CHAPTER 71: RESTORING ORDER

JOAN

I still cannot believe that this is the life I have now. All day yesterday, I had to keep pinching myself to know that it is real. First, there was my… date with Richard. In just a short while, he’s become someone pretty important to me. We’ve attended AA meetings together, and whereas we aren’t supposed to know each other outside of the rooms, I’m finding it somewhat comforting that he has met my son and the people who I am beginning to think of as my own family. This is the first time in my life that I understand just what that word actually means.

Jennifer has truly been amazing to me through all of this. Not only has she been supportive in terms of helping me to learn who Brian is now, but who Brian is with Justin and all the issues they have faced. I was appalled to learn of all the things my son and his significant other have gone through. I mean, sure I’ve read the newspaper account of when that Chris Hobbs person attacked Justin at his prom, but to hear the firsthand accounts was quite a different thing. Never in my life had I felt so… violent towards another human being, and at the same time guilty because I was so angry!

Of course, I prayed and asked God’s forgiveness, but I still despair the fact that Justin, and in turn, Brian had to go through such a traumatic event. It forced me to look at all my actions and interactions of hate towards my own flesh and blood, and for the first time in my months of sobriety, I’d never felt the urge to drink more strongly than at that moment. Instead, I called Richard, Tom, and Blake and we all met for coffee. They really helped me see from all points of view what I had done and why I felt the way I did.

Tom didn’t preach to me, but helped me really understand that it wasn’t my place to judge anyone… and that included myself; that if I asked for forgiveness from the people I harmed, it was time to work on forgiving myself, which turns out is always the hardest to do. Richard gave me his perspective from a parent’s point of view, advising that it was time to dream a new dream for Brian instead of the one I had when he was just a baby in my arms. Although being gay isn't in any way a disability, he told me to think of all those parents with children who are disabled in some capacity, who have had to do the same thing. Whereas instead of them wishing that their children were going to set the world on fire with their intelligence or athletic prowess, those parents had to realize that the smallest victories were what really mattered the most.

“Change your mind, and you change your life, Joan,” he told me. And you know what… he was right!

Blake told his story from a gay man’s perspective, of his perception of the world around him, and I have to say it was most informative. He said to think of a person’s sexuality as one would a person of color. It was something that couldn’t be changed or altered, no matter how one might try to hide it; that the truth will out at some point, regardless of suppression. I was reminded of a movie that I had seen when I was just a young mother of Claire. She was just a baby when the cinema down the street from where we lived was playing an old movie called “Imitation of Life”. I remember wanting to see it because it was based on a book I had read once.

But remembering seeing the portrayal of a young black woman passing for white in a time set where blacks couldn’t have anything for themselves beyond a menial job made me cringe now because of the parallels that many LGBT men and women had faced throughout their own lives. However, it was the way she treated her mother, who had darker skin, that made me feel angry and disappointed in humanity- or the lack thereof. That mother had worked as a maid in order to give her child everything she could. Even thinking of it now, somehow reminds me of the one person I would rather not think of...Debbie Novotny.

Throughout the years, I have had a contentious relationship with that woman for so many reasons. It wasn’t just the idea that her son turned my son gay- I know better now. But it was the fact that Brian regarded her as more of a mother than he did me. I admit that he did so for a very good reason, but it still hurt! With all I've learned of her, and about her personality since I've been around and sober, I feel ashamed that I've allowed my son- the man I am coming to truly know for the first time in his life- to trade in one form of abuse for another. It's a tough pill to swallow, and forgive, but I must! Not for my own sake but for Brian's, because like it, love it, or hate it, she and her family were his only solace for a long time.

"You alright, Joan?" Richard asks me.

I smile slightly before responding. "Not really. I still have a lot to work out, but right now, I'm more concerned about this meeting."

"If it helps, remember that you don't have to agree to anything just yet. Just be open to what he has to say.”

“I think I’m more nervous that I no longer have the power to really do anything. I’m fairly certain that Claire has had her court-appointed lawyer rescind my power of attorney by now.”

“Why would she do that, since it still keeps you tied to her?”

I thought for a moment about what he was suggesting. It would be just like Claire to use it to demand that I still do things for her. But recollecting our last meeting, I’m still not so sure. “Considering that I signed the papers to give away the forty grand she was harboring from Justin Taylor and his sister, she would be a fool to want me to have it. During the last face-to-face meeting with her, my actions drove the point home that her best interests are no longer in the forefront of my mind, if they ever were.”

He nods in understanding. “In that case, all you can do see what this young man has to say. The plus is that Brian will be here, and like or not, he has a first-rate bullshit detector that should be the envy of most of the officers on the force.”

Instead of being offended by the crude language as I might have been previously, I chuckle. It’s something I’ve noticed about myself in the last few months. Once I stopped feeling the need to correct those around me, I’ve paid more attention to the intent behind their words rather than their creative use of the english language. Sometimes, more mundane words just cannot adequately describe the cruelty of actions. And whereas I may never use some of those words personally, I won’t find fault when others do.

“You’re right, Richard. Brian has no trouble calling a spade a spade, or a butthole a donkey. It was the source of some of our greatest contentions. He was always a tough customer; never letting anyone get away with anything.”

“Then why worry unduly?” he asks before pointing out, “Senior would be wise to worry more about that fact than you should be. Your own BS detector is starting to kick in again after a long time of being intentionally turned off. After all, look what started your journey on the road to sobriety.”

Instead of replying, I leaned over to give him a kiss on the cheek. “I’m so happy to have met you, Richard. You have a gentle way of speaking the truth to any situation. I couldn’t ask for a better friend.”

He blushes, and I find it absolutely adorable. “I don’t know about all that, Joanie. But I’m happy that you are my friend as well.”

The door opens to admit John and Peter, who stop short upon seeing me. John is the first to recover. “Grandmother, we weren’t expecting to see you here.”

I can’t help but acknowledge their trepidation. I haven’t given them many reasons in the past to trust me, and for that I’m sorry. “Come over here, and give me a hug… well, if you want to.”

Peter approaches me first, followed by his older brother. My heart breaks as I feel the slight tremble wracking the smaller frame of my youngest grandson. I feel bad for the uncertainty that is befalling both of the boys, but especially Peter. Unlike John, his real father is in jail, as is his mother. These past months couldn’t have been very easy for any of us, but especially Peter. Although they have both been staying with Jennifer, I still want to deck Claire for putting the boys in this situation- God forgive me!

Shaking myself out of those negative thoughts, I smile at my guys. “So what have you all been up to? Have you had fun getting to know Molly for real?”

John laughs lightly. “Our sister has always been a bossy little miss, but now that she has three brothers, she’s been impossible.”

I laugh. “I imagine she has been. I think I would be too, if I had such handsome boys to lead around by the nose. But tell me, are you excited about seeing your dad?”

Peter shrugs, and I can tell what he’s thinking. But it’s John, who answers. “We’ve talked about it, and even though we know that Peter’s… situation is a bit different, it doesn’t change the fact that we are all in the same family.”

“I see,” I say, and I do. But I need John and Peter to tell me what they really want. It’s obvious that separation of any kind is not an option, but I know that I cannot keep them with me, especially not now. “So you say that you all have talked about it?”

“Yes, Grandmother,” Peter answers.

“And what have you all decided?”

“To stay together… or if not together, at least within the same town. I don’t want to leave my brother, and Molly. They are the only ones I really have in all of this.”

I hug him close to me. “Not only them, Peter, I promise. You have all of us, too.”

“But you can’t take care of us.”

“Maybe not… in fact, definitely not, but I promise you that I’m always here. And in this case, my word will count for a whole lot more than you think. After all, I am your grandmother. I have been known to possess an iron fist inside of a velvet glove at times.”

“An iron fist in a velvet glove? But we’ve never seen you even wear gloves, Grandmother!”

I can’t help but chuckle. As intelligent as Peter is, he’s still such a darling in his naivete. The innocence just pours off of him, and I pray he remains that way no matter what life has in store for him. Now my John, he’s as cynical as his uncle Brian was at that age. I can only pray that it changes, because he has a whole lot of love and talent to give to this world. I opt to explain the term in a way they can understand, which will also help to reassure them.

“An iron fist in a velvet glove means that although I can be a soft-hearted woman, I also have a very strong will. Think of me as a queen, and your dad my subject. Is it okay to disobey a queen?”

“According to Molly, Uncle Brian and Justin are Queens… but you’re not gay.”

Both Richard and I have to laugh at that. Oh the life I have now…! I shake my head. “There are different kinds of Queens, and for different things or places. There’s the Queen of England, the Queen of France, but then there are Queens like me. I am the MOTHER of all mothers in our family, and your dad knows that. The type of queens like Brian and Justin are a monarchy in a world all their own, but you’ll learn about them when you’re older. I did.”

That answer seemed to ease the tension and satisfy their curiosity for the time being, and by the time Brian arrived, I had them laughing again at the way he swept into the conference room. Many words can be used to describe Brian Aiden Taylor-Kinney, but  unconfident isn’t one of them. Again, I’m reminded of how much I still don’t know about this Brian… but I’m looking forward to knowing him. I know that I learned a great deal during the interview, but it’s those secret things I want to know about; the stuff he didn’t say for the television audience. Hopefully, we’ll continue to grow in our budding relationship as I keep on with this journey of sobriety. No, life doesn’t give do-overs, but I’m so grateful that it does give second chances.

BRIAN:

I walk into the conference room where we will all be waiting for John, Senior, to make his appearance. I can’t help that I’m a little agitated due to mine and Justin’s conversation last night after numerous bouts of fucking. It turns out that Michael STILL had me down as his medical POA, and the fucker swallowed a water bottle full of *undiluted* bleach. Only Michael could be that fucking stupid! They asked me if I could come down and sign the papers for him to receive treatment at the poison control center, instead of the infirmary at the prison. I asked them if the treatment included ripping his vocal cords out or having a lobotomy. When they assured me that it didn’t, I promptly told them that it was the only way I would sign for ANYTHING he needed.

“Hello, Joan,” I kiss her cheek, as I reach out to shake Richard’s hand before addressing the boys. “So guys, I understand that you have been spending some time with your dad?”

“John’s dad,” Peter corrected automatically, which I have noticed he’s been doing more and more lately.

I shake my head at him. “Peter, come over here so you and I can talk a bit,” I advise as I settle into the seat at the head of the table. I settle him into the chair on my right. “I want you to hear me, and understand me well, okay?”

He nods, and dutifully responds, “Yes, Uncle Brian.”

“Now what I am about to tell you is very important, and I want you to always remember this. DNA, or blood, does not always make a parent; that’s just biology. But what does make a mom or dad is how they treat you, how they care for you, how they teach you, and how much time they spend with you. Now it’s true that sometimes it takes some grown-ups longer than others to understand that, but eventually those who have a desire to be true parents get that revelation. The people that you know of as your mom and dad, really aren’t, nor have they been. Tell me, did you enjoy your time with Jennifer?”

“Yes. She’s loads of fun! And not only that, but even if we did something she didn’t like, she let us know why it was wrong before giving us punishment.”

“And how did she punish you?”

“Extra chores, and having to write three additional dictionary pages- front and back.”

I chuckled, no longer having to wonder just why Justin and Molly had always been so damn smart. “Did she yell, or curse at you? Did she clock you upside the head?”

“No.”

“But did you learn your lesson to not do the offensive behavior again?”

“Yes. It was already hard enough to write two pages of the dictionary, but five in total within the same time frame? Brutal!”

I laughed outright then. Leave it to Jenn to come up with such a creative punishment, while at the same time, building their vocabularies. “True, but you’re more intelligent for having learned in all ways, right?”

“Yes, Uncle Brian.”

“So you see, a real parent will discipline you without trying to crush your spirit. That is the major difference between your mother, and one of the women I consider my mother. But if it helps you any, I’ve known Senior for a long time. He’s a good guy.”

“I’ll take your word for it, but…”

“No buts, Peter. Give him a chance. Now what have you and John decided?”

“That we want to stay together, and live not far from Molly. She’s our sister; we don’t want to leave her!”

“I think that can be arranged, but first we have to talk to your dad.”

I paused, expecting the automatic protest to burst out of him, but am glad that it never came. Perhaps this situation will have its own happy ending for John and Peter. I just have to make sure that Senior is on board. I haven’t told the boys, but he started his job in Hobbs Construction last week, and Christian says that he’s been doing very well. The only problem still seems to be the housing issue. I’ve talked to Justin, and I think we may have a solution, but…

“Hello, Senior,” Joan says, as he comes into the room nervously. “Have a seat and we’ll have a nice chat about the boys’ futures.”

And with those few well placed words it becomes apparent that if I thought I was going to run this meeting, I was mistaken. I can see that she has been taking lessons from Jennifer, as she sits there with a ramrod straight spine. It’s kind of funny seeing the transformation from Joan Kinney, grandmother and potential girlfriend, to Joan Kinney, matriarch of the Kinney family.

“Hello Joan. I thought this meeting was only going to be with Brian and the boys,” Senior responds, looking a little shell-shocked even as there is a small commotion of a couple of newcomers coming to join the party.  

“Not at all since this concerns all of us,” she says, as she looks past him to the door. “Jennifer, Justin, and Annette, glad you all could join us.”

“We wouldn’t have missed this meeting,” Jennifer answers in kind, as she makes her way through kissing the boys until she arrives at me. “Hello, Son. I trust that you are recovered from your late-night phone call. Justin filled me in.”

I shake my head. “I still don’t know what he was thinking…”

“Simple answer to that question; he wasn’t. But we’ll talk about that later. First, we need to get my little darlings settled.”

And suddenly, I understand just why Joan is running this meeting. There is no doubt that some sort of conversation has already happened between Jenn and Joan, but it will be Joan who will give the orders. I’ll have to ask Justin about what he knows concerning this later, which is evidenced by the small smile on his lips. He comes over and gently settles into his chair on my left side, while handing me a triple nonfat latte. I have to admit, it's funny to me that he has to basically sit on one side of his ass at a time. That's what he gets for promising me a rough ride last night, and yes, I held him to it.

Leaning over, he whispers, “Let them handle it. I think you’ll be pleased, but we’ll talk later.” I nod, while taking a sip of my coffee and trying not to smile at his obvious discomfort.

Joan clears her throat. “So, Senior, Jennifer and I have been talking to all of the children. Of course, Molly isn’t here to represent her interests, but that’s why Jennifer and Justin are here. As you know, the boys have been staying with Jennifer these last few weeks until you could obtain new lodgings. Has there been any progress on that front as of yet?”

“No, Ma’am. Every place I have looked at was either out of my price range, or not in the best neighborhood that I could afford. But I’m still looking.”

“And have you started the new job yet?”

“Yes.”

“And how’s that going for you?”

“It’s working out well. Mr. Hobbs says that based on my experience alone, I should be able to obtain a foreman position in a few more weeks. That’s part of the reason I was going to ask you all to watch the boys for me a little while longer until I am able to get the position.”

“I think we have come up with another solution that will be conducive to the boys immediate needs. Are you prepared to hear the proposal in full?”

“I am, as long as it doesn’t involve charity of any kind. And I don’t want to move the guys into a place where we’ll be forced to move out within a month. Currently, I’m living in a week to week situation, and prior to that I was living in a rental where the lease changed month to month. After all they have been through, I don’t want them to have to worry about getting settled in long-term.”

“Well that’s more than admirable of you, Senior. But if that’s the case, then why haven’t you taken Jennifer up on her offer?” she asks, and Joan isn’t giving him an inch of wiggle room. The offer she’s talking about would have resolved the housing situation for John and Peter weeks ago if my ex-brother-in-law wasn’t so fucking stubborn!

“With all due respect, Ma’am, I just didn’t want the charity.”

“It wouldn’t have been charity, John. It would have been an agreement with Jennifer, where Brian and Justin would carry the thirty-year fixed mortgage. As it was explained to me, you would still be required to make the payments, which would be used to pay the property taxes while the remainder will be put towards you owning the home outright. The only difference, other than having a standard mortgage from another company, is that you would be getting the family rate. That will allow you to make the mortgage payments on a sliding scale depending on what your net pay is for the month. If you can pay more, then do that, but if you can’t and need to pay a little less for the month, you won’t have to worry about being tossed out or drawing a late fee. You would STILL be responsible for all other expenses and upkeep of the home. This is NOT charity, but good sense!”

“But…”

“NO BUTS, John Timothy Townsend, Senior! Get my grandsons into a permanent home by evening TODAY! Now, I do believe that Jennifer advised you that she had a three bedroom condo in the same block as where she lives?”

Jennifer folds her lips in to hide her smile, before turning her gaze onto Senior. “Yes, it’s still on the books; I checked just before coming here. The condo community has all of the amenities you and the boys could possibly want, including basketball courts and a swimming pool. In addition to that, it also has a built in deck at the back of the property, and is move-in ready. The good news is that you won’t have to do any maintenance to the property, including shoveling during the winter months, unless you want to. Seeming that you are a contractor yourself, you may even be able to get several thousands knocked off the mortgage if you are willing to sign on as a general contractor with our property management company. But that’s something you can take time to think about over the next few weeks. In the meantime, we need to get these forms signed so that you can go and get your things, and then we will drive out the my storage warehouse so that we can see what we can do about furnishing the place by nightfall...”

John is sitting there looking like a deer caught in headlights, and I’m hard-pressed not to laugh. I can tell Justin is barely holding himself in check as well. I would almost feel sorry for him, but not quite. After all, I have had my fair share of being at the business end of Mother Taylor’s agenda many times. With her older mini-me at the helm, it makes me glad that I am NOT the one in trouble for a change.

“Also, Annette is here because she has agreed to buy the unit right next to yours when it becomes available next month. The only difference between the two units is that she already decided weeks ago… just saying,” Jennifer smiles.

“So the boys won’t have to fend for themselves if I have to work late?” Senior sighs, relief evident in his voice. I knew that was part of the reason it was taking him so long to find a place. Unlike Claire he genuinely loves his sons, even if he had to do so from a distance for a time.

“No they won’t,” Annette answers. "I tried to tell you that, Blockhead, but you never listen."

"Annette..."

"What? Stop me when I'm lying!"

I interrupt again before this becomes as verbally bloody as I've seen happen when Daph and Sunshine get on their respective high horses. Nobody needs that particular insanity! “Besides, where you will be located is really in the heart of where all of our extended family live. Your house is actually within fifteen minutes of us coming in from all directions.”

He nods and begins reading through the documents. As Senior begins signing the paperwork, Jennifer looks up to address Junior and Peter. “You feel better now, guys?”

“Yes! Thanks, Mom Squared!”

“Mom Squared?” I ask, because seriously, there can’t possibly be a ‘square’ bone left in Jennifer’s body. I would have thought Justin and I had shocked those to hell our first year together.

She shrugs. “The boys have taken to calling me that since according to them, I’m their second chance ‘Mom’. Gotta problem with that?”

“None,” I answer, as Justin snickers beside me. Looking over to my own mother of second chances as she blushes at whatever Pettigrew is saying to her. It’s still strange to think of her dating some dude, even if he is old enough to be my father, but young enough to still be considered her boytoy. I clear my throat of all the weird vibes that just gave me. “Joan, do you feel better now?”

She lights up as bright as I’ve ever seen her. “More than you can imagine, Brian. More than you can ever know.”

And seeing my family like this, I think I have a pretty good idea just what she means.