Chapter 5

Jennifer pulled up outside of Justin's new home, a feeling of dread filling her. She knew that Justin would be angry with her, probably angry beyond reason and as far as she was concerned he had every right to be. Yet, she also knew that more than anything Justin would be hurting and she was his mother and as his mother, she couldn't stand the thought of him in pain. She just wanted to hold him tight, give him a hug and a kiss and comfort him during this painful period of his life. As she walked over to his door, she wondered if he would let her comfort him. Only one way to find out, she said to herself as she rang his doorbell.

She sighed when the door wasn't opened, even after she had rung a second and a third time. She had tried calling Justin on her way over, but all her calls had gone straight to voicemail, which honestly hadn't surprised her. After waiting for a few more minutes, she went over to the garage and was relieved when she saw Justin's rental parked there. At least he had come home from Britin and wasn't just aimlessly driving around the city. She once again moved towards the door and used the spare key that Justin had given her when he had moved in.

She quietly opened the door and made her way into the hallway. She wasn't surprised when she saw that the living-room and kitchen were both empty. She had a pretty good feeling where Justin would be hiding, knowing her son well. Whenever he felt troubled or had too many emotions running through his head, he needed an outlet and his outlet had always been his art, so she went straight for his studio.

She knocked on the studio door, knowing that this was Justin's private sanctuary, not wanting to just enter it without his approval. When she didn't get any reaction, she tried knocking once more.

“Justin, it's me, honey. Open up, please.”

When she couldn't hear any movement from inside, she tried once more.

“Justin, honey. I am coming in now.”

She then quietly opened the door to his studio and her heart broke at what she saw inside. She found Justin huddled in front of a large canvas which depicted a swirl of red colours that almost looked like two hearts intertwining, but what really broke her heart about the scene in front of her, were the tears on the canvas which looked to have been teared into the canvas by bare hands and Justin's huddled form cradling himself as he was merely a heap of flesh and bones on the cold floor in front of the canvas.

“Oh honey,” Jennifer gasped as she walked over and knelt down next to Justin's crying form. She took her son into her arms, the first reaction that came to her as she saw her son who was clearly hurting.

When Justin felt another body hug him, he came back from his trance-like state and frowned at the person that dared to hug him. When he recognised his mother, he flinched under her touch and quickly moved out of her embrace, standing up.

“Don't you dare touch me,” he yelled at her, his face a mask of pure pain and heartbreak.

“Justin, please,” Jennifer pleaded and got up as well. She moved over to her son, but stopped when she saw him backing away from her.

“Get out!” Justin all but yelled at her, his face now turning from that pained mask into one of anger and pure and utter rage. “Get out of my house. NOW!”

“Justin, honey. Please, let's talk about this.”

“Talk about what, mom? How you chose Brian over me and played happy grandma to my son? A son I didn't even know I had because neither you nor Brian thought it necessary to tell me?” Justin snarled.

“It's not like that, Justin,” Jennifer started, but was interrupted by some more yelling from Justin.

“NO? What is it like then? Did you think I wasn't ready to take care of my son? Didn't you trust me to be adult enough to be a father to my son? What was it, mom?”

Justin cursed when new tears came to his eyes. For the last two hours he had done nothing, but thought about why Brian and his mom would have kept something like this from him. That was after he had gotten over his initial rage and had destroyed his latest painting and had torn it to shreds. Once he had let go of that fury, he had sunken into himself and had started to ask himself how Brian and his own mother could have done this to him and all he could come up with was that it had given them a perverse pleasure to show him how inadequate he was as an adult.

“Justin, please calm down so we can talk about this,” Jennifer tried once more, knowing that there was no sense in talking to Justin if he had gotten himself into a rage like this.

“There is nothing to talk about! Just get out of my house! Go back to Brian and play happy family with him. Get out NOW!” Justin screamed once more, glaring at his mother, daring her to say more.

Jennifer sighed, accepting that in this state there was no talking to Justin. She would talk to him when he had calmed down. “Okay, I will leave, but just know that it's not like what you think it is. Brian blackmailed me into keeping this a secret from you. I had no choice, Justin. Do you really think I would do something like this to you? Do you think me that cold-hearted and evil?”

“Brian blackmailed you? Seriously? Now you go blaming him? Wow, that is low even for you, mom,” Justin snorted derisively at his mother.

“Believe what you want to believe, but it is the truth. When I found out about his pregnancy, I wanted to let you know. I pleaded with him to let you know, but he wouldn't budge. When I threatened that I would tell you because you had a right to know, he threatened to move away with the baby to places unknown where we would never find him. He threatened to take the baby and make sure we would never see him again. You know he has that kind of money, Justin. You know that... Going along with his plan, I could at least make sure that Luke was okay and doing alright,” Jennifer tried to make her son understand.

“That's the biggest bullshit I have ever heard. You know that, mom? That boy,” Justin stopped when Jennifer supplied his name.

“Luke.”

“Fine, Luke. He's my son. Brian couldn't have taken him away. I-I am his father. I have rights! Clearly you couldn't ignore that,” Justin muttered angrily.

“No, I couldn't, but... with time...,” Jennifer sighed as she looked at Justin from sad eyes. “Debbie and I could see where Brian was coming from and... we could see that he did have a point. So, in the end we came to agree with Brian that it was probably for the best if you didn't know, so... We went along with Brian's plan and kept it a secret from you,” Jennifer admitted, hanging her head in sadness, but also shame. She knew that she had disappointed, even betrayed her son and should have been on his side instead of supporting Brian in his crazy plan to keep his pregnancy and Luke's existence from Justin.

“Debbie? Debbie knew as well?” Justin's voice took on a shrill pitch. “That's just awesome. Who else knew, mom? Everyone? Everyone I trusted? Everyone I considered friends and family? Did you all get together and enjoy how much you were betraying me? Did that excite you?” Justin snarled as he looked at his mother from cold eyes.

“It wasn't like that, Justin. We... We just wanted to do what's best for you,” Jennifer pleaded with her son to understand.

“Keeping my son's existence from me is best for me? How, mom? Just how is that best for me?”

“It was the only way you would focus on your career,” Jennifer whispered, by now not daring to look at Justin anymore. She was afraid of the contempt and hatred she would see in his eyes.

“My career? My fucking career? Who gives a shit about my fucking career? I have a son. A god-damn son and you were worried about my fucking career?”

Jennifer winced at the sharpness of Justin's words, but realised that she deserved no less for what she had done to her son.

“Brian knew you would have returned to his side immediately and you wouldn't have given your career another thought. He didn't want that. You were too young, honey.”

“That's fucking bullshit and you know it, mom,” Justin yelled once more. “I was old enough to create a baby with Brian, so I would think that would have made me old enough to also take care of that baby. But it's really good to know that nobody else thought me capable of taking care of my own son. Thanks for that vote of confidence,” Justin snorted before he moved over to the large floor to ceiling windows on the southside of his studio.

“Justin, honey. It wasn't like that. Brian knows that you would have made a wonderful father. I know that. We have all seen how loving and doting you were with Gus. There was absolutely no doubt that you couldn't take care of a child. That was never it,” Jennifer explained gently.

“You know what, mom? I don't care! I don't fucking care. Just leave. Leave and go back to Brian or do whatever you want, just fucking leave!”

“Justin, please,” Jennifer pleaded, but when she saw the square set of Justin's shoulders, she knew that there was no making him understand now. “Fine,” she finally relented, “I'll leave, but honey... Just know that I am here to talk and...please, go talk to Brian. You can't ignore him. Just think about Luke in all of this.”

When Justin didn't reply anything to that, Jennifer picked up her purse and left his studio and then shortly after his house. She wondered if maybe she had been wrong in assuming that Justin would understand their reasoning. Maybe she had been awfully wrong.