BRIAN 

It was such a nothing thing when he pressed his lips to mine. He didn’t explore, just touched his lips to mine before turning on his back and looking back at the stars over our heads. I didn’t ask him why he did it. I didn’t want him to think he did something wrong. I didn’t open my eyes, not wanting him to worry about my reaction to what he did. We laid there for another hour before he said anything. After the silence, it made his raspy voice sound louder, even though he whispered.

“I was asked once what it was like in my head; why I got lost in the things I do. I didn’t answer because I didn’t know how to describe it.” He tells me.

“You don’t have to, I don’t need to know.” I tell him.

“It’s the only real... personal thing I can tell you. Everything I see is like a maze; my mind has to follow every part of it, go down the wrong way and then it reboots to the start, rerunning everything, looking for a pattern that leads to the right way. I can see where someone would go and how to catch them before they get to what they were looking for. Because no matter how good you are, you bump into the wrong places on your way to the right one. My eyes stop seeing anything because my mind shows me the things my eyes can’t see. When people talk to me or ask a question, I have a hard time answering, because in my head I’m running through a maze to give the right answer.” He said, as if he thought of the answer years ago but I was the first person he told.

“By the time you come up with the answer, they walk away.” I tell him.

“Or I say something that makes them want to get away from me.” He tells me.

“You can say whatever you want, I promise to stay.” I tell him.

“He wants me to stay away from you.” He tells me.

“Who?” I ask.

“My boss, Julian.” He tells me.

“Why would your boss care if we spend time together?” I ask.

“I don’t know. Before, he never really cared what I was doing. It’s not like I didn’t walk around… I just never… stopped before.” He tells me.

“If he had people watching you, he didn’t need to bother, unless you did something different from before.” I tell him.

“I watched people, not the way I did with you, just seeing what… families were like.” He tells me, looking out into the night.

“But you didn’t interact with them, I’m assuming?” I asked.

Justin took a minute before answering, “They didn’t do anything to interest me.” He tells me.

“What did I do other than stand there?” I asked.

“You did the same thing I do sometimes, stare out at the world... just to see if there is something more. After I left, because it was the first time I slept, it made me come back again, to see if I could sleep again.” He tells me.

“Even though you said there was nothing we should worry about, I’m good at reading people.” I tell him, not wanting him to sense how it felt for me to hear what he just said.

“I don’t know why Julian would care about you… He never acted like there was anything other than a work relationship between us… It’s not even like anything I do for him isn’t something he could get someone else to do for him… Until the night I left you with your friends, other than invitations to dine with him, nothing… But the way he looked at me that night, it reminded me of the way one of your friends looked at you… It confused me, because I always felt like Julian barely knew I existed.” He tells me.

“Which one, which friend?” I ask.

“The younger brunet.” He tells me.

“Mikey wanted me for more than a friend. Justin, even if you don’t understand, there are people looking at you, I’ve seen it when you come to Babylon. They notice you, only to have you walk by like they aren’t even in the same room with you. What changed was that for once you didn’t ignore someone. Me. If he’d been waiting for you to in essence wake up and show him you wanted more, it wouldn’t have made him happy that it wasn’t him.” I tell him.

“It’s not like you… I… we’re not...” He stumbled along, going silent to avoid saying what he was thinking.

“I need to ask you about Ben.” I tell him, since I didn’t have an answer to what we were yet.

“What about him? I really don’t know him that well. Julian hired him to show up and do the things I forget about.” He tells me, relieved to get off the subject.

“I don’t know for sure, but my friends met a Ben last night. From what it sounds like, he spent the whole night talking up one of them. If it’s not the same Ben then it could mean nothing, but if it is…”

“Why is he around your friends?” He says, finishing my thought.

BEN

Sitting in my car talking to my real boss saved me from having to explain why I was getting cozy with Brian’s friends. I was waiting to see if Michael showed up, and stopped long enough to explain what Julian wanted me to do. When I hung up Brian was walking in with Emmett, and so I didn’t go in. At first I was going to leave, but Julian wouldn’t be patient, so I waited and saw Brian leave before going in to find Michael. Michael was still sitting in the bar long after his friends left him there. After talking to the three of them the night before, I knew Michael was the one to use, because what he said without me having to ask was about Brian. Every other sentence included Brian, only none of it was what Julian wanted, and I was relieved. I didn’t want to help the bastard, I wanted to see him behind bars. Julian managed to find a way out of anything he did. He didn’t murder people, but he turned them into his tools to do his dirty work. If they were caught, they were hung out to dry, never willing to take Julian down with them. I was tired of seeing people let their lives be ruined because whatever Julian had on them scared them more than what we would do. 

Everything pointed to Justin Taylor, because Julian guarded him like a prize possession. Julian was right to see Justin that way, because so did many others once they figured out what they missed by dismissing the boy who couldn’t talk. Justin had no clue how many people really watched him, trying to figure out a way to use him. I wasn’t any better, because I was trying to find something to use against Julian, only Justin closed himself off the day we met. In everything I read about Justin, I didn’t read that even though it seemed like he had problems with understanding people, he could see more than he probably realized. He saw straight through the charm I threw at him, and slid walls down to block anything I tried. 

My bosses were thrilled when Julian took the bait and allowed me in, and they were dancing when Julian hired me to be Justin’s assistant. Only they didn’t count on the fact that Justin didn’t leave things lying around; no folder with information, no notes on the inner working of Julian’s empire. They also didn’t get that Justin wasn’t some desperate, lonely man, who would respond just because someone was offering. It’s still a mystery to all of us what caused Brian to register with Justin. They had nothing in common. Brian’s life was about being seen and living large. I’d seen Brian many times before Justin found him, and everything about him was the opposite of Justin. Julian might want Brian out of the picture, but the rest of us wanted him in. He had gotten past the fortress and into the castle. Julian couldn’t see that Brian’s threat was more than Justin’s growing interest, it was that Brian fights with everything he has to hold on to the people who mean something to him. 

I spent a lot of time trying to explain why we weren’t any closer to any of our goals. Justin didn’t need to write anything down, everything was there inside his head. He didn’t see any reason to share something with me, because he saw me as a nuisance to ignore. I went out of my way to act like everyone else did when it came to Justin, but the truth was I was in awe of the way Justin’s mind worked. But because of it, we had no way to find anything on Julian. Even the work he sent Justin wasn’t anything illegal, and Julian had every right to know what the people were doing in his systems. If we could get the people to talk to us, Justin wouldn’t need to be involved. Which was a lie, because my bosses wanted Justin more than they cared about Julian. They recognized what Justin could do and what it would mean to our country. Justin could not only find what someone did, but how to catch them before they tried again. Julian had what the FBI, NSA, CIA, really any agency in the world, needed. And they would kill to have him on their team, only Julian found him first. No one even registered that Justin was capable of more, because he isn't showing off what he can do the way most people as brilliant as he is would. He just plodded along, trying to be left alone. It’s still unknown how Julian got Justin to work for him.

I knew Julian used it to get favors, or to get someone else to do his dirty work. Which really wasn’t any different than what my bosses would use Justin to do, and then use what he found in the same way as Julian does. We justify it as helping our country, but in the end we wouldn’t be any better. I was determined not to let anyone use Justin once Julian’s empire collapsed. How to accomplish it? I didn’t know. I just knew that I didn’t want Justin to be used by anyone. I wanted him to have more in life. Even though Brian wasn’t exactly someone I would think was a great idea, he was still someone who like me, who would protect the people he cared about.

So I approached Michael, in order to find a way to keep Brian safe for Justin. I did care, no matter what I had to do to make Justin and Brian believe I didn’t.

“Hey, I guess we meet again.” Michael said, trying to sound like he hadn’t been sitting here for hours waiting.

“I enjoyed spending time with you, and hoped to run into you.” I tell him, hoping Michael would continue to spew useless information.

“I’m supposed to meet up with my friends but…”

“Or we could take a walk and get to know each other, maybe you could tell me more about you and what you like outside of your friends.” I tell him.

JUSTIN

I started fidgeting after Brian handed me snacks from the bags we had with us. He pulled out drinks and food, arranging it like a picnic. It gave me time to think again, and I kept waiting for him to ask me why I kissed him. And I realized when we were talking earlier that I didn’t stumble as much because I kept waiting for him to bring up what I did. It really wasn’t what I thought it would be, just skin against skin. I’d read books about romance and love, but somehow I didn’t get how anyone wanted someone’s tongue in their mouth, or how it led to ripping off clothes, and well, all the other stuff that I skipped over when the mechanics of it sometimes sounded impossible. I didn’t feel anything, other than that he was warm.

“What are you thinking about?” Brian asked.

Once again I was flustered. How do you tell someone what I was thinking when I watched men throw themselves at Brian? It was likely that I was lacking, not him. I stopped and decided to trust him, that nothing I would say would change anything.

“Kissing wasn’t what I thought.” It was simple and direct, and he smiled, so all good.

“Depends on how you do it, and who it’s with for most people.” He said, rolling his lips like he was trying not to laugh at me.

“Why would anyone use their tongue, do you know how many germs…?” I didn’t finish because he did laugh.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh. It’s just normally when you get to the tongue, no one really cares what germs are there.” Brian said, trying not to keep laughing at me.

Only I didn’t feel like he was laughing at me. More like he was seeing the humor in my confusion.

“It’s just skin, saliva, and sounds strange to me.” I tell him, picking up the drink and fidgeting with the label for something to do.

Brian took the drink out of my hand, then tilted my head so I would look at him. 

“You don’t have to do it.” I told him, when he looked into my eyes for permission to show me what I didn’t understand.

“I want to show you, but not if you don’t want to know.” He tells me.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because no one should live without knowing what books can’t tell you.” He said, sealing his lips over mine.

His tongue traced my closed lips and I opened them, shutting out everything but the feeling of what he was doing. I didn’t even notice when we ended up laying down with him over me. All I could do was feel the way his tongue explored, tangling with mine. The way he moved over me, his hands massaging my head as his mouth moved, was something no book ever could explain. When he leaned his head on mine, I wanted his mouth back where it was.

“We need to slow down.” Brian said, out of breath. And I felt what the kiss did to both of us.

Brian moved off me, laying on his back staring up into the night. I was going to leave, but he reached for my hand and put it over his chest, where I felt his heart racing.

“Does it always feel like that?” I asked, not just about what we did, but what he did with other men.

“It’s never felt like that.” Brian said after a couple minutes. “When your ready, I’d like to know what that feels like too.” Brian said, as if there would be something different than what he knew.