Chapter 22

After Gus had fallen asleep, Justin left the boy's room. Once outside in the hallway, he thought for a few minutes about what to do. He was emotional about the boy's declaration of love and also trust in him and wanted to share his happiness with someone. He contemplated finding Brian and sharing his happiness with him. After all they were friends and this was something that made Brian's son happy. No, their son, Justin corrected himself with a smile on his lips.

He went in search of Brian and found him in the living-room, watching the news on TV. He frowned when he saw the bottle of Beam on the table and the tumbler that Brian had in his hand, filled with the amber liquid from the bottle.

Brian hadn't drunk in months, at least not in Justin's presence and Justin wondered if this was just to relax after a long day. Then his mind wandered to other times when Brian had drunk Beam and most of those times Brian had used it as a way of pain management. Brian had always drunk when he had been unhappy or angry about something or someone, Justin realised with a start.

'Shit!', he thought to himself. What if Brian was angry with him? After all Justin had just gone ahead without talking to him first and had offered to Gus that he wanted to be the boy's father, too. What if Brian didn't want him to be? After all he wasn't Gus' father. Brian was. What if Brian felt like Justin was implementing himself in Gus' life and didn't like that? 'Fuck, fuck, fuck!' The more Justin thought about it, the more he was sure that Brian was drinking because he was angry with him for not mentioning his grand idea of being Gus' father, too to him and putting him on the spot like Brian had with his moving-into-Britin-idea. Did Brian think that this was Justin's revenge for that episode?

Justin didn't quite know what to do, but in the end decided that all he could do was apologise for his wrongdoing. “I-I am sorry, Brian,” he said quietly, watching the older man on the sofa who didn't seem to have noticed his appearance by now.

Brian startled at hearing Justin's voice and eyed him curiously. “Sorry?”

“Yes, I am really sorry.”

“What for?” Brian frowned, not sure what Justin was talking about.

“I should have told you about my conversation with Gus. I shouldn't just have gone behind your back like that and shouldn't have put you in this situation,” Justin explained, looking contrite.

“What situation?” Brian still sounded confused.

“You didn't really have much choice about what to tell Gus and I am sorry about that.”

“What are you talking about? You're not making any sense,” Brian declared finally, when he'd had enough of Justin's senseless, at least to him, ramblings.

“About him wanting to call me Papa, too and him wanting me to be his father as well. I-I should have told you that I talked to him about this before.”

“Why? What you and Gus talk about doesn't concern me.”

“But you're his father. Of course it concerns you,” Justin exclaimed. “He's your son.”

“Our son,” Brian corrected gently, taking another sip from his tumbler. “Our son. You're his father, too. You always have been and you always will be. It's about time Gus knows that, too.”

“Wh-what? You're not angry about this?” Now it was Justin's turn to be confused.

“Angry?” Brian actually snorted at that. “Why would I be angry? My son loves you and wants you to be a part of his life, too. He's accepted your role in Luke's life and wants the same for himself. Why would that make me angry? It makes me happy for him and for you.”

Justin could understand why Brian might be happy for Gus about finding a second father, even though he couldn't quite combine Brian's statement with what he saw before him, but he couldn't understand why Brian would be happy for him. “Me?”

Brian sighed, he still didn't like talking about feelings all that much, especially his own, but he knew that Justin needed to hear this. “You have been in Gus' life from day one. You have been there for him whenever he needed someone. You have spent more time with him than I did and you have been as much, if not more of a father to him than I have been when he was younger. What Lindsay and I did broke that bond that you had with Gus and I feel sorry for that. I am not an idiot, Justin. I know that Gus has been struggling with your reappearance and your new role in our lives. He didn't mention anything, he's my son after all,” at that statement Brian smirked and Justin actually had to chuckle. “But even I could see that he was struggling to let you back into his life. In the end he did and he accepted your role in this family. And yes, that doesn't only make me happy for him, it also makes me happy for you. I know how hard all this is for you. I am no fool, Justin. And I know you want this to work out and you want this family. So I am happy for you, too that you're one step closer to getting that.”

When Brian finished and Justin had processed his words, he just had to ask to be absolutely sure. “You're absolutely not angry with me?”

“No, I have no reason to be,” Brian confirmed once more. “Why would you even think that?”

Justin nodded at the older man and then moved his gaze to the bottle of Beam on the table. Brian immediately knew what Justin was implying and understood his question. “I wasn't angry at you,” Brian sighed.

“Then who?”

“Lindsay,” Brian said quietly, before putting his tumbler down next to the bottle of Beam.

“Why her? What does she have to do with any of this?”

“Gus asked if it was wrong that he loved you more than he loved his own mommy,” Brian explained quietly.

“Oh,” was all Justin could say to that.

“I think he wanted to tell you earlier, but wasn't sure if it was okay for him to love you when he should love his mommy. Or some fucked up thinking like that.”

“He's only a child, Brian. This must be confusing for him,” Justin tried to soothe the older man.

“Of course it is, but it shouldn't be. He shouldn't even be in that situation,” Brian exclaimed angrily.

Justin moved over to the sofa and sat down next to his former partner. “No, he shouldn't be, but we can't change that. It is what it is and all we can do is try to make it as easy for him as we can.”

“Spoken like a true father already.”

“Well, I learned from the best,” Justin smiled, but immediately stopped, when he saw the thunderous expression on Brian's face. “Brian?”

“When did that fucking bastard piece of shit become the best father?”

“Brian?” Justin frowned. “Are you talking about... Oh God, you think I meant Craig?” Justin couldn't help but snort when he realised what Brian had been thinking. “That bastard isn't even worth the air he's breathing.”

“Then who are you talking about?” Brian asked angrily.

“You,” Justin chuckled and laughed outright when he saw Brian's surprise on his face.

“I am not a good father,” Brian just replied, then got up and turned to leave the room.

“If this is about you and me, stop it right there! We won't do the guilt shit again. It's in the past! I was talking about how much you obviously love your sons. Everyone can see that. You would do everything for them. Hell, you pretty much changed your whole life for them because you made them your top priority. In my book that makes you a pretty damn good father.”

Brian listened to Justin's words and in the end just nodded. He had never been good at accepting compliments and never quite knew how to react to them. And he was pretty sure that somewhere in there there had been a compliment.

After a few minutes of silence, Justin walked over to where Brian was pacing and stopped right in front of him, looking him squarely in the eye. “Crisis over?” He just asked and smiled in relief when Brian nodded.

“No one does drama queen quite like you do,” Justin chuckled.

“Don't let Emmy Lou hear you say that. He will be so disappointed.”

“I'll just push our sons in his face and they'll distract him from any disappointment.”

“Our sons, I like that,” Brian smiled wistfully.

Justin nodded. “Brian, I already told Gus and I want to tell you as well: I love him and I will never do anything to hurt him. He's a huge part of my life and having him say that he wants me to be his father too and to hear him call me Papa has made me feel so honoured. I won't do anything to hurt him. Please trust me on that.”

“I know,” Brian nodded. And he had known indeed. He had never doubted Justin's feelings for either of his sons and he knew that Justin loved them both and would die for both of them.

He walked back to the table and picked up his tumbler once more. “I have been thinking... After Gus said he wanted you to be his father, too,” Brian started.

“Okay,” Justin nodded, sitting down on the sofa and looking at Brian expectantly.

“I-I want us to put into writing that you're Gus' father, too,” Brian started, but was immediately interrupted by an angry outburst from Justin.

“No, Brian. We agreed we didn't need a custody agreement for Luke and we certainly won't need one for Gus either.”

“Not a custody agreement,” Brian explained calmly.

“What then?”

“I would tell you, if you'd let me finish,” Brian smirked and chuckled as Justin blushed, but stayed quiet.

“You are Luke's father, your name is on his birth certificate. We agreed that was enough to give you equal rights to him, but Gus is another matter. Officially you're nothing to him and... I want to change that.”

“What?”

“I want to make sure that Luke and Gus won't be separated if something happens.”

“Brian,” Justin started, but Brian just ignored him and went on.

“The cancer could come back or there could be an accident. Bad things happen, Justin. We have no control over that. However, I want to be prepared for all eventualities. Right now Gus would go to your mom and Deb if something were to happen to me, but I want to change that.”

“Why?” Justin asked quietly.

“Obviously as Luke's father, Luke would get to stay with you. You would be his legal parent and have all rights to him, but Gus... he's not your son. I don't want them to be separated and I know that you love Gus like your own son. I-I just want to make sure that you will have full control about his life if something were to happen to me. I-I... don't want him to have to go back to Lindsay under any circumstances and I know you would fight her tooth and nail if she ever tried to get him back.”

“Of course,” Justin affirmed. There was no way the woman who had tried to kidnap his son from Brian would ever get to lay her hands on his second son.

“I'll have papers drawn up to make you Gus' legal guardian and... with time I was thinking that maybe you'd want to adopt him,” Brian continued.

“Adopt Gus?” Justin's eyes had widened.

“Only if you want to,” Brian immediately assured the younger man. He didn't want to pressure Justin into something he didn't want to do.

“Brian, I'd love to. You have no idea how honoured I would be to be his father legally as well, but... would that even be possible? What about Lindsay? She's still his mother and she would have to agree, right?” Justin frowned.

“I have sole custody. I can make all decisions concerning Gus' welfare on my own. Lindsay has no influence on his life whatsoever and if she were to somehow find out and would contest the adoption, I think we'd have a pretty good case against her,” Brian spat. “What court would agree with a mother that tried to kidnap another child to show it off as her own and that hasn't even called her son once in almost four years? I have enough dirt on her to make every judge agree with whatever I want. She is no longer a part of Gus' life.”

“Okay, but... we should talk to Gus first,” Justin insisted.

“He already said that he wanted you to be his father, too.”

“Brian,” Justin sighed. “He's ten. He's hurt and he saw Luke getting a second parent. Of course that made him miss a second parent as well and made him want one, too. I was the best option available, so of course he wanted me to be his father, too. But... there's a big difference between wanting someone because you're hurt and between making it legal for the rest of your life. We'll have to explain to him what an adoption would entail and I won't agree to it if he doesn't understand and doesn't want to do it. If necessary, we'll wait until he's old enough to understand.”

“Justin,” Brian started, but this time was interrupted by Justin.

“No, Brian. I can live with the legal guardianship. I agree, it would kill Gus and Luke to be separated. They love each other so much, but everything else, we'll have to discuss with Gus. Please, Brian. I won't feel comfortable otherwise,” Justin pleaded.

“Okay,” Brian agreed in the end, knowing that if Justin had set his mind to something, there was no way to get him to back away from his opinion. If Justin were to adopt Gus, he'd only do it his way and there was no point in trying to anger him or discuss this anymore. And Justin was probably right anyway. Gus needed a say, too. Brian couldn't just go and make decisions like that for his son.