Chapter 11

Justin was in his studio, working on his latest painting when he heard the doorbell ring. He sighed, not really feeling like he wanted to be disturbed right now. He had just gotten back into the zone and for the first time in two weeks had managed to paint anything more than a quick sketch here or there. He didn't feel like stopping the work on his latest painting, but the constant ringing of his doorbell didn't really leave him much choice.

Justin put the brush and his colour palette aside and wiped his hands on a cloth he had nearby. Once he deemed himself presentable, he made his way downstairs to the door, hoping against hope that whoever might be looking for him had disappeared. He groaned when he heard the doorbell ring once more. So much for that.

“I'm coming,” he yelled at the closed door, then opened it once he had reached it. His face darkened when he saw Debbie standing outside his door.

“What do you want?” He asked none too friendly, making it clear that she wasn't welcome.

“Christ, Sunshine. Is that a way to welcome me to your house?” Debbie groused, looking at her surrogate son from happy eyes, a big smile on her face.

“It's a way to welcome traitors to my house,” Justin spat at her face, before turning to close the door in her face.

“You wait just one minute there, young man. What are you on about with this traitor business?” Debbie asked, apparently thoroughly confused by Justin's statement.

“Traitor, you know? As in a person who betrays someone such as a friend. That's what I am on about.”

“But I didn't betray you, Sunshine.”

“Let me see. You knew about Luke, didn't you? And you didn't think it was right to tell me that I had a son, so... in my book that makes you a traitor because you betrayed me. Now leave,” Justin explained to her angrily.

“But... Sunshine... That's not true. Brian didn't want us to tell you,” Debbie told him. “I just did what Brian wanted us to do.”

“And you just went along with Brian because you always do as he says. Thanks, Debbie. It was not nice seeing you. Now leave, please.”

“But you two worked things out. You see Luke now. Brian and Jen told me,” Debbie went on, obviously not really understanding why Justin was so angry at her.

“We haven't worked out shit, Debbie. Not that it's any of your business. Now, as I said before, please leave.”

“Sunshine,” Debbie started once more, only to be interrupted by Justin's angry glare.

“Stop using that name, Debbie and leave. I don't want to talk to you or my mom or anyone. Just leave!” With that he slammed the door in her face. For the next five minutes the doorbell rang constantly which nearly drove Justin crazy. He hid away in his studio, turned the music to full volume and continued painting.

Three hours later he was done with his latest painting and left it to dry in the studio. He made his way downstairs to cook some dinner when his doorbell rang again. “Jesus Christ, I swear to God,” he angrily muttered as he stomped to the door and nearly ripped it open.

“Em,” he sighed in relief and smiled at his friend.

“Everything alright? Who pissed in your cheerios this morning?” Emmett asked as he made his way inside Justin's house. He could see the tension in Justin's shoulders and most importantly in his expressive eyes.

“It's nothing. I just thought you were Debbie,” Justin mumbled as way of explanation. 

“Debbie?” Emmett frowned.

“She was here earlier and had a hard time taking a no for what it is. I thought she might have come back to try once more to talk to me.”

“What did she want?” Emmett asked.

“I don't really know. I didn't really give her much chance to say. I had a feeling she wanted to pretend that nothing was wrong and just give her Sunshine a visit.”

“You're kidding,” Emmett's eyes had widened comically. “No way. She wouldn't be that dumb, right?”

“Well, what can I say? The Novotny's aren't known for being smart, are they?” Justin shrugged and flopped down on his sofa, not caring that his remark might have been out of place. He was just so damn angry at the moment.

“Burn, baby,” Emmett chuckled and joined him on the sofa.

“How can she think I would want to talk to her? After she betrayed me as well?”

“Hey, calm down, baby,” Emmett sighed, not liking how agitated Justin's voice was becoming.

“She must know that I know that she has known about Luke all these years. How can she think we would be just fine after something like that?”

“Let me guess. She doesn't see anything wrong in what she did and just blamed everything on Brian. Wouldn't be the first time,” Emmett muttered.

“Yep, that's pretty much been the gist of our conversation,” Justin agreed, then closed his eyes. “God, I didn't expect my return to Pittsburgh to be like this,” he mumbled.

“Well, we all know who is responsible for that,” Emmett said, not even trying to hide the dislike of Brian in his voice.

“Emmett, please, don't,” Justin just sighed, throwing his arm over his forehead. “I have to see him every day and have to say nice things about him in front of Gus and Luke. That's not becoming any easier if you and Daphne fill my head with all his wrongdoings and what a bad guy he is.”

Emmett eyed his friend with concern in his eyes and could see how exhausted Justin looked. He decided to let it go for now. “So, how is the little munchkin?” he asked instead, knowing that Justin could talk about Luke for hours on end without ever tiring. Talking about Luke was the only thing that made his eyes shine and brought a sunshine smile to his lips these days.

“Great, absolutely great. God, Emmett. He's so lovable and smart and funny and it's just so much fun spending time with him. He can talk for hours and it never gets boring listening to him and he loves drawing and he's actually pretty good at it for his age,” Justin enthused, being the proud parent that he was.

“That's good, honey,” Emmett answered, just as excitedly. He had met Luke for the first time two days ago when Justin had taken him to visit his Auntie Em and he had immediately fallen in love with the little munchkin. Emmett had immediately fallen in love with Luke just as Luke had with the tall queen. He had told his Papa afterwards that he couldn't wait to see the 'funny man' again, as he had called Emmett.

“And I think he's finally getting over his fear that I will just disappear. He's not asking me anymore to promise him that I will continue visiting him. I think he finally believes that I am here to stay,” Justin said happily. Emmett knew how much it had hurt Justin during the first days of his visits to Britin when Luke had made him promise to come and visit him again the next day, had nearly begged him to come back again and play with him some more. Not that Emmett could blame the child. After not having his Papa around for five years, he couldn't blame the boy for being very doubtful of anything Brian or Justin told him. For Justin's sake however, he was glad that that phase seemed to be over.

“That's great. And what about Gus?” Emmett dared to ask, knowing that Justin's reappearance hadn't only impacted the life of his son, but also the life of Brian's older son and according to Justin not necessarily in a good way. According to Justin, Gus had refused to spend any time with him when he was at Britin until three days ago. Three days ago Gus had joined Justin and his brother for the first time when they had painted together in the kitchen at the kitchen table.

“He's getting there,” Justin sighed. “He's older and... he remembers me from five years ago. He knows that I've been around before and he has made it through me leaving once before. It's my own fault really.”

“How is it your fault?” Emmett asked, still confused about what had happened to make Justin disappear from Gus' life years ago. He knew that Justin had gone to Toronto to visit Gus even after Brian had stopped talking to him, but he had never known why those visits had stopped.

“I left him once before. I became a part of his life and then suddenly stopped being there for him. Of course he would be wary of me,” Justin explained, though to Emmett that wasn't really much of an explanation at all.

“But why did you stop?” Emmett asked therefore.

Justin shrugged in response. “Lindsay told me on my last visit that visiting Gus was becoming increasingly awkward for them as a family as it was causing trouble between them and Brian. I didn't want to be the cause of trouble between them, so I just took myself out of the equation, really. I was just trying to make things easier for them as a family. After all I was merely his dad's ex-boyfriend and nothing more.”

“So it's really Brian's fault and not yours,” Emmett groused.

“To be honest, I don't think so,” Justin said quietly. He brought a finger to his mouth and started biting his nail.

“Well, he told them he didn't want you around. And now Gus mistrusts you. How is that not his fault?”

“Because I don't really think he ever said something like that,” Justin replied.

“You think they lied?” Emmett raised an eyebrow at Justin.

“Well, it wouldn't be the first time Lindsay would try to drive a wedge between us and... it just doesn't sound like Brian.”

“To me it sounds exactly like Brian. He's the one who kept you out of your son's life for five years.”

Justin eyed Emmett warily. “I know, it's just... I know why he did it and while I completely disagree with his reasoning, I know that it made sense to him and that he thought he was doing me a favour, but... keeping me out of Gus' life makes no sense. Why would he start minding my presence in his son's life, but only a year after he stopped talking to me? He didn't mind for a whole year before Lindsay mentioned it to me and... Brian would never do something that would hurt his children. He wouldn't have done that to Gus. He knew about the relationship I had with Gus. He wouldn't have taken that away from Gus, knowing how important it was to him,” Justin mused.

“You give him more credit than he deserves,” came the angry mutter from his side and Justin couldn't help but chuckle at Emmett.

“No, I just know him better than you do.”

“Have you asked him about it?” Emmett wondered, glancing in Justin's direction.

Justin just shook his head in reply.

“Maybe you should, you know?” Emmett pointed out.

“It's not like we're best friends and just talk about these things, Em. We hardly talk as it is. I mostly only see him when Luke and I get home from preschool and he asks Luke how his day has been. Then I see him again before he goes and picks up Gus and then when he lets us know that dinner is ready. During dinner Gus and Luke keep the conversation going and that's it. Afterwards I leave. The most I've gotten out of him these last two weeks is 'Have a nice evening'.”

“You need to work on that, baby,” Emmett said seriously.

“What do you mean?” Justin frowned in reply to Emmett's serious tone.

“You can't go on like that, baby. For your sake as well as the sakes of Gus and Luke. Don't you think they pick up on the tension between you and Brian?”

“Probably,” Justin mumbled, feeling bad about that truth. Of course they picked up on the tension between Brian and him. Kids were very observant that way. Hell, Luke and Gus had even asked him about what was going on and if he had any idea how their little brains worked, he was pretty sure that they had also asked Brian about the tension between them.

“Not probably. Definitely. You and I both know it. Don't lie to yourself by saying probably,” Emmett chided him.

“And what do you expect me to do about it?”

“Well, there's really only one thing to do. You'll have to forgive Brian,” Emmett said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Excuse me? Did you just say I should forgive Brian? Who are you and what have you done with my Brian dissing friend Emmett?” Justin scoffed.

“I am not the one who has to forgive him, so I can diss him all I want, but you, baby, are the one who is spending every day at his place with your kid running around who is picking up on the tension between you. Tell me, Justin: How do you imagine Thanksgiving to go?” Emmett asked, surprising Justin by bringing up that holiday which was still five weeks away.

“How would I know? I have no idea how Brian and the kids celebrate Thanksgiving or if they even celebrate it at all.”

“Seeing how these kids are the grandkids of Debbie Novotny and Mother Taylor, I am pretty sure that they will celebrate Thanksgiving and will celebrate it with a huge feast with the whole family there. And this year, the whole family includes you, too. Of course they wouldn't want Papa to miss out on all the fun, would they?”

“Fuck,” Justin just muttered as he saw where Emmett was going with this. Of course they would expect him to be there which meant spending a whole day in the presence of Brian, his mom, Debbie and God knew who.

“And then of course we have Christmas coming up only four weeks later. Another lovely family holiday. And then Gus' birthday, Luke's birthday and Thanksgiving and Christmas again. Do you want every of those holidays to be filled with tension and silences because you won't speak to the other people sitting at the table? People that your son loves and adores?” Emmett asked quietly, knowing that Justin hadn't thought that far ahead.

“No, of course not,” Justin just mumbled, realising that Emmett was absolutely right. Holidays filled with tension and silences wouldn't do.

“You told me that you wanted to do what was best for your son. Well, the way I see it, what is best for Luke, is you forgiving all the people he loves and adores and finding a way to get on with them, so he won't suffer from the tension between you.”

“But... how am I supposed to do that? I can't just forgive them and forget what they did,” Justin said angrily. “I can't just make the pain go away and disappear and act like none of this ever happened.”

“And no one expects you to, baby,” Emmett said with a comforting voice, pulling Justin into a hug. “But you will need to find a way to deal with the people in your son's life in a way that doesn't make him suffer from the tension. I am not saying that you should just forget what they did, but you will definitely have to start working on moving on.”

When Justin just buried himself in Emmett's embrace, Emmett went on. “I know it won't be easy, but I know that you can do it for Luke. I know that you would do whatever it takes to make him happy and this is the first step. Just tell yourself that what happened is in the past and can't be changed anymore. No matter how angry you are, no matter how much you hate them for what they did to you, it can't be changed, Justin. Live in the here and now and work on the present and a better future. That's all you can do. Don't keep living in a past that we can't change anymore. Work on a better future for your son.”

When Justin snorted at that, Emmett frowned. “What? I didn't think it was that bad for a pep talk.”

“No, it wasn't,” Justin agreed, still laughing. “It's just funny coming from you of all people.”

“Why shouldn't it come from me?” Emmett asked.

“Have you talked to Ted since he came here to bring the custody papers?” Justin asked with a raised eyebrow.

“No, but that's different,” Emmett pointed out.

“How?”

“We don't have children that rely on us getting along,” Emmett pointed out only to be interrupted by Justin's smug smile.

“Ted is Luke's godfather and you don't think that he won't expect his godfather AND his Auntie Em to be there on Christmas or for his birthday, do you?”

“Shit...,” Emmett just mumbled when he realised that Justin was right and had just used his own argument against him. “I guess we'll have some serious talking to do in the upcoming weeks,” Emmett sighed and all Justin could do was nod.