Chapter 15

After making the call to Ted, Brian walked down the path and through the garden to his house.

Janna was waiting with her suitcase.  “Brian, it’s time I move on. I have taught you everything you need to know and I have done everything I know how to do to curb your drug use.  That isn’t my area of expertise. You need help, Brian.” She waited for a blowup or at least a denial.

“I have friends coming in tomorrow.  They are both recovering addicts and one is now a drug abuse counselor. Janna, thank you for everything you have done.”

“That is great news, Brian. I know you can beat this.”  Janna gave Brian a hug and walked out the door.

Justin talked to Jarod in the morning. He asked if he could stay until Gus left. He would leave on Saturday as soon as Gus was on the plane.

“Justin, you don’t have to go.  We can work something out.”

“There is nothing to work out, Jarod.  I am afraid I have ruined our friendship and I know I can never be more than that.”

“If all you want is friendship I can do that.”

“But will you always want it to be more? That isn’t fair to you.  I would love for you to continue working with me but I understand if that can’t be.  I will always consider you one of the best friends I have ever had.”

Ted and Blake were on the last flight in for the day.  By the time they arrived at Brian’s house they found Brian in a state.  Obviously, he had been drinking and more than likely had taken far more than the recommended number of pills for the day.

Brian gave each of the men a hug.  “Hey, guys, thanks for coming. Have a drink! Help yourself.

“Brian, you know neither of us drink but looks like we got here just in time.” Blake took charge of the situation.   “Brian looks like you need to go to bed. Ted and I will talk to you in the morning.”

Justin spent the next 3 days entertaining Gus.  They went to museums and the park. They went to the top of the Empire State Building. They watched movies and ate popcorns. Justin knew how hurt Brian would be if he didn’t see Gus before he left.  He picked up the phone and called the office. “Hey Daph, is he in?”

“Where have you been? I miss you.”

“Sorry, Daphne, life’s been a little crazy. So is he in?”

“Ya, I’ll Pass you through.  Did you know Ted and Blake were here?

“No, what are they doing in town?”

“Brian called them for help.”

“He needs it! Now, can you pass me through? Gus is getting impatient.”

“Kinney.”

“Brian.”

“Justin. Is anything wrong?”

“Gus is hoping to see his dad once more before leaving tomorrow.”

“After the way I screwed up? You are willing to do that for me?”

“It’s not for you.  It’s for Gus.”

There was a hesitation.  “For Gus, sure.”

“We’ll stop by the house.  What time will you be home?”

“I will be home by 5:00.”

“Will you be high? Because if you are we won’t stay.”

“I won’t be.  I promise.”

“See you then.”

“So, was that Justin?” Ted asked.

“Ya, he will be by the house tonight for dinner, with Gus.”  Brian shook his head a bit. He was seeing Ted. “Hey, Ted, is that a new suit?”

“Yes, it is. It’s not Arman…. BRIAN, you can see?”

“I could for 30 seconds. It  comes and goes. It is gone again. Please, keep it to yourself.  The doctors had told me things like this could happen. It could lead to my sight coming back but it could stop happening altogether.

“That’s great!  I mean that you can see even if it is sometimes.  What did Justin say?”

“Whatever you do don’t tell him. Obviously, we aren’t together and I don’t want whether I can see or not have anything to do if we get back together.”

“Brian, you aren’t living and unless some major change happened Justin isn’t functioning normally either.”

“I doubt he will ever come back.  Well, truth is I kicked him out and told him not to come back.“

“Of course you did. The great Brian Kinney has to be in charge.”

Brian reached for the bottle of Jim Beam in his drawer and had it halfway to the glass before he caught himself. “Shit.” He picked up the bottle of pills but then threw it back in the drawer.

Ted walked over to him and laid his hand on Brian’s shoulder. “I’m not going to say it will be easy but you can do this.  Keep your focus on the reason you have for getting better.”

“Thanks, Ted.”

When Ted had left, Brian opened the bottle of pills and swallowed a couple. He had to be focused tonight. He took just enough to take the edge off.

At 4:30 Ted and Brian headed home. Ted had let Blake know Justin and Gus were coming over so he was making and early dinner for all of them. Ted looked over at Brian, “How many did you take?”

“What do you mean?  You saw me put them back.”

“Don’t shit with me. You took some when I wasn’t around.”

“I had to, “ Brian held tighter to Ted’s elbow..  I couldn’t make it through the evening and I have to be able to function with Gus here.”

Ted didn’t respond.

At 5:30, Brian could pass for normal, no signs of jitters.  There was a knock on the door and a little voice, “Dad, are you in there? Dad!”

“Hey, Sunny Boy!” Brian scooped him up and hugged him tightly. “I am so glad Justin could bring you over tonight.” He blinked a couple times and the little boy’s face came into focus.  Brian hugged him a little tighter.

“DAD, I can’t breath.”  Brian set him down and tickled him.  The little boy’s giggles filled the house.

Justin stood in the doorway.  He looked up at that beautiful face. Brian’s heart skipped a beat. He missed Justin so much it hurt.

“Dad!”

“Sorry, Sunny Boy. Would you like to go out to our magic garden?” He ran out the door. Brian followed him.

Ted walked over and gave Justin a kiss and hug. “Hey, Sunshine. How are you? Great seeing you.  

Blake was up to his elbows in  some kind of food and just waved, “Hey, Justin.”

“Hi Blake, Thanks so much for coming to help out Brian.”

“Looks like he got himself into some deep trouble.”

“I haven’t had much contact with him for the last few weeks.  I hadn’t seen him….. I am moving into a new place on Saturday.  Well, actually I am moving into an old place. The ladies we stayed with while Brian recuperate said I could stay with them.”

“Have any new artwork to show us.  Your work is so amazing.”

“I haven’t done anything since Brian made me leave. I don’t have a heart for it.”

Ted walked over and put his arms around Justin.  Out of the corner of his eye Ted noticed Brian was watching.  He thought he noticed Brian looking at Gus. That’s twice today his vision came back.”

The four men and Gus had burger, homemade fries, and a salad.  For dessert it was hot fudge sundaes. Gus had everyone’s attention throughout the meal with his chatter about Canada. Too soon it was time for Justin to take Gus back to the apartment. Everyone gave Brian and Gus some space so they could say goodbye.

Gus yawned.

“Are you ready, Buddy?” Gus nodded.  Justin scooped the little boy up. Gus wrapped his arms around Justin’s neck and his legs around his waist. As they walked away Gus dropped his head on Justin’s chest.

Brian dropped onto the couch, put his head in his hands and said to Blake, “That’s why I am going to get better!”

“Brian, has your sight been back all night?” Ted questioned. Blake looked surprised.

“It isn’t steady but I have been able to see at least shadows all night. I have a long way to go before I am going to believe it’s for good.”

Blake and Ted looked at each other. Blake said, “Brian, you have a long way to go period. Tomorrow you are staying home.  Actually, you will be staying here for awhile.”

“I can’t do that.  I have a business to run.”

“I will take care of the office.  I can bring home anything I need you to approve but, Brian, if you are serious about getting better.  If you really want to fight to get those two back in your life, you are going to have to follow Blake’s instructions.  It isn’t going to be pretty but, you’re Brian Fuckin’ Kinney. You got this if you really want it.”

When Justin got home, Gus was sound asleep.  He decided the bath could wait until tomorrow morning. Gus could sleep through anything.  He was like a puppet with no strings. Justin pulled Gus’s shirt off and tugged off his grass stained shorts.  He had to smile when he saw the ‘Rage’ underwear. He loved this little boy so much. If Brian didn’t get better he was going to always be there for him. Justin got in the other side of the bed, pulled the blanket over both of them and tried to sleep. All he could think of was Brian. His body ached for him. Could you be dead and breathing at the same time?

When Brian got up on Friday morning he was greeted by Blake. “Good morning, Brian.”

“What the fuck are you doing in my bedroom?”

“How’s the eye sight today? Any change?”

“Same as last night. Now what are you going in my bedroom?”

“I’m here to collect all the pills you have in the house. It’s the only way, Brian.  We need to get rid of the tempation. While your at it get the booze, too.’’

Brian hesitated for a minute.

“If Gus and Justin aren’t worth getting clean for I can go back to Pittsburgh tonight. You can just kill your business and yourself.”

Brian started opening drawers and pulling out pills. Eventually, Brian had located 4 bottles in the bedroom and the bathroom along with a bottle of whiskey.  Blake left with the contraband while Brian showered and dressed. Blake figured by the time he came downstairs, Brian would be getting edgy. By the end of the day, it was going to be ugly. Ted would be here by then and if he needed him earlier the office wasn’t far away.  

When Brian came down Blake had a pot of strong black coffee ready.  He put several tablespoons of sugar in the mug and filled it with coffee. Without saying a word he handed it to Brian’s trembling hands.

“We need to talk about this, Brian.  The best way to deal with this is not to go cold turkey. It isn’t like typical street drugs.  Do you have any idea how much you were taking in a day?”

Brian shook his head.  I couldn’t see them. “I would just put some in my hand and swallow them.”

“Are we talking 10 a day, 15 a day?”

Brian shrugged, “I don’t know. I started out with a couple in the morning and a couple more at noon. And then sometimes a couple more in the afternoon. Just give me something, please. My head is killing me.”

Blake decided to give Brian double the doctor’s dosage.  He knew this was far less than Brian was taking but it was fairly safe and better than cold turkey. Brian gladly swallowed them down.

Justin packed up his stuff when he got home from the airport.  Jarod walked into the bedroom. “So you are really going? You don’t have to.  You can stay in the guest room. I promise I won’t…”

“Jarod we talked about this.  I love you but I will never be in love with you. I can’t stay here.You deserve so much.  You need to go find it and if I’m here you won’t. I would love to see you at work everyday but you will need to make that decision.  He walked over to Jarod and places his hands on Jarod’s cheeks. He stood on his tiptoes and kissed him slowly. I’ll see you at work on Monday unless you let me know differently.  Jarod, if you need to take a break, go visit your dad, head to the islands for a while, your job is always here for you.”

Justin walked out the door.

Blake popped in a movie that Brian had.  He hoped it might be a distraction for him. Brian doubled over at one point.  He had cramps along with nausea. Blake was by Brian’s side when he threw up. He left Brian alone when he told him to get out.

By the time Ted got home at 6:00 p.m. Blake was worn out and Brian had fallen asleep.  Blake stepped into Ted’s arms and kissed him. “You are going to owe me after this one. I forgot how vicious Brian could be.”  

“How long will he sleep?” Ted had a gleam in his eye. Blake put his arms over Ted’s shoulders

and pressed his hips against Ted’s.  “Since we both seem to be ready right now….”  Ted pushed Blake against the wall and slipped his hand down his pants,

“You couldn’t have come home an hour ago?” Blake managed to say as Ted took his penis in his mouth. Ted sucked and licked Blake until he had gotten every last drop of cum out of him.  He then brought his mouth back up to Blake’s.

“Thank you for doing this, Blake. I know Brian was really more of a friend of mine than yours. And I know he can be a real ass in the best of circumstances.”

“It isn’t nice to talk about a dying man like that.” Brian moaned from the couch.

“Hey, Brian, how you doing?”

“Seriously, Ted! If someone would take the elephant off my head I might find it bearable.”

Blake had given him the six tablets for the day.  It was obvious he had been using much more than that.

“Blake let me know your eyesight seemed to holding its own today.”

“Ya, I am so glad now that I look like death I can see myself.”

“Blake is it normal to run a fever in withdrawal? I feel like I am burning up.”

Blake walked over to Brian and felt his forehead. He definitely had a fever and that wasn’t a side effect typically.  Ted got a cool, wet washcloth for Brian’s neck while Blake double checked he was right about the side effects. A fever was not one of them.  

“I would say the fever isn’t related to the withdrawal.  You must have picked up a bug.”

“Oh great, now while they are talking about me on TV I am too sick to notice.”  Blake and Ted looked at each other. Paranoia as well as anxiety were both side effects and it appeared some of that was creeping in.  They took turns checking on Brian’s fever as he went in and out of fitful sleep.

Dan stopped by to see how it was going and when he heard about the fever gave the doctor a call who assured them unless the fever got a lot higher they shouldn’t be concerned about that.  There was a bug going around that had caused a fever in most but you just had to ride it out. Leave it to Brian to get it while detoxing. They got him upstairs into his bedroom and took turns sitting with him.  He was really out of it. He was in and out of sleep and when he was sleeping he had dreams that set him into panic.

He often cried for Justin. On Saturday afternoon Justin called to check on Brian.  Ted told him about the fever and the withdrawal side effects. As they were talking Justin heard Brian cry out for him in his sleep.

“I’m coming over.” Was all Justin said.

Justin arrived 30 minutes later and went directly to the bedroom.  Brian was thrashing in a bed whose sheets were soaking from his sweat.  Justin stripped off his own shirt and pants. He did the same for Brian.  He asked Ted to bring him a bowl of ice water for the cloth. Justin crawled in bed with his back to the headboard.  Brian lay between Justin’s legs as he tossed and turned. Justin kept cooling off the cloth in the water and talked quietly about Gus, about times they had together.  

Brian seemed to wake up and his eyes darted back  and forth across the room. “Sunshine, is that you?”

“It’s me, Baby.   You have a fever.” He refreshed the cloth and ran it to the back of Brian’s neck.

Brian shivered, “It feels so good. I love you, Sunshine. I love Gus.  I can’t live without both of you in my life.” Brian than slipped away again but seemed to rest a little easier.

Justin stayed with him a little longer but when he thought he was sleeping more soundly he slipped out of bed, dressed, and went downstairs.

“Ted, is there something you aren’t telling me?”

“What are you talking about, Justin?”

“I could have sworn Brian was seeing things in the room and I don’t mean hallucinating, although he was doing that, too.”

Ted shuffled and looked at his feet.

“Come on, Ted, you know, no matter what Brian told you, I deserve to know what is going on.”

“His sight seems to be coming back.  At first it was just a shadow or a flash of light but the last few days he has been able to see even if it isn’t clearly.”

“Has he seen his doctor?  What did he say?”

“He says he has talked to his doctor and as long as he isn’t in pain because of it he just needs to wait it out and see what happens.  Justin, you don’t seem to be as happy as I thought you would be.”

“Ted, he threw me out. He didn’t want me anywhere near the office or the house.   He accused me of things. I can’t live without him but I can’t live with him if he is going to accuse and belittle me.”

“That sounds like the drugs talking.”

“I know that was a big part of it but I can’t keep riding his roller coaster. I would rather get a job framing art in a gallery then put up with the uncertainty of living with him, wondering when he will throw me out again.”

Justin hugged Ted and headed for the door. “If he gets bad again, call me.”

Brian’s fever broke but he still suffered withdrawal symptoms.  He had severe headaches but the worse was the depression. He slept a lot but then he dreamed, horrible dreams.  And when he was awake he couldn’t seem to think straight. Blake and Ted would talk to him and he couldn’t seem to come up the words he wanted to say.  

If only Justin would come to see him.  He knew he could talk to Justin. Justin always made him feel calm.  But he had chased Justin away. It was his fault he had no sunshine in his life.  He had no soul.

Justin kept in touch with Ted.  He knew Brian had improved but Ted told him he was in a severe depression from the withdrawal.  He no longer was taking any of the adderall and although it was tempting to get a medication to help with the depression that would just cause more trouble. He was still having trouble articulating his thoughts so he hadn’t gone back to work yet.

At the end of the third week Blake got a call that he was needed at his clinic in Pittsburgh.  

There really wasn’t much more he could do here. It would just take Brian time to adjust.

The night before Blake left Ted led Blake upstairs after Brian had gone to bed.  Ted hated staying behind but Brian wasn’t ready to go back to work without support.  Blake kissed Ted. They had a rough start but now neither of them would ever want to be on their own.  As the men touched and kissed their passion grew and they both cried out as they collapsed in each other’s arms.

Brian lay in his bed in the next room.  He heard his friends making love and as a tear rolled down his cheek he said, “Justin, I’m so sorry.  I need you.”

Several blocks away at Melody and Linda’s Justin lay in the bed he and Brian once shared.  He had been sleeping but was sure someone had called his name. If he didn’t know better he would thing Brian was here in the room with him. Quietly he said, “I love you, Brian.  Come back to me.”

Early the next morning Justin called Ted. He just had to know Brian was there and all right.  Last night he was so sure he heard his voice. “Ted, I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“No, I was up early.  Blake caught an early flight home this morning.  He had to get back to the clinic for a financial meeting. What’s up?”

“Is everything alright with Brian?  I know I am the one who sounds crazy but last night I thought I heard him say my name. It was like he was right in the room with me.  I must have been partially asleep and dreamed it.”

“I know he wants to see you.”

“Do you think it would help him? I mean if I come he won’t go backward will he?”

“Justin, I have never seen anyone come off Adderall before but I don’t think he could get more depressed.  I am not a doctor or counselor but I think he needs you.”

“I’ll come over today, maybe after lunch?”  

“I’ll run some errands about 2:00 so you can have a little privacy.”

“Thanks, Ted.”

At 2:15 Justin arrived at their house.  He was nervous because he didn’t know what to expect. He let himself into the gate and walked up to the house. He saw Brian sitting in front of the TV.  He knocked.

Brian jumped at the knock. He looked up and saw Justin standing there. He blinked to make sure he wasn’t dreaming it but he didn’t disappear. He quickly walked over and opened the door.

“Hi.”

“Hi, Brian, may I come in?”

“Oh, ya, sorry.  Come in.”

“I talked to Ted this morning and he told me Blake left this morning.  He said you were doing well. That you are off the pills completely. I’m really happy for you.”

“Um, Thanks.”

They sat in silence for a couple minutes.

“Brian, you are going to think I am crazy, but I have to ask you something. Last night I was laying in bed…”

“With Jarod?”

“No, Brian, I am living with Linda and Melody. But last night I was laying in bed and I heard your voice.”

“What did I say?”

“I heard you say, ‘Justin, I’m Sorry.’”

“And I heard you say that you loved me. I was sure it was just one of my hallucinations. I’ve had a few of those while I detoxed.  I even thought you were here one night when I had my fever.”

“I was here, Brian.  I sat up with you for a few hours trying to get your fever down.”

“I didn’t dare hope you would ever come back here.”

“Just because I am here doesn’t mean I’m here to stay.”

“Then why are you here?”

“Brian, I haven’t been able to paint since I left here.  I stand there with a paintbrush in my hand and don’t know what to do. I can’t even think straight.” Justin moved a bit closer.  I just need to feel you.

Before he could move closer he found himself in Brian’s arms. A shiver ran through Justin as their lips met. Together they stood and rushed upstairs. As clothes was discarded,  hands were moving everywhere.

“Sunshine, we don’t need to rush. I want to enjoy every second of this. He had Justin lay on his stomach and just ran his hands over every inch of his skin. He linked his fingers with Justin’s as his mouth ran from one wrist to the other leaving a trail of kisses across each shoulder blade.

For a second, Justin thought of Jarod. He never could link fingers with him.  That was too personal. That was for Brian.

Brian continued down Justin’s body with hands and lips and tongue.  When he got to Justin’s ass he could barely restrain himself. This man brought him so much pleasure, but more important, he gave him peace of mind.

Brian lowered his mouth to Justin’s sphincter.  He wanted to give Justin all the pleasure he could. He licked and pressed and slowly his tongue entered and exited. His tongues circled inside and out.

“Brian, it’s time.

Justin turned over and Brian but his legs over his own shoulders. He slipped on the condom and then slowly pressed in watching Justin’s face. He saw the moment of pain.  As Brian continued the deliberate thrusts he bent over and claimed Justin’s mouth. As Justin starts to spasm he tightens around Brian and together they ride the waves of of pure joy.

“Brian, I just want you to know, no matter who I’m with you are always with me and you are the only one I ever want to be with. Brian, I love you!”

“Justin, I’m so sorry I have been such a jackass.”

“We’ll talk about it later. Right now I need you again.”

Brian willingly agreed.  He slid in behind Justin. Slowly and gently entering him. They made love with all the pent up emotions from the last couple months.

Brian and Justin lay together enjoying each other’s warmth. “Justin, can I ask what happened with you and Jarod? I know it is none of my business and I respect that if you don’t want to talk about it.”

“I couldn’t love him the way he deserved to be loved. I love him but I can’t be ‘In Love’ with him. You own and have always owned that part of my heart.  

“Now I have a couple questions for you. Your sight, is it back?”  

“It is for now.  I don’t know if it is permanent but it is getting clearer every day.”

“That is amazing, Brian.  It doesn’t matter to me if you can see or not but I know it mattered to you and your career. Now my second question is a little more….I don’t know….I’ll just say it.  You are off the pills?”

“Yes, Sunshine.  I promise, no more pills.  Now that my sight is back I probably wouldn’t need it anyway.”

“Ted said you were having some other issues.  Baby, it’s OK. I just want to know what is going on with you.”

“I have been fighting real depression but that’s going to be better now.”

“Brian, as much as I wish that was true, I cannot ‘cure’ your depression although I hope I can make it some better.  Don’t be afraid to tell me what you are feeling. I know it isn’t your fault and I want to help you in anyway I can.”

Brian took Justin in his arms. “Thank you.  So let’s go get your stuff and move you back in.”

“Um, Brian, I hope sometime I can move back in but right now we aren’t ready for that.”

“But you said you loved me.  You want to help. I just thought….”

“Brian, I still love you more than I can wrap my mind around.  And that’s what makes this so difficult. I will probably be here more than you want me to be but I just have to be sure that next time something goes wrong that you will decide you don’t want me around again.  My heart can’t take another…..I just can’t be discarded again.”

“Oh, god, Justin, is that what you think? I know I was out of line.  I was doing it for you.”

“No, Brian.  If you were doing it for me we would have discussed it.  We would have made choices together. We would have been a couple.” Justin could see Brian process this.

“So what are you saying?”

“I’m not exactly sure.  I missed this,oh, I missed this!” Justin looked at the rumpled bed. “But before I am back to stay I just need to know you really want to be a couple.  Otherwise, maybe friends with benefits will have to be enough.”

“I’m not sure I understand, but I think I get it.  If I need to win you back, i can do that and, if I have to suffer through this,” He smirked as he ran a finger down Justin’s chest, “I’ll suffer. But just know, Justin, I do plan to have you back where you belong, soon.”  His finger kept creeping lower as he rolled on top of Justin and once again claimed his mouth.

It was about 5:00 p,m. when the men came down the steps. Ted was sitting on the sectional and just  shook his head. “I wasn’t sure you two were ever going to get done fucking.”

“Nice to see you, too. Ted.” He dropped a kiss on the top of his head.  His attention switched back to Brian. Justin wrapped his arms around Brian and Ted could feel the heat between them as they kissed. “I’ll see you soon.” Justin turned and walked out the door.

Ted had a very confused look on his face. “Where is Justin going?”

“He wants to be wooed.  I am going to woo him back into this house no matter what it takes.”

“Oh, god, wish I could stay around for this, but I need to head back to Pittsburgh at the end of the week to keep your office running and spend some time in the sack myself.”  Ted raised his eyebrows several times. “I know Blake just left but I already miss him.”

Brian dropped onto the sectional next to Ted.  “I know I don’t say this nearly often enough but, I hope you know how important you are to Kinnetic and to me, both at the office and as a friend.  If you repeat this I will deny it but I don’t think Kinnetic would still be running if it wasn’t for you. And that’s why I want you to be a partner.  We will talk details later.” Brian reached over and gave Ted a hug. Ted sat stunned as Brian walked away.

Brian called Justin later that evening. “Hi, Sunshine. I was wondering if you are free Friday evening? “

“I think I can rearrange my schedule.” Justin smiled to himself.  It was a start. The problem was he wanted to be with him tonight. He was so horny. “So what are you doing.right now.”

“Well, did you have something in mind?”  

“I was just thinking about sliding my hands down your flat abdomen and then farther down. And I think by now you might be getting just a start of a boner.”

“God, Sunshine...why are you doing this to me?’

“Because I need to so bad it hurts.”

“Friday, Justin, Friday.  Good Night. I’ll text details.”

Damn, now Justin really was horny and had to wait until Friday for release.  Justin went to the room he used for a studio and started painting.

Friday morning Justin received a text. “Expect a car to pick you up at 6:00.  Dress for a dinner out but have a warmer jacket along.”

Justin was glad he hadn’t gotten this earlier.  The suspense was going to kill him. At 5:45 Justin couldn’t wait upstairs any longer.  He walked down the main staircase. As he descended from the second floor to the first he heard a long, low whistle.  

Linda was standing there. “ If I was 40 years younger I think I may just switch teams. Mel, come out here.  Now!”

“That is a ‘fuck me’ look if I have ever seen one.” Mel said as she looked him up and down. “So where are you off too?”

“I wish I knew.  I was just told how to dress and bring a coat.” Justin was wearing a navy pinstripe suit with a soft blue dress shirt.  He had looked at ties for a long time and chose a white one. He wasn’t sure why, other than it was not a normal choice. There was a knock on the door.  Both women gave him a kiss on his cheek and Mel opened the door. There stood a driver with a white stretch limo parked in front.

“Mr. Taylor, your car.”  

Justin followed the driver and sat in the back.  There was a bottle of wine uncorked and a note. He recognized Brian’s sprawled handwriting.

“Dear Sunshine,

I look forward to spending the evening with you.  

Pour a glass of wine for yourself and one for me.

I look forward to seeing you in a few minutes.

All my love,

Brian

Justin held the note up to his nose and could smell Brian on it.  As much as he loved this man, how was he not supposed to fold to him the first night.  Oh, he planned to have lots of sex with him but he was not moving back in yet. He hoped he could follow through with his plan.

Justin had poured two glasses of wine and was sipping on one when the car stopped in front of their gate.  He heard the driver’s door open and shut. Moments later the back door opened Brian slid in. He looked exquisite.  His suit fit him like a glove. Justin wanted to just take it off him right now and run his hands over that beautiful body.

Brian kissed him and handed him a red rose. “Good evening, Sunshine. You look…..god, you look beyond….. He leaned over and this time pulled him in for an extended kiss.   Their tongues were drawn to each other. They were meant to always be like this.

After another couple minutes Brian drew back. They dipped wine and held hands for some time.  The car came to a stop. The driver opened the door near Brian. He stepped out and offered his hand to Justin who took it and stepped out. They stood next to a dock.

“Sir, I will take your coats for you.” The driver extended his arm and accepted the top coats. He went ahead of them.

Brian took both of Justin’s hands and looked at him from head to toe. He pulled him close and said, “I want to eat you right here, right now. You are stunning.”  

As others walked past they couldn’t help but notice these two beautiful men staring at each other.  

A couple of women walked past and one said, “I would do either of them.”

“ I will take whichever one you don’t. I think I just had a spontaneous orgasm looking at them.”

Justin and Brian had to laugh and the tension was gone for the moment.  Brian offered his arm and they walked down the dock. At the end was a yacht. “Welcome, Mr. Kinney, Mr. Taylor.  It is a pleasure to have you aboard this evening.” They were led to the back of the boat. There was a table set with wine next to a bench seat.  They sat down and the steward poured them each a glass. The boat pulled away from the dock and headed out to the bay.

Brian placed his arm across Justin’s shoulders and drew him near.  The steward reappeared with a tray of appetizers and set it on the table. Justin and Brian nibbled on the hors d'oeuvres, sampling and sharing.  Justin noticed sauce on Brian’s finger. He gently took Brian’s wrist and brought it to his lips. He took the finger between his lips and slowly used his tongue to lick it off, slightly sucking at the same time.  

Brian emitted a low growl, “God, Justin.”  

They continued enjoying the food but, more importantly, enjoying each other. Soon they forgot about the food and just felt the warmth of each other.  The boat slowed and stopped. The anchor was dropped. The steward came out of the cabin. “Gentlemen, your dinner is served.”

Brian stood and offered a hand to Justin.  He took it and stood. They walked arm in arm into the cabin.  Each chair was pulled out for them to sit down. The first course was brought out.  A bowl of spicy fish stew was set in front of each of them as well as a basket of crusty bread.  When the bowls were cleared away plates were brought out with the main course. Steak with asparagus and potato croquettes was served.  As they ate they first talked about general, unimportant things but as the meal went on the conversation grew more personal. Brian talked about his recovery, the physical and mental pain.  Justin told Brian about Gus’s visit and how much he loved that kid.

The steward came into the cabin again.  Gentlemen, if you are ready, dessert will be served on deck. He had their top coats waiting for them Justin helped Brian on with his and then Brian held Justin’s up for him.  Justin slipped his arms in and Brian turned him around. Before buttoning it Brian slipped his arms inside and roughly pulled Justin in to claim his mouth. His lips slid to his ear.  “I want you so bad I can already taste you.” He took a step back and buttoned the coat pulling it tightly around his Sunshine.

They stepped out onto the deck.  This time there was a double chaise lounge out there now.  The small table had been moved next to it. There was a tray filled with bite sized sweets and fruit with dipping sauces and a bottle of fine port. After the men got comfortable the steward set the tray between them.  Justin and Brian looked up into the night sky. The boat was far enough out to sea that millions of stars looked close enough to touch. After each had tasted a couple of the treats Brian moved what separated them. Justin snuggled into Brian’s side while he still held the port.  All of the sudden Justin noticed a falling star and then another and another. It was a meteor shower. Brian reached over and took the glass out of Justin’s hand, setting both glasses on the table, and then pulled Justin into his arms.

“Brian, this is so amazing.  I have never seen anything like this!”

Brian started nuzzling Justin’s neck.Laying a line of kisses from his ear to his lips.  He slid one hand into Justin’s coat and pulled his body tightly to him. There was just too much clothes between them.  He unbuttoned both coats and then their suit jackets. Now as the clung to each other they could feel the heat between them. Justin’s hands slipped into the open jacket.  One hand slid down the back of Brian’s pants while the other unbuckled Brian’s belt so he could slide his hand down the front of his trousers.

Brian let out a groan and pressed his cock into Justin’s hand. Justin’s fingers slowly rubbed the growing manhood. “Do you know what you are doing to me, Sunshine? Do you know what you are doing to me? Are you ready to go to the state room.”

“State room?”

“Yes, we are spending the night onboard.”  Brian stood up and took Justin’s hand. He led the way down steps and down a narrow hall to the stern of the boat. Brian led Justin in and immediately took off Justin’s coat and suit coat. He then discarded his own.  After trying to unbutton Justin’s shirt Brian ripped the front open and then did the same to his own. They were in each other’s arms. There was no getting close enough.

Clothes was totally discarded and skin was on skin.  Lips and tongues were everywhere. Hands slid over skin becoming slick with sweat.  Justin slid down Brian’s body and his mouth wrapped around Brian. “Oh, Sunshine, I’ve missed you so much. I need you in my life.  I am not living without you. I am just existing. Under the gentle motion of the waves they made love over and over until the sun it was nearly sunrise. They slipped on their trousers and shoes, along with their coats. Brian grabbed a blanket and went up to the deck to watch the sun rise.  As the rays of the sun cascaded across their bodies they made love one last time before falling into a peaceful sleep.

At noon the car picked them up at the dock.  It stopped at Justin’s first. Brian walked him to the house and to Justin’s surprise he did not mention having him move back home. The kiss was long and sensual. Their tongues didn’t want to stop the dance but Brian finally broke away. “I’ll see you soon, Sunshine.” Brian ran his hand down Justin’s cheek and he was gone.

Justin floated into the house and up the stairs. He spent the remainder of the day painting.  He was PAINTING! After spending hours in the studio he needed to stretch his legs. He was going to head down to grab a bite but decided he should check his phone.  There was a voicemail and a text.

The voicemail was from Jarod.  They had been in contact a couple times since Justin moved out.  “Justin, I am going to Omaha for a while. I am not sure how long I’ll be gone.  I need time to get my head on straight. I lov...I’ll talk to you soon.

Justin felt guilt over the Jarod situation but he had been up front from the beginning. Yes, he probably should have left him alone but he was his best friend.  He had needed him.

The text was from Brian.  He started smiling immediately. May Dan and I have the pleasure of your company tomorrow afternoon and stay for  dinner with us.

Justin responded: ‘I would love to spend time with you and Dan  tomorrow. Just let me know what time you would like me there.’

Justin washed some of the paint off his hands before going downstairs.  He heard his phone beep. Justin stepped on the elevator and looked at the text. Brian’s response:’ I hold my breath until I see you at 3:00 tomorrow.’

Brian talked to Dan to see if he was free to have dinner with Justin and him.  “Are you sure you want me around? I mean you two are just spending time together again.”

“That’s exactly why I want you to join us.  It needs to be like it used to be. We need to get back to normal. You are part of normal.”

“If you think I am normal you have more issues than I thought you did.” Dan chuckled.

“Dan I need him back full time.  You can tell how much my mindset has changed since I’ve been talking to him again.”

“You mean since you have been fucking him again.”

Dan saw a flash of anger cross Brian’s face. “Dan I am going to tell you this just once. I would want him back in my life even if he refused to fuck me. And trust me I have fucked hundreds of men maybe thousands of them but I have made love with one man.  Justin and I make love.”

“I’m sorry, Brian.  I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“No, I’m sorry. I  know you didn’t mean it that way. And, Dan, invite your new friend to join us.  Yes, not that I can see again, I have seen you slipping someone in and out of here.  Or should I say you have been slipping something in and out lately. ”

Justin arrived at 3:00 and found the other men sitting on the patio with a deck of cards.  Looked like a day of poker and beer. Justin and Brian were introduced to Joe, Dan’s new friend.  As the day went on Brian and Justin decided they liked Joe. He and Dan seemed to be a good match.  By 7:00 none of the men were feeling no pain. Dan and Joe decided to make the steaks so Brian and Justin decided to get in the hot tub for half an hour. They barely got in the tub before Justin was sitting in Brian’s lap facing him while he was playing with Brian’s dick. Brian’s mouth was everywhere it could reach. And they were heating up not only because of the water.  

Dan sent Joe over to the tub.  “Hey, guys, don’t yell at me but Dan said you needed to quit before you went too far because dinner was ready.”

Justin and then Brian got out of the tub.   They hadn’t bothered with suits and Joe was enjoying the view as they got out.  Dan slipped behind Joe and put his arms around his waist. “I agree, Joe, they are beautiful but I have never seen two men more dedicated to each other.”

All four men enjoyed their dinner but after the hot tub games Brian and Justin were primed and didn’t waste time.  They ate and excused themselves. They nearly ran into their house.

“So what is their story?” Joe asked

Dan wrapped his arm around Joe’s waist.  “Well, young man, come with me to my lair and I will tell you a tale. A beautiful tale.”

Brian and Justin entered the house and literally fell onto the sectional.   Justin was more beautiful than a person should be but, more than his outer beauty this man was even more beautiful on  the inside. The image of Justin carrying Gus out of the garden would never leave him.

Brian reached for a remote and turned on some music.  Soft jazz filled the room. Brian looked into Justin’s eyes and lowered his mouth to brush Justin’s as the song ended.  The next song began. “Save the Last Dance for Me” filled the air. “You know what we have to do.” He stood and offered his hand. Justin took it and stepped into Brian’s open arms.  This was their song. He had no memory of the first time they danced to it he did remember dancing to it many times since. Being pulled into Brian’s embrace always felt like he had found home.  Brian was always home. They stared into each other’s eyes, not wanting to look away. As the music ended Brian lowered his mouth to Justin tasted this man. He was glad he could see again. How would he have survived without being able to see that face but he was also glad that he had learned to use his other senses when he couldn’t see.  He realized how much he loved the taste of Justin. The smell of him. The feel of him. He pulled him as tightly as he could against him. Lowering his mouth to Justin’s ear he lightly bit his earlobe and then said, “Let’s take this upstairs, my love.”

Brian led Justin into the bedroom.  Brian walked over to the dresser and pulled out a silk scarf. He looked over at Justin.  “Are you game?”

“Game for what?”

“Game to be blindfolded.”

Justin turned around so Brian could tie it around his eyes. Brian undressed him, slowly. He then led Justin to the bed.  Justin trusted Brian with his life but this was a bit different.This is what Brian lived with for a few months. Brian helped Justin lay down on his stomach. “I will be right back, Sunshine.” Brian went into a couple drawers to find some enhancements.  He came back with a bottle of warming oil, a small vibrator, and another silk scarf. Brian poured the oil in his hand. Setting the bottle down he rubbed his hands together and then starting at Justin’s shoulders he rubbed it into his shoulders in circular motions. Every touch was heightened for Justin without his eyesight.  Brian could feel it warming under his touch. Brian continued working his way down adding more oil as needed. He rubbed oil into Justin’s ass. His fingers slipped slipped between Justin’s cheeks. Brian knew there was a bit of a burn when it hit tender skin but he also knew it could be a huge turn on. His fingers began slipping in and out of Justin who was having difficulty laying still.  Brian slipped off his clothes and straddled Justin across his thighs. He continued rubbing and sliding his fingers in and out. As Justin was thrashing Brian slid down Justin’s body so he was laying on Justin. Very quietly he asked, “I am not hurting you, am I? Does it burn?”

“It ….just a little.”

Brian slid back to a seated position. He again started sliding his finger in and out. He reached over and found the little vibrator.  They didn’t use toys often. They didn’t need to but he wanted tonight to be special. He inserted the vibrator into Justin’s anus.

Justin inhaled sharply. “Oh, god, Brian.”

Brian kept enough pressure on the vibrator that it pressed up against his prostate. Justin was nearly purring from the sensation. Brian had Justin turn over.  Just the different position created more pressure. Brian than took the silk scarf and starting at Justin’s neck he slid the scarf down his chest causing Justin to shiver more. He then took the scarf and wrapped it around Justin’s penis.  He tightened and loosened the scarf several times.

“Brian, please.”

Brian’s hands ran down Justin’s body dragging his nails ever so lightly. Brian tightened the scarf once more and this time he slipped his mouth around the end of Justin’s penis.  At the same time he reached between Justin’s legs and pulled out the vibrator. At that moment, Justin shouted and filled Brian’s mouth.

Justin’s hands grabbed Brian by the hair and pulled him up to meet his mouth.  Brian untied the scarf around his eyes. Justin blinked at the brightness. Justin leaned over in an attempt to take Brian in his mouth but Brian stopped him.  “Tonight was for you.” Brian collected him in his arms while his breathing returned to normal.

This was not the Brian Kinney Justin knew.  When it came to sex Brian had always needed it, always craved it, always lived for it.  Justin had never heard him say anything like this. Brian truly was giving everything for him tonight.

Eventually, Justin realized it was time for him to head home. Brian dozed so he got up quietly and started dressing. He heard a squeak and when he turned around Brian was propped on one elbow. “You know you could stay.  In fact, I wish you would stay tonight and every night.”

Justin leaned over Brian and kissed him.” I love you. .”  With that he walked out the door.