Chapter 21

After a couple of days of living at Britin, its four occupants had settled into a kind or routine. Justin had never been a morning person and still wasn't, therefore Brian, who didn't mind getting up at the crack of dawn, prepared breakfast and got the boys ready for school and preschool respectively. By the time Brian got back from school run, Justin was usually having his breakfast. They would talk for a few minutes about their plans for the day, before Brian disappeared in his study to work on Kinnetik business and Justin went to his studio and worked on his art.

In the afternoon Justin would do the school run and would pick up Gus and Luke. He would then spend time with the boys until it was time for dinner which they had together. Twice a week the boys would be picked up by either Jennifer or Debbie and would spend the day with their grandmothers. Those were usually the days when Brian went into Kinnetik and he would pick up the boys after work and take them back to Britin for their dinner.

On these days Justin would schedule meetings with his agent and gallery owners which would be either had in person or via Brian's up to date video communication system which he had installed at Britin to stay in contact with Kinnetik without having to be in the office everyday. After Justin's second week of living at Britin, Brian had seen how he would have important conversations on Skype, which was not acceptable to Brian. He had immediately offered his office to Justin for the days he was at Kinnetik and in the end after some persuasion, Justin had gladly accepted. He had to agree with Brian that using Brian's video communication system made him appear way more professional and established than a Skype conversation did. Brian had argued that for an artist of Justin's stature Skype was simply not acceptable.

Sometimes, if Justin's meetings involved local galleries or art patrons or he didn't have any meetings for the day, he would join Gus and Luke at their grandmother's, allowing him to work on rebuilding his relationships with both his mom and Debbie. On those days they would all have dinner together at the diner, where Ted, Blake and Emmett would join them whenever they had time, which made the boys even happier. They loved the colourful diner and the unhealthy food there, but even more they loved their Uncles Ted and Blake and Auntie Em and enjoyed spending time with them.

At one of those dinners Justin had taken Emmett aside and had commented to him that these dinners were the reason why Emmett and Ted had needed to make up as well. It just wouldn't be the same with one of them missing. Emmett had had to agree and had also admitted to himself that he couldn't really live without Ted in his life. Ted had been his best friend and he had hated fighting with him. He had been glad that they had been able to work out their differences and were now best friends again as if nothing had ever happened.

After dinner and finishing homework and getting ready for bed, Brian and Justin would take turns reading to Luke. One of them would help Luke take his bath and the other would read a bedtime story to him, the next day they would switch. So far that had worked fine for them and Luke had loved the attention he was getting from his Daddy and Papa.

Gus had been a slightly different matter. The older boy had claimed that he was too grown up to be read a good night story and could read his own. He was also old enough to have his own shower and didn't really care much for his father's help. What he liked however, was when his Daddy or Justin came to his room when he was ready to settle down in bed and would just talk to him about his day. He liked talking to them and they always listened to everything he told them. This wasn't like living with his moms had been, who had never had enough time for him or had never cared enough to listen to what he had to say. Both Justin and his father always made sure that he got all the attention he deserved.

Once both boys were settled in bed, Brian and Justin would do whatever they had planned for their evenings. Often enough Brian would do some more work on one of his campaigns, while Justin recovered to the living-room and spent his evening sketching or watching a movie. So far they hadn't really spent any time together apart from the time they spent with the boys, but that seemed to suit both of them fine. They were both happy with how well living together had worked out for their family so far. It could have been far worse, they both knew. Things weren't perfect and could always be better, but they were happy with what they had. For now that was good enough.

***

“Daddy, can I ask you something?” Gus looked at Brian from big, slightly worried eyes.

“Sure, sonny boy. What is it?” Brian settled down on Gus' bed and moved closer to his son, wrapping his arms around him in a protective embrace.

“Is Justin my Papa, too?”

At Gus' question Brian tensed for a moment, hoping that Gus hadn't noticed. How was he supposed to answer that?

“Do you want him to be?” Brian asked instead of answering. If you didn't have an answer, get yourself some additional time by asking questions yourself. That had always worked for him so far and he hoped it would work for him now.

“I don't know,” Gus muttered.

“Then why do you ask?” Brian asked, encouraging his son to tell him what was going on in his head.

Gus shrugged. “He said he wanted to be my father, too. That he loved me, too. Not just Luke.”

“He does love you. With all his heart. Never doubt that,” Brian assured the small boy at his side. He wasn't quite sure what Justin had told Gus and why they would talk about something like that at all, but he had never doubted Justin's love for Gus. Of that he had always been sure and ever since Justin had been back in their lives, he had never treated Gus any differently from Luke. He had treated Gus with the same respect, love and tenderness as he treated Luke and if Brian allowed himself to think about it, he had to admit that Justin treated Gus as if he was his son, too. Which to some extent Gus was. After all Justin had been there the night Gus had been born, had been with him for the first five years of his life, had probably spent even more time with him than Brian himself had. And for those five years Gus had only ever known Justin as his father's partner, which pretty much made him a second father to him.

“I don't think so,” Gus mumbled, hiding his head in his father's shoulder.

“Why do you say that?”

“If he loved me, he would have been here all the time, but he wasn't here for years,” Gus pointed out. To him it made perfect sense that Justin couldn't love him. If he really loved him, like his daddy did, he would have been with him all his life, just like his daddy. He wouldn't have stopped visiting or spending time with him, if he had really loved him.

Brian sighed, wondering how he should explain their troubles to his ten year old son. “Gus, that wasn't Justin's choice. Sometimes we don't get a choice in what we do and this was a case where Justin didn't have a choice. If he had had a choice, he would have been with you all these years. He loves you very much and he was hurt as well by not being able to see you. Just like you missed him, he missed you. A lot.” Brian turned to his son and looked at him closely. “Do you trust me, Gus?”

“Of course, Daddy,” Gus nodded. He would always trust his daddy. He loved his daddy and his daddy was the best.

“Then trust me when I tell you that Justin loves you very, very much and will never stop loving you if you don't want him to. Just like I would, he would do anything for you. Justin loves you just as much as he loves Luke. Never doubt that!”

“Does he really want to be my father, too?”

“I can't say for sure, as he hasn't told me, but I do believe it, yes. And if he has told you, then he means it. Justin doesn't lie. He would never lie to you, he loves you too much for that.”

“But... he's not really my father. You are,” Gus pointed out with a frown. “I can't call him Papa if he's not really my Papa like he is Luke's.”

“Do you remember what I told you about Grandma Debbie? That she's not really my mother?”

Gus nodded, he had heard the story from his daddy and he knew that Grandma Debbie had helped him when he had been unhappy as a child and had taken care of him when he was younger.

“And you know what I call her, don't you?”

“You call her Ma,” Gus answered quietly.

“Exactly. I do. Even though she's not my real mother by blood and we're not really related, I still call her Ma. Do you want to know why?”

Gus nodded quietly.

“Because I love her like a mother and because I know that she loves me too as if I were her son. We might not be related by blood, but she has always loved me and taken care of me and has always supported me. She has treated me like her son and I love her like my mother. Blood relations are nice, but they're not what matter, Gus. It's all about what we feel. Sometimes people we are not related to mean a lot more to us than the people we are actually related to. Sometimes the family we choose for ourselves loves us more than our real family. And it's okay for us to love them back, too.”

Gus contemplated his father's words and actually thought about them for a long time. “I like Justin and I love him, too.”

This time it was Brian's turn to nod. “That's absolutely okay, Gus. This is about how you're feeling and if you want him to be your father, I am sure he would love to be. He loves you that much.”

“And then I can call him Papa, too?”

“I am sure he would love that,” Brian assured his son, pulling him closer in his embrace. After several minutes Brian pulled back and eyed Gus carefully. He saw the sad expression on his son's face and wondered what that was about. He had thought Gus would feel better now after their talk. “What is it, sonny boy? Something else on your mind?”

Gus chewed on his bottom lip and Brian's gaze softened. Gus reminded him so much of himself when he had been that age. How often had he chewed on his bottom lip like that when he had tried to put his thoughts in order? Come to think of it, he still did that.

“Is it bad if I love Justin more than I love my mommy?” Gus asked, his voice hardly above a whisper and Brian knew without a doubt that tears would follow soon. Sure enough, hardly two seconds later, he saw the first tears roll down Gus' cheeks.

Brian once again pulled his son close in an embrace and spoke to him in a voice that didn't allow any contradiction. “Never feel sorry for how you feel, you hear me, sonny boy? That's absolutely nothing you have to be sad about.” Brian was silent for a few minutes, ordering his thoughts. How to best say what he needed to say without saying something bad about Lindsay in the process? Right now Brian wanted to kill her for all the pain she had put his son through. “Remember what I said about being related by blood? Sometimes we love other people more than we love our real family and that is okay, Gus. That is absolutely fine. And sometimes they love us more than our real family. That's not really the way it's supposed to be, but it is the way it is at times. You just remember that Justin chooses to love you. He's not related to you, he doesn't have to love you, but he wants to. He chose to love you because you're such a great boy and because you mean so much to him. That's all that matters right now. That you have someone in your life who loves you and chose to love you. And if you choose to love him back, that's also fine. It's more than fine really.“

“Really?” Gus asked from big eyes, having calmed down a bit in his father's arms.

“Really,” Brian affirmed.

“I think I want him to be my father, too,” Gus whispered. “I want to have two fathers, too. Like Luke.”

Brian ran his hand through his son's hair, feeling for the small boy in his arms. He had only ever wanted for his children to be happy and healthy, but poor Gus had already had to deal with so much due to Lindsay's behaviour at such a young age. Brian just hoped that he wouldn't bear the scars of that for the rest of his life, like Brian did with the emotional scars of his upbringing. He wanted happiness for his child and if having Justin as a second father was giving his son some happiness, then Brian could definitely live with that.

“How about you tell him? I am sure he will be ecstatic,” Brian suggested, slowly moving up from his position at Gus' side. He saw Gus nod and then smiled at his son. “How about I get him and then you tell him, huh?”

“Yes, daddy.” Gus agreed, wiping away the last of the remnants of the tears on his face.

As Brian moved to the door and wanted to get Justin to talk to his son, he heard Gus' voice call out for him. “Daddy?”

“Yes, sonny boy?” Brian turned around and smiled at his son encouragingly.

“I love you, daddy. Not because we're related and I have to, but because I want to. You are the best daddy in the world.”

“I love you, too, sonny boy. And you and Luke are the best sons anyone could wish for. You have no idea how much I love you and your brother.”

“A lot?” Gus asked.

“Way more than a lot,” Brian assured the small boy with a chuckle, then left the room to go in search of Justin.

He found Justin in the kitchen, sitting at the kitchen table, sketching some scene from their dinner earlier that night.

“Do you have a minute?” Brian asked quietly, not wanting to scare Justin who seemed to be deep in concentration.

“What?” Justin looked at Brian with confusion in his eyes. “What did you say?”

“I wondered if you had a minute. Gus would like to talk to you,” Brian explained and he marvelled at the smile that broke out on Justin's face.

“Sure,” Justin readily agreed and got up from the table.

As they made their way to Gus' room, Brian stopped Justin for a second. “Just... just be aware that he's a bit emotional right now.”

Brian immediately saw worry and concern appear on Justin's face. “Emotional? Is everything alright?”

Brian shrugged. “I am not sure, but I have a feeling it will be after he has talked to you.”

“Brian, what's going on?”

“He should tell you,” Brian only replied and then led Justin to Gus' room. “Gus? Justin is here. I'll leave you two alone. You sleep tight, sonny boy,” Brian announced, before he went over and gave his son a goodnight kiss and a tight hug.

“You too, daddy,” the small boy smiled as he returned the sentiment.

Brian only nodded at Justin, then left the two of them alone. This was a private moment between them and he didn't want to intrude.

“Hey buddy,” Justin started with a concerned voice. “Is everything okay?”

Gus nodded slowly, eyeing Justin carefully, as the older man moved over to his bed and sat down on its edge. “Do you remember what you said when you picked me up from school?”

At Justin's confused look, Gus elaborated. “When you said you wanted to be my father, too?”

Justin's confusion was immediately replaced by understanding. Of course he remembered that conversation. How could he not? Gus had told him he would let him know his decision, but so far the boy had never spoken of their talk again, so Justin had just assumed that he had forgotten about it altogether. “Of course I do. How could I forget that?” Justin smiled at the boy.

“I-I... I think I want you to be my father, too,” Gus said quietly, looking at Justin intently. When he saw Justin's face break out into a huge smile, he knew what his Grandma Debbie meant when she spoke of Justin's sunshine smile. His smile lit up the entire room.

“You do? Really?” Justin asked, clearly happy and excited about Gus' announcement.

Gus nodded, a small smile gracing his lips as well.

“Gus, you have no idea how honoured I feel right now. I would love nothing more than to be your father, too. I love you more than anything.”

“I love you, too,” the small boy was now smiling just as widely as his new Papa was.

They launched at each other and met in a crushing hug. Gus hung on for dear life as Justin hugged him close and ran his hand through the boy's hair.

“You have no idea how happy that makes me, Gus. I promise you to always love you and to never leave you again, you hear me? You have my word,” Justin whispered in a choked voice, by now crying happy tears.

Gus had started crying as well, but for him it was also happy tears only. “I believe you.”

They sat like that, embracing each other for several minutes, before Gus pulled back and looked at Justin with a furrowed brow.

“What is it, buddy? Out with it,” Justin urged gently.

“Can I call you Papa, too? Like Luke does?”

“If that's what you want, sure.”

“B-but, you're not really my Papa. Is it still okay?”

Justin took Gus' hand and led it to his chest, where his heart was beating. He put Gus' small hand on his heart and smiled at the boy. “In here, you are my son and I am your Papa and that's all that matters. I love you like you are my son and if you love me like I am your father and you want to call me Papa, then that's what we'll do. This is about how we feel and it would make me happier than I've ever been to be your Papa, too.”

“Okay, Papa,” Gus said with a big smile.

More tears appeared on Justin's face and he pulled the small boy close again. “I love you, buddy.”

Justin stayed with Gus for another half an hour until they had both calmed down and Gus was ready to go to sleep. It had been an emotional evening for the small boy and after Justin had promised to stay at his side until he had fallen asleep, Gus fell asleep in mere minutes. His head hit the pillow and a few minutes later he was out for the night.