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JUSTIN

 

I should have been uncomfortable with Brian sleeping next to me, not sleeping the way I did when he was around. I also should have been able to get up when the ideas started rushing through my head. Only, watching him I wanted to do other things, like wake him up and make him show me again what it felt like to make love to someone. It was something I’d always believed didn’t matter, seeing it as people filling a need that didn’t really require others in order to satisfy a biological urge. Brian showed me that it was more. It wasn’t about the end but the connection one person gets from the other.

 

I wanted him. And knowing he wouldn’t have a problem with anything I did gave me courage. Removing the blanket from the erection that was currently tenting it, I was happy to see Brian didn’t wear anything to bed. It made what I wanted to do easier, wake him up with my mouth. Brian didn’t open his eyes as I licked and sucked him into my mouth. I spent years watching porn to try and figure out what the giver got out of it. It looked like the one receiving was really the only one who got anything. What I figured out was the giver controlled everything, something no porn movie could explain. Brian might have moved me, but I was the one who was responsible for the pleasure he felt. 

 

His moans and shivers with every movement of my mouth gave me a clue to what he liked. The first time I tried this I wanted to give him everything he gave me in bed. Now I wanted to experiment with the things he did to me. I ran my hands over his body, then moved lower to roll his balls in my hand as I continued assaulting him with my mouth. Brian let me do what I wanted and didn’t stop me when I pushed him onto his stomach. I wanted to rim him and drive him as crazy as he did me when he did it. Brian made it so easy for me to do anything, not once making me feel like there was anything wrong with how I did it. 

 

I figured out when it came to sex, as long as if felt right, there was no wrong way. Brian begging me not to stop when I ran my tongue around his hole made me bolder. Turning him over,  I added my fingers the way he had, wanting to watch him. It took me a second to find what he did that almost made me cum. Which only had me taking him into my mouth when he was leaking from the stimulation I was providing. I wanted more, and Brian seem to know since he handed me a condom. I still feel like an idiot when I questioned how it could fit. 

 

“If you want to, you can.” Brian offered. Eventually I would, but right now I wanted him inside me.

 

He didn’t stop me when I put the condom on him, and let me do the work to get what I wanted. Feeling the burn wasn’t as bad as the first time, because I knew what came after. Sitting astride him also made it so I was the one who controlled the motions. At least that was my first thought, until Brian raised his legs behind me and used the bed to thrust into me from below. I fell forward, and used my hands to push back as he thrust into me. The bed was banging on the wall when both of us started moving faster. Brian took my cock into his hand and stroked me in time with our thrusts. When I came, he flipped us over and started power driving into me. I bit my lip and had him leaning down to take the swollen lip into his mouth. The kiss seemed to drive him over the edge as he thrust three more times before stilling completely inside me. I pulled him down, letting his body cover mine. This was the part I liked best, the feeling of his heart racing next to mine. It made it even harder for me to want to get up and face the world today.

 

“I want you to get what you need and stay with me.” Brian tells me.

 

“Are you worried about what Julian or Sapperstein might do?” I ask.

 

“When they figure out what we’re doing, yes, but it’s more about wanting us to be together.” He tells me.

 

“My house has too many problems.” I agreed.

 

“I don’t like what your house was for you- a place to keep the world away.” Brian tells me.

 

“Isn’t that what you loft was for you?” I ask.

 

“When you’re there it changes.” He shrugs.

 

“What happens when this is over? I’m going to be out of job. I never wanted to depend on anyone to take care of me.” I tell him.

 

“I want you to trust that I would, even though you likely won’t need me to.” Brian tells me.

 

“The other jobs Ben talked about, they sound to me like I’d be doing the same thing as I was doing working for Julian.” I tell him, not sure what I want to do.

 

“Only if you let them do what they want. Justin, you're the one with the power in this situation. They want you, and hearing what they would do to get you, means they would also listen to what your conditions are in order for you to work for them.” He tells me.

 

“If they start offering me jobs what happens to us if I have to move?” I ask.

 

“You aren’t listening. They are going to do what you want. If you want to move, then we figure it out.” Brian says, like he didn’t care what it took to be together.

 

“Then they find a way for me to be where you are.” I tell him.

 

“Let’s get your stuff. We have to drop it off and then show up at George’s.” Brian said, jumping out of the bed, seeming to want to hurry.

 

I opened up my laptop and resigned my position at Yates. If what we were trying to prove was true, I wanted nothing to do with him. Plus, I already had everything in place, so I no longer needed my job. I sent a message with the codes for anything Julian might have encrypted to someone who’d been helping me with other projects, and until recently had no connection to me.

 

 

BRIAN

 

Justin was grabbing clothes and asked me to get his laptop. I came back to find him looking at the boxes in his closet. Justin opened is computer as he looked at the boxes in the bottom of his closet, there were only two, but something bothered him about them.

 

“Maybe that’s why I didn’t unpack.” Justin tells me, looking back at what he was doing on his laptop.

 

“Why?” I asked.

 

“This place never really felt like home to me.” Justin tells me.

 

“So you left everything in boxes?” I asked.

 

“The things in the boxes are the things that I carried with me everywhere I went. There’s nothing in there that anyone would see as valuable. Nothing that even makes sense now that I’m older. I just couldn’t throw them away.” Justin tells me.

 

I opened the first box, pulling out a blanket that was threadbare, and a book that looked like someone had read it often. I understood what the value of those things were to him. They were his when everything in his life left him eventually. He didn’t throw them away because they were there when it felt like he was the throwaway. 

 

“We can put them in the storage area at the loft until we decide where we’ll end up.” I tell him, not wanting him to feel like he had to let anything go. I took the boxes with the idea that pretty much everything would end up in my loft or wherever our lives led us. 

 

 

MICHAEL

 

Ma was talking to everyone who walked into the diner. I figured she was trying to get them to participate in whatever PFLAG was up to this month. It was the only reason she tended to rally the troops in the past. I felt lost lately; no one was calling me to make plans, not even Ma. Even with all of us being busy, we still called. But lately I felt out of the loop. The booth we normally ate breakfast at every morning was occupied by other people. Looking around there wasn’t anybody here this morning. It felt like the end of the things the gang did together when they didn’t even show up for breakfast. I wanted to blame it on the guy Brian was changing his entire life to be with, but for once I acknowledged he was only doing what I’d done when I met David. I had changed everything about me, wanting to be the man David could be proud of. What Brian was doing was different. The things that changed were things a relationship needed to survive. It didn’t make me happy, but change was hard on me. And the dreams I’d spent my life believing would happen were just that, dreams.

 

Lindsay didn’t have a problem with her dreams dying, and Mel had a lot to do with it. Maybe that’s part of the reason I didn’t push when no one was calling me. Even understanding that Brian wasn’t going to be who I wanted him to be didn’t make it easy for me to deal with. For the few days Ben had paid attention to me, not being the person Brian would fall in love with was okay, because I had someone that gave me the things I wanted. I’d been avoiding any place I could run into Ben, because seeing him with Justin made me wonder what he could see in me. 

 

I didn’t get Brian’s interest in Justin, because nothing about Justin was Brian’s usual. The guy was pretty much the opposite of the tall, dark haired, built guys Brian normally went for. I wanted to try to be friends with my best friend’s… God it’s not even easy to say it… Boyfriend. Only no one seemed to bring him around if I was. I really hadn’t met him, but I knew Emmett, Ma, and the girls had, which made me wonder what they thought I would do. Was I really that big of an asshole? I try to be kind to everyone, but it wasn’t easy to get past my jealousy, so i didn’t even try to meet Justin. 

 

I turned around and went back out the door, since no one really noticed I was there. I tried Brian but he wasn’t answering me. Once again I wanted to blame Justin for it. Only I knew my best friend and no one told him what to do, so maybe he just didn’t want to talk to me. I started walking, getting tired of the pity party I was throwing myself. Everyone had a right to a life, right? So why was it that my life was always going back to the starting line? I’ve always wanted a relationship, and all the things that came with it, but it’s like I picked the people who couldn’t give it to me. I almost ask Ted what the hell he was doing around Blake again when I saw them the other night. Only Ted looked happy, so I left before they saw me.

 

I went to the place where everything made sense to me. Smiling when Buzzy waved at me. I wandered around looking through comics, reading old ones, in general doing what made me happy. In fact, that was the thought I had as I walked out, that I wanted someone who could do the things I like without worrying how they viewed me. I walked right into someone, not paying attention. The guy scowled at me, but continued on. I didn’t realize anything until I went back to the diner, the asshole had mugged me. My wallet and keys were missing.

 

Ma called the cops to report it while I tried to remember the guy. It took me a minute because I’d only seen him one other time. The night he was asking questions about Brian and Justin. I looked at my phone trying to decide who to call, Brian or Ben? I really don’t know what made me decide on Ben, other than he made me feel good about me. 

 

Ben asked a lot of questions but told me to let him handle it. I remembered to tell him Brian’s loft key was on the ring, which had him hanging up on me.

 

 

 

 

 

 


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