"I made it safely. The loft Daphne hooked me up with is great. I got a lead on a work space I might be able to share with a guy." There is a moment of silence on the line. Justin then continues, "I miss you. We will get together soon.  I love you." 

Brian started the message over for the fourth time.  Every time he listened to it he could hear the excitement in Justin's voice about his new life but he heard a sadness, too. Brian had never had such confused thoughts. He had never felt such pain and yet felt a warmth inside.   Brian turned off his phone and headed to that big, empty bed.  He thought about heading out to Babylon but why? Ben and Michael would be at home with Hunter. Emmett was spending time with his new boyfriend from Hazelhurst and Ted took off for the weekend to be with Blake on one of his ski tournaments.  Just fucking around still gave him pleasure but there was such an emptiness afterword.   

Brian reached for a cigarette without thinking about it and lights it up.  A smile played across his lips as he remembered the night he met Justin.  It was the most important night of his life.  It was the night he became a father and the night he met the love of his life. His first thought was, 'this is a new piece of ass I haven't seen before.' Justin wasn't his normal choice but he was definitely worth a second look. Even as a kid Justin had guts.  Not every 17-year-old would have been brave enough to take on Brian Kinney.  He was sure when he stripped in front of him Justin would run.  Just the opposite! Justin walked right up to him and kissed him.  Brian chuckled as he finishes his smoke. That would have been something he would have done. And there is no way he would ever forget that first night in bed with him. It was a night to remember.  Justin was so naïve but so receptive.  Brian knew he had to be scared shitless but Justin was game to try anything, even after Brian had gotten high on E and tried doing hand stands and juggling.   

Mindlessly, Brian reached for another cigarette. "I really need to cut back," crosses his mind as he continues in his reverie. Justin was a natural when it came to loving.  It was obvious he had not done anything like that before but he caught on so quickly to everything. He followed everything Brian said and came up with things naturally.  Brian could still taste him and remembered the sounds he made as Brian trailed down his back with his tongue, learning the shape of this boy, this young man. And then the look on Justin's face as he entered him for the first time. He was so trusting. He was so beautiful. He asked for what he needed, unashamed of his lack of experience.   Brian had felt in charge but also needed.  God, he missed his Sunshine! What was this feeling? He was so proud of him but the pain he was feeling made it hard to think of anything positive.  Well, maybe he would have to do something about it.  New York was not far away.  He could afford a trip.  He actually needed the trip.  Yes, Brian Kinney was admitting he needed someone!  And he wasn't sure his life was worth much without him.