CHAPTER 77: PAIN MANAGEMENT… IN REVERSE

BRIAN:

Part of me knows that I shouldn’t have left him alone. I knew that what he had to say- to acknowledge aloud for probably the first time- hurt him in many unforeseen ways. But I needed to get out of there before I said something else I didn’t mean. The sad thing is that he seemed to expect my reaction; didn’t even jump when I yelled or accused him of withholding the truth from me. After talking with Joan and Richard tonight, it’s entirely plausible he was telling me the absolute truth; That he didn’t know, or wasn’t sure what he was seeing.

I suppose I should start with the complete story of what happened when we returned from dinner. Although we were all laughing, joking, and smiling regarding Hunter’s success, the secret and meaningful glances being passed between Emmett, Mel, and Justin weren’t lost on me. I just kept hearing his voice in the office, refusing to tell me what everyone- including Hunter- seemed to know, except me. Perhaps that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but that’s how it felt. I know from experience in dealing with Justin, the perception of what’s on the surface often covers a multitude of hidden depths.

Anyway, after we’d left the others at the restaurant, Justin asked if we could go to the loft. I didn’t think much about it since we were going to fuck. I mean, the lust had been brewing between us since the meeting in which Justin fired pussified Perkins and Maloney Bologna at long last. I can’t deny that it was absolutely stimulating watching him in action. It’s so rare that he unleashes that type of controlled rage that it’s impossible not to take notice, and respond to it.

As always, sex with Justin and I was never the problem. No, our problems were always vertical, unless we were fucking that way; tonight was no different. Although I know he was into it, it was also evident that whatever it was he needed to say had him preoccupied. And for the first time in what seemed a long time, my mind just wouldn’t let me absorb myself in him. Finally, I just had to stop and ask what was eating at him.

“Nothing,” he told me, and instinctively I knew he was lying to me. Now there are only two reasons Justin would do something like that, as I’ve learned. Either it was to protect me, or himself. Very rarely have the two instances occurred at the same time.

“Justin…”

“No, Brian. Nothing is wrong. Just… just fuck me… please.” It was the whimpered plea at the end of the demand that caught my attention the most. It was as if he didn’t even hear it emit from himself, as he continued to look at me. I knew then that whatever it was he was hellbent on keeping from me at that moment was something which had the potential to destroy the semi-truce we had developed amongst ourselves.

I gently pulled out of him, mindful of just how vulnerable he was feeling at that moment, even if he wasn’t. Standing quickly, I went over to the closet, pulling a couple of sweatpants and jeans down from the top shelf where we kept a few spare pairs for when we came here. It wasn’t as often as… before, but it was often enough that we kept them here just in case we came directly from the office. Justin slid reluctantly from the bed, taking the pair of sweats from my hand and donning them. I did the same with the pair of jeans in my hand. Because we hadn’t turned on the heat in the loft, I also grabbed a couple of tee shirts and held one of them out to Justin. He put it on before turning towards the sofa, facing the bay window.

At first, I was unsure if he was actually going to speak. He was sitting so silently and still that I knew whatever was going through that little blond head of his needed to be put into some semblance of order. It had been quite awhile since I’d even noticed he still did that. In fact, he used to have to do it all the time after the bashing; part of his cognitive therapy. And strangely, it was comforting in some small obscure way.

But that feeling would be short-lived when he finally did speak. “Brian, there’s no easy way to tell you this…”

“You’ve got to be shitting me!” I yelled, before I caught myself.

“No, I’m not. But… wait, what the hell are you yelling about?”  

“You promised, Justin…”

“Brian, calm down and tell me what has you so upset.”

“You! You have me upset, Justin. All day, I felt that you’ve been hiding something. You didn’t have to say that. All you needed to say was that you wanted out!”

“WHAT?!?! Who the fuck said that?!”

“You did!”

“No, I fucking didn’t!” he yelled back at me.

“Then what is it then?”

I saw the moment the defeat settled into his shoulders. The sad thing is that I had the feeling that he would have rather been arguing about the wrongness of my accusation, instead of the actual news he had to impart. In retrospect, I think I would have, too. Then we could have fought and fucked the angry out of each other, and got back to the business of making us work. But his next words made it evident that we were wrong; him for hiding the facts as he’d known them, and me for jumping to my own conclusions.

He crossed over to the window to put some distance between us. I should’ve known right then and there that there would be trouble. “As I’ve said, Brian, there’s no easy way to tell you this…”

“Just tell me this first… are you leaving me?”

“What? No! Why would that thought even enter your mind?”

I couldn’t tell him that it’s been my recurring nightmare for as long as we decided to give us a real chance at being together. It wasn’t that he’s given me any reason to doubt him, but the thought is always in the back of my mind. The simple, selfish, unvarnished truth is that I don’t want to lose Justin. But I also don’t want him to stay with me simply out of some misguided notion of loyalty. With everything that’s happening, and the fact that this way of thinking is what got us into trouble in the first place, always makes me a little leery.

“Brian… no, I’m not going anywhere,” Justin quietly reassured me again. I closed my eyes to absorb his words, and I believed him. I believe in him.  

“Okay. So tell me what it is, Justin. Because you’ve been somewhat distant all day, and the only time that’s happened before is when…”

He shook his head at me then. “Brian, this isn’t about Ethan. I promised you that if in all unlikelihood that another mistake like that showed up in my life, you would be the first to know. I don’t intend to break that promise, but you have to know that I won’t. I can’t make you believe me when I tell you I’m in this all the way. Hell, my signature on a mountain of papers is proof of that! But beyond that, I’m exactly where I want to be. Can you finally accept that?”

“Yes.”

“Okay,” he said simply, before rubbing his hands up and down his arms again. 

The long sleeves of the shirt bunched at his elbows, only for him to yank them down again. His agitation was clear throughout his entire being, and yet there was nothing I could do to ease any of it. In fact, every time he glanced over at me, it only got worse. It was as if he was arguing with himself about how to approach whatever it was that he had to tell me. Finally, I’d had enough of watching him abuse the shirtsleeves of one of the most expensive long tees he owned.

“Well?”

He sighed, knowing exactly what would come next if he didn’t say what was on his mind within the next few seconds. It’s funny that he and I could read each other enough to know that if he didn’t say what was on his mind, I was going to blow up again. But nothing could have prepared me for what would come out of his mouth as I still stood there with my arms crossed defensively. “Brian, Michael intended to kidnap you.”

For a brief moment, I was shocked into laughter. “You’re… serious?” I asked, still in disbelief. Well, that was until I looked at the seriousness of his eyes. In turn, I had just had to hear his thoughts on the matter. “How was he intending to do that, Sunshine? It’s not exactly the easiest thing Michael could have accomplished. In fact, he would have had an easier time trying that shit with you.”

“I’m not the one he wanted, no matter the cost, Brian,” Justin said, deadly serious. I swallowed hard as he began to pace again. “A few months ago, while we weren’t… while we were on hiatus, I arrived at the shop to hand over the next set of panels for the comic. When I went into the office, Michael was mooning over a stack of pictures, smiling and talking to himself while caressing a vial. The syringe was sitting by his elbow, fully sheathed but still exposed out in the open. Considering that Ben was abusing anabolic steroids back then, I didn’t automatically make the connection… not even when I saw the stack of pictures that Michael was basically staring at.”

“What was in the pictures?” I asked him quietly.

“You… you, and me. Only, my face was photoshopped out and replaced with Michael’s. When I called him on it, he at first tried to deny what I had seen. He made it sound like I was hallucinating or something. And granted, I was working at Babylon, and going to school while working other odd jobs here and there. I was taking uppers and downers left and right to keep up with the hectic schedule, but you already know that. Anyway, Michael also knew it; how, I’ll never really know, since not even Daphne knew. But in retrospect, I suspect that it was Gary considering how friendly they had become in reference to you. But what really got my attention was the vial he had in his hands and the syringe. I asked him about them, and at first, he said that they were Ben’s. I couldn’t deny the truth of it, since we all knew he was going through a rough time after his ex’s death. But there was something that didn’t ring true, considering the photoshopped pics. When I confronted him about it, Michael threatened to have me arrested for stalking.”

“You?”

“Yeah. It was never a secret that it’s always the way he viewed me. But beyond that, Michael had something that I didn’t.”

“What’s that?”

“Everyone’s ear,” Justin said, while shrugging his shoulders. “No matter what he’s ever done or said, Michael somehow always came off as the innocent party. The truth is he could have very well posted those fake pics all around Liberty Avenue, or on the campus of PIFA; even in what is now our break room at the building downtown, and everyone would have believed the worst of me because of him. Of course, we now know differently.”

“But you said there were vials and a syringe. What was that about?”

“I don’t have all of the facts yet, except that I know they were Michael’s, and the police collected them from both his office and the apartment he was sharing with Lance here in Pittsburgh. Emmett said that Brandon requested that Carl look into the matter… in connection with Jason Kemp’s murder. It looks like the same drug that they found in his system was the same one within the vial.”

“And you didn’t think to tell me any of this?!”

“What would you have wanted me to say, Brian?! ‘Hey your best friend is trying to frame me with stalking and accusing me of being a drug addict?’ What would you- one of Michael’s staunchest supporters- have said to me if I’d told you of my suspicions then? Hell, what are you about to tell me right now?!”

Admittedly, I couldn’t answer him, so I did the only thing I could. I grabbed my jacket and headed for the door. He didn’t say anything; didn’t even look at me as I left. Yes… FUCK YES! I was angry! Angry at him, and angry at Michael. 

But mostly angry with myself, because Justin was right. I would have either called him a liar or brushed off what the reality of the situation was in order to not have to face the fact that Michael betrayed me, and was more than willing to take drastic measures to do so again. But something was bothering me about how he intended to kidnap me, if that was indeed his intention. The only person that would have helped him to do that was…

I closed my eyes at the implications of where my thoughts took me. But in retrospect, Lindsay wouldn’t have helped him do anything to take me away from her. God, how did I end up with the most fucked up people on the planet as friends? As I walked down the street away from the loft where Justin still stood, I couldn’t help but feel like I was missing something, or that Justin was maybe hiding something else from me. Maybe it was the anger I felt, clouding what little was left of the sound mind I’d always prided myself on having. There was just no right or wrong answer to what I was feeling during those moments where shock was meeting irate, then meeting despair.

After entering the surprisingly busy coffee shop, I ordered my usual from the barista behind the counter. As I looked around for an empty corner, I spotted the last person I would have expected to be up this late at night. Making my way through the crowd, I’m close enough to hear the compliment Richard gave Joan, and to see her cheeks turn pink at his regard. What the hell alternate universe am I fucking living in when my mother blushes? I cleared my throat before addressing the chuckling pair. 

“Fancy meeting you two here. Isn’t a school night?”

At first they startle, and then laugh again before Joan answers. “Well if that’s the case, Brian, then it’s way past your bedtime. Speaking of which, why aren’t you there instead of using a disposable coffee cup for company? Where’s Justin?”

“He’s back at the loft… or at least, I think so.”

“What do you mean you think so? Shouldn’t you know where your partner is?”

“I’m not his keeper, Joan. Hell, I’ll be surprised if I’m more than a passing acquaintance by the time this whole ordeal is over.”

She looked at me closely for a moment longer than I was entirely comfortable with. I suspect Jennifer had been giving her lessons in closely scrutinizing people. I suddenly felt just the slightest bit more tense, thinking of all the other lessons Jenn might have imparted to my mother. As it was, she was seriously sitting entirely too close to Pettigrew for my liking. But fuck it. She survived Jack Kinney so if she wanted to sit in the man’s lap, she’s more than earned the right.

“So, are you going to answer my question?” Joan asked me again.

“Which one?”

“Ah, evasion.” She sighed. That could only mean one thing: I was about to be berated. “So what happened, Brian?”

“What makes you think anything did?”

“First, have a seat next to me. I’m getting a cramp in my neck, looking up at you,” she ordered. I looked to Richard for help. Although Joan and I were becoming friends in a sense, it didn’t mean that I still didn’t have my reservations about being too near her at times, especially right then. After Richard slid onto the bench seat next to her, I did as she’d so nicely demanded. “Now to answer your question, it was your posture that told me there is a problem between you and Justin. I’d like to help... if you’ll let me?”

I couldn’t ignore the pleading look in her eyes anymore than I could Justin’s not even more than an hour ago. It wasn’t a matter of trust, but the privacy Justin and I had agreed to keep in our relationship. But as I’d thought about it, I realized that I was pissed off that even Melanie and Emmett knew what was going on with Justin before I did. I felt that he didn’t keep his end of the bargain. And this was the problem with fucking feelings; they were so often skewed.

I nodded before telling her, “Justin had been keeping something important from me. I blew up about it. At first, I basically accused him of cheating on me again, and then… well, let’s just say that he brought up some points about how we were that ultimately led to him and I separating, and… and…”

“Okay, let’s start with the first thing, Brian. You shouldn’t have done that to Justin…”

“I know that,” I interrupted, but she kept speaking as if I hadn’t said anything.

“...Nor should you have expected him to be incredibly forthcoming. You aren’t exactly known for being the easiest person to talk to, especially in moments when you are demanding.”

“So you’re saying that this is my fault?”

“I’m not saying that it’s anyone’s fault; just simply stating a trait that you and I share, Brian,” she said, and I couldn’t help but think that the same implacability I display without even trying is the same way most of my and Joan’s interactions have been steeped in until recently. “Look, Brian, I can’t tell you what to do. The relationship between you and Justin is your own to make or break. But I would advise you to use wisdom and caution when speaking to him about whatever is going on between you. Both of you are made of strong stuff, but you’re not indestructible. And what’s worse is that only the two of you have the power to irrevocably harm the other.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, what exactly is this about?” Richard asked, surprising both me and my mother. I sighed before I told them of the conversation between me and Justin. Whereas Joan seemed surprised, Richard didn’t. He rubbed a hand over his eyes, before taking a sip of coffee. By the time he was finished with those two stall tactics, he’d had his thoughts in order to address me. “Brian, like Joan, I can’t tell you what to do. But I would consider myself less than a man if I didn’t tell you that although your feelings are completely valid, you are wrong about Justin. Honestly, if I was in his place, I wouldn’t have said anything either…”

“But…”

“Uh-huh. Hear me out, before you go on the defensive. The bottom line is that in the beginning of your relationship there was contention, mainly due to outside stressors and your response to them. So just as you have your trust issues, so does Justin. You can’t allow yourself to feel betrayed for him keeping this from you without examining why he felt he had to. Now, I’m not sitting here judging either of you; just pointing out that there really wasn’t a right or wrong way to handle this from either end. I can’t disclose what I know about the happenings at the precinct, but I will give you this much: Justin is completely correct in what Michael’s intention was. There were some other deals- or rather- offers on the table to ensure Michael’s success in whisking you away to California without anyone to stop him.”

“Does that mean he would have framed Lindsay?”

“I can’t say without divulging exactly what I know. However, if you had a chance to get away from a person who is both your ally and your enemy, how far would you have gone to do so?”

With that caustic, rhetorical question I had begun the process of looking at this situation from all angles. But it didn’t mean that I knew how to fix the damage to Justin I’d so obviously inflicted by leaving. Like Joan and Richard so graciously pointed out, it wasn’t a simple matter of right or wrong, but allowing one of those outside stressors being able to tear us apart again. As if picking the thoughts right out of my head, Joan reached her hand across the table to touch mine.

When I looked into her eyes, she said, “Brian, go home and talk to him. Don’t accuse him of anything, especially not in regards to Michael Novotny. Sadly, that man has been hellbent in his designs on you for a long time. It’s part of the reason I have never liked him.”

“And the other part?”

“You know I don’t generally like to speak ill of people, especially when I first meet them, but there was just something in his eyes. You know what I mean?”

“Like you could tell he was lying even when he would sound the most reasonable?” Richard interjected.

“Yes. And then he would make you feel as though you were wrong for questioning or being suspicious of him. How did you know that?” Joan asked in my place.

“Because it was the way my own best friend, was… the same man, whom I’d ultimately had to kill before he shot me,” Richard said quietly before looking at me. “And that is a pain of betrayal unlike any other. That the boy who knew both the best and worst parts of you- one whom you considered a friend, and a brother- could look at you and instead of being proud, he’s resentful and angry because you chose a different road from the one HE planned for you. Yes, I know all about that particular brand of hurt, Brian. But if I had to do it all over again, I would still choose ME. And so should you.”

I left them at the busy coffeeshop, deciding to take Joan’s advice to talk to Justin. But as soon as I opened the loft door, I knew he wasn’t here. I call Melanie to see if he’d gone back to the house, after he didn’t answer his cell. I decide to go up the steps to the bedroom to see if he’d left a note, or something to give me a fucking clue as to where he’d gone. Beside the bed, I couldn’t help but notice the nearly empty bottle of Makers, and knew instinctively that I had to get to him.  

After locking up, the first place I go is to Woody’s. As I walk up to the bar, I see that Sebastian has already poured me a Beam. Knocking it back quickly, I ask if Justin had come in, and unfortunately he tells me that he hasn’t seen him in a few days. Sebastian was the first one Justin had fucked outside of being with me, and I knew they’d always held a soft spot for each other. Ironically, it didn’t inspire any jealousy within me; just the assurance that the tall bartender would always look out for Sunshine within these walls when I couldn’t be here to do it myself. 

I can’t help the panic beginning to assail me, but I ask Sebastian to call me if Justin should come in, and he agrees without question. There were very few people on Liberty Avenue that I trusted to look out for Justin, even if it was without him knowing they were doing it. Sebastian was such a person. Instead of going to the baths- too much temptation in my current state of unrest- I call over there and speak to Jake. He tells me that Justin isn’t there either, but that they miss us. I believe him, since if Justin was within those halls, Jake would have already gotten a piece of the little blond dynamo. 

He is the only one ever to grace the halls of the Baths that Justin and I gave a repeat performance to, and not simply because he owned the place. A few years ago, he’d lost his partner, who Justin and I also knew, in a car accident. James was a very special man, just as Jake is, and without him, Jake just seemed lost. So Justin and I felt it was our duty to help him grieve in private while at the same time not saying anything to make him feel bad about getting his physical needs met, as so many others would have. After we’d finished the first time, Justin held the man after he’d fallen apart. 

Although I wasn’t comfortable with the emotional display, I could understand how he felt, since I probably would have been the same way if I’d lost Justin to Chris Hobbs’ bat. Anyway, after that Jake would join us every now and again. He always said that Justin had a magic about him that was like a balm to any wounded soul. I understood the sentiment more than I ever let on, but Jake always knew. He was one of the only people who really understood what it really costs me to let Justin go. 

I disconnected the call with the assurance that he would call as soon as he’d seen or heard from Justin. I entered into the Meat Hook, with more than a little fear and trepidation for the first time since I’d ever graced their leather-clad halls. With Justin drinking Makers, I automatically knew the degree that he was hurting. The problem with that particular drink, and Justin’s emotional pain is that it always brings about the uncontrollable need within Justin for punishment. Usually, he’d only trust me to administer it, since he knows that I know his limits and would only go so far beyond before calling a halt to the scene. But these guys here don’t know Justin like that, and if he sought that kind of release here…

“Kinney! I didn’t think I’d see you here again so soon,” Trey says to me.

“I didn’t think you would either. Have you seen Justin tonight?”

“Sunshine? No. In fact, I thought you two were somewhere off to bask in your newly-committed bliss.”

I rolled my eyes, although good-naturedly at the bouncer. “No, not yet, although we’re scheduled to leave for California in the morning. But that’s for more business than pleasure, although there will be plenty of time for that too… well, that’s providing I can find him. Are you sure you haven’t seen him tonight?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. If I had, I would have had to break up several fights by now. The only other Dominant in demand as much as you are is Sunshine. As you know, he wields a mean whip; you taught him well.”

“Yeah, well…”

“What’s wrong?”

I closed my eyes. That seemed to be the question of the day. “He’s in pain management mode. Tonight some things have been revealed…”

He nods in full understanding. “I caught the rerun this morning of the interview the two of you gave the other night. I would imagine it couldn’t have been easy to have your lives on display like that. And then with the arrest of Sapperstein… well,that’s a whole other kettle of bad fish, I’d say.”

“You would be right. And that’s part of the problem because Justin wouldn’t be in the mood to Dom tonight... but the other way around.”

“But, he only trusts you that much to…”

“Exactly Trey, but Justin isn’t thinking clearly. So far as I know, he’s already been drinking.”

“Makers?”

“Yeah.”

“Shit!” Trey exclaims, and I don’t blame him. 

There are only a few who know Justin’s proclivities almost as well as I do, and Trey does. The one comfort in that is if Justin comes in here without me at his side it’s that Trey is the one who keeps the men who would cause me to go to jail away from him. It isn’t about Justin being my property as most would suspect. But that he also knows that rare mini-Rage side to Justin and knows that if Justin fights, I do too. So it’s a healthy respect factor for both Justin and I that keeps this man watching out for those who could upset Justin, and therefore me.

“I haven’t seen him, Kinney, but do me a favor and call me when you find him. Let me know if I have to help hide the body. You know I would do just about anything for Sunshine.”

I pat his shoulder in gratitude, before replying, “I will. I have Jake and Sebastian looking out for him as well.”

“Good. Hey, if it helps any, a lot of the guys have been going over to Lorenzo’s since Babylon is shut down for the interim. Speaking of which, I hear that the investors are trying to offload it as soon as possible, if you’re interested.”

“Why would you think I would be?” I ask, intrigued despite myself. As far as I’m concerned Babylon should stay closed, considering what almost happened to Justin at the former owner’s hands.

“Just that the place needs to stay open. Look around, Kinney. The subs these days are getting younger and younger, aren’t they? And although there’s nothing wrong with that if they genuinely have that tendency, the ones here tonight… well they don’t. But their options of where to go are limited without Babylon being opened. We all know what happens at Lorenzo’s place, even though, like Sapperstein he turns a blind eye to it unless he's directly involved. In fact, where do you think most of the dealers will go now since Sap was their supplier? His business will pick up in more ways than the the obvious one.”

I can’t help but hear what it is he’s trying to tell me. It’s something I have to talk to Ted and Justin about, but Trey has made his point in spades. Shaking myself out of those thoughts, I know I have to get to Lorenzo’s. “I’m going to head over there now. I’ll let you know if I find Sunshine.”

“Okay, but Kinney… Brian, be careful with him tonight, okay? If he’s…”

“I know,” I say simply, before turning away to get to the other club.

By the time I arrive, the line is already around the corner and I know good and hell fucking well that I will NOT be standing on it. I move steadily towards the front of the line, where the bouncers are standing. I make a move to enter the club, and am stopped with a firm hand to the chest. “The club has reached its occupancy limit. You’ll have to wait your turn, just like everyone else, Kinney.”

“I’m only going in long enough to bring someone out, so save the speech, Spahn,” I answer, proceeding to push my way past him anyway. Again, I’m stopped.

“If you’re talking about that hot little blond, I’m afraid I definitely can’t let you in now. He’s been good for business,” he says smugly.

I close my eyes, willing the images away of just how good for business Justin may have been by now. It was not the time to let my fears and insecurities about the situation we’re in get the best of me. “Look, Spahn…”

“Let him through,” comes another voice, I hadn’t expected to hear.

“Boss?”

“You heard me, Spahn,” Lorenzo says. “Besides, Kinney and I have a lot to talk about.”

“No we don’t. I’m only here to get Justin before…” Lorenzo smiles at me as if he already knows where my thoughts took me for those brief few moments. And maybe he does. It’s never been a secret that Justin brings out all of those caveman tendencies I’ve managed to keep hidden for a very long time.         

“Yeah, let him through and maybe I’ll let him retrieve what rightfully belongs to him.”

“Justin isn’t a commodity.”

“Not yet,” he answers caustically, and at his pronouncement, I want to punch him. What the fuck have you done, Justin? What are you close to doing?

I follow Lorenzo into the spacious club. Admittedly, it’s an attractive place with its three floors. In the center is a raised dance floor, highlighted in alternate colorful lighting. The familiar smell of sex and sweat rents the air, even as I pass the seating area on the ground floor in front of three seventy-two inch screen televisions. While obvious porn is playing on the two outside screens, I stop short at the one in the center upon seeing the blond I’ve been looking for seemingly all night, dancing up a storm. At that moment, his glassy blue eyes look directly into the circulating camera as if he’s actually seeing me. 

The problem is that I know he is… in a hallucinogenic fantasy. I can tell that he’s high in the way he’s touching the guy in front of him, who in no way, shape, or form resembles me. He’s grinding and winding his hips in a way he’s only ever done with me. His smile is sex and sin all wrapped up into a deceptively innocent looking package; the way his teeth bite into his plump lower lip offers every imaginable vision of debauchery one could think of in that moment. It’s then that I hear the words playing loudly in the background.

***I don’t wanna be alone tonight/ It’s pretty clear that I’m not over you/ I’m still thinking ‘bout the things you do/  So I don’t wanna be alone tonight, alone tonight, alone tonight

Can you light the fire?/ I need somebody who can take control/ I know exactly what I need to do ‘cause I don’t wanna be alone tonight, alone tonight, alone tonight/ Look what you made me do/ I’m with somebody new/ Ooh Baby, Baby I’m dancing with a Stranger

I wasn’t even goin’ out tonight/ But boy I need to get you off my mind/ I know exactly what I have to do/ I don’t wanna be alone tonight, alone tonight, alone tonight/

Look what you made me do/ I’m with somebody new/ Ooh Baby, Baby I’m dancing with a Stranger***

“Beautiful, isn’t he?” Lorenzo’s voice cuts into my thoughts.

“He always has been,” I answer, watching intently as the stranger slides his hands around Justin’s hips to bring him closer. “What is it you want?”

“Him.”

“Pardon me?” I ask in a low growl, turning to face the man, who is also staring at the screen.

“You heard me. I want a chance with him.”

“He’s not interested.”

“Oh? He looks pretty interested to someone else right now,” he replies, and I can see exactly what he means as Justin grabs the belt buckle of the man steadily dry humping his thigh.

“He’s not.”

“What’s the matter, Kinney? Can’t take the competition?”

“There would never be one,” I tell him.

“And what makes you so sure there wouldn’t be? He’s left you once before; we all know it.”

“Is that what you think?”

“I just said it was.”

“Well you would be wrong.”

“Seriously, why so possessive? You’re not known to be a man into monogamy.”

“Perhaps I’ve changed…” I say, leaving at least where Justin is concerned unsaid. “So seriously, what is it that you want?”

“For Babylon to stay closed permanently, and for you and the blond to permanently party here.”

“And if that’s not an option?”

He smiled softly before answering. “Don’t you wonder why he’s acting so uninhibited tonight?”

“I already know he’s taken something, Lorenzo.”

“Yes, but… well, like I said, I want him.”

“And you can go fuck yourself, because it won’t be Justin.”

I leave him standing there, as I rush ahead to go get Justin. The fucking twat took something from a dealer he knows, but it’s clear that whatever it was… He ingested something else. I turn back briefly, to grab the fucking asshole by his throat and address him. “What the fuck did you give him?!”

“Just something to loosen him up a little more than he already was. I had my bartender put it in his drink.”

“You better fucking pray that it doesn’t hurt him!”

“Why would it?”

“You asshole! He has allergies. If this is the shit you pull on unsuspecting customers, I will certainly be reopening Babylon as soon as I’m able to.” 

I shove him backwards, and look briefly to see Spahn catch him. With an abject look of disgust, I turn and race down the narrow hallway to get to Justin before he possibly collapses. Right now, he’s just flying but I’m worried about what will happen when the drug fully takes hold in his system. Apparently, I didn’t have to wait long for my biggest fear for Justin’s safety to be realized. As I approach, I see the asshole he was dancing with leading Justin off the floor to the darkened area in the corner of the club. 

Thankfully, those who know me and Justin automatically move the hell out of my way. A few assholes thought to try moving into my path and got knocked down for their trouble. I caught ahold of Justin’s wrist just before the guy was able to cross the threshold into Lorenzo’s version of the backroom. Spinning Justin into my body, I wrap my arms around his waist. “Sunshine…”

“Hey Bri,” he breathes into my neck. “I’m horny; let’s go fuck.”

“Hey, find your own trick. This one’s mine!” the stranger yells at me.

“FUCK OFF!” I yell back, before gathering Justin closer. He reached out to touch him again and I growled, “Pull your fucking hand back before you don’t have one.”

“Who the hell do you think you are, man?!”

“His husband.” The music had chosen that moment to cut out. Oridinarily, I would have backtracked or whatever the fuck else would have come to mind, including finding another trick to fuck. But this moment was too important to me… and it was for Justin. I can’t and won’t take it back, not even when he’s sober. “Sunshine, let’s go home.”

“But Brian, I wanna…”

“Be sick and throw up? Yeah, that’s about to happen right about…” I turned Justin towards the idiot still standing there and watched in horrified hilarity as Justin emptied to contents of his stomach all over the guy. “...now.” 

And let me tell you, he’d have given Linda Blair a run for her money at this moment. By the time Justin was finished, the guy was covered from head to wide-open midsection in Justin’s DNA, and not in a positive, life-affirming way. I would have loved to have stood there and gloated at the high-pitched screams emitting from the guy, but I had to get Justin home, and fast. On a normal day, after vomiting, the headache Justin experiences is intense. But after drinking and drugging for however long, it’s downright crippling. I have to get him home before he collapses from the pain alone. Turning back the same way I came, I’m half carrying Justin out of the building. Fortunately, someone had the thought to call Emmett, because there he is along with Brandon.

“He okay?” Em asks me, as he helps me support Justin’s weight.

“Not really, but he will be. Who called you?”

“Alvin had his Chipmunk call me. His ability to talk fast even rivals mine,” Em said, waving at the Dom and his diminutive sub. If ever there was a mismatch- at least in terms of height... I shake my head briefly at the thought. While Alvin was a whopping 6’8”, Chipmunk was 5’4”. They were always a sight to behold. I nod my thanks while continuing to the door. 

“Kinney…” the club owner calls my name, even while alternately looking at us and the murky looking screen. It’s then that I know exactly what Lorenzo’s real plan with Justin was going to be if I hadn’t shown up when I did. FUCKERS!

I take a deep breath, barely controlling the fury I feel in time enough that I don’t rip this prick’s head off, both literally and figuratively. Addressing him, I warn softly, “Don’t, Lorenzo. Don’t say a fucking word. You just better hope this passes quickly, or I’m coming back here… with the cops.” I knew saying that last word alone would put the fear of God into the man. But more importantly, I knew that he would give me and Justin a wide berth from now on.

“Something I should know about?” Brandon asks, still looking back at Lorenzo as we passed.

“Yeah, but I don’t know yet if I’ll be the one to tell you,” I answer, letting the threat and innuendo hang in the air for the club owner's benefit. I knew he heard me, and I know that my message was definitely received. “But on a lighter note, I have to talk to Ted,” I say as we load Justin into the car.

“What for?” Emmett asks, as he and Brandon settle into the front seat.

“I’m buying Babylon. Wanna invest?”

“Hell yeah!” Emmett shouts as Brandon pulls out into traffic.

Justin and I still have a lot of shit to talk about. There’s a lot that can’t remain hidden, nor can we afford to let nights like this happen again; not if we’re going to survive. But for right now, I just hold him, basking in the fact that he’s, once again, safely in my arms. And if I have my way, it’s where he will remain. I sigh, and hold him even closer. I'll always want him safe; I'll always want him around for a long time.

***Song “Dancing with a Stranger” by Sam Smith and Normani***