CHAPTER 32: UNDER RECONSTRUCTION

EMMETT:

Vic and I are working on a major undertaking for Kinnetik’s official launch party while Stephen and Debbie are over at his computer, signing her up for first of the Hotel Management classes she’s going to be required to take. I glance over towards them every now and again, and I can see how excited she is to be reinventing herself at long last. I’m happy for her, but I am still having a hard time at letting go of the anger, and the hurt we have all received at her hands.

Strangely, I’ve found it easier to forgive my blood relatives, who had demeaned and beaten me at every turn before I left Hazelhurst, than it is to absolve Debra. I have to wonder why that is. Perhaps it’s because she often portrayed herself as an angel of light and mercy in everything, except when it involved her precious Michael. Or maybe it’s because she now strikes me as a big hypocrite, where she doles out harsh advice that she can’t seem to take herself. Or maybe I’m just second guessing myself and have become hyper-critical of her because I misjudged her motives time and again. After all I’ve been through, I still can’t believe she managed to fool me, and I really hate that.

“Stop it!”

“What?” I ask, as I’m being pulled out of my thoughts.

Vic says it again. “Stop it, Em.”

“I’m not doing anything.”

“Sure you are. You’re overthinking.” At my look of skepticism, he laughs softly. “Tell me, what was the last thing you read on the same list you’ve been perusing for the last ten minutes?”

I huff. He has a point so I’ll be honest. “I don’t know… but I know it was important.”

“Sure it was. The color of streamers and tissue paper equate with the wonders of rocket science and achieving world peace.”

“Okay, so not that important.” I chuckle.

“No, it isn’t. So what is?”

“What is what?”

“So important that you can’t concentrate on what we’re doing?” I shift my eyes over to where Stephen and Debra are laughing at something, and he catches on. “Oh, I see. You’re not quite sure how you feel sharing space with her right now.”

“That’s part of it,” I concur.

“And the other?”

I sigh deeply. “I feel like I’m betraying Brian and Justin by not reaming her out right now. Hell, I feel like I’m betraying myself, and Ted, and Mel, and Gus… I feel like such a hypocrite, where I can call everyone on their shit, but not her.”

“But you did that in the meeting.”

“Yes, but it’s not enough! Vic, you have to understand. She betrayed something in all of us on a fundamental level. We were already hurt by the families we were born into. In a lot of ways, it was expected because of who we are and who we’ve grown to be. But Debra and Michael were the family we all chose to build a relationship with. And the fact that they did what they did…”

“I know it’s not easy to accept nor understand. Well that’s true in Deb’s case much more than Michael’s, but you have to work at it. Forgiveness is never for the other person but for yourself. Do you realize how much effort it takes to continually hate someone? You have to change who you are on the inside to do so, you know? Everything they used to do to bring you a little joy must now become a reason that they betrayed you. You must begin to think of them as the little imps who would smile in your face while watching themselves stab you in the back. And those thoughts aren’t just directed at the object of your hatred, but at every single interaction outside of yourself that you have. You’ll begin to question people’s motives, even if they are just being kind. You’ll start to see the proverbial specters and shadows where there are none, which will ultimately have you pushing everyone in your life away because you can’t trust anyone except yourself. For a social butterfly such as you are, it would be like murdering yourself daily. Is that the way you want to live the rest of your life?”

I shook my head. For the most part, I love who I am. I love that my flame burns bright, and though I mostly walk through life afraid, I'm still courageous and confident because I don't hide who I am, regardless of what others may think. I embody and thoroughly embrace my motto of fuck'em all. So if Brian is the King in his world than I am most certainly the Queen of my own, but what Debbie did has shaken my faith in my abilities to read a situation and make an informed decision. Her absolute betrayal has taken that gift away from me. But no, I don’t want to live a life devoid of all the things Vic pointed out and more. “So what do I do?”

“You have to forgive her, Em. And then cut yourself some slack for not seeing the situation for what it was. It was one instance where your trust was twisted, yes, but that’s on her. It doesn’t mean that you bury the person you’re still growing to be. Remember that whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and this is no different.”

“How so?” I really do feel like I’m starting to die a slow death.

“Choosing to forgive builds as much character as adversity does. It frees you from the weight of hatred. You know for yourself that prejudice takes on many forms, not just the obvious ones based on race, creed, or the fact that you like cock instead of twat, Em. Hate, or in this case prejudice, is very intelligent, and it doesn’t care about any of those things. It only craves to divide and be satisfied, even if it’s happening within our own psyches. Being caught between two opinions, otherwise known as being double-minded, is a prime example of that theory, as is hypocrisy. It’s easy to point fingers and say ‘you’, but what happens to those other three fingers pointing back at you screaming ‘I’? Do you just ignore them and act as if you’re perfect? Or do you acknowledge that some of the fault in this lies with you, too? If you’re going to have standards, have the same ones across the board, not just when they apply to someone else and their ideals. That’s prejudice. So the answer is simple: forgive yourself, and then work on forgiving Deb. All too often, it’s easier to absolve the other person of their shortcomings, which is why I mentioned dealing with yourself first. In the words of Ru, if you don’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else? That also extends to forgiveness.”

And this is the reason why I love Vic so much. In a few short words, he picked apart my problem and gave me a solution. So while I’m not entirely ready to accept Debbie back in my life, I can at least begin to forgive Debra. As soon as Vic and I started getting back to the reason we had commandeered Alex and Stephen’s kitchen, I hear her call out…

“Vic, I… I want to change my name.”

WHAT?!

DEB

Vic laughs. “I think Cher is already taken, Sis. Try something else.”

I snicker. Years ago, before Michael was born, we talked about us changing our names. The options were: Sonny and Cher, or Bonnie and Clyde. Considering the latter were famous for being outlaws, we figured we have the best bet of staying out of jail if we stuck to America’s sweethearts at the time. Every now and again, we would revisit that memory and have a good laugh. But this is different. “No, Vic. I’m serious this time. It’s just… It’s just that everything I have been for the last thirty years is a lie, beginning with my name.”

“But what’s really in a name, Deb? You’re still the same person.”

“No, Vic.” Oh God, this is so hard to explain! I take a deep breath, and hold it for a few moments before letting it out to begin again. “No Vic, I’m not. I haven’t been the same since Michael’s birth. I just feel… I feel that instead of being Debra Jane Grassi again in theory, I need to be her in practice too, beginning with changing everything back to reflect my maiden name, not my pseudo-married one. Oh, I know it sounds crazy but…”

He smiles gently at me. “I know what you mean. But where does that leave Michael? Are you finally going to tell him the truth about his real father?”

I guess I hadn’t thought of that. He met Danny about two years ago at the ‘Angels Over Pittsburgh’ charity event he was helping Ted and the GLC with. By mutual agreement, Danny and I agreed to never confirm, but DENY DENY DENY, Michael’s suspicions regarding his paternity. I’m not ashamed that Danny Devore and I were each other’s first sexual encounter, but I just wanted to give Michael a role model to be proud of and to emulate. Not that Danny was a bad sort; he isn’t now and wasn’t then, but I never knew how Michael would respond to finding out that his father was- is- an iconic drag queen. Hell, I wasn’t even sure that my son would be gay back then.

“I honestly hadn’t thought that far, Vic, but I suppose I have to. It’s part of my recovery- to acknowledge the things I’ve done even when they haven’t been good, and to change my perception of why I’ve done the things I have, and to apologize sincerely, not out of necessity. The problem with the last one is that I know my son. Michael will not only use it as an excuse for being the way he is, he’ll think that Danny owes him something, like retroactive child support. I honestly don’t want to put Danny through that. He doesn’t deserve it.”

“I can understand your reasoning, and in some ways I even agree with it,” Vic sighs, knowing that I’m finally telling the truth to myself and admitting aloud the flaws in Michael’s character. “The only solution in that situation is to tell you to think about it a bit more. But as far as changing everything over to the name Grassi, if that’s what you really want to do, then by all means do so. All I ask is that you don’t fall back into Novotny habits once you do it. I share that name with you, after all, and I’d like for it to remain a good one.”

I nod. “I understand. So the question is who can I get to help me with this? Ordinarily, I would ask Ted and Mel for their help but…” I’m interrupted by my phone ringing. Looking at the unrecognizable number, I debate on whether or not to answer it, but ultimately decided to do it. “Hello?”

“Is this Mrs. Debbie Novotny?” the strange male voice asks me.

“It is. How may I help you?”

“This is Detective Carl Horvath of the Pittsburgh Police Department.”

I hit myself upside the head. “Oh, I’m sorry. I know that I was supposed to come down to the station and pick up the box that my son removed from my house without permission last week.”

“That’s true, but… well, we’ve opened it, and have some questions about its contents.”

“You opened it?” I gasp. I know that the box has a combination, which means they probably broke the fucking thing open. “Isn’t that illegal?!”

“Not really. First it was left here for over 48 hours, and then we obtained a court order before cracking it open.”

“Well okay, but do I have to come down there? I mean, I’m coming to get it anyway because it contains some very important papers for my brother and me, but you mentioned something about questions regarding its contents.”

“Yes. Are you aware that Mr. Novotny has been arrested?”

“For breaking and entering last week when he obtained those papers illegally, sure.”

“No. Mrs. Novotny, I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but he was arrested again last Friday night.”

“What?!” I screech. “Why am I just being notified about this now?!”

“We all assumed that of the numerous calls he’s been granted, you would have been among them.”

“No, I wasn’t. So what is it this time?” I have a feeling that I’m going to dread the answer, but still can’t stop myself from asking the question.

“He filed a false report against three people, so he’s also being charged with Wasting Community Resources. There are also additional charges pending an inter-departmental investigation, but I can’t discuss the particulars at this time.”

“I understand,” I sigh. “So when do you want me down to the station?”

“As soon as possible would be good, ma’am.”

I disconnect the call, looking over to the guilty looks on Vic and Emmett’s faces. “Alright, what do you two know about the charges against Michael and how long have you known about them?”

“Deb…” Vic begins, but I hold up my hand.

“Vic, this is my son we’re talking about here!”

“And yet you expect me to forgive her, Vic?” Emmett asks, before turning and going out of the backdoor of the house. “She’s still Michael’s puppet!”

“Emmett!” he calls, but the tall swish-stick just keeps on walking. Stephen just looks at me before following Emmett out of the door. Vic turns to me. “I swear it’s eight steps forward with you, then eighty-thousand steps backwards! When are you going to learn that Michael’s problems are NOT yours to fix?!”

“Well excuse me for wanting to know what the fuck is going on!”

“If it was just that we all could understand, Deb. But that’s not what’s happening here, is it? You’re about to raise all kinds of hell on behalf of your baby who has made some very mean-spirited ADULT decisions!”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, knowing that he’s right. I say it again stronger when he looks at me skeptically. “I really am sorry, Vic.”

“Don’t be sorry, Deb. Do better!”

“I thought I was, but it’s a process, I guess.”

“Yes. And one that needs to be handled one situation at a time until you get the hang of it. But it starts right now, Deb. It’s easy to say that you want to change your past behaviors; now is your chance to prove it.”

Emmett comes back in with Stephen, and he looks at me. “Debra, I apologize if my behavior was impulsive. I won’t excuse my marching out of here like there were landmines under my feet, but it was wrong to yell in reference to you.”

“No worries, Em. We all have some growing to do, it seems,” I tell him. “I just want to ask this, and you all let me draw my own conclusions to the rest, okay?” I look at all three men, who nod at me in return. “Did Michael give Justin what he’d asked for?”

“Do you moonlight as Divina Devore?” Em says by way of an answer. I shake my head in the negative. “Then you have your answer.”

And I suddenly know what all of the pending charges are. Brian and Justin made good on their promise. Oh fuck! “Well, at least I know just why Detective Horvath wants to see me.”

“Why?” Vic asks.

“My ability to answer his questions will determine if I will be charged as a co-conspirator or not.” I say quietly, holding back tears. Fucking Michael!

MEL

I’m watching Harry’s face as I detail Lance’s connection to Michael’s case. “So you see, Harry, you’ve only been given half the facts. The truth is that although Lance has a mountain of problems connected to his fixation on Brian Taylor-Kinney, the rest is all him. Did you know that at Michael’s behest, Lance willingly participated in coerced prostitution and forcible rape with a minor; the same minor who was temporarily in Michael’s care?”

“WHAT?!” Harry exploded.

“Indeed. It was the son of Rita Montgomery. You remember her, don’t you?”

“Who could forget that… that..” he expels a harsh breath. “To answer your question, no, I didn’t know. How much more didn’t he tell me?”

“That he’s been stalking Brian for a number of years, even from afar. It was discovered when Brian had the alarm system changed a couple of years ago, that Michael and Lance had set up a video feed within Brian’s apartment. He also purchased the bulk of the stolen items from Michael when Brian’s loft was robbed, causing the need for the alarm system to be changed. Although neither one admitted to the video feed, the journal that Detective Horvath retrieved from Michael Novotny’s apartment confirms it. He placed a call to the alarm company and had the report pulled. With Orion Alarm Systems they keep a detailed report when a change of equipment is necessary and when they issue more than one alarm code. Brian originally had a total of four codes issued- two for himself, and one each for Lindsay and Michael. None of the codes were identical, and also were not supposed to be shared amongst the three of them. It was Brian’s way of seeing which one was entering his apartment when he was not at home. The register on the day of the robbery confirmed that Michael’s code had been punched in, but then Brian’s secondary code had as well. Brian was at the gym during the robbery, which was confirmed. As well as the fact that Justin was at his sister’s birthday party. As for Lance, the police in North Carolina are in the process of packing and shipping over one hundred tapes of voyeuristic activity. It’s more than enough to upgrade the charges beyond the standard felony tier.”

“Fucking hell!” He yells, but immediately calms down to become the cool, calm, collected man I’ve always known. “So tell me what Brian and Justin have said regarding accepting a plea deal if the D.A. offers one.”

“Their only stipulation is that they be notified and have some say in agreeing with it. They both acknowledge that Lance does need a facility to deal with his mental health issues. They agree with the law, that committing him for a time would be the humane thing to do for the officers, as well as the other prisoners.”

“That’s good…”

“However, they are NOT going to accept Lance serving half the time each charge against him warrants.”

“Meaning?”

“Harry, you and I both know that the rape charge alone carries a maximum of a fifteen year penalty under the law. Brian and Justin are willing to allow Lance to serve ten years for that crime, because it happened to a minor, and still in their eyes it would be too light. But in exchange for his testimony against Michael, they are willing to compromise to a degree, since it also saves Hunter from having to testify at Lance’s trial. He’s already doing so at Michael’s, so my clients are willing to forego the additional five years in this case. But on the stalking charges, for every count against him, exactly half the time would be acceptable. I know that one of the counts weigh 7 years worth of prison time, so they would be willing to have him serve three and a half for that one. The rest will be determined once the tapes and other evidence of Lance’s perfidy, including his part in Michael’s blackmail and embezzlement schemes, is viewed by the D.A.”

“On the surface, it seems a fair trade but what aren’t you telling me?”

“The charge that we are NOT willing to compromise on at all is accessory to Criminal Mischief. He knew exactly what Michael had planned and done, and still he did nothing. His silence could have costs us our son. So there will be no deal for that one.”

“Mel…”

“No, Harry. There is no excuse for him standing idly by while Michael planned and manipulated the situation as he saw fit! He wasn’t scared of Michael, regardless of how things may look. In fact, according to Hunter, Lance was riding Michael’s ass more than once daily while they were in North Carolina. The fact that Michael outed himself during his rant is irrelevant. Lance had foreknowledge of what Michael was planning, and therefore in our eyes, he’s just as guilty as that bastard who is no doubt still plotting within his cell.”

“Once I hear back from the D.A., I’ll let you all know.”

“No.” I tell him. “I’ve already requested to be included in all negotiations directly with the office. It’s not that I don’t trust you, Harry. I know that not only are you a good man, but you’re also a fair one. Our issue is that Brian and Justin do not trust the legal system, and for very good reason, based on past experience. It’s in my best interest, and that of my clients, that I be included to make sure that they are adequately represented. You have to stand by your family, and we respect that. But allow me to stand by mine, and get some justice for them that we can all live with.”

Harry nodded, and I knew he understood everything I’ve said. But more importantly, he understood what I didn’t, and that the acting D.A. better not fucking pull another Christopher Hobbs’ situation... or there would be hell to pay!