CHAPTER 14: RETROSPECTIVE CLARITY Part 1

Two Days Later...

TED:

“Ted Schmidt for Dale Wexler please…” I wait as the secretary gets him on the line. In evaluating the books and all that had been revealed to me a couple of nights ago, I decide to go to the man who is the only one of my acquaintance who can provide me with fast answers. Fortunately, that man is high up on the food chain within the office and has unlimited access.

Dale and I met in college many moons ago. He and I were friendly, without actually being friends. When we left college, we both ended up at Wertschafter Accounting Firm for a time, but then a few months later, Dale had gotten a new job which took him out of state altogether and we lost touch. So imagine my surprise when a couple of years ago, not only did we reconnect, but I found out he was the infamous Mr. Leather within BDSM circles. Talk about amazed! Dale from college was significantly different from the Leather Daddy, complete with a body that just wouldn’t quit. The night I spent with him was one of the most unforgettable, and quite honestly, best nights of my life. What’s more is that he and I developed a real friendship, and he told me if I ever needed anything to give him a call.

“Ted Schmidt, my little fish in a big pond, how are you?” Dale’s raspy voice comes on the line, and I can’t help but smile.

“Was worse, and now I’m better so that makes today a good day.”

“What’s been going on with you? Last I heard, you were fired from Werts and had some trouble. Is that all over for you now?”

“Yeah. But you know me, Dale. I was a late bloomer, but I’m clean and sober now. I also have a new job, which I love. A couple of friends of mine are starting a new Advertising firm and I’m CFO of the company. The reason I am calling is actually on their behalf.”

After I explain most of the situation to him as I know it, he tells me, “Let me see what I can find out. Are you busy today around noon?”

“I’ll be at Brian and Justin’s downstairs loft, which is serving as our headquarters until the office space is officially ready. But I can’t make it to Chicago by noon today.”

“Oh that’s right, I didn’t tell you. I’m between offices right now. Although the number you called is at the Headquarters in Chicago, I’m actually opening a new office in the Pitts. The partners and I figured that while our Chicago office is doing well and serving both the Midwest and West Coast, we needed a branch further east to cover our clients in the Northeast. The company has grown beyond our expectations and has now expanded beyond investment banking and mortgages. So I’ll pull up the information, and maybe meet you there, or you guys can come to my office. It’s just shy of ten in the morning now, so I should have everything you need within the next hour or two.”

“That would be perfect, Dale. I’ll let the guys know.”

“But, there is something that I want from you in return.” I swallow hard. I can’t possibly think what I may have that he could possibly want. I’m just getting back on my feet from having my head in the clouds. He must have heard something in my silence because when he speaks again, I hear the smile in his voice. “Have dinner with me tonight, Ted? That’s really all I want. I want to catch up and have a few laughs… and to see for myself that you are really doing okay.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yes, Dale, I’ll have dinner with you.” I fidget in my seat. That was totally unexpected, but then again, we’re friends, right? And friends have dinner all the time. No need for the nerves… or the sizzle that went down my spine when he asked.

“Thank you. In the meantime, let me get right on this. I have a feeling it’s going to come in handy fairly quickly from what you’ve told me. And you say he was their best friend?”

“Michael was Brian’s best friend since they were fourteen, but all of that has been gradually changing since the night Brian met Justin. We all knew Michael wasn’t taking it well, but we all thought that with Michael and Justin working on Rage, he was at least beginning to accept that Justin was here for the long term. But to go to these lengths to get Justin out of Brian’s life…”

“The man either needs a straight-jacket or a good whipping! I’d settle for both.”

“Add a ball-gag too, Dale. The things that come out of Michael’s mouth in reference to Justin… well, to anyone really, it begs correcting. It’s a cesspit, but you need to meet Brian and Justin to understand exactly why I say that. In the meantime, I’ll see you later.”

“Yes, you will. And I’m clearing my schedule for the rest of the day. There’s a lot for us to catch up on.”

We hung up the phone, and I smile, feeling like I’ve just hit a reset button.

BRIAN:

Oh my God, my dick is so sore! I never realized that when I asked Justin for monogamy, there would be days that we just couldn’t fuck. Not that we didn’t want to, but that WE COULD NOT! I suppose I should start at the beginning of last week to explain what I mean. The talks we had, both before Jennifer arrived and immediately after she left, caused Justin a myriad of emotions. He exorcised those by riding me so hard and fast that I felt cross-eyed even while I was asleep. The next morning, he was still a little pissed, so he blew me, using every trick in the book and even a few he made up on the spot to reduce me- ME!- to a quivering mess. In turn, I fucked him until he was bowlegged while we were in the shower. And it has been nonstop ever since.

It’s not that Justin has gotten more insatiable. Truth be told, there has never been another man I’ve had that can keep up with me and wear me out by turns. But it’s that he has gotten more relaxed and certain of his place in my life. Justin has always been a man who fucks with his entire body… at least, he’s always been that way with me, or at least I thought so. Now, I know he’s been withholding a vital piece of himself more often than not. It’s that indefinable something that has now become my newest addiction, and I’m suddenly thinking that a month of having him exclusively will never be enough.

“Good morning, Sunshine,” I say as I feel his lashes flutter open beneath my chin. It’s a miracle he stayed that way throughout the night. But then again, he was probably fucking exhausted from taking me ninety-nine ways ‘till Sunday, both as a bottom and as a top. I feel battered and bruised… and I love it!

“Good morning, Brian,” he whispers, snuggling his face deeper into the space between my neck and shoulder. “Oh God, I don’t want to move.”

I chuckle. “We have to. We’re not quite rich enough yet to laze about all day. Give us another year, then maybe. But until then we have to work.”

“I know, but I’m so fucking sore.”

“Yeah, my dick feels like it got confused with a battering ram. We won’t even talk about my ass.”

“I’m sorry I hurt you.”

“Don’t be. I loved every second of it, but I think you and I are going to have to take a break for a day or so.”

“Should be interesting.”

“Probably, but it’s better than the alternative. I don’t think either one of us would look good in traction. Now a sex swing…”

He laughs, and I really love that sound. “Way to entice me to taking a break, old man.”

“Well I have to do something to keep my junior’s attention. It pays to have a very dirty and inventive mind.”

“I’ll just bet,” he snickers, but then turns serious. “So how soon do you think it will be before he makes his appearance?”

“Way to induce a post-coital buzzkill, Sunshine. But as for an answer, he’s probably on his way back or will have arrived by now. And honestly, I don’t want to be up here when Michael arrives. I want to be able to honestly say I didn’t hear him here, instead of ignoring him the way I have been these last few weeks. I’m just not ready to face him yet.”

“Whereas for me, I just want to have it all done and over with so we can work without it hanging over our heads. I know this is hard for you, Brian.”

“But?”

“But I need to have it over as soon as possible. You know I would never do anything to intentionally put you in the middle between Michael and me…”

“No, he’s done that all on his own. He’s been doing it since the beginning, even if I refused to acknowledge it. I just figured with time he would see that there was no chance in hell he and I would have some god-awful storybook ending.” I roll my eyes. “But to go to the lengths that we’re supposing, and yet be perfectly sane…”

“I know. It makes me wonder what else he’s lied about.”

“Or more accurately, what else has he used me for. I can’t help but think of all the times when I did his homework in school as payment for needing his mother to take care of me after a run-in with Jack. Or the time when I was happy after having received the long awaited promotion from Ryder, but since Michael had fucked up at the Big Q, he was passed over for a promotion and I was made to feel like garbage for wanting to celebrate my own achievement. I feel a little guilty for even thinking this, no matter how true it is, but I know now that if the shoes were reversed, Michael wouldn’t have given a shit.”

“Then if you know that, why do you feel even remotely guilty for your thoughts?”

“Not really for the reason you think, Sunshine,” I tell him, holding him even closer to me because what I’m about to admit is definitely not easy. “It means that I allowed myself to continuously be used. Basically, I was reinforcing every negative thought I’ve ever had about myself in the earlier days when I was just beginning to understand who I am. I was taking in what Jack and Joan thought of me and just applying it to Michael and Deb, to make it somewhat palatable, instead of turning around and leaving Michael to flounder on his own. I was reinforcing the abuse. But because it was coming from people who I thought loved me, I was too blind to see it. Me, who was nicknamed the most selfish asshole on the planet, was doing the biggest disservice to himself. That’s why I feel guilty, Sunshine.”

“Brian, you are the most giving person I know. They were the assholes for taking advantage of your generous nature. So you have nothing to be guilty about, except for loving them unconditionally and expecting the same in return. But it was conditional based on what you could do for them, and that’s their fault, not yours. It makes them worse than the most flawed human beings and the worst kind of manipulators. Their life choices- and it is just that, a LIFE CHOICE- are not your fault.”

I swallowed hard before I say, “We’d better get up. Ted and Cyn will be here shortly and we have a lot to cover today if we’re going to be ready for Remson tomorrow. The boards we came up with are great, but there is something missing.”

“Perhaps we should ask Ben and Vic. They will probably have a unique perspective on it. And honestly, what can it hurt to have two people who have been on these kinds of trials give their opinions of how the process and drugs are? We could be known as the company to actually sell products, not bullshit.”

I’m always amazed at Justin’s ability to know when to drop a subject that I don’t want to talk about anymore. He transitions smoothly, and doesn’t push. Instead, he drops these little nuggets of wisdom in an area that’s bound to get me thinking of the bigger picture, in this case, work. It’s where I am most comfortable besides a backroom, and he knows that. In fact, he honors it.

After our shower and a fairly light breakfast of a french toast bagel and an egg white omelet with whole wheat toast, we took the elevator one floor down to the loft right below our living space. Part of me dreads having the construction guys cut into the hardwood flooring in the upstairs loft to connect down here, but not only is it necessary, it will also be convenient. After the office space is completed, Justin and I will have made a nice size home for the two of us. Sure the loft has been great to us, but at it’s base, it was my fuckpad. Adding to the current loft to include the new space will make a huge statement that it is no longer me, myself, and I but ‘we’, ‘our’ and ‘us’. It’s been three- almost four- years in the making, but I finally feel ready to take that step. And the most shocking of all is that I’m actually leading Justin willingly, and not the other way around. Talk about a major change!

In retrospect, perhaps I should send the fiddler a ‘thank you’ card. Had he not showed Justin that all that hearts and flower nonsense was bullshit by fucking up and going back on his word, Justin wouldn’t have realized that although I couldn’t say the words he longed to hear, I truly did, and do, love him totally, unconditionally, and no longer with any reservations. I can honestly say that I wished the fiddler episode of our lives never happened, but it was a necessary evil to get us to where are now. So I can give at least give his dumb ass some credit for showing Justin that hearts and flowers mean nothing without the actions to back up the implied promises. But that’s enough thinking about him. It’s time to get to work and make mine and Justin’s dreams come true. We’ve earned them!

LINDSAY:

Well, after I had to humble myself in order to be able to stay with Lynette for the last few days, I figured that Mel would have calmed down by now. It was most humiliating to find out that my parents were out of town and therefore could not put me up as I’d expected. I mean, couldn’t they have had the decency to let me know they would be in Europe for the next month? They call me for everything else, especially wanting to rub my face in Lynette’s newest acquisitions (ie. her current husband), but they couldn’t be bothered to let me know that they would be unavailable to help me with my current situations. When I told Lynette of this latest lover’s spat with Mel, do you know what she said? She told me that they had already known that I was playing fast and loose with Sam, which was the reason for Mother and Daddy’s latest trip. They didn’t want to be the place I ran to after the fallout. How insensitive!

So now I’m here at the house, trying to get back into Mel’s good graces. I know I’ll have to apologize and play the weak little misguided miss like I’ve always done in the past before she’ll even think to be reasonable. Then of course, I’ll make my affair out to be her fault for not paying attention to me and all will be forgiven once again. After that, she and I can talk about limiting Brian’s access to Gus. I’m not happy with the way things are, where I have almost no access to the finances he bestows on my son for his care. It’s just not right that he and Mel have all the power to make decisions while I did, and still do, all the work including pushing him out! There must be some changes immediately.

Placing my key in the door, I decide that the best way to make that happen is to have a nice home-cooked meal waiting for her when she gets home. I can remember every look of disappointment on her face when I was simply too tired to do that small thing for her. Of course, I’ll be serving it in my new negligee set, equipped with the matching silk bra and panties, that Sam bought for me. It should still be tucked in the back of my closet, hidden away from Mel. She’ll think that I bought it specifically to surprise her, and you know… what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. It’s the perfect outfit to get her to come around to my way of thinking, which is that she and I need to exhibit a united front while dealing with Brian on my behalf… oh and Gus’.

With a solid plan of action in mind, I am surprised that when I turn the key, nothing happens. I try again, suddenly remembering that we were supposed to oil the lock but never got around to it. The loud snap inside the lock caught my attention, and when I draw the key back, it’s only a fucking nub! I do the only thing I can in this moment, and call Mel.

“Hello, Lindsay.”

“Mel! We forgot to oil the lock and it has now eaten my key. Are you at the office so I can swing by and get yours until I can get mine fixed?”

She actually laughs at me, and I become even more irritated. “Perhaps you’ve forgotten what was said the other day about you not being welcomed there any longer, Lindsay. So allow me to refresh your memory. You are out. You will not be given a key to MY house. All of your belongings including the nice gift wrapped box of lacy, racy, red undergarments have been moved to a storage unit across town, nearer to your parents’ house. I hope you wear them in good health, and may you fuck yourself to death. In the meantime, you might want to talk to your sister since our attorneys have forwarded you some important paperwork. Have a nice life, Lindsay!”

She hung up? The bitch actually hung up on me!! Oh, now the gloves will come off, and every dirty little secret in Miss Melanie Marcus’ career is going to be on full blast. Even as I’m thinking this, the click and flash of a camera from the left rosebush captures me.

“Ms. Peterson, is it true that you’re involved with bad boy artist Samuel Auerbach?” one reporter yells out as the clicks and flashes continue.

“How do you feel about being named as his paid courtesan in the lawsuit being filed against you by his wife, Amanda Auerbach?”

As question after insidious question is fired at me, I run to my car where I am greeted by a tall man that I’ve not seen before. I don’t even have the chance to ask who he is before he tells me, ‘Lindsay Peterson, you’ve been served,” and he disappears into the crowd of reporters still crowding me, wanting answers. I get into my car and start the engine, but the wolves are not letting up. I can’t help the tears of anger and humiliation leaking down my face, even knowing that my mascara is running and leaving ugly tracks resembling skid marks. To be called a whore in private is one thing, but to be actually named in the Alienation of Affection lawsuit publicly is another thing altogether. Sure, I considered Sam my ticket into the A-list of the art world, and I was willing to do whatever it took to get there. But I never counted on this! It could mean that everything I’ve worked so hard for...

Oh fuck! I have to get to Sydney and spin this before it hits the evening papers.

DALE:

Oh shit! I can’t believe they did this shit. I check the figures Ted sent me against the records showing on my computer and I seriously cannot believe this wasn’t caught by anyone years ago. Fucking YEARS! If there are three things I hate in this world, it’s liars, cheaters, and thieves. And apparently the Novotnys are all three… but there is just one problem. They aren’t the only ones. Researching the odd ball denominator in this equation, I can see exactly why. She’s going to raise all sorts of unholy hell for Brian and Justin. I have to get to the loft...NOW!