Brian's POV:

It had to be you, it had to be you;
I wandered around, and finally found - the somebody who
Could make me be true, could make me be blue; 
And even be glad, just to be sad, thinking of you.

I think, if I was being totally honest with myself, that I knew it from that first moment I laid eyes on you. You weren't really my type. I actually prefer my men more mature, even when I was a young pup like you were then. I also prefer my men to be more like me, taller and smoother looking or very masculine looking...not that you're feminine. Hell no! You, Justin Taylor, are all male and proud of it. If you hadn't been, we wouldn't have gotten past first base. But you are kind of small for my usual tastes and I seldom looked for blond boy twinks before you stepped into my life. But there you were, standing under the street light and looking wistfully straight at me, as if to say...'come get me. I need a man.' Well who am I to refuse such an open invitation?

But that was the beginning of a ride that I never would have dreamed of in a million years. And what a ride you've taken me on....more ups and downs and twists and turns than a fucking roller coaster ride. I loved roller coasters as a kid, on those rare occasions the old man would even bother to take my sister and me to a fair or theme park. But all those rides ever did was give me a momentary thrill that ended as quick as it began. This ride with you will never end. I know that now. And the thing is, Sunshine, I don't want it to end. Oh, I know I did plenty of things to make you think I did want it over, but you finally got my number.

I was literally wandering in the wilderness of self-denial for so long. I don't NEED anyone! That was my credo. I wore it like a badge of honor. Shit, even my closest friends believed I meant it. I don't think I had Debbie fooled all the time, but I'm pretty sure that even she believed it on occasion. Why were you able to see through me? Were we lovers in another lifetime, or maybe two or three lifetimes? We are so damned good at reading each other. Okay, maybe we misread a few times, but nobody is perfect. The point is that for the first time in my life I found somebody who made me WANT to need someone else. I found someone who could actually hurt me in my heart...you know, the heart I had built a fortress around so it couldn't be touched? And here's the kicker...I didn't care that I could get hurt as long as feeling blue or sad because of you meant I had you in my life to begin with.

Fuck Justin, I did suffer because of you. It started out to be just simple little irritating things like feeling responsible for you...you know, when you ran away from home and then again when you ran away to New York City. And as if I didn't feel responsible enough, Deb made sure I felt it. Man, that woman can be a pain. But then came the big blow...the coup de grâce, so to speak. You had to go and bewitch me into wanting to try and begin a whole new life at thirty with a special night as your date for the prom. What an insane idea it was. I still don't know what drove me to do it. But whatever it was, it set off a chain of pain that will never go away completely. The sadness is less sharp with every year that passes, but the memory is there forever. Was it enough to make me sorry that I ever met you? No, I can't even say that. I wish to God it hadn't happened, but I'm still glad I was there for you, once the pain became a distant nightmare.

When I think of the way we hurt each other in the smallest ways, with each of us struggling to love the other unconditionally and yet actually wanting the other to meet our own set of conditions. I wonder how we survived the way we did. But Justin, my beautiful young lover, I know deep in my heart how we survived. The truth is, it had to be you because you were made for me Justin. You were mine from the minute you saw me and I was made for you. You could be with another, which you even tried, but you couldn't give him your heart because you had already given it to me and I simply couldn't give it back...not even when I claimed I didn't want it. I lied. Your heart is mine forever and tonight, when you return to me, I'm going to show you where I keep it safely locked up tight inside my very soul. It will never be damaged in my safekeeping. I can promise you that. Hurry home Justin. I want to make more happy memories to far outweigh the sad ones. Tonight will be the best one of them all. Three months away from you was long enough.

Justin's POV:

Some others I've seen, might never be mean;
Might never be cross, or try to be boss,
But they wouldn't do.
For nobody else, gave me a thrill - with all your faults, I love you still.
It had to be you, wonderful you;
It had to be you.

Brian, you dear sweet stubborn man, I'm on my way home. Are you waiting for me with the same eagerness that I'm feeling? Of course you are. And now you finally know how easy it is to say it out loud. I'll never forget that phone call a few days ago. 'You've been gone three months and you've had a show and it went really well. Now it's time for you to come back to me Sunshine,' you said. And it was all I needed to hear. Of course I have to go back to you. Hell, Brian, I never really left.

I've seen a lot of different men since moving to New York and some of them were really sweet and really kind. Some were damned good looking, but not one was you Brian. I suspect that a couple of them were so uncomplicated that life would go smoothly and with little fuss with them. Does it matter to me. Of course not. I don't care how sweet, how simple, how giving, how easygoing a single one of them would be to me. They are missing the one thing they can never have. They don't have the key to my heart because they're not you. They simply won't do.

I'll never forget the feeling I got that very first night you walked up to me. I think I knew in that very instant that my entire adult life was just beginning the moment you spoke to me. I saw my future in your eyes, especially when your eyes went all dark as you came inside me and shouted out 'I love you' to me that first night. Even Daphne thinks I imagined those words from you, but they weren't there. I've always had a good memory, except for that fucking bashing, and I was as sober as a church mouse that night. I remember every single moment that I shared with you that first night and Brian...you most certainly did say those words to me at that very instant. I think you subconsciously knew even then that I was the only one you would ever really be in love with.

I know I knew it from the beginning, but damned if you didn't make me begin to doubt it. I began to forget the thrill I got every time I was near you or just thinking about you when we were nowhere near each other. I pretended to myself that your faults were too much to handle. That they made a difference and I couldn't live with them. I used that as an excuse to look elsewhere. What a crock of shit. Your faults...my faults...just a small part of the package that made us tick, and tick in perfect time with each other like we always do in the end.

The truth is that you suit me perfectly. You can be bossy, but I know it is only your need to be in control of your life that causes it. You aren't a bully, and you can bend when it is important to. You can get very cross if things aren't running smoothly, but you're never unfair in your expectations. You've been known to be mean, but I've never seen it to be for petty reasons. It was mean of you to make me choose for myself on several occasions such as whether to stay with you or run to Ethan. Don't forget the time you made me choose between whether to stay for Mel and Linds wedding or go with you to Miami. You made me choose whether to go to California or on the bike-a-thon. And that last choice was a doozy. You made me choose whether to move to New York or stay with you. You knew I was putty in your hands and you could sway me in your direction every time but you wanted me to be my own man and each decision did help me to grow up even more each time. I thought you were being mean to me, but it was always in my best interests. How fucking unselfish is that?

What it all boils down to, Brian Kinney, is that no one else would ever do for me. It has to be you, my wonderful 'imperfect but so, so, so perfect for me' lover. From day one, it had to be you and no one else. That is why I've taken the earlier plane to Pittsburgh tonight. That is why I took the cab from the airport. That is why I'm about to knock on your big metal door when you weren't expecting me till morning. Because I want to be in your arms tonight. Because I want to feel your heart beating against mine as we lay down together in our big bed and make love the way only the two of us together can do. Tonight, Brian, I will remind you of why you stopped being afraid to say 'I love you' to me and why I could never stop saying it so easily to you.

You and I, my lover, it had to be the two of us...together forever. It was preordained.

The End