Chapter 11

Justin woke up to the sound of Brian moaning. He reached over and felt his forehead.  He was covered in a sheen of sweat. From his agitation Justin knew he was in pain. He got up carefully as to not cause more, and got a pain pill and water.  He had refused to take anything since he had gotten home. Justin was fairly sure he knew why. Brian’s sex drive was a part of his very being. He needed it to feel like himself.

“Brian, hey Baby, you need to take one of these pills.”

Brian woke with a shutter. The pain ebbed from his every pore. “No, no pills.”

“Come on, Baby, you are in severe pain.  You need to get some sleep to heal quicker.”

“I said NO!”

“Ok, Ok.  Is there anything I can do?  Do you have muscles that I could rub?”

Even in his pain Brian skirked at that until another wave of pain shot through him.

“I’m going to adjust the bed a little and see if that will help.”  He moved the position, watching Brian’s face. There was a sharp intake of breath as the bed changed but then there seemed to be a little less tension in his face.  “Is that better?” Brian nodded.

“Baby, you really need to take something for the pain.”

“I said, NO.”

“How about at least taking some over the counter stuff?  I don’t know how much it will help but….”

“Justin! I’m fine.”

“The hell you are!  You woke me up because you were in too much pain to sleep.”

Even though Brian couldn’t see he seemed to be able to sense where Justin’s face was.  He laid his hand on his cheek. “Sunshine, I can deal with this.”

“You might be able to but I am not sure I can! I can’t stand to see you in pain.  Our sex life isn’t worth your suffering!”

Very quietly, stroking Justin’s cheek, he said, “Yes, it is. My need for you is far greater than the pain I have.”

“Ok, I give up.  Can I adjust your pillows or anything else for you?”

“I can think of one thing you could adjust.” he smiled.

This made Justin feel a little better.  Maybe moving the bed had helped. He got back in bed next to Brian and snuggled up the best he could without causing pain.  “Is this OK?

“That is more than OK.” Brian took Justin’s hand and slid it under the covers.

Justin slid his hand down and took Brian’s cock in his hand. He watched Brian’s face closely for any signs of pain or pleasure.  He gently moved his fingers on Brian’s member. He started a circular motion with his thumb on the tip. Brian let out a slow breath. “Are you OK, Brian?”

“Yes, it feels so good.  Why isn’t it doing anything?”

“You need to be patient.  As long as it feels good maybe it will help you relax.” Justin leaned in and Brian met his kiss.  “I will do anything that helps you get well. Just tell me what you want and I will do it! Anything!

“I know you would.  That feels really good. Thank you.”

Brian seemed to be relaxing enough to go back to sleep. Justin brought his hand back up to Brian’s chest. He slept. Justin wished he could.  

After laying there a time and knowing Brian was really asleep Justin slipped out.  Leaving the doors open he went into the art studio. He hadn’t done anything in there accept looked in the door.  He went in and put some paint out on a pallet, grabbed a canvas, and started painting.

He had no idea how long he had been in there when he heard his name.  The second time it was more frantic.”

“I’m right here, Brian.  I’m coming!” By the time Justin was in the room, Brian had regained his composure. Sorry, Baby, I had gone into the studio.” He went around the bed and brushed the hair off Brian’s forehead and followed it with a kiss.  “Do you need help to the bathroom or do you want to try it yourself?” Justin had found Brian was embarrassed to need help getting in there. Having only been there a day he was getting the hang of how to maneuver around in there.  

“Can you just help me out of this bed?”  Justin could see the determination not to flinch as he moved.  Soon Brian was standing with his crutches and heading to the bathroom.  I know we can’t shower together but when you are gone would you like some help washing up? You might feel better.  I could wash your hair if you like.

Brian let Justin know when he could come in. He had gotten up and had propped himself against the vanity supporting himself on his good leg. He was completely naked.  Justin stood there looking at that beautiful body that now had battle scars. He had a couple small incisions from the internal injuries. The incision in his pelvic area was still covered.  He would changed that dressing too. As he removed the tape he saw Brian wince in pain. “Sorry,” he said. Justin decided to strip naked himself because he knew he would get wet. “Shall we do your hair first?  I think if you can lean over just a bit this will work.” By the time the soap was out of his hair both Brian and Justin were wet. Now Justin took a wet cloth and started on his shoulders and worked his way downward.  As he got to that perfect ass he spent a few more seconds then need be but from Brian’s reaction he found it pleasurable. He leaned in to Justin just a bit and moaned softly. Justin rinsed the cloth again and began a repeat on the front side.  He would love to have taken his time but he could see the strain growing on Brian’s face. He finished quickly and dried him off. Brian had not said a word throughout. “Can you make it back to bed.” Brian nodded and heading to the room.

Justin redressed his wound and helped him get on some loose shorts and an old T Shirt. By the time Brian was back in bed he was falling asleep.

“You nap, baby, I go get some breakfast.” Justin pulled on shorts and a shirt and headed down for some food.

Linda and Melody were in the kitchen just sitting down to have breakfast.  “Sorry, Ladies, I was just grabbing a little breakfast for the two of us. Thanks, again, for letting us stay here.  I am not sure where we would have gone if….”

“Now, don’t you mention it again,” Linda cut him off. “We are glad we can help since it happened here.  How is our patient this morning?”

“I just finished cleaning him up and putting on a fresh dressing.  That totally wore him out. He is taking a nap.”

Mel looked at Justin, “You look like you could sure use one.  Did you get any sleep last night?”

“A few hours.  Brian woke up and then after that I couldn’t get back to sleep.  I hope you don’t mind but I went in and painted for a while.”

“I don’t mind if you don’t mind I take a peek.”

“Sure, no problem. Well, I better get this food up there.  I think he will be ready to eat soon.”

“Justin, we have decided that from 10 am until 2 pm each day we want to take care of Brian.  You need time to yourself. If you want to sleep you can sleep. If you have errands go do them. You need to take care of yourself.”

“No, I couldn’t let you do that. He can be a handful and….”

“Trust me, Linda and I can handle him.  He is mobile now with just a little guidance, right?”

He nodded.

“Then we can handle him. If you want to stay in the house today and sleep feel free to use one of the rooms on the second floor.”

Justin bent down and kissed each of them on the head in turn. “Thank you.” Was all he could say.  He picked up the tray of food he had assembled and got on the elevator.

The ladies looked at each other. “I hope Brian Kinney knows how lucky he is to have that young man on his side. I have never seen such loyalty, “ Mel said.

“It’s simple.  It is Love.” Linda responded as she reached across the table and took Mel’s hand.

Justin arrived the food including a pot of coffee.  “Hey, Brian, you ready for some breakfast?” He had propped himself up higher in the bed. Why don’t you come to the table in the next room and then you can sit up for a while in the chair.  There’s a TV in there.”

“Not that I can see it,” Brian said it under his breath.  

“I know, Baby, if I could make it better for you I would.” Justin kissed the top of his head as he helped him get out of the bed.

Brian did quite well getting to the other room.  He only caught the leg of a little side table in the hall and that was barely.  He made a note to move it to the other end of the hall. Brian sat down by the table.  He had been finding eating quite challenging. Justin tried to set his plate a specific way.  He then told him that he had eggs at 6 o'clock, sausage at 2, and buttered toast at 10. He also had coffee and juice for him.  His coffee was up and right of 2 and the juice was at 12. He did quite well this morning. It was nearing 10 so he thought he better tell him what the ladies had planned.  

“Hey, Brian, Linda or Melody is coming up at 10:00.  It was really nice of them. I do have a couple errands I need to run.  Is there anything I can get for you while I am out? I could run past Kinnetik if you need something from there.”

“If you have forgotten, Justin, I can’t see.  I am not sure what you think I could do. It’s not like the reports can read themselves.” Justin made note of this comment just as Mel walked in the door.

“Is he giving you shit, Justin?  

Justin smiled at Mel but didn’t say anything. He watched Brian struggle to the lift chair.  He almost stepped up to help but Mel caught his arm and shook her head. Brian made it over and then lowered the chair into a comfortable position.  Justin walked over to him and bent down, wrapping his arms around him the best he could. “I will see you later. You have my cell number if you need me. I love you, Brian.” He kissed him soundly.

“I love you, too, Sunshine.”

And so the schedule was created. At 10:00 everyday either Linda or Mel came up to be in earshot of Brian while Justin tried to move on with life.  He would usually spend most of his time at Kinnetik. Ted had gone back to Pittsburgh and the staff in NYC was all quite new. Justin didn’t know all aspects of the business either but he had a little idea and helped keep things flowing.  He was not going to let Brian’s business fall apart.

Brian’s attitude fluctuated from day to day.  Some days he was fairly even keel but other days you could see the depression setting in.  The only positive thing to come out of all this was Justin’s painting had been inspired. Pictures just flowed off his brush. He would give up all his talent for Brian to be back to normal.

Two weeks after they had moved in, there was some positive from the Dr.  The pelvis was healing well. He couldn’t walk on it yet but it looked to be a good strong set. That night as they got into bed Justin lay against Brian, dancing his fingers across Brian’s chest.  His hand moved lower as he moved his mouth to Brian’s. He was not being gentle tonight. His hand found it’s goal and started rubbing and manipulating Brian.

In the past 2 weeks there had been a couple of nights that Brian had shown signs of life down there but no real success.  It wasn’t for lack of trying on either of their parts. Justin’s mouth started winding its way down Brian’s chest and stomach and then to his cock.  Justin’s warm, sweet mouth slipped around it. Brian’s breath grew ragged and he was definitely enjoying Justin’s manipulations he just wasn’t having the full response he should.

“Justin.  JUSTIN! Enough.  It isn’t going to happen.  Is Jarod back in town, yet?  You could just as well……”

“OK, you have wanted to have this conversation for a couple weeks now.  What do you want to know, Brian?” You know we fucked. Do you want to know details?  Ya, I did him just like you did me the first time. And, ya, it was good. It felt good to see his response to me, to seeing his reaction.  I could see the pain and in some way that felt good too. He needed to feel. His life had just been thrown upside down as he knew it. He needed to be grounded by something.  And yes. Then he fucked me! Doggy style since you seem to want details. And ya, he HARD, and he kept going and going until we both came.” Justin stopped. What had he done? The look on Brian’s face was not anger.  It was sheer pain. No less than the first night he refused to take his pain meds. He didn’t mean to do this. Why had he done this?

“Oh, God, Brian, I am so sorry.  I didn’t….I don’t know…...Oh, Baby, I am just so tired.  It didn’t mean anything. It really didn’t. We never touched each other after that night. Not like that.  It was a one time thing because he was hurting so much that night. Brian, please, say something.”

“Good night, Justin.” As best he could he turned away from Justin and shut his eyes.

Justin lay there for sometime but eventually got up and went downstairs.  He couldn’t just lay there next to the man he love after he had just been so hurtful.  Why did he do that? Brian had enough stress. He shouldn’t have to deal with that too.

He started heating water.  He wasn’t sure what he was going to do with it but weren’t you supposed to drink something hot when you couldn’t sleep. He stood staring out the window although he didn’t see anything.  He realized someone had come in the room and looked to see Linda standing near him.

“Rough night? I thought I might find you in here.  I happened to be up and heard a disruption from your floor.”

”I am sorry if we disturbed you.  I should say I disturbed you. I was one making all the noise.” He turned away from Linda.  She didn’t need to draw her into his drama but she had other plans.

“Come here, dear sensitive, boy.”  She wrapped her arms around him tightly and he couldn’t help himself.  He hung onto her and cried.

After several minutes he loosened his grip on her.

“Do you want to tell me about it? I am a great listener.  He had no intention of telling Linda what had happened but all he had to do was look at her and he couldn’t stop the flow of words. He told her almost everything, leaving out only the details of the sexual encounter.  “He has every right to hate me. He has every right to …..”

“His only right is to love you.  You have declared your love over and over.  Maybe he can’t see that this minute but he will. You have both been under extreme circumstances.  Brian will realize that. And, yes, maybe you do owe him an apology tomorrow but he owes you forgiveness.. He was no angel while you were gone.  We heard the stories when he came here to work and I understand you had an agreement. Did you break the agreement?

“Yes, I did, at least the original.  When he found out Jarod was a virgin told me I could have sex with him but I didn’t plan on ever doing it.”

“Tomorrow when you are both calm tell him that.  As strong willed as that man is he is reasonable.”

They talked a little while longer and eventually took the elevator to their separate floors.

Justin got back in bed and looked at a sleeping Brian. He actually seemed to be sleeping soundly. Reaching out and touching Brian’s cheek he said,. “Sleep well, My love.”

In the darkened room, Justin didn’t see the tears as Brian cried silently.

In the morning Brian got up on his own and went to the  bathroom on his own. He couldn’t wait to be able to take a normal shower again. He was now able to get in and sit on a shower chair at least.  What he really wanted was to take one of hot and steamy showers he shared with Justin. What was wrong with him? Normally just thinking about one of those showers would put him on full alert. He looked down at his limp dick.  Maybe he should go for tests. The last time this happened was when he had cancer. That’s all he needed. He washed and rinsed the soap off as he stepped back out of the tub he felt his foot slip but couldn’t stop it. He screamed as pain exploded in his leg and before he could stop, his head hit the tiled floor.

“Brian!” Justin came flying in the bathroom to find a naked Brian, blanched white, lying on the bathroom floor. Justin dropped next to him.”Oh, God, Brian are you OK?  Of course, you aren’t OK. Oh, Baby, your leg…..Can you bend your knee?” He could. “Does your hip move?” He tried it and although it hurt it seems to move. Good, now let’s see if we can get you up.”

“Stop treating me like a child.  I am fine. I just feel like an idiot.”  Justin helped him balance and he got up.

Justin didn’t know what to say.  He was afraid anything he said would be taken wrong.  He finally just said, “I am sorry, So sorry. I don’t know what got into me last night.”

“Justin can I get some clothes on before we have this conversation?”  

As Justin assisted him he noticed a nasty bruise already. He soothed it with his cool fingers. “You scared me so bad.”

“I scared myself, too.” He opened his arms and Justin stepped into him, helping him balance.

“Brian, about last night….”

“Last night I asked for it.  I pushed you until you gave all of it to me. But I still would understand if you wanted to leave.  I have nothing to offer you.

“Brian, you don’t need to offer me anything. You just need to be here.  I need you with me. I don’t need anything from you but you.”

Justin wrapped his arms around Brian and kissed him deeply.  He instantly was at attention. In need but Brian had no reaction. Brian noticed.  He reached down and slipped his hand into Justin’s shorts. He could feel Justin pulsing.  “Lay down, Sunshine. I am going to need a little help. Pull your shorts down”. After he had thrown them to the side Brian slowly manoeuvred himself so he could reach Justin’s cock.  “Move over here.”

“Brian, you don’t have to…”

“I know I don’t have to.  I want to. I miss this so much. I miss the taste of you.” He slipped Justin’s cock all the way into his mouth and Justin grabbed his hair in need.  He felt alive for the first time in months and yet the sadness of knowing Brian’s injuries still hung over them. As Justin released into Brian’s mouth, he hungrily swallowed..  “I love you SO much, Justin.”

Another week past and Justin continued to get Brian interested in going back to work.  He was now using a cane to walk in the house and could make it in without much effort but he didn’t want to.  They tried to talk him into going to rehab to learn how to deal with his blindness but he refused that, too.

While Justin went out each day the women made sure someone was available but didn’t always sit with him anymore.  They figured it was good for his independence.

One day Justin was hung up at Kinnetik and tried calling Brian but he didn’t answer.  He called the house and got Mel. “Hey, Melody, when is the last time you or Linda saw Brian? He isn’t answering his phone.  I am going to be late and I was just letting him know. But he isn’t answering.”

Don’t worry, Justin.  I am sure he is fine but I will go check on him and give you a call back.”

Mel took the elevator up to the third floor praying all the way.  “Hey, Brian!” No answer. “Brian!” She looked in the bedroom but he wasn’t there and then glanced in the bathroom. She opened the door to the lounge area they had created.  Brian sat in his chair. In front of him was a pill bottle emptied out on the side table next to him. He sat with a glass of water in one hand and a large number of pills in the other. “Uh, Brian, what are you doing? Brian?”

Brian finally looked up. “Hey, Mel.”

“Whatcha doing?

“Thinking.”

“Thinking about what?”

“How much better it would be for everyone if I wasn’t here anymore. I am useless.”

“Brian, you are choosing to be useless.  You only need to get off your ass and do something.”

“It just wouldn’t be me anymore and Justin doesn’t need me around to weigh him down.”

“You can pass this on to him but it is all on you, Brian. Get off your ass and learn how to do what you need to learn. Now give me those pills.”

Just as Mel was taking  the pills away Justin rushed in the door. He instantly took in what was going on. Mel removed all the pills and nodded to Justin as she walked out. Justin had no strength left.  He had spent the last 6 hours trying to keep the office going and had succeeded in keeping the client with the idea he threw out. He may have slept 8 hours in the last 3 nights.  He just sat down, dropped his head in his hands, and cried.

“Stop crying over me!” Brian said angrily at Justin,  “I don’t need your tears. I just want you to let me go! Let me end it.  I am no go for you or anyone else. I can’t do my job or anything else for that matter.  I can’t even make love to you, no matter how much I want to. Just let me go.”

“I can't do that.  You own my heart! If you kill yourself, I am the one who will die inside! Trust me your heart will still be beating. It's  looking for the life it needs and that isn't there any more. So no, Brian, I am not crying over you I'm crying over me. I'm the one that’ll be left with an empty heart, a heart that’s dead. You may as well kill me at the same time. I can’t live without you!”

With that Justin walked out.  He went to the art studio and locked the door.  He got out paints and a canvas and disappeared into his painting.

He knew at some point he heard the elevator and what sounded like a cart with food on it. He did not leave the room. If Brian was going to do it he wasn’t going to watch and he wasn’t going to react. He was done playing his game.  He had done everything he could.

Brian sat in silence.  Was Mel write? Was he choosing to be worthless?  Did he have something to offer? His mind was going a mile a minute.  Maybe he needed to look at this different. He heard the elevator ascending and stopping.  It was the first time he really realized how sensitive his hearing had become, not to mention his sense of smell.  He didn’t know who it was but something smelled amazing.

Linda brought in a tray of food.  “You hungry?”

“It smells really good.”

Linda took out a tray.  

“Do I smell chicken?  Brian takes another sniff.  Maybe fried chicken from some carry out place.  Do I smell mashed potatoes? Maybe coleslaw?”

‘Brian, came up to see if you needed to talk but I get the feeling you have had a change of thoughts on your own.”

“I don’t know if it was on my own but what Mel said and then what Sunshine said finally made sense.Anything I do will affect him so I need to do what is right for both of us..  He really is as special as I think.”

“If you hadn’t just said that I was going to knock it into your head. He is one of the most committed people I have ever  met in my life. Do you know he has been running your company? Dan told me he actually has built more clients up since you have been here. But, he can’t keep it up.  He has been keeping up with his tour and helping out Jarod from here. And he needs to paint. That is his life blood especially when he didn’t have you for support. It wasn’t your fault in the beginning but it is now time for you to step up.  Yes, your life has changed but you can live without your sight. Can you live without Justin, your Sunshine? No, and he can’t live if you aren’t here.”

Brian stood up shakily, using his cane he walked over to LInda. “Thank you. Thank Mel, too.” I am not saying this is going to be easy but I am going to make it work.”

“Can I make one more suggestion? I am no matter what you say.  Let Justin paint. I am going to stop in and let him know you are good but he needs to come out when he is ready.  It has been through a lot too. When he does come to you remember even though you can’t see you still have 4 senses that work well. Just because you can’t see his beauty it is still there.”

“Thanks, Linda.”

Linda knocked softly at the door of the studio. “Justin, do you need anything?” She heard some movement inside the room.  

The door opened. “Is he ok?”

“I don’t know what you said to him but I think it was  the kick in the ass he needed. He is going to let you come to him whenever you are ready.” Over his shoulder Linda saw his canvas.  “I’m sorry, you didn’t invite me to see your painting but I have and, Justin, it is exquisite!” He invited her in. She stood in front of the picture unable to take it in.” It was Brian. It bared his soul by just the look on his face.  It showed pain, and fear, and confusion, and his beauty, “I have no other words. Just seeing this picture I know his emotions, his feelings. I will leave you alone. Do you need anything?

“I am good, LInda.  I just need a little more time.”

She kissed his cheek. “Take the time you need, Justin. Brian is done with the foolishness.”

It was nearly two in the morning when Justin came out of the studio and stopped by the bathroom before going to the bedroom.  He tried being quiet, not wanting to wake a sleeping Brian. He slipped out of his clothes and slid in the sheets. Before he realized it Brian had moved close to him.  

“I am so sorry, Sunshine. I am not sure what to say. I promise it will be different starting tomorrow.” He moved to claim Justin’s lip as his own.  He needed to taste him. He explored the inside of his mouth with his tongue. He nibbled on his lips. He had to move carefully but he needed to do this.  He needed to reclaim his heart. He sniffed at his hair and as he got to his chest he smelled his skin. He smelled paint on him. He smelled the essence of Justin.  There was a faint scent of sweat and deodorant,

Justin wasn’t sure what Brian was doing but Justin felt it was something he needed to do. As he slipped down farther he started getting whiff of musky scent that was Justin. His hands trailed down Justin’s legs feeling the well developed muscles.  He then came back up, moving slowly as he had to get his leg in the right angle. This time he latched onto Justin’s manhood.he needed to taste him. There was already a saltiness to the drops of fluid that were on the tip. He rolled his tongue around the crown several times enticing it with little nips. He suckled like it was his nourishment.

“Brian, Oh my God, Brian what are you doing to me?”

“I am claiming what is mine!” And with that Justin had an orgasm stronger than he could remember. He didn’t realize it at first but he had shouted at the release.

Brian returned to hi mouth and claimed it with more passion than Justin had felt from him in months. He entwined his fingers with Justin’s and continued kissing him with the passion of a newly wed.                                                          

Brian guided Justin’s hand down his body.  As it dipped below his waist Justin came across a very unexpected joy. Although he still needed a little encouragement Brian had obviously had a reaction to their lovemaking.  

It was Justin’s turn. He slid slowly down Brian’s body, hands and lips everywhere. He worked his way down until he saw the effect he had been having on him. “Oh, Baby, I want you inside me.  If we are very careful do you think we can do this? If you lay on your good side I am coming back to you. If it hurts you, Baby, I will stop. Justin positioned himself and slowly pushed against Brian’s erection and slowly Brian entered him. Justin did most of the moving since Brian still had to be very careful but the pleasure both men felt was beyond any they had had in all their lovemaking.  Their souls were reuniting as well as their fractured hearts.

Brian’s mouth was busy on Justin’s neck. He continued to taste and smell this man he loved.  He didn’t ever want to forget what he looked like. “God, you are beautiful, Justin. I may not be able to see you but I know you.  I will always know you. I love you, Sunshine. I am so sorry you doubted that.”

Quietly and gently they both found contentment both physically and spiritually.  They were one again.

Justin turned to face Brian and be absorbed in his arms. They again couldn’t get enough of each other.They kissed, touched, smelled.  They were both ready again for release. “Please, Sunshine, I need you.”

“Brian, I don’t know…..”

“I trust you, Sunshine, and I need to feel you.It has been so long since we……” Justin went around the bed so he was behind Brian since Brian’s mobility was limited.  

Justin started by dragging his nails lightly down Brian’s sides and, slipping on a condom and some lube he very slowly entered Brian, knowing it had been months for him to be in this position. “You ok?”

“Yes,” Brian said through gritted teeth. “Please, keep going.”  After a little more pushing Justin could move more freely and Brian was soon fighting to control his movements. Justin wrapped an arm around Brian’s waist trying to limit his movements. With one last thrust they both collapsed and as the sun rose, Justin moved back to the front of Brian and back into his arms.  They both slept in peace they hadn’t known for months..