Chapter 8





Justin wasn't sure what time it was when Brian finally settled in his sleep.  He slipped out of the bedroom and wrote a quick note to Brian letting him know he was in the pool house.  He set a glass for fresh juice next to the bed. He bent down, lightly brushed hair off his face and kissed his forehead.  Brian mumbled but turned over and was again asleep.





As he walked out in the mid-morning sun Justin was still in shock after Brian's breakdown last night.  If his mother wasn't already dead he would be tempted to kill her himself. He needed to release some of his emotions and pent up energy. Naked he strode into the pool house to paint.  He got out his pallet and brushes and looked at the canvas he was working on. It was Brian but it was the Brian before last night. Today he saw him differently. He started making changes. In only seconds two hours were gone. He realized how much time had passed and Brian hadn't appeared yet.  





As he headed back to the house he pulled out his phone and pressed 2 on his speed dial.  The phone rang 3 times before he heard a voice. "Sweetheart! How are you? Everything is OK, isn't it?"
Justin had to smile as the questions rolled off his mom's tongue. "Everything is fine, Mom.  I just wanted to hear your voice. I miss you. I only have a minute. We are both fine. Can't wait to see you. We will have lunch sometime next week. Mom, " Justin had to swallow the lump in his throat. "I love you, Mom."





"I love you, too, Justin.  Are you sure everything is OK? Has something happened? Is everything Ok with Brian?"





"Mom, everything is fine.  We can talk next week. Trust me, I have had a life changing trip. Bye, Mom. Love you!" He loved that woman with all his heart.  He couldn't imagine life without her.





Justin started a fresh pot of coffee and made sure there was enough juice before checking on Brian.





It was shortly after noon when Justin entered the bedroom again.  Brian was splayed on his stomach. The blankets had been crumpled on the floor and his arms were wrapped around a pillow, clinging to it like his life depended on it. Justin slid into bed and replace the pillow with himself. "Bri," he kissed Brian gently on the cheek. "Hey, baby, maybe it's time to wake up." Justin moved to Brian's lips and kissed him again





Brian's reaction was so fast it surprised Justin. Brian turned and faced Justin, pulling him tightly to him. "Did you mean it? Please tell me you meant it."





Justin was a bit confused. "That I meant what, Babe?"





"You were singing to me last night. You were singing to me weren't you?"





Justin gently stroked Brian's face. "Yes, I was singing."
"Did you mean it that you fall in love with me everyday?"





"I fall in love with you every single day, every single hour, every single minute." His lips sought out Brian's and Brian had a desperation in the kiss he returned. Quietly Justin said, "Brian, I am yours. You call the shots. Tell me what you want.





"I have everything I need in this bed, right now.  No, that's not quite true. I need Gus, too. He has the part of my heart you don't have."





"What do you want right now?"





:"You." He joined his lips with Justin.





"Baby, I want you, too, but let's get you something to eat and drink first.  I think you need some fluids and fuel before we expend more. "Come on!" Justin felt it was important for Brian to get up and moving a bit.  They walked into the kitchen hand in hand. Justin poured some fresh juice for both of them and a cup of coffee he had just made. Let me make some eggs for you.  I am bet you are hungry."





A smile crept across his lips.  "I didn't realize it but I am starving. Sunshine, you really do know me better than I know myself." He stood behind Justin as he beat the eggs for an omelet, needing to be in physical contact with him at all times. Justin instinctively knew he needed this. When Justin needed something out of the refrigerator he extended his hand so their fingertips were still in contact. As Justin tended the eggs in the pan, Brian had one arm around his waist and sipped a cup of coffee in the other one. Sautéed onions and peppers were added to the omelet along with cheddar and brie.  He slid it under the broiler for a couple minutes while he cut up some crusty bred he found in the bread box.





Splitting the omelet in two he placed half on each plate.  He set them by the bar stools. He threw the bread in a basket and put fresh creamy butter and homemade berry jam down between the plates. They left the stove and made their way around to the stools.  They sat and ate. It was a quiet meal until they were nearly finished. Brian couldn't look at him but reached over and took Justin's hand. "I am sorry about last night. You didn't need to deal with my family mess."





Justin took a deep breath so he could phrase what he wanted to say the best way. "Brian, nothing you did last night needs an apology. It is not your fault your family was so messed up," Justin ran his fingertip down Brian's jawline guiding his face so they could look at each other. "You were the victim here. And as for me 'dealing' with your problems, it is my problem, too.  When are you going to understand we are a unit. What is yours is mine and I don't mean that in possessions. My heart and soul is yours and I hope the reverse is true for you. I hope I can claim your heart and soul as mine."





For a minute, Justin was afraid he may have said too much. The look on Brian's face was hard to read.  He finally said, "I have no heart without you and I need heart." He smiled then, getting the missing twinkle back in his eyes. " Where would you like to take this 'conversation"? The pool deck, the bedroom, the rug?" They both laughed and headed to the bedroom.











The men spent the afternoon in bed.  With every touch, every stroke Brian was beginning to recover. The scars would never be gone but they would heal. Justin looked into Brian's face. The quirky smile on Brian's face made Justin wonder what he was up to. "Are you ready to head out to the pool for a couple hours?"
"Pretty soon," Brian said as he trailed his hand down Justin's abs and down below his belly button until it rested on his penis.





" Again? Will you ever get enough?"





"When you are involved, I can't get enough but it's my turn. I need to feel a little pain. I hope that doesn't sound too weird. I just think a little physical pain will help so, please say you are game." His eyes said it all."





Justin had to process this for a second but thought he could understand Sometimes physically feeling something was the only way to feel it is completed. "I will, but you will need to let me know what you need."





Brian got up and left the room.  He came back with a large wooden spoon.  





Justin looked at what he had in his hand. "Brian, are you sure?" Brian nodded. "Brian, I will because you want me to but you need to tell me when it is enough and if I need to stop you need to let me stop."





Brian leaned over the bed with his ass in the air. At that moment Justin understood.  This is how he was punished as a child and now he needed to let it go. Justin didn't understand it all but could understand why it made sense to Brian. Sometimes a wound needed to be reopened to heal correctly.





"Is there anything else I need to know?" Justin asked in a tentative voice.





Brian shook his head and braced himself. Justin drew back his arm and swung, connecting just below his bottom.   





"One." Brian said in a steady voice.





Again, Justin drew back and again connected.





"Two"





It was repeated again and then again.





When he got to 5 Brian's voice was wavering and tears were in his eyes





"Brian, please," Justin asked beseechingly.





"It has to be 1en." He said in a raspy voice. "It always had to be ten."





Justin swung three more times each time connecting solidly.  By now Justin had tears rolling down his cheeks. "Fuck, Brian."





"Two more.  I need to take two more." Brian was having a hard time controlling his voice.





"NO!" Justin threw the spoon across the room.  "She no longer has control over you. You don't have to prove anything to her anymore." Justin took Brian in his arms. " You don't have to prove the kind of man you are. I know what kind of man you have become.  She will never know what she missed. She was never happy. She never loved." Justin took a breath, "You show me love every day. The last three weeks you have showed it every minute of every day. I have never known anyone so worthy of love." He kissed Brian over and over taking the tears away.





"I need you to do one more thing." Brian took a slow steadying breath.





"I won't hurt you anymore.  I can't!".





Softly, Brian kissed him and said. "Fuck me."





"I am always willing to make love to you."   





Justin had Brian lay down first on his stomach. He grabbed some oil off the side table and began rubbing it over the welts he had put there.  How could he have done that? Then again how could he have denied him" He rubbed and massaged, slowly working the oil down into his crack.





Brian moaned.





"Oh, God, I'm hurting you I am so sorry!"





"No, not hurting," He managed to get out. "No, it feels …..Oh,"





Justin worked the oil deeper in the crack and then he lowered his head and began running his tongue around and around, flicking in and out. He used his finger to massage Brian's prostate.  





Brian got up on his knees. "Now, Justin, NOW."





Justin entered in one even stroke, and feeling Brian needed it yet he drove in as hard as he could. That is all it took.  Brian let out a yell that was more like that of an animal. It took Justin by surprise until he realized it was Brian's way of releasing the anger he still was holding onto.  Justin was spent and wrapped his arms tightly around him. They both dropped on the bed, Justin behind Brian.





After laying there a few minutes Justin wondered what Brian was doing. At first he thought Brian was crying but then it sounded much more like laughter.





"Brian, you alright?"  Justin was concerned the last two days had been a lot for both of them.





Brian turned to face him.  There were no tears. In fact, he was laughing.  Justin became even more concerned. He wondered if Brian had snapped.





"Sunshine, don't look so worried.  Don't you know a happy man when you see one?"





"But Brian, all afternoon...."





"You gave me exactly what I asked for all afternoon and now.....I finally feel free.  I finally feel like she's gone. I feel like the negativity of my family has finally been banished and that is thanks to you!" He literally picked Justin out of the bed and spun around several times.  What do you say we go for a swim." Brian nearly ran out the door, like a small child would and did a cannonball into the water. Justin smiled and shrugged, jumping in behind him.











By the time they had gotten to the pool it had been a bit after 5:00. As they climbed out an hour later their muscles were loose and relaxed, Brian stretched out on the double chaise longue. He winked at Justin and patted the spot next to him. Justin sat on the edge and gave him a quick kiss.  Do you mind if I paint for a couple of hours? I really would like to get this painting done or at least use the light and colors here while I can.





"After what I have put you through the last two days I can deny you nothing. You paint as long as you like.  I will take care of dinner let's say around 8:30 or 9:00. I will just take a nap and build up my energy for later."  





Justin rolled his eyes, gave him another quick kiss, and walked to the pool house. He pulled out his supplies and looked out at Brian.  Was it possible that Brian now had a different look than he had the day before. This painting was now getting its third new life. He focused on Brian's face. Maybe it was just because he knew what was going on but Brian looked years younger. Maybe he looked lighter, at least in spirit.  





The only other time he had this kind of feeling painting was when he painted 'The Pain.' That pictured just flowed onto the canvas.  This had the same feel to it. Brian's image was just floating on this one. Light was coming from within him. Justin didn't remember doing anything to the painting and yet the paint brush was in his hand.





"Uh, Sunshine? Sunshine! Brian to Sunshine."





Justin looked over to see Brian standing in the doorway.  He hadn't notice the sun was nearly set. He hadn't noticed Brian go into the house and set up dinner on the patio. "What time is it?"





"It is almost 9:00.  I have dinner ready and the fireworks will be starting in the next hour. Can I see what you have been working on?" Brian had learned living with an artist to ask permission before moving in on his work.  Most of the time Justin didn't mind but from time to time there was a painting he didn't want him to see until it was finished.





Justin hesitated for a few seconds. "I don't think it will be one of your favorites" Brian rarely liked paintings of himself although Justin had done a few. "But, yes, you can come see it. I still have a couple hours of work to do tomorrow on it."





Brian came to stand behind Justin. He didn't say a word.  He just stood there, mouth open. He looked at Justin and then back at the paining.  "I..I'm...it's....I don't know what to say."





"Do you like it?





"It is really stunning. Of course, the subject was devastatingly handsome," Brian winked at Justin, "But seriously, Justin, there is something amazing about this picture.  I am not sure what it is about it. It seems to have a life of its own."





Justin walked to the door and Brian followed.  The sun was setting over the ocean. There were candles flickering on the chaise lounge and he could see what looked like a tray with dishes.





They stretched out on the chair.  There were breads, an antipasti platter, and a variety of fruits. There was also a tray of little dessert cakes and chocolates, and bottles of wine. As they shared the repass the stars came out brighter as the sun disappeared behind the horizon.





And then the sky lit up. The sounds were distance but the colors looked like they could reach out and touch them. The tray and dishes were removed and they lay touching the entire length of their bodies, first fingers linked but then Brian's arm was around Justin and his blond head rested on Brian's shoulder.   





The fireworks seemed to go on forever. Hands and lips started roaming as the heat from the others body seeped in. As Sunshine began to role onto his lover, Brian held up a hand. Above them the final display was exploding everywhere.  





Brian took Justin's hand and said, "Before we get too distracted I have something to say. Justin, I don't know what I would done without you the last 10 years but especially the last 3 weeks. I don't want to ever be without you in my life. I know I asked you this once years ago and now I am asking you again. "Justin Tayler will you marry me? Not because everyone else is doing it but because I can't do life without you."  





Brian pulled out a box.  It was the same rings he had offered him years ago but now they both had some diamond chips added.





Justin just sat there staring at the box.  They hadn't talked about marriage in years.  They knew they would be together forever so who needed a ceremony. HE DID!





"FUCK, YES! Oh, Yes, yes, YES!"  





"Now you can move over here and show me how much you love me."