couldn't pinpoint what the blond was thinking. He got his answer all of a sudden. Justin scooted forward fast and buried his face in Brian's neck as he wrapped himself around the man he loved....the man he now had verbal proof loved him as well.

There were many things to talk about...many things to work out, but all of that could wait until later. For now the lovers were reunited and this time for good. There would be no dramas and pain like Brian had just spent an entire night dreaming of. There would only be a bright and happy future for two men who had found each other under a streetlight thanks to a generous and loving fate four years earlier. There had been bad times, and good times.....miserable times and glorious times during those four years but none of it mattered any more. They were in love and together. Only the future mattered now, and the future would be a dream....a dream of the best kind.

The End