A Sense of Restoration

Brian and Justin have been apart for 13 years after having mutually decided to each go their own way. That decision had been rough on both of them. But staying together had become painful and too many angry words had been said between them. Splitting up seemed to be the best move. Each of them were too opinionated, strong willed, and stubborn to try to mend the ‘relationship’ so, after 10 years of extremes, they let it go and walked away.

Brian had managed to grow up in the intervening years. He’d even had a couple of 'relationships', but had never been in love. He had never said ‘I love you’ to anyone else. He came close to being happy and content once or twice, however, it was never enough for him to want to stay and build a happy hetero home. Brian still loved the ad game, he still loved to chase after new clients, he stayed busy building his empire, and he loved being a dad to Gus. It was almost enough.

Justin had mostly just bounced around. His relationships were never very deep. Never very long. He had lived with several men, three years being the longest he’d ever stayed with one guy. The only reason he’d made it that long with one of them was because they both traveled and it didn't bother either of them to be apart. When his lover, Morgan, met someone on a trip and immediately fell in love, that relationship quickly fell apart. Justin wasn’t all that upset; he wished Morgan well and moved on, again. He had his art and that was usually enough.

Today, Brian is in Paris, taking a few days to rest and relax. His latest deal in London went well. He’s been working on the new office non-stop for months. So, he figured he owed himself some down time.

This morning he wakes up wanting something; craving something. He’s hungry. It dawns on him he wants a Chausson from his favorite cafe. They had been his dirty little secret ever since Justin had introduced him to them years ago. The thought of the buttery, apple filled, puff pastry was making Brian’s mouth water and his dick twitch. He silently thanks Justin, even though he’d never mentioned how much he loved them when they were together. He remembers how they ate them together, licking the drippings off each other.  God, he hasn’t thought about Justin in over a year. No need to start that now. He shakes himself and grabs his jacket off the chair. It’s time to go grab that Chausson, a strong cup of coffee, a newspaper, then relax and take a deep breath.

Justin is in Paris too, lazily walking the streets, taking in the sights and sounds of the area. The sun is warming his face and he smiles. He’s pleased with his new installation at the Gallery du esir Perdu. Justin still loves painting; he just is not as inspired as he used to be. As his memories faded, so did his inspiration. He loves opening new galleries almost as much. The Galerie is finally open after almost two years of hard work. He needs a much deserved break, he thinks. But right now, all he needs is to take a deep breath, drink a strong cup of coffee, and eat a Chausson.

Brian has finished reading the morning news and is about to fold his newspaper; he’s had enough news for the day. He’s about to get up to leave; when he raises his head and looks up. Brian blinks a couple of times and thinks he must be mistaken. It couldn’t possibly be him. Then he notices the way he walks, the casual way he moves and, as Justin raises his head, Brian finally gets that deep breath he’s so needed. Suddenly, Brian remembers the beauty of Paris.

Justin is peering into windows as he walks along. His eyes make their way to the next shop - a French café. He knows he can get a French Chausson there and he starts heading in that direction. Justin squints when he observes a man, head bent, relaxed, reading a newspaper. He senses a familiarity, and watches as the man folds the paper laying it on the table. The way the man moves causes Justin to abruptly stop walking. Is it really him, he wonders?  Then Brian raises his head, blinks, and Justin’s mind races. He remembers the first time he saw the face of God, and he realizes his reaction is still the same. He starts to smile. Justin is immediately warm all over. He unexpectedly feels certain that this is their right time.

Brian notices that after days and days of the sky being overcast, suddenly the sun is out and shining brightly. He smiles even bigger, and waves Justin over. Justin at first has trouble making his feet move, but in the next second it’s like he just glided into place in front of Brian. They both embrace and smile. Brian is the first to roll his lip under a little and say, “Ah, I remember, the ubiquitous Justin Taylor.” “How are you? It’s been a long time.”

“Brian, it’s so good to see you,” Justin replies.

They sit and talk for a couple of hours. Justin isn’t surprised to learn that Gus is gay and had moved back from Canada to live with Brian years ago when he started at the High School of Art and Design in Manhattan, where Brian lives now. Gus is currently getting ready to attend NYU. Justin shows surprise about the Art and Design school. Brian smiles and chuckles, “Gus takes after you in some interesting ways.”  “Even at his young age, you had a big impact on his life.” Brian’s smile is bright, and now so is Justin’s.

“Let’s walk,” Justin says, standing up and stretching.

They walk easily along the streets, talking and laughing. They stop for dinner, every now and then remembering to eat what they ordered.  They were both just soaking up what the other had to say. Brian moves his hands to his lower back, stretches and groans a little.

“Brian, it’s just a short distance to my apartment.  Let’s go there for a drink. We can get comfortable.”  Justin suggests with a grin.

“I can use a walk and I’d like to see your place.” Brian says, already rising to leave.

Once they arrive they stay up talking all night, going from drinks to morning coffee. They both catch up on their lives and what they’ve been doing, who they’ve been doing, and why they are not doing them now. They both laugh - a lot - at themselves and at each other. They talk more about Gus, Molly, and Daphne’s divorce. They don’t sleep. There isn’t time.

They go to the café for breakfast, and extend their time together by purchasing wine, cheese, and baguettes for a picnic in the park. Later that day they share another dinner. Both of them seem to talk non-stop, each needing to hear everything about the other’s life. Thirteen years of stories take a while to hear, and they want to hear them all.

Justin laughs and gets the giggles when Brian tells him how Ted and Blake were set up on a blind date by mutual friends. He shared some of their funnier escapades along their road to living together for the last few years. Justin loved hearing they were both sober and healthy. Brian tells Justin that Ted has become his closest friend and a trusted business associate. Ted’s even gotten Brian to go to the Opera with him a few times.

Brian laughs, “I still hate La Traviata, but it makes Ted happy to have me as arm candy.”

That makes Justin laugh hard enough to bring tears to his eyes.  “That’s another big change for you, Brian. I can only imagine Teddy’s face when you agreed to go the first time.”  

Brian actually blushes, and then changes the subject.

Brian is happy to hear that Justin and Daphne are still close and that she periodically visits and travels with him. She works for Doctors Without Borders, and is again happily single. Justin says, “Daphne wanted to have a baby for me a few years ago.”  

“Why didn’t she?” Brian quietly says.  

“The turkey baster didn’t work and I just couldn’t do it the old fashioned way, again”, Even though Daphne would have done that, Justin explains.  

Brian laughs out loud and says, “Afraid, Daphne would fall in love with your dick, again? I know it kept me captivated and in fantasies for years.”  

Justin snorts and brightly says, “You were captivated by more than my dick, Mr. Kinney, and you know it.”  Brian doesn’t offer any argument.

The conversations keep flowing. Brian thinks to himself that he hasn’t felt this happy in years. He realizes he is not going to let Justin go again. Everything that has happened has brought them here. God, he just feels like he’s flying high.  He doesn’t bother to push the lesbonic feelings away. He’s going to embrace them.

“I’m so fucking happy we ran into each other, Justin.” Brian states, breaking the short silence.

Since they first met and hugged hello they have only touched to hold hands a few times, touched each other on the arm, or laid a hand on a thigh to comfort the other during some of the emotional parts of conversations. They both think it’s odd, but neither has stopped to voice this thought. There is just so much to say. Brian doesn’t want to stop talking and Justin clearly feels the same.

They banter; they interrupt each other, and finish each other’s sentences. It may only be time and they both don’t want to waste a second more of it.  Too much has already flown by.

The touching issue is resolved before their second dinner when Justin tells Brian his mom died at the beginning of the year. He breaks down in tears.

“Brian, I miss her so much.” “The cancer wrecked her.” Justin says in between sobs.

Brian always liked Jennifer Taylor. He respected her; she was the best mother-in-law he never had. He reaches over, pulls Justin into a hug and they actually cry softly, briefly, together. They kiss. Tenderly.

“I’m so sorry, Sunshine.”  “I can’t believe no one told me.” Brian tells Justin as he pulls Justin in closer to him, hugging him with all his might.  They stand there just holding each other for several minutes.

Justin steps back a little while reaching up to put his hands on Brian’s face, pulling his head down into a blistering kiss. That lights the spark, igniting the underlying heat that is so prevalent between them. They both feel the jolt and the lasting, electric tingle.

Everything they could think of for the future has been asked and answered.  They have debated their homes, the locations, and the flexibility of their lives. It makes them laugh at the decisions they’ve made in three short days. The conversation and kisses moving them forward in their lives. Eventually they fall asleep on Justin’s couch after talking for 26 hours straight.

When Justin wakes, Brian’s head is in his lap. When Justin looks down, he’s looking into Brian’s beautiful hazel eyes.

“Morning Sunshine” is music to Justin’s ears.

The weight of Brian’s head, his beautiful face, and having to pee, has made Justin as hard as a rock. He really needs to pee and he really wants to rip off Brian’s clothes and touch every part of him. EVERY PART. But, God, he has to pee.

“Good morning, big guy,” Justin says as he leans down to press a kiss on Brian’s forehead.

Brian flashes back to that feeling and thousands like it. He is wide awake now. He feels the familiar tingle in his cock, but then he realizes that, God, he has to pee. And until he does, there will be no stripping Justin of everything touching his body. Brian thinks youth had its advantages. Until, they both say, “I’ve got to pee and I need a shower.” Justin giggles and it reminds Brian of Justin at seventeen.

Brian hops up first and offers his hand to Justin. Justin grabs it and Brian pulls him up and into his arms.

“Pee,” is what Justin offers up.

“Last one in the shower has to soap us both up,” Brian utters as he dashes to the bathroom, followed by Justin who is still laughing when he ever so slowly gets to the bathroom last in order to grab the soap and start lathering Brian.

“You’re still pretty quick for a guy of advanced years,” Justin adds as he reaches for the shower door.

“Fuck you, junior,” Brian laughs and swats Justin on his beautiful ass.

Brian turns to Justin, leans down and presses a soft kiss to Justin’s lips. In that moment, Brian remembers a feeling so distant, yet so close; he presses harder on those lips. The electric jolt spreads from his lips to his heart. He’s warm and he understands now that he’s been cold for long enough.

Justin feels like the kiss is everything he didn’t realize he was missing; everything he’s forgotten was lost.

Justin softly moans, “Brian, kiss me like that again.”  

Brian eagerly does. When he bends down to touch Justin’s lips, he feels his heart pounding.  Brian remembers how touch was everything to them when words wouldn’t or couldn’t come. Now, Brian wants them to have both.  

Quietly, Brian divulges, “Justin, I’ve never stopped loving you.”

“You, too” was spoken in a whisper.

Brian grasps Justin’s face with one hand while the other one plays with the silkiness of Justin’s hair.  

Their shower together is full of soft touches, heated kisses, laughing, and more talking. Brian falls to his knees, and slowly inserts his tongue into Justin’s belly button. Justin pushes his fingers through Brian’s hair. They both let out a sigh. Brian reaches down and pushes Justin’s legs apart with his hand. He licks down, along Justin’s growing cock.  

“Brian, suck me. Hard.” Justin breathes as it becomes a chant.

Brian does just that, quickly sucking the length of Justin into his mouth in one swift gulp. Justin’s knees buckle a little. Brian steadies him while continuing to lick, suck, and swallow all he can.  “So good” is repeated over and over by Brian.

Justin feels like he’s lost his mind.  He thought he remembered this sensation. Brian’s touch and hot lips are almost too much.  He keeps thinking he wants to last, but then he hears Brian say, “mine” and he feels himself start to cum.  He didn’t want to.

Brian swallows every last drop, abruptly stands up, swooping Justin up in his arms. Justin quickly wraps his legs around Brian before he falls and then breaks the silence with a cry of “Don’t stop now.”

“Sunshine, I want this to be perfect. Bed, now”

Brian grabs one of the big, thick towels wrapping it around them on his way to the comfortable, king-size bed. Brian loves it, with its high thread-count sheets, and plush comforter. It’s like laying on a cloud when he lays Justin down and tumbles in himself.

They lay there for a few moments, touching; content simply because they are close to each other. It’s been so long and they are both caught up in memories and the moment. Brian rolls to his side, lightly taking his hand and tilting Justin’s face up to look at him. Brian thinks that Justin is still so beautiful.

“I love you,” Brian states, smiling warmly, as he watches Justin’s smile blind him.

He isn’t afraid; they have shared so much in the last thirty hours.  It feels like their lifetime. He’s glad to have it back.

“I know, Brian. I’ve felt it since the moment you raised your head and saw me three days ago. I love you, too.”  Justin responds easily, and caresses Brian’s cheek.

Justin knows where they stand, and he knows the crazy plans they have been making. He trusts them. And he thinks it’s about damn time.

“The family is going to be shocked when they hear the news.”  

“Debbie would flip her wig, if she was still wearing one,” “Our news might be enough to have her jumping out of the wheelchair.” Brian chokes out, suppressing giggles.

Justin just laughs, “Brian, please, I can’t wait any longer.”  

Justin swiftly rolls over and continues the roll until he is on top of Brian. All thoughts of their crazy news and lofty plans are lost in the next kiss.

Justin sits up he stares down at Brian’s face, reaching down he puts his hands on each side of Brian’s face. It’s slightly rough and soft at the same time, it feels sexy as hell.

“I used to get so hard every time I touched your face.”  “Looks like that hasn’t changed”

Brian huffs a little, “You’re right, that hasn’t changed.” “I still get hard when you do that.”

Their cocks continually bump into each other in their own dance when Justin bends down slowly to kiss Brian, again.

Brian’s hands grasp Justin’s hips, pulling them closer together before he slides them up to hug him. It strikes him how unreal this seems. He had stopped imagining this feeling. Brian can’t fathom how he ever did without this.

Justin is completely lost in the sensation of Brian’s lips. He remembers how they could be so soft and then become hard as stone. Right now, Justin can’t get enough. And from the moans he hears from Brian, it seems his lover can’t either.

Justin continues the kissing; he moves his lips over Brian’s jaw, along his collarbone, and down his chest. Justin murmurs words of love and lust - both lost and found - and all the while it feels like hope and home.

A tear slips from the corner of Brian’s eye as Justin’s words break him open. Brian knows they are only here now because they had to be apart again in order to get this right. Right now all Brian wants to do is feel. He is finished thinking for the moment.   He knows there are times he is trembling. God, these latest kisses down his chest and across his stomach have him tingling from head to toe. Brian roughly grabs Justin and drags him up for another deep, tongue filled kiss. It’s full of all the longing he forgot he was missing.

Justin loves kissing. At least he always did with Brian. Now the he has it back he has to have more.

Once the kiss is broken, Justin slides down Brian’s body. Slowly twisting and twirling his tongue down the soft line of hair from Brian’s belly button to his groin. God, Brian smells and tastes so good.  Justin thinks that Brian’s skin tastes slightly salty and there is a hint of something sweet, he can’t quite place, each time he swallows. Brian’s scent has always been something Justin can never quite put a name to, but it always drives him wild the closer he gets to his prize. Justin keeps flashing back to their past encounters. The heat they produced in each other was sometimes overwhelming, when he was younger. Well, that’s ok, let them both burn, he thinks. He’s always liked the fire.

“Oh, God, Sunshine,” Brian moans. He’s not sure if he says it out loud or not; it doesn’t matter. Brian is simply enjoying the warmth of Justin’s tongue on him. He shivers when the cool air hits his skin after a warm swipe of Justin’s hot mouth. Justin changes the feeling by blowing onto his wet skin before he kisses and licks another path.  It all feels so good.

Brian remembers how the sex used to be with Justin. It used to amaze him and confound him.  Damn, if what people said hadn’t been true. Sex did get better when love was added. “I’ve got it bad.”  Brian doesn’t realize he’s spoken aloud.

Justin has just murmured, “I love you so much, Brian.”  

And Brian forgets all other thoughts when Justin sucks his cock deep into his mouth. Brian can sense his body arching off the bed and falling back down. He doesn’t know how many times he does this. Justin keeps doing something with his tongue and Brian would like nothing better than to open himself up and let Justin just crawl inside.

“Brian, your smell alone might make me cum,” and Justin breathes Brian in some more. It’s a heady mix and Justin might need a minute or he is going to cum too soon, again.

Brian can only groan and grab Justin’s head to pull him closer. “Eat me,” Brian manages to breathe out in a gasp.

Justin continues to suck and lick Brian’s cock. At first, slowly, lazily, and then faster. He alternates between kisses, licks, and sucking. His hands caress Brian’s thighs, lightly rubbing his balls, and occasionally sucking a ball into his mouth, which makes Brian buck his hips and groan with pleasure.

“Brian, bend and spread your knees for me,” Justin almost begs.

“Umm, ahhh, mmmmmm,” is Brian’s response, along with bending his knees. Brian caresses Justin’s hair and, so softly Justin barely hears, Brian says, “My Sunshine.”

Brian can’t believe his luck. He knows this move. He could never forget it. Never will. He better take a deep breath before he forgets to breathe altogether. “Justin,” is all he can manage to say before he lets himself be lost in the sensations only Justin ever gave him.

Justin hears his name and the awe in Brian’s voice when he says it. Brian is desperate for Justin to eat his ass. But Justin continues the kissing and licking around Brian’s balls, lifting them lightly to lick underneath them. But then Justin flattens himself enough to reach Brian’s hole. As he flicks his tongue, Brian grabs him again and pulls him up into a brief but brutal kiss.

It’s then that Brian flips Justin over and gets on his knees.

“Please,” is all Justin needs to hear.

That’s enough to push Justin further.

He’s between Brian’s legs with his face in his ass, tongue frantically, licking, kissing, and sucking.

Justin holds onto Brian to keep him still. His hands roughly holding Brian’s ass. Justin loves rimming Brian. Loves everything about it. The touch, the taste, the smell. Everything.

Brian is so caught up in the feeling that he keeps forgetting to breathe. Luckily, Justin squeezes his ass every now and then and that reminds him. This feels so damn good. Sure, he’s been rimmed since Justin left, and he would get off, but he never felt this. He couldn’t even explain this.

Brian is damn certain that if he believed in heaven, this would be it. God, his tongue is so far in. Brian feels a sharp nip and a soft kiss and he’s sure he’s lost his mind.

Justin manages to find the lube close to where he’d laid it and squeezes some onto his fingers.

Brian is now moaning loudly and is close to begging.  

Justin can barely think himself. They both want more. Justin takes his slick fingers and quickly pushes two of them slowly and deeply into Brian, who gasps a few times and then starts fucking himself on Justin’s fingers. Justin isn’t sure if he can even make it to fucking Brian; seeing Brian like this is too much. Brian’s sweating and panting. Justin’s cock is swollen, leaking, and God how he wants to fill Brian. He watches his fingers going in and out of Brian’s hole.  Justin is so turned on he thinks he might cum right then. So he stops and pulls out his fingers.

Brian cries out, “What the fuck? Come back.”

Justin raises himself up and softly says, “I love you, Brian,” just as he presses his cock against Brian’s hole and slowly begins to work his way in.

It’s warm, and so fucking tight. When Brian fully relaxes, Justin slides in swiftly, balls deep. They both gasp and then Justin really starts to move. With each move they get closer. Closer to what they’ve lost. Closer to what they’ve found. Closer to the future. It’s frantic now.  Hard and fast with sweat flying like the words shared between them.

Brian cums without having his cock touched; that will happen later. Justin comes and almost immediately wants out so Brian can come in.  That will wait for round two, as well.

They both flop on their backs, trying to regain what breath they have left.

They are touching hands and then they roll to their sides and kiss. They are happier than either of them has been in years. They both know it. This feels like home.

“Before I kiss the shit out of you, we need to make that decision we talked about,” Brian states with a grin.  

Justin smiles and says, “I thought we had. We take turns staying at each other’s places until we find a place of our own. There’s plenty of room for Gus at my place. Moreover, it is closer to his school. “

Brian laughs and says, “Not that decision. That’s fine. We’ll find a realtor and get a place in no time, or we could build. Who cares? We’ll find our own place soon enough. We can still be together now.”

“What decision are you talking about then,” Justin asks his smile widening.

“Say it,” Brian orders.

“I did say it,” Justin slowly blinks his eyes and looks back up at Brian.

“Say it again,” Brian mutters softly and then rolls his bottom lip, in the gesture that Justin has always loved.  "Say it again, like the first time."

“Yes. Yes, I will marry you. I can’t wait to marry you. And now, Brian, it’s your turn to fuck me,” is all that Justin has to say.  

Everything else will fall into place. Just as they did.

When they fly back to Pittsburg to tell the family the news, they will already be the Taylor- Kinney’s. All the questions have been asked and answered. This is finally their time and they both feel a sense of restoration.