Chapter 11 CDLWY

Tina was surprised to be called into Brian’s office her last day before the trip to New Orleans.  She had to admit she was a bit nervous. Mr. Kinney had been a little on edge lately. She had heard a little whispering about a breakup but no seemed to  know for sure.

“Mr. Kinney, you asked to see me?”

“Oh, thanks for coming in.”  Brian was as handsome as he always was but something was different.  She realized the spark was gone from his eyes. He actually looked a bit older and he looked very…..lost was a good word.  “I wanted to thank you for agreeing to take the trip with Sun...Justin. He needed someone to go with him to mainly be an extra set of hands and someone who knows his work well enough to help answer questions at the show itself.” Brian’s voice and eyes softened. “Justin likes to give everyone his time.”  He smiled at what she guessed was a memory. “As much as he hates dealing with the public he will spend time talking to anyone. Tina, please, watch out for him. His hand is still not 100% and he tries to overdue. Make him take it easy. He doesn’t sleep well when he’s alone.”

“Um, I don’t mean to overstep but may I ask? Are you two still…”

“There is no two anymore.”  Brian said this in the flattest tone she had ever heard. “He doesn’t want me there anymore.  I was to blame for his hand injury, although it was an accident. I could have caused the end of his career. Thank god my nephew has talent and helped him out. I hope his show does well.  May I call you and see how it went?”

“Sure, are you sure it is really over? You two seemed to have it all going for you.”

“He’s called off the wedding. And with that the very strong, self-assured Brian Kinney crumbled into a million pieces.”

Feeling very awkward, Tina knelt by his chair and put an arm around him and he melted into her.  She had never seen a man so broken.

Justin had packed  and was just waiting for the car.  It would still be about an hour before it arrived.  Tony and John had come up to the house to spend some time with him before he left. They were both very confused about Justin’s and Brian’s breakup.  They were so obviously meant for each other they couldn’t believe it was over.

“Justin, what’s it like doing an art show?  Will you be selling any of the pictures?” John was curious how it worked.

“I hope to although buyers will have to wait for their purchases until after the show in Salt Lake City in April butt many will.  When I had my first big tour by the last show a good portion of the canvases had been sold.”

Tony got a gleam in his eye.  “I want to hear about Mardi Gras! I have heard so many stories.  Maybe someday we can go.” He leaned over and kissed John, who put an arm around him. “I hope we can.”

“Why don’t you come down? Why didn’t I think of that?” Justin picked up his phone and looked at something.  “John, there are 2 seats available in first class on a flight on Monday. Put them in your names. I will have a car waiting at the airport.  You can fly back on Thursday with Tina and me. What do you say?”

John and Tony didn’t say anything.  They just threw their arms around Justin who clung to them for a full minute. “It will be good to have some support there.  I know I have a suite and a second room. I don’t think Tina will mind taking the other bedroom in my suite so you two can have a room to yourselves.”  Justin felt a little lighter as he got into the car, knowing those two would be there soon.

Tina had arrived at the airport ahead of Justin.  She was very excited. She had never flown first class before.  She had only been out of college less than a year and she was traveling with a world famous artist.  Maybe she would get a full time job out of this. She saw Justin coming across the terminal. She hadn’t seen him in a while and he looked ….older wasn’t the right word for it.  Maybe beaten was better.

“Tina, I really appreciate you making it work to come with me. I am going to need your help.”

Tina noticed the splint on his hand.  “How’s the arm doing?”

“I’m afraid not as good as it could be.  I know I overused it as soon as I could take the splint off part of the time.  I thought I should have it along for support.”

“I thought the bone would have healed by now.”

“It’s not so much the bone,” Just said. “It is the flare up of an old injury.”  They heard their flight was ready to board. Once in their seats and after they got a drink Justin told Tina all about his high school prom, how he had gotten a head injury and then, with pain in his voice, how Brian helped him recover. Twice in as many days she put her arm around a gorgeous man only to have them cry on her shoulder.

They landed in New Orleans and there was so much electricity even Justin had to feel the excitement.  It was Mardi Gras and he had a show. “Tina, I forgot to mention. Brian’s nephew and his boyfriend are coming down on Monday.  Do you mind sharing the suite with me? There are two bedrooms and two baths.”

“Sure, I don’t mind.  The suite is probably nicer anyway.” She smiled at Justin.  His mood seemed to be lightening up a bit which made her feel better.

After checking in Tina could tell she was right.  The room was fantastic and although Justin was still not the cheerful man she had originally met, his spirits seemed to be lifting.  She saw him checking out the same cute guy she was looking at as they walked to the gallery which was just around the corner. “You know,” She made light of the situation, “I am not sure I can take the competition.”

“If the same guy is attracted to both of us we are talking about a whole different kind of game.”  Justin smiled and their was a bit of spark in his eyes.

“If the same guy checks out both of us maybe we will need to consider that game.” She smiled at him and they both started laughing.

They spent the rest of the day at the art gallery and the evening they wandered through the French Quarter.  She noticed him flinch as he picked up his fork. “You overdid it again, didn’t you?”

Justin nodded as he took off the splint and rubbed his hand.  Tina took his hand in hers and started massaging it. She worked her thumbs into the palm and added pressure. “Tell me if I am hurting you.  My younger brother broke his hand and it cramps up on him. A friend of the family taught me this.” At first some of the spots would shoot pain up his arm but within minutes the pain was subsiding.

“You are better than any painkiller and have less side effects.”  He smiled.

An older couple walked past and saw Tina holding Justin’s hand.  The woman looked at her husband and said. “Look, Honey, aren’t they a sweet couple.”  Once they were out of earshot Justin and Tina both started laughing.

They headed back to the hotel and entered their suite.  “Tina, I just want to thank you. Not only for helping as much as you did  with the show but just lifting my mood. Oh, and for helping with the pain. My hand feels much better.”  He kissed her cheek as they went to their rooms.

They spent the next day at the opening of the show.  Tina was so impressed with the way he interacted with the visitors.  Brian was very right about his love for his fans. She snapped some pictures of him smiling and talking to a group and talking one on one with another artist.  She texted them to Brian.

Brian heard a message come in and picked up his phone.  The first picture made him smile. Justin at his best talking to the group.but then the tears flowed as he looked at the next picture where he had his arm around another man.  Justin was doing fine without him. He was moving on.

Tina and Justin at dinner in the suite that night.  After eating they watched a movie. Without even thinking about it Tina took Justin’s hand and massaged it as they watched.  

“So, Tina, is there someone special in your life?”

‘Not right now.  I’m still young.”

“Well, when you find him he will be a very lucky guy. Just this skill,” He looked at his hand, “Could bring a man to orgasm. Sorry, we gay men just kind of say what comes into our minds, especially when it comes to sex.”

“Ya, being in art school I have had my share of gay friends and guess what?  They are the same as everyone else.”

Justin started laughing and his smile melted her heart.  What was it Brian called him sometimes? Sunshine? That was definitely fitting for him. If Brian didn’t get him back he would make some man really happy.

As they rode to the airport on Monday John and Tony were very excited.  John had never been on a plane before and Tony was just excited to be in first class.  Justin had a car waiting for them at the airport which brought them to the hotel. As they checked in the desk clerk handed them a note in Justin’s scrawled, artistic handwriting. It gave them directions to the gallery and told them to be ready for some fun.  As they walked in to the gallery John and Tony both noticed Justin had a bit of his spark back. Either he was energized because of the show or he was missing Brian less.

John thought about it.  It had to be the show. Justin would never ‘get over’ Uncle Brian and vise versa.  He didn’t know what really happened but they were both broken because of it. If only he could get them to see it. He had hinted to it with both of them but neither seemed to want to fix it.  He sometimes felt like neither of them knew what needed to be fixed.

The four of them headed out for the night.  Tina felt like the luckiest girl in New Orleans except for the fact the three men she was with all were checking out the same men she was.  She really like John and Tony. They were a little younger than she was but she could tell how much the loved each other. Maybe they could tell her what happened between Justin and Brian.  She was definitely going to try and find out.

At one point in the evening a very attractive man asked Justin to dance and he went out on the floor.  Tina took the chance. “So guys, do you know what happened between Brian and Justin?” I have heard lots of guesses at the office but that is all they are.”

“We lived with them and we can’t figure it out.  It started with Justin’s broken arm but that isn’t what it is really about.” John said. “I honestly don’t think they understand it all.  All I know is I have never seen a greater love and now the wedding is off. It is killing them both.”

“Hey, let me get a picture of you two.” Tina took it and forwarded it to Brian.  She thought he would like to see his nephew. They headed back to the hotel shortly afterward.

Brian kept looking at the picture Tina sent him the night before.  He noticed another message came in and saw another picture from Tina.  He smiled. John and Tony looked so happy. He was really glad they were but as he was looking at it he noticed Justin was in the background. He was on the dance floor. He was in the arms of someone and it wasn’t him. He threw his phone across the loft where it broke into pieces.

It was the last night of the show and their last night in New Orleans.  John and Tony decided to go off on their own. Both Tina and Justin had a feeling that meant going back to the hotel room.

John and Tony made it onto the elevator before they locked their bodies together.  Their hands were everywhere at once. They nearly fell out of the elevator as they kissed and groped their way to their room.  The door was barely closed before they were naked and on the bed. John lay Tony on the bed and kissed him from head to toe. His teeth scraped his collar bone with his teeth, he drug his tongue downward.  He nipped at his pelvic bone and then he drug his tongue down his cock and across the tip flicking it with his tongue. He thcn drug his tongue even lower and it found the puckered bud. Grabbing Tony’s thighs he started a rhythmic enter and exit of his tongue. Soon Tony was writhing.

“John, please.  Please , now! Oh I need you now..”

John positioned himself putting Tony’s legs over his shoulders  and he entered. He watched Tony’s face tighten at the entry and then change to joy and bliss as the pace picked up and Tony was thrashing.  John leaned over deepening the penetrations as he kissed Tony. As he stood to get a little more power, Tony groaned as he released. He clamped down on John sending him over the top with him.

Laying side by side, John stroked Tony’s hair murmured his love until they fell asleep.

 When a man walked up to their table Tina expected to be sitting alone but the attractive man asked her to dance.  After several dances they joined Justin at the table. His name was Joe. He was here from California and came for the party along with a friend but he had hooked up with someone earlier and had left. Justin politely excused himself, kissing Tina on the cheek he whispered, “If you need me I am only a couple minutes away and if you bring him home I will stay out of the way.”

Justin glanced at his phone hoping Brian had texted or called.  Hoping this was all a misunderstanding. Yes, he still wanted to marry him. Yes, he missed him. Yes, he still loved him more than life itself. Yes, he couldn’t breathe either. Yes,, he just wanted to hold him and feel his heartbeat so he knew he was still alive. He was learning to put on a good front.  He would just have to figure out how to live on his own because you can’t give your heart to someone when it already belongs to someone else.

Tina and Joe slipped into the hotel room about 3:00 am. Justin heard the shushing sound as they tried to be quiet.  He heard Tina giggle and smiled to himself. He was glad someone was getting lucky. He let his own hand slide down his body. It had been so long. He unconsciously began sliding his hand up and down.

Joe was pretty impressed with Tina’s digs.  He wondered how she ended up sharing this place with a fag like that. You know they were everywhere now, trying to take over. You know they thought they could just be everywhere out in the open now. Tina’s mouth dropped open hearing what he had to say. “Joe, I think you should leave now.”

“I don’t think so, Honey.  I came here for some fun. Obviously, you are a fag lover but maybe you need to know what a real man is like.” Joe pushed Tina so she landed on her back on the bed. Tina let out a little cry. He forced her further onto the bed by bringing his knee up between her legs. By now Tina was whimpering,  The look in his eye told her he was serious as he undid his zipper.

When Justin realized what he had been doing to himself he wasn’t sure he could stop. His mind went to Brian.  He wondered what he was doing. He wished he would text or call...even a drunk call was better than not hearing his voice. Just then he heard Tina in her room.  He didn’t want to stick his knows into a night of fun but his first thought was that didn’t sound like fun. He was fully erect as he slipped on his robe. He grabbed the poker from the fireplace.  He would stand by the door and the moment he knew it was pleasure he would go back to his room and try to get some pleasure himself. What he heard when he got to the door was definitely now sounds of excitement. He opened the door and raising the poker so Joe could see it he said, “I think you better leave now or you can leave with the police once you wake up, if you wake up.”

Joe turned around, “What are you going to do, faggot?”

“Hotel security is already on their way up. They frown on allowing rapists in their hotel.  I would say the first officer should be here in maybe 30 seconds.”

“You are full of shit.  You didn’t call anyone.”

“Do you really want to take that chance just to have sex with an unwilling, scared woman?” Justin swung the poker through the air. Pain shot up his arm but he didn’t let Joe know that. Besides he had enough adrenaline pumping through his veins he didn’t feel much.  

“Oh, Hell, you aren’t worth it,” he said as he pulled up his zipper and left the room.  

Justin waited to hear the suite door slam.  Once he did he threw the poker to the side and went to comfort Tina.  He took her in his arms and she clung to him. Through her sobs she kept thanks him. He held her close and spoke softly and gently to her, assuring her he was there and making sure she was unharmed. He lowered his head to kiss her cheek as she turned to speak and their lips met.  The kiss changed quickly from a friendly thank you to something much more. Tina’s hand slid into Justin’s robe and she found his erection. She lowered her head and tried taking him all in but she couldn’t. She started licking and suckling. Adrenaline was still racing through both of them and Justin had Tina sit up. He slipped his hands under her shirt and found small firm breasts.  She lifted her arms as he slid her shirt off. He lowered his head and teased one nipple and then the other one. He didn’t think he could wrong doing that. He had only been a woman once and they had been kids, a first time for both of them. He had learned a lot about men since then and found himself fascinated with the female form right now. He slid his hand from her neck where he had put it to guide her to a lying position.  He slid his hand over each breast watching the nipples respond. He could tell Tina’s breath was a little more uneven now. His hand slid lower and soon he had found her wet, moist heat. If he was doing this he was doing it all. He positioned himself between her legs and lowered his head. This was all new territory. Sure he had taken biology and knew where everything was. As his tongue searched he was sure he found the right spot when her back arched and she let out a little moan.  Leaving his fingers inserted and starting a rhythmic in and out movement. He looked in her eyes and said, “Tina, are you sure you want to?”

“Yes, please, yes I need you right now.”

He positioned himself and slowly slid into her. It really did feel differently.  Justin lowered his mouth to hers and as his tongue darted in and out of her mouth at the same pace as his hips he could feel her quivering and then she screamed into his mouth as she climaxed.  After a couple more driving thrusts he emptied himself into her. As he ejaculated he realized his mistake. He wasn’t worried about disease as much as he was pregnancy. He had never worried about that before.  “Oh, shit, Tina I forgot a condom. I hadn’t come in here for…..”

“Justin, don’t worry.  I had already slipped in my diaphragm just before Joe.... I promise I don’t have anything.”  He pulled her to him. As they lay together she realized how beautiful he was. Everything about him was perfect from his amazing hair to his sculpted calves. And what was in the middle was spectacular!  She started leaving a trail of kisses from his chest toward his mouth.

“Tina, I’m sorry.  You are a beautiful woman and we both obviously needed each other but ...I can’t.  I just can’t. I hope you understand.” He grabbed his rope and she watched that perfect body walk out of her room.

Brian had checked with John when they would be getting home and he made sure he went past the house ahead of time to collect some of his things.  He had a car drop him off. He was hoping he could slip in, get some clothes and drive the restored Stingray back to the city.

He was barely in the door when Alice came around the corner holding a broom like a bat.  “I come in peace,” he smiled as he put his hands up. Alice lowered the ‘weapon’.

“I hope you being here means you have come to your senses and are moving back.”

“Actually, I stopped by to get my clothes and pick up my car while they are all gone.”

“Coward. You’re here while they are gone because you can’t face him.”

“I….,” the bluster he had when he entered had been deflated by her words. She was right.  He couldn’t face him. “I don’t want to hurt him anymore. Maybe I don’t want to hurt myself anymore. If only I knew how to erase it all.”

Alice put an arm around his shoulders as he dropped on to a stool by the counter. “I am not one to pry, Brian, but what do you want to erase?”

I’d go back to New Year’s Eve.  I’d not drink. I wouldn’t be playing games with Justin.  Then I wouldn’t have tripped going up the stairs and I wouldn’t have tripped him on my way down.”

“Were you forcing Justin to play the games?”

“No”

“Well, then it sounds like you had an accident.  The only thing you had control over was how much you drank and it was New Year’s Eve, Brian.  Even people who don’t drink tend to celebrate that night. Accidents happen.”

“I guess I have caused one too many.  He couldn’t even look me in the eye most of the time.  I did everything I knew how….to ...do.” As the tears flowed Alice wrapped her arms around this beautiful man child. She hadn’t met his mother before she passed but if she had she would have probably killer her herself. The damage that woman did to both Justin and John was unforgivable.  “Accidents happen and sometimes accidents are the solution to the problem.” With that he stood. “Alice, will you pack up my clothes. I will send someone to pick them up later this week.” He grabbed the keys to the ‘vette and was gone.

Alice heard him leave the property and here heart stopped for a second as Brian’s words ran through her head once more.  ‘Accidents happen and sometimes accidents are the solution to the problem.’ Her blood ran cold thinking about that.

Brian drove.  He wasn’t sure where he was going.  He headed to the hills. He wanted to get away from people.  He just wanted to drive. He headed for the hills. He soon was flying.  100 mph , 110, 115 the speedometer went up a lot higher. He saw a curve ahead and instead of slowing down he increased his speed. He hugged the turn and went right into the next. He kept going until he literally ran out of pavement. He slammed on the breaks and he came to a stop. For the first time in weeks he felt alive. He could feel the blood in his veins.  He could feel the air in his lungs. It’s all about life and death. Life wins this time. He turned the car around and headed back into the city, to the loft.

Tony and John knocked on the door of the hotel suite.  Justin opened the door and said, “We’re just about ready. Tina, the guys are here.”  Tina rolled her suitcase out of her room. Tony took it for her. John grabbed a duffel he knew Justin had work material in.  “If you guys want to go down and make sure our car is ready for the airport we will be down in a minute. I just want to make sure I didn’t forget anything.”  They headed for the elevator and Justin closed the door.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m fine. Thanks not saying anything to those two.”

“Tina, I think we need to talk about what happened.”

“What happened is you saved me from being raped.”

“But then I, well…..”

“Then you comforted me.  Justin, I am a grown woman. I wasn’t a virgin and I was willing.”

“I know you were willing.  We both were filled with adrenaline and we let the situation take over.  I just don’t want you to think…”

“Justin, I know who you are and I have no fantasies of anything else.  We both needed someone. We were there for each other. That’s all.” She gave him a hug.  “Now I have 2 more beautiful men waiting downstairs for me. We shouldn’t leave them waiting.”

The car was waiting and soon they were on a plane heading back to Pittsburgh.  Justin watched out the window as the clouds hung below them. ‘What had he done? How could he have let his emotions take over like that. The answer was fairly easy.  She needed someone and so did he.’

The plane landed on time and the four took a car into the city.  They stopped at Tina’s apartment first. Justin jumped out and walked her up to her apartment.  “Tina, I hope this hasn’t changed anything between us. I still want to help you find a job anyway I can.  You are very talented and if Bri...Kinnetik doesn’t have a place let me know. They also have an office in New York City that we could check into if you would like to go there.  Please stay in touch. I really mean that.” He kissed her on the cheek and she hugged him.

“Justin, truly thank you for rescuing me last night.  You saved me. You did not harm me. If I am honest I enjoyed it very much. If you ever want a change of ...um...position let me know.”  She kissed him on the mouth maybe a second longer than she should and she was gone into the apartment.

Justin actually smiled on his way to the car.  He really did like her and hoped her all the best.

As they pulled up to the house Justin felt the emptiness again.  “Hey, guys, why don’t you have the car drop you off at your place and then come up for dinner in about 30 minutes or so.  I am sure you don’t have anything at your place and I am sure Alice has something ready here.”

Walking up to the house the emptiness hit him.  Maybe he would check with Mel and Linds and try to get Gus some night soon. He opened the door and for the second time that day Alice came around the corner with a broom in hand.

“Justin, you’re home.  How was your trip?”

“Everything went well.  Show was a hit and we all enjoyed Mardi Gras.  The guys will be up in about half an hour for dinner.”

“I’m glad we have a minute alone. Justin, I don’t know details and I don’t want to know details but  Brian stopped by today and he took the ‘vette when he left. He was telling me how you broke your arm and that it was an accident.”

“It was an accident.  The worst timed accident in history but it was an accident.”

“Well, when Brian left in the Stingray, he said said sometimes and accident can solve a problem.”

Justin froze where he was. No, Brian wouldn’t do something like that, would he?  “Thanks, Alice.” He walked into the office and called Ted.

“Hey, Ted, when did you talk to Brian last?”

“He was in this morning but said he had stuff to do this afternoon. You must be home or you wouldn’t be calling about Brian.”

“He stopped by the house today to get his old Stingray and Alice says he wasn’t in the best mindset. He didn’t say anything to you did he?”

“Ted, I don’t want you to get in the middle of this but would you come up with some reason to talk to him and give him a call?”

“I would but he said something happened to his phone last night and he hasn’t gotten another one yet.”

“Shit. If you hear from him will you let me know he is safe.”

“Sure, Justin.  I will check around a bit.”

“Thanks, Ted, I appreciate it.”

“Justin, is this going to get fixed this time”

“If I knew what needed to be fixed I would do my best but we might be too broken this time.”

“Justin, he still loves you or he wouldn’t be so distraught. I don’t think, I hate to say it but I don’t think he feels a reason to live. I will let you know as soon as I find out where he is.”

“Thanks, Ted, but don’t bother.  I’ll get notified as next of kin when he accomplishes it.”

Alice was still in the kitchen when he came out.  He knew she was waiting to hear what he had to say. “I can’t tell you anything other then his phone is broken and he doesn’t give a fuck about any of us.  I’m done.” John and Tony were walking in the back door as Justin continued. “He wants to have a death wish, so be it. I can’t do this anymore. Gus and I will have to survive.”

John and Tony had no idea what Justin was talking about but they knew he needed them.  The three of them stood in an embrace. Alice put dinner on the counter and slipped out the back knowing Justin was in good hands. If she knew where to find Brian right now she isn’t sure what she would do.  Maybe she would put him out of his misery for both their sakes. Doesn’t he see how much it would crush Gus. That boy idolised him. She wanted to call him selfish but he was the least selfish person she knew. She could still picture the way he flew out of here and hoped he would drive back up  that drive someday.

It wasn’t until the next morning that Ted called Justin and told him Brian had shown up for work. John was standing next to him when he got word. “Thanks, Ted but I’m done.  I can’t watch him kill himself. You can tell him…. Never mind I’ll tell him myself soon.”

“What are you going to tell him?” John asked.

“I want to tell him to just get it over with.  It is killing me watching him do this. He he doesn’t care about me anymore, fine.  But if he can do it to Gus he isn’t the man I’ve been in love with for 10 years.”

“Justin, please don’t call him yet.  I am going to try to meet with him. I think if you tell him to do it he will. And face it, you couldn’t live with that. Then you are no better than he is. Gus would be out his dad and you would feel responsible for it. You both need to grow up for Gus.” John shouted as he left the studio.  

John was right.  Even though he and Brian weren’t together hey had to figure out a way to co exist for Gus’ sake.  Justin texted John and apologized for his behavior. He wouldn’t do anything right now.

Brian found himself going out in the Stingray every night after work. He would find a different road each night and drive as fast as the car would go with no thought of safety. After doing this for a couple weeks he found the perfect road to lose himself on.

The more he drove it the more he pushed it.  He had hit 120 mph going around the corner and then 130.  It was like a high. It was his orgasm. If he couldn’t have Justin he would settle for this. He knew it would only take the smallest thing in the road and it would be over.  He had Gus this weekend. Maybe after that he would….he knew the spot he would do it at.

Justin knew it was their weekend with Gus.  Brian was not going to shut him out of his life.  He missed Gus and he was going to see him with or without Brian. John was right.  He needed to be a grownup and he needed to do it face to face. Once they had guidelines in place if Brian didn’t want to see him they could text or call.  

Justin called Brian’s office, “Hi, Cynthia, How are you?”

“Justin, it is so good to hear your voice.  I hope you have called to tell me you and Brian have patched everything up and you need to talk to him.”

“You are partially right.  I do need to talk to him. Does he have any time on his calendar?  He is really busy today but I will tell him he has a lunch meeting and will get you sandwiches.”

“Thanks, Cynthia.  Hey, is Tina still working there? I haven’t seen her since my show.  She was such a big help. I don’t know if the show would have gone off without her.”

“She is still working here but she hasn’t come in yet today.   I think I heard she wasn’t feeling well but hoped to make it in later.  Maybe she will be here by noon.”

“Thanks, Cynthia.”

At five minutes to noon he walked in.  Cynthia gave him a hug. “What are you up to, Justin? I need to know to prepare myself for afterward.”

He knew that was only fair with Brian.  “I need to see Gus. He has to share.”

“You aren’t here to try to get back together?” She was shocked.  She didn’t know if they had ever been apart this long. Brian had moved out before the end of January and now they were nearing the end of April. “Justin, you can’t be happy.”

“Happy isn’t in the mix right now.  I need to survive day by day for Gus because from what I hear Brian may not survive one of these days.”

“He loves you, Justin.  He can’t do life without you.”

Justin picked up their white boxed lunches and walked to the office. He looked back at Cynthia and she nodded.   He walked in. and headed to his inner office where he was sure he was and that is where they needed this conversation.  He came around the corner and their he stood. He was leaning over his desk looking at a layout. “Cynthia, who is this lunch with?”

Justin was finding it hard to breath.  He could feel every muscle under that suit without physically touching him. His heart weeped to just touch him.

“It’s with me.”

At the sound of his voice Brian jumped like he had been burned. His voice was low and husky.  “Sunshine.”

They both fought the magnetic pull that was always between them.  Justin took a couple steps closer to him and he stood up.

“Oh, Cynthia sent these in with me.”  Justin took a deep breath. Grown up. He was a Grown up.  “I’m here to talk about Gus. You had him last month. He is coming to the house this weekend.  You are more than welcome to join him. I am sure he wants to see you,too. But I miss our son. I deserve a chance to see him too.”  Justin braced himself for the onslaught of objections.

Brian took a bite of his turkey sandwich. “I agree.”  He took another bite and chewed. “How have you been, Sunshine?”

Each time Brian used his nickname for him Justin felt light headed. He was fighting ever reflexive muscle in his body.  He belonged in those arms. He needed to feel those lips on his

Had he just agreed with no argument?  “You agree?”

“He’s your son, too.  How do we want to work this?”

Justin wasn’t sure how to deal with this.  This was Brian the businessman. This was a business transaction. “You are welcome to come and stay out at the house. That is really the only way that is fair to Gus.”

“Ok.”

Brian slowly reached across the table and lightly caressed Justin’s hand. “How is your hand?”

Justin started moving his hand but Brian brought it up to his lips. It looked like you had a great time in New Orleans.”

“How did you know I had a good time?”

“Tina sent me a couple pictures of the art show and then when the four of you were out dancing.  Well, you were dancing anyway. Tony and John looked in love as usual.

“You had Tina spy on me?”

“No, no, Justin.”  He captured his hand again.  Justin cringed from both physical pain and the mental pain he felt right now.   “I didn’t have her spying on you. I wanted to see how you were doing and it just reinforces you had moved on.”

Inside he was screaming. “I haven’t moved anywhere. I want you.  I miss you. I love you.’ but all he came up with was . “The show went well and Tina was great. I….”

Brian tilted his head waiting for Justin to continue.  “Oh nothing.”

“Can I expect you tomorrow evening with Gus.  Alice would love to make his favorites. I know John and Tony miss you.”

How about you, Sunshine?  Do you miss me? Brian wanted to ask it but he couldn’t get the words out. “We’ll be there around 5:30.  I will text if it is going to be later.”

Justin headed toward the door. “Thank you, Brian.” The name slid off his tongue with the same impact as if his tongue had been in Brian’s mouth.

Justin turned and walked out the door.

Cynthia saw the look on his face as he walked out the door. Justin’s pain was so obvious and so deep he reminded her of a stabbing victim slowly bleeding out. Cynthia put her arms around him and led him to a conference room. “He actually agreed to everything.  He will be out tomorrow with Gus for the weekend.”

“And if you look like this after 20 minutes with him how are you going  to survive a whole weekend?”

“It is for Gus.”

Cynthia started to give him a hug but he held up his hand.  ‘Please, Cynthia, don’t touch me right now.” She understood and backed out of the room.

Justin thought seeing Tina might brighten his mood and he wanted to know how her job unt was coming. He walked through the art department.  Many of the employees greeted him. He saw Tina at a corner work table and he walked over to her. He gently touched her shoulder. “Hi Tina.”

Tina jumped at his touch.  She turned and smiled up at him.  “Hey, Justin.”

“I hear you weren’t feeling well this morning. Better? You look a little pale.”

“I’m OK. Think it was something I ate.”

They chatted for a few more minutes.  “Oh, Tina, I was wondering if you were interested to coming to the Salt Lake City Show.  It is in 3 weeks.”

“Justin, I don’t think I will be able to do that.  I really need to get a little more work done since I was gone this morning. Oh, Justin,” She took his hand and started massaging it. “How has your hand been?”

“It is getting better, slowly.”

“I hope the pain is gone soon.”

Justin knew he was being dismissed.  Maybe it was just that she didn’t feel well. He walked out the back door to his car.

Justin drove home thinking about so many things.  He was still surprised Brian agreed so easily. He hoped that was a good sign Next he thought about his conversation with Tina.  He wondered why she wasn’t able to make the trip to Utah.

He drove into the drive. He let himself into the house and walked into the kitchen. He checked out  what was planned for dinner. It didn’t need to be started yet. He headed out to the studio and found John working on emails.

“Did Brian agree to stay out here with Gus?”  

“Yes, he did.  He was very cooperative.”

“Justin, is something wrong?  You are getting really pale.”

“John, I think Tina’s pregnant.”

“Wow, really, I didn’t even know she had a boyfriend.  Who’s the father? Do I know him?

“You’re looking at him.”