Chapter 12 CDLWY

John looked at Justin and started laughing. “Funny, Justin, no really, is it someone I know”

Justin dropped into a chair near John.  “I just saw her at the office. She didn’t say anything but on the way home it was obvious.  She’s pregnant.”

“Justin, you are skipping over the important part.  You’re the father? You do realize what it takes to get pregnant, right?  Last I knew, you weren’t interested in that.” John looked at Justin’s face.  He took his hand. “New Orleans?”

Without details, Justin told John about Joe, about comforting her.  John had thousands of questions but now was not the time. He dropped to his knees by Justin and opened his arms to this man who had done so much for him and took him into his arms as everything he just said sank in.

“I need to call her.  I need her to confirm it.  If she is free I will drive back in to the city tonight and have dinner with her.  Dinner will be waiting for you at the house whether I am there or not.”

Justin walked back to the house and called Tina.  “We need to talk. Do you have plans for dinner?”

Tina took a deep breath.  “ I think that’s a good idea.”  They planned a time and location.  

At 6:00 pm Tina walked into a little bistro.  The host led her to a back private booth. Justin stood and kissed her cheek. After ordering something to drink Justin took her hands and said,  “You could have told me.”

Instinctively she began massaging his hand, finding the aching spots instinctively. “I didn’t know how.  I picked up the phone several times. I wasn’t lying about protection. It isn’t 100% and….

“You don’t have to explain, Tina.  How are you? Obviously, you have been sick at least in the morning.” He smiled as she picked up her second bread stick.

“Ya, the mornings have been rough.”

“So what are you planning to do?”

Instead of looking him in the eyes she focused on his hand. “Justin, I am barely out of college.  I am still looking for my first job. I can’t afford a baby. It wouldn’t be fair for either of us.  I only see one choice. I didn’t want to have to ask but I don’t have the money for the abortion but I really don’t have the money to raise this baby.” She kept working on his hand to the point of it being painful sometimes.

The waiter brought their drinks and Justin ordered for both of them. As he walked away, Justin took her hands partly so she would stop working on the sore spots but mostly so she would look at him..

“Tina, is that really what you want?”

“No.  I really want it all to go away.  I don’t want to kill this baby but I see no other choice.” As the tears began Justin moved to sit next to her and took her in his arms.

“Tina, I can’t tell you what to do but I am here for you no matter you decide.  I am responsible for this.”

“No, we are responsible.”

The waiter brought their meal and looked at Justin with suspicious eyes.  Brian and Justin were regulars and the waiter glared at him.

Tina smiled, “I take it you come here more often.”

“Yes, I think he is worried I have switched sides or he may be wondering where Brian is so he can have a chance at him.”  Tina smiled at that.

“Tina, like I said, I will support you no matter what you decide but may I make a suggestion?” Tina nodded as Justin went on.  “Tina, I want to raise this baby. It may be my only chance to be a father. If you want to go away I’ll support you. I will pay all the expenses.  I will pay you a salary. You can move in at our, my place. You won’t ever have to see the baby again or you can be involved. I would give this baby all the love they could ever want.  I need this baby. Tina, please consider it.

Tina ate quietly for some time.  Justin tried to eat but just couldn’t.  She wanted to kill his baby and he couldn’t stop her if that’s what she felt was best.

“Justin, I will have the baby for you to raise.  No strings attached. As long as you pay for the expenses and then write that reference when I am ready to look for a job.”

Justin had tears in his eyes.  “Anything, I will do anything for you. You are giving me such a great gift.  How can I ever thank you?”

“You can raise our baby and someday, when I am ready, let me meet them but I won’t try to take them.”

They finished their meal and agreed to meet next week to make decisions.

Justin went home and found Tony and John hanging out in the kitchen of the main house.  Tony said, “We can leave if you want but John said you might want to talk. He told me.”

Justin smiled. “Of course he did. He loves you and isn’t keeping any secrets.  Well, I am having a baby. Tina will give birth and will sign the baby over to me.  We still need to get details in place.”

Tony and John both had big smiles on their faces.  John hugged Justin. “I am thrilled to have a new cousin.”  He stopped for a second. “Well, I guess the baby won’t be my family but…”

“John you will always be my family.  Both of you are and I am going to need your help!”

“Justin, are you going to tell Uncle Brian?”

“Of course I will.  Even if we aren’t together we will always be part of the same family.”  Justin reached out and clung to the young men that had become so dear to him.  “I miss him so much,” he loosened his grip,”but any hope I had has now left so I guess I need to start building a new family.  Brian and Gus will be spending the weekend. I guess I will tell Brian. Gus doesn’t need to know for a while yet. When details are available we will let him know.” They agreed.  Protecting Gus was everyone’s first priority right now. Would guys mind if Gus goes with you after dinner. It is up to you if he stays the night but Brian is going to need time to process and that can sometimes be a very loud process.

Both Tony and John had heard Brian ‘process’ before.  It was going to be an interesting weekend for everyone.

Brian arrived right on time on Friday.  Gus fan full speed into Justin’s arms and the two hugged a long time. When Gus finally pulled away Justin didn’t look directly at him.  “Hey, buddy, why don’t you bring your bag upstairs.” He grabbed it and ran upstairs. Justin blinked away tears. If he felt his much love for this boy how much would he feel for his own but he then realized Gus was his, too. He always had been.

Brian moved closer to the door and noticed Justin’s emotions were right on the edge. “You OK?”

“I’ll be fine.  I am glad we can agree on this.” As he walked past he couldn’t stop himself.  He reached out and ran his finger along Justin’s jawline. Justin nearly dissolved on the spot. He needed to hold it together until after dinner. Then they would talk. Brian could see his inner turmoil. He began to reach for him again but Justin took a step back.  “Please, don’t touch me. We need to talk after dinner.”

They heard Gus squeal as he  was attacked by John and Tony. The giggles were contagious and soon everyone was smiling.  Tony and Justin got the meal on the table and the next 45 minutes everyone relaxed and had a good time. Brian and Justin were a bit subdued and Justin didn’t eat much.  Brian was watching him struggle with something and he just wanted to hold him but that was no longer in on their relationship. As food was passed from time to time their hands would brush over each other.  Their nerve endings were humming. As Brian’s napkin slid off his lap he grabbed for it and his hand landed on Justin’s knee. He left it there a second longer then he needed to but he couldn’t seem to get his hand to move.

John and Tony were having a great time with Gus but they could see the tension growing.  “Hey, Guster,” John teased him. “Want to come watch a movie with Tony and I. I bet we can steal the brownies Alice made for you.”

“Yum!” He looked over at Justin, “But I want to sleep here.  I missed you, Justin.”

“Well, how about I bunk in your room tonight?  I have missed you, too, Gus.” Gus gave Justin a long hug and then put on his coat to walk to the guest house.

Justin quickly stood and started clearing the table.  He grabbed the leftovers and carried them to the counter where he started putting them in a container.  Brian stacked the plates and brought them over to Justin who started rinsing everything off and putting them  in the dishwasher. He felt him before he realized what was happening. Brian’s arms came from behind and pulled Justin firmly against him.  Brian’s mouth feasted on Justin’s neck as his need was obvious. Justin turned and found his mouth and drank him in. He knew that taste. It was a taste no one else had.  The way he touched him was only the way he could touch him. Justin’s mind began to fog and he pushed Brian away.

“No, I can’t, not now.   We need to talk first.”

“The hell we do.  I can’t think straight with you here.,” pinning Justin to the counter he slid his hand down the front of Justin’s pants he felt the instant need come alive. “Can you honestly tell me you don’t want this? That you don’t need this?”  He thrust his hips at Justin and his will was gone. Brian crushed Justin’s mouth with his own. This must be what a starving man feels like when he gets food. Brian slid his hand down Justin back and grabbed his ass and pressed him as close as possible. “I need you  now!” Brian turned Justin around and bent him over. As Brian entered him he cried out. He had not been entered in so long the pain ripped through him but very quickly the pleasure was beyond any pain and Justin cried out in joy as Brian filled him. Brian turned Justin around and dropped to his knees and took him in his mouth and Justin fed Brian his life seed. He had needed that.

After what had just happened they took a couple minutes to regain their composure. With the physical tension gone the emotional tension exploded.

Brian started. “Sunshine, what is it? I know I was an idiot. Before I left we were both overstressed and both said things we really didn’t mean.  That’s why I didn’t go to New Orleans. I thought it would clear itself up while you were gone but, shit, I don’t know what happened. I’ll take all the blame.  It was my fault you broke your arm. It was my fault you couldn’t paint. It was my fault I didn’t come back earlier.” He took a step toward him. But Justin retreated. “I sent Tina along because I knew she could help you and she could assure me you were doing Ok. You got along. I figured...face it….anyone but Jarod.  I couldn’t know you were with him because you would have BEEN with him.”

“So Tina was safe?  You can control who I work with?  You can control who I am with? You left me remember?  You cleared out of our house, our bed….but you really had done that weeks earlier.  Working late, leaving early, guess I will stay at the loft. If I ignore it the problem will go away.”

“I just couldn’t say I was sorry anymore.  I know it was my fault you broke your arm. I know that!”

“Do you really think all of this is about my arm?  What about the joint that nearly killed you a couple months ago? Or the night you forgot to let me know you were out with Mikey, my heart can’t do this anymore. Do you really want me to start on everytime you nearly killed yourself and I was there to pick up the pieces and glue them back together to make our family?  And now, I hear, you are trying to kill yourself with the Stingray. The Car I had done for you! And who will be here to explain it to Gus? What do I say? Oh, by the way, your dad was too selfish to stand up to life’s issues just like his old man?”

After that comment Brian stormed to the bar and poured himself Jim Beam, drank it and poured a second.

Brian was yelling, “So everything in this relationship is my fault?” He tipped back the second one, turned, and shattered the glass against the tile on the fireplace. “Do you know how hard it is to watch you go to a show knowing how many men and women want your work, want to meet the famous Justin Taylor, want to fuck you?  I can see it in their eyes.”

Justin replied at the same level as he paced back and forth. “But if you were there I would have been in YOUR bed, no one else's. Yours is the only bed I ever wanted to be in. If you had been in New Orleans I would have been in your bed.  I would have been fucking you instead of Tina.”

The room went dead silent.

And in a whisper he said, “She’s having my baby.”

Brian dropped into a nearby chair while Justin turned to stare out the windows. In the window’s reflection he saw Brian start to stand but sit back down.  In the distance he saw Gus’ bobbing head with Tony and John behind him.

“Brian, we have a lot more to talk about but Gus is almost here. I’ll try to slip out after he has fallen asleep or it will have to wait until tomorrow.”

Gus came bursting through the doors. He was talking a mile a minute about the movie and how funny Tony and John were.  The young med went back to their place once they knew Gus arrived safely.

“Hey, Gus, why don’t you fun upstairs and take a quick shower.  Put on you PJs and I will be there in a few minutes, Ok? Give you dad a kiss goodnight.”

Gus ran over to where Brian was sitting and gave him a hug. Brian hugged him back a little longer than he likes.  Brian smiles at his Sunny Boy. He kissed the top of his head and let him go.

Brian glared at Justin. “We’ll talk tomorrow.  I’m out of here.” He grabbed a jacket and the keys to the ‘vette’ and he was gone.

As Justin went up to  help Gus he said under his breath, ‘Just run like you always do.’

Justin checked on Gus and then pulled on some shorts to sleep in although he was fairly sure he wouldn’t sleep much. He tucked Gus in and then climbed in next to him. Gus didn’t usually like to snuggle much anymore but tonight he must have sensed Justin’s need for contact and he curled up to him and soon was making the wonderful sounds of sleep. He smelled of soap and Justin couldn’t resist holding him closer.  Is this what it would be like when he had his own son...or daughter! What did he know about girls. He realized he was the same age as Brian was when Gus was born. He knew he couldn’t love his own anymore then he loved this boy.

And then his mind wandered to this boy’s father.  Where was Brian? He was in no shape to be flying down these roads in the dark. He’d been drinking and he wasn’t in a good place.  He looked at the clock. It was nearly 2:00 am. He hadn’t slept and he was sure Brian hadn’t come home yet. He slipped out of bed and went downstairs. He made a pot of coffee and waited.

Brian opened up the Stingray and flew down the road. He passed 150 mph then 160. He realized he was entering a state park.  He slowed down and pulling into an overlook. There were a couple empty cars in the lot. He knew where he was now. Frequently male prostitutes got busted here with their married johns.  Would he ever resort to this? He saw a couple men come out of the trees and one approached his car so he pulled out.

Justin and Tina. He couldn’t fathom it. He had never , for one day in his life, been attracted to women. He had been dancing with a guy one  night. The image of those two laying on a bed flashed through his mind. He had been with a few women but he had to be pretty drunk. He had become really fond of his first, Beth, but that was for several reasons. She had rescued him from his family one summer.  And of course, Lindsey, but to conceive Gus they did not do it the old fashion way. Melanie would have killed him. He was fairly sure that was true. But a baby, Justin’s baby, conceived….The bed scene flashed in his mind again. How could Justin have been so careless? He didn’t get the impression it was planned. Maybe she was going to terminate but then he could see a beautiful baby, Justin’s baby, with fair hair and blue eyes.  And then he saw a smile so much like Justin’s he knew this child had to be born. Even if he and Justin were not together, and he hadn’t given up on that yet, Justin needed to keep this baby.

Brian drove back at a little more reasonable speed. It was nearly 3:00 am when he arrived back at the house.  He parked and unlocked the door. He entered quietly and immediately smelled coffee. He realized it was going to happen so it might as well happen now.

Brian walked into the kitchen and saw Sunshine.  He sat with his head down on the table sleeping. Brian walked over and could see tears still in the corner of his eye. He reached down and trailed a finger down his cheek. “Sunshine.”

Justin’s eyes fluttered open. “What time it is?

“3:00”

“Where the hell have you been?” Justin didn’t want to wake Gus but he wanted to scream at him.

“What difference does it make?

”I guess absolutely none.  Just because our son is in the house doesn’t mean I need to know where you were.  Just because it’s 3 in the morning, I doesn’t mean I need to know where you are. Just because I am going through the hardest time in my life and I didn’t know where my heart was  doesn’t mean…..” He was not going to cry. Not this time.

I can’t do this anymore.  We need to talk, I need to know where you stand because this is going to affect Gus no matter what. Our son deserves to have two fathers that can respond like mature adults, not crazy people.  And now there will be another child…”

“What the hell happened? I think I deserve to know that much at least.”

“You don’t ‘deserve’ anything!  You had left me. You actually sent Tina with me. You..”

Brian sat next to Justin and took his hands.  He brought them to his mouth and kissed those amazing talented hands.In a low voice he said, “Sunshine, I’m trying to understand. You have never had an interest in women.  I can’t believe that changed in a week. Did you get super drunk? I need to know to understand.”

Justin took a deep breath. He told Brian about Tina meeting Joe at the bar.  He told him about going home alone and how lonely he was. He had heard Tina come home and just knowing what was probably going to happen. “I started thinking about how much I missed you and I started playing with myself.  I couldn’t seem to sleep so….”

Brian had to smile.  He would have done plenty to help him out.

“Anyway, I heard Tina make a noise that didn’t seem right.  I slipped on my robe, grabbed a fire poker, and figured if everything sounded koshur I’d just finish myself off in bed and try to sleep.  When I got to her door I could hear her cry out. He was trying to rape her. I scared him off and went to comfort her. Well, she was shaking and  I put my arms around her and I really don’t know what happened next. She told me she had protection. Anyway, I just found out yesterday she was pregnant.  We had dinner last night and made some basic decisions.”

“Justin, you saved her from a horrible thing.  I am sure blood was bumping.” He had to smile, “literally. I can understand, sort of.”

“Well, I am raising the baby. He or she will be raised in a loving home with or without you. Brian, Gus will have another sibling and I hope you you can deal with that.

“Justin, driving tonight, I want you to be a father and I want to be here with you. I want you.”

“Brian, I didn’t say WE were part of the deal.  You know I love you and I know you love me but I can’t do the drama anymore. You can’t keep doing the stupid stuff.  I can’t worry about Gus, a baby, and still wonder if you are going to kill yourself buying bad drugs or going off the road.  I want a family and if you want to be dad to this baby I would love it but if you want to just be Uncle Brian you just can’t live here.  If you don’t think a baby is worth growing up for, just know I will be there for Gus always.” Justin took his hand. “Don’t answer me now.  You need to think about it and you need to be honest.” Justin reached and brought Brian’s mouth to his. “ I have missed you SO much.” He offered his hand to Brian.  

Brian took his hand and pulled him onto his lap. Brian’s hands and lips were everywhere at once. They were in a frenzy.  Justin broke his mouth away and managed to get out the word, “Bedroom.” They only made it halfway up the stairs before Justin’s hand was down Brian’s pants.  He dropped to his knees on the steps and took in Brian’s penus into his mouth. He licked and teased and when the first taste of pre cum arrived he swallowed the whole member and sucked out every last drop. He smiled up and said, “I needed an appetizer.”  He ran to the room with Brian on his heels. Brian grabbed Justin’s shirt and pulled it off. He latched on to Justin’s nibble and began swirling his tongue around and around sucking and nipping.Justin needed Brian inside soon. He began squirming and was soon begging Brian to take him.  Brian took time to prepare him this time. He started with his tongue continuing until Justin begged for more. He then started inserting his middle finger moving in a circle. Brian continued to stroke the prostate each time he circled. Justin began begging. He added another digit and when Justin began crying with frustration Brian entered him. He did not rush.  He would bring him to the crest of ecstasy and slow down again. Finally he couldn’t hold himself back and drove into Brian shaking both of them to the bone.

After collapsing in each other’s arms they still continued exploring with their hands and lips until they made love once more softly and slowly.  As the came together tears formed in Justin’s eyes, not knowing he he would ever feel this again.

A couple hours later there was a knock on the door.  “Justin, are you in there? Dad?”

Brian pulled the blankets up and said, “Come on in, Gus!”  

Gus dove in between them they both started kissing and tickling.  Gus was a heap of giggles. He started crawling under the blankets  but Brian stopped him. “You just stay about the blankets.”

“OOOOO, you’re naked .  Yuck!” Justin attacked Gus’ neck and the giggles began again. Soon Gus said, “I’m hunger!”

“What are you hungry for?”

“Pancakes!!!”

“Well if you can leave us alone for 10 minutes I can get up and be downstairs in a few minutes.”

“Ok! I love you, Justin.”

“What am I over here, “ Brian smiled at Gus.

“You already know I love you, Dad.”

Gus was out the door.

“Do you think we have time???” Brian lowered his head to Justin’s again and 10 minutes later, Justin left to make pancakes.

Tony  woke up early.  After walking Gus back to the house Tony and John had walked back to their place and fell asleep.  Now Tony was ready to play. He slipped out of bed and found one of their favorite vibrators. He lubed it well and slipped into John. He turned it on low and started kissing John. It was only seconds before John’s arms pulled Tony tightly against him and Tony upped the speed;  Soon John was frantic. He loosened Tony up and turned him on his back. He pushed in and was met by higher vibration. Tony and John both were very ready and the ejaculated together. John grabbed the remote and turned it off and threw the invader to the floor. The look on his face told Tony he was next.  It was his turn to take John Just the thought of it brought his cock alive. He lubed up and very slowly entered him. He knew John was always quite uncomfortable at first.but he loosened up quickly, especially after the vibrator, and he had learned the gratification of it. It wasn’t long before they were both lying flat on their backs fingers entwined.  

“Hey, guys, if you are busy tell me about it later but if you want pancakes for breakfast get your buts out of bed.” John jumped up and buzzed back letting them know they would be there in 15 minutes.

They had a great breakfast.  John and Tony saw Justin and Brian happier than they had in a long time.  They all spent the day just hanging out. John and Tony slipped a way a couple times and Brian and Justin did too.  If Gus noticed he didn’t mention it. They ended the day watching a movie in the media room. Soon they were all under blankets eating popcorn.  The grownups knew why they had blankets as hands explored and groped. When the movie was over John and Tony said goodnight and Justin told Gus it was time for a shower so he ran upstairs.

Justin’s hand slid into Brian’s sweats and he ran his finger along the bottom side of Brian’s ballsack.  He bit into Justin’s neck. “We have to stop. Our son….” One more kiss and Brian went upstairs to help his son.

Justin went to the kitchen and started cleaning up and soon arms came around him and Brian’s mouth was by his ear.  “Let’s go up.”

“It’s time to talk.”  He handed Brian a cup of coffee. They shared a lounge chair as they sipped coffee.  Brian, are you with me in this life? Can you promise that you are in for life? Or will we always love from afar and chat at parties.  

Brian pulled Justin closer.  “I want to promise you. But, Justin, you know I’m a fuck up, I can’t promise it to you and the baby because I’m not capable of keeping that promise. Brian’s voice shook a bit I will help you and the baby anyway I can.  I….damnit, Justin…..I can’t promise you if I think I will break it. Please share the baby with Gus. He would love another sibling and he will be such a good big brother. He took the coffee cup out of Justin’s hand and pulled him onto him, “I  love you too much to hold onto you.”

Justin listened to Brian and then said, “So speeding, drugs, are too tempting to accept my terms. Gus will always be welcome here with me and the baby.  You may come when Gus is here or when you are invited. My baby will enjoy having an uncle like you.” Justin dropped a light kiss on his mouth, I will set your bag outside the bedroom door.”  He stood, “Brian, no one is perfect. I wouldn’t expect you to be either. You’re the only one who has that expectation.”

As Justin walked to the steps he noticed Gus near the top.  “Hey, Gussy. Did you need something?”

:”I’m thirsty.”

“You crawl back in bed and I’ll bring you some water, buddy.”

Justin filled a glass and headed to the steps. Brian still sat in the chair they had just share, sipping his cold coffee.

“I’ll always love you, baby.” Justin said barely a whisper.  He walked toward Gus’ room.

When Justin had left the room, a tear rolled down Brian’s cheek. He quietly said, “I love you, too, Sunshine.”

Justin was in the kitchen when Gus came downstairs Sunday morning.  He was so adorable with his messed hair and Rage pajamas. He walked to Justin and wrapped his arms around Justin’s waist.  Justin wrapped his arm around Gus’ shoulders. “Well, what a great thing to get in the morning, a hug from my best guy! How are you this morning?”

“You and Dad aren’t going to live together anymore, are you?”

Justin was surprised at that question. “You must have been on the steps a few minutes last night?”

Gus nodded, “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. I’m sorry.”

Justin squatted down and looked at this sweet boy.  “ No, baby, we aren’t. I love your dad and he loves me but we just aren’t meant to be together, but, Gus, I love you SO much and I want you to come out here all the time.  Your dad can come, too. Gus, we will always be family.”

Gus hung on for a long time. “I love you, Justin.”

“I love you, too, Gussy.”  He stood and noticed Brian stand there.  He asked Gus, “Now, what do you want for breakfast today?”  After Gus made his choice, he ran off to get dressed.

Brian walked in. “How much did he hear last night?”

“Enough to know that he has a home with both of us but we aren’t getting back together.”

“Justin, can’t we……..”

“Brian, you chose last night.  Are you ready to promise things will change?”

There was a moment of silence and then, “Gus and I will be leaving about 10:00.”

Justin took a deep breath and began his new life.  “Ok, well, breakfast will be ready soon.” He took a breath. “ I will be leaving for Salt Lake City next week.  I think I will see if John can come the last have to help pack up the paintings. Tina’s not up to it, obviously.  I plan to talk to her before I go and get Mel started on paperwork.”

“Justin, if you need anything…..”

“Brian, we’re good.”

Gus came bopping in ready for breakfast and the discussion was done.

After Gus and Brian had left for the day, John and Tony were hanging around the house.  Justin knew they were there for him. “Guys, I am fine. You don’t have to hang out with me. Seriously, I will be fine.  Hey, John I’m hoping you are willing to fly out to Salt Lake City Next Sunday and stay until Tuesday when I am ready to come home.  I think I will need help packing up everything and you know how to pack the paintings safely.”

“Sure, I can do that.” He looked at Tony.

“I would invite Tony, too, but I think he is working on his finals.”  Tony nodded. The look on both of their faces made Justin smile.

“I think you will survive 2 days apart.”  He laughed. “And this is the last trip I will be planning for some time.  Now, will you two go back to your place and do whatever it is you would do on a normal Sunday afternoon.’

John walked over to Justin and put his hand on his shoulder.  “I take it this means Brian isn’t coming back.”

“He will be back when  we have Gus and when he is invited.  This baby will have a really fun uncle.  Now, please, go. I am just going to call Tina and then I will probably take a nap.”

Justin dialed Tina’s numbered.

A weak voice answered, “Hello?”

“Tina, it is Justin.  Are you alright?”

“I just feel really sick today.” He could hear the tears in her voice.

“May I come over?”

“You don’t want to see me like this.”

“Tina, it is because of me you feel like this.  Please let me come. Is there anything I can pick up for you?  Crackers? Peanut butter?”

“It is because of us and yes, please, I would love it if you came and could you get some wonton soup?”

“I’ll be there in 45 minutes.”

Justin let the young men know what he was up to and went to the garage. He had hoped the Stingray was there but it wasn’t.  He really hoped Brian had his head on straight. He wasn’t worried about Gus. He would never do anything with him in the car but he had the car. Brian had made his choice.  He didn’t understand it but it was done and his life needed to go on for his baby.

He arrived at Tina’s right when he said he would.  He tapped on the door and a very pale Tina opened it and made a dash for what he expected was the bathroom.  He followed her in and rubbed her back until the nausia past. He then helped her back to the couch and pulled a blanket up around her. He debated where to sit, next to her? In the chair by her?

She must have picked up on his dilemma and patted the sofa next to her. He dropped down and pulled her to him.  “We are both new to this, Tina. I want to be as involved as I can be but I don’t want to overstep. Please let me know if I do.  Neither of us have done this before.”

“Thank you.” She put her hand on his chest.  “Just knowing you care makes me feel better.”

Justin kissed the top of her head and tightened his arm around her. “I want to be part of it all if you are comfortable with it.  I want to go to the Dr. with you. I want to be your birth coach. You know, you could move in at my place. Now, I don’t mean to be pushy, but I have lots of empty rooms and Alice, the housekeeper, would love to have the company during the day.  There is no reason for you to keep going into the internship when you feel like this. If you let me, I want to take care of you until the baby is born and I will have something worked out for you after that. I will keep paying for this apartment if you want to come back to it later.” Justin took a breath. “I am sorry.  I am getting carried away. I had a rocky and wonderful weekend. Right now I just want you to know you have nothing to worry about. I have this. I hope you will move in.”

Tina snuggled a little closer.  “I would love to move in. That really does help.  I think some of the not feeling well was because of nerves.  You have made them a lot better already. You know, we are in this together. If you want to tell me about this weekend I would love to hear it.”

“Are you sure you want to here this?” She nodded. “Well, first the wonderful part was our son was out for the weekend.”

“Your son?”

“Gus is actually Brian’s son but he is the best kid ever.  He is going to be an amazing big brother. His moms do have a daughter, too, and although they are typical siblings, Gus loves JR and would do anything for her.  Anyway Gus and Brian were out for the weekend. We share custody with his moms and we all get along great. It was easier when there were only two residences and now there are three but when it is our weekend Brian will come out to the house.”

“I take it the two of you aren’t back together?”

“No, we won’t be getting back together. I will always love Brian and, if I admit it, it will always hurt but he made his choice and it wasn’t us. It’s only fair you know he will be around.  He will always be in the baby’s life but he will just be the fun uncle I think. He is going to love my baby.”

Justin saw her cringe at the use of ‘my’.  “Tina, we need to keep this in perspective for all of us.  You will always be this baby’s birth mother but you still plan to sign all rights over, right?”

“Yes, I know I can’t raise this baby. I am not ready for that at all.” With that she ran to the bathroom again.  Justin followed behind.

After she was again tucked in on the sofa Justin heated the soup and brought it to her.  “Try some of this. You need something in your stomach.” She sipped on it and it really did taste good and her stomach seemed to be settling.

“Tina, I wasn’t going to suggest this tonight because I am leaving town but I will only be gone a few days and my family out there will take care of you.  Why don’t you come back to the house with me right now? I can have moves pack up your stuff and put it in storage. I would like knowing you are being taken care of.”

Tina threw her arms around his neck and started crying. “Guess I am going to get used to an emotional woman.”  He laughed and kissed her cheek. “Are you up to packing some clothes?

She nodded and walked to her room.

Justin quickly texted John about the new plans.  His response came quickly saying they would make sure a room was ready.  John and Tony were going to spoil her rotten. Justin helped her into the vehicle and as they road out he told Tina about his ‘family’. She, of course, already knew John and Tony.  He told her about Alice and he told her about his mom and Tucker. “I haven’t told my mom yet. She is going to be thrilled.”

“Are you sure? This isn’t the normal circumstanse for a baby.”

“Tina, do you think my mother is used to normal with Brian and me?  I was 17 when I got with Brian. My mom can handle anything. I will definitely call her tonight.” The rest of the way home Tina asked questions about the house and concerns she had about getting a job and what would happen after the baby came.

Justin let her talk.  He wasn’t going to let her worry about anything.  He made sure she felt in charge of what was decided and that he was there to talk to at any time.

When they arrived she was amazed at the size of the house and estate.  “Tina, you’re tired. Why don’t you lay down for a while. Dinner should be ready around 6:00. Let me or Alice know if there is anything you want to eat or need.” She was getting really sleepy. He walked her to the room Tony and John had gotten ready.  It was across from his and was one of the larger guest rooms. Justin was barely out of the room when she fall asleep.

He went to his room to call his mom.  Jennifer answered after a couple rings.  “Honey, how are you? It has been too long.  You and Brian, oops, you need to come over for dinner soon.  It is just you right?

“Well, no, Brian and I are not back together and a couple major things have to change before I ever will consider it.” He was silent for a second. “I do have something to tell you.  How would you like to add a new title to your name?

“Justin what are you talking about.  I am already married. What kind of title are you talking about?”

“Mom, you’re going to be a grandma.”  The line went dead silent on the other end.  “Mom, are you there?”

Then he heard a cheer.  “Honey, I am not saying your timing is perfect not being with Brian will definitely make it harder but I am guessing this has been planned a while?”

“No, Mom.  This baby was made the old fashion way.  It is a long story and I think we need to be face to face for it.  Can you make it out for dinner tomorrow? There is someone I want you to meet.”  Jennifer said she could make it out around 6:30. He could hear her excited voice as she hung up. He wondered if Tucker was ready to be a father. And then he realized at some point he should tell his father.  That could wait a bit. He was just building the relationship and this would be a big addition.

Justin wasn’t sure what Tina would be interested in eating.  She had eaten plenty for dinner the other evening so he hoped she would be hungry.  He had baked some chicken that Alice had prepared and he made rice and vegetables to serve with it.  Everything she ate helped his baby so nothing but the best. It would just be the two of them as Tony and John had let him know they were staying at their place. He didn’t want to think about the reason they were staying in.  It just made him sad. Lonely was a better word. He knew Tina being here would help with that. At least he would have someone to talk to. He would just have to live without his heart. His baby would help restore the one he had.

Brian had taken Gus to his favorite trampoline park before taking him home to his moms. He walked to the door and it opened before he knocked. “Hi, Uncle Brian.”  JR was turning into a beautiful girl. She must be nearly 8 by now.

“Hello, Beautiful.  How was your weekend without your brother?”

“Pure bliss! Are you sure he can’t live with you all the time.”

Brian pulled her hair just enough for her to pull a face at him.  He leaned over and kissed her on the head. “I am guessing at least one of your moms is home.”  

“I think they are both in the living room.  Last time I saw them they were kissing. YUCK.”

Brian laughed, “That’s exactly what your brother said when he walked in …..” He stopped mid sentence. He would never do that again. “Anyway, Gus walked in and said the same thing.”

Gus headed upstairs to make sure his sister had left his stuff alone while he walked into the living room. “Hey Mel, Hey Linds.” He dropped into a chair.

“Brian, won’t you have a seat? Make yourself comfortable, “ Mel said sardonically.  Lindsay elbowed her.

“So has Justin called you yet?”

“As a matter of fact, we are meeting tomorrow. He didn’t really tell me what it was about.”

Brian leaned forward in his chair and looked at the floor, his elbows resting on his knees and his chin was on his hands. “I know it isn’t my place to tell you….” He glanced at the door to make sure neither kid was there. “But I need to talk to someone.  Justin is going to be a father.”

Justin would be an amazing father however the becoming one was what was the problem.  Maybe he meant he wanted to be a father and that’s why he wanted to talk to her. “So Justin is looking for a surrogate? I know a couple different places.”

“Mel, he is past that.  When Justin was in New Orleans...well, there was a girl.” Melanie started laughing.”What did you take when you were with our son?”

Brian looked up and met Lindsay’s eyes. Sarcastically he said, “Our little boy has gotten a girl knocked up.” His voice cracked. “Gus doesn’t know yet and Justin would like it to stay that way for a little bit anyway.”

Both Melanie and Lindsay were too shocked to speak.  Finally Lindsay said, “Where are the two of you in this?”

“There is no two of us. I will spend the weekends I have Gus out at the house.  The rest of the time I will be at the loft. By the way, would you mind if I had Gus Saturday part of the day.  He had so much fun at the trampoline park I’d like to take him again. Justin will be in Salt Lake City so I thought maybe I should talk to him about, well, everything.  He is growing up so fast, I know he suspects something is going on. I just want to talk to him. He loves Justin so much.”

“Just like his father does? Why aren’t you there fighting for it?”

“I know I can’t keep the promise he is asking of me and breaking a promise to him would kill me, not that death ……”  I need to go. I will let you know when I will pick Gus up.” He rushed to the door. Before he could get it open Lindsay was at his side.

“You can’t drop that sentence and just leave, Brian.”

“Actually, I can!” And Brian walked out the door.

The women looked at each other. Lindsay said, “Do you think we should call Justin?”

“ I hope Justin’s just gotten rid of the problem.  He is not Brian’s keeper.”

“But he is, Mel, he will always have his heart.”  

Tina looked much better when she came down. She had a little color in her cheeks and she said she was hungry.  As they ate they talked. Justin told her about her mom and sister. He told her about his parents divorce and how each parent had remarried.  He also told her about the recent reconciliation with his dad. He then asked her about her family.

“Not much to tell, really.  I come from a big family. There are a total of 5 kids.  I am in the middle. My parents work long hours. I had to put myself through college.  I have lots of student debt. I am going to have to contact the loan company and see what I can work out while I’m not working.”

“Tina, you don’t have to worry about that.  Get me the information and I will pay it. I told you you are not to worry about anything but a healthy baby. How would you like a tour of the house. You can have free range of the place except, maybe, my bedroom and Gus’ room.  He is quite particular about he gets to go in there.” Justin smiled just thinking about him. I can’t wait for you to meet him.”

Tony and John wanted to give Tina some space and, with Gus here this weekend and with what was going on with Brian and Justin They really hadn’t spent much time together, alone. Next weekend John would be leaving for a few days so they just wanted some time together.  They decided to play a game. They both wrote down several things they enjoyed doing and put it in a mug. Then in another mug they put their names. They would take turns drawing activities in first mug and then draw a name from the other. What ever mug one said needed to be done by first the the person whose name was drawn and then the other would do the same. Every activity was to last five minutes.  They had a timer ready. Tony started. He drew out an activity.

“Pay attention to an ear.”

John reached in and drew out a name.  “Tony.”

Tony came over and slowly began licking the outside of John’s right ear. He flicked his tongue into the ear canal.  He then gently ran his teeth over the lobe over and over.

John was about ready to grab Tony when the timer went off. Then it was John’s turn to return the favor.

This was harder than they expected because it was like constant teasing of being teased but no pay off. They sucked each others nipples.  They spent time sucking each other’s dick but were not allowed to let them come. They massaged each other’s ass. Then came the request of ice cream licked off each other starting with the nose, then it was the chest. John had Tony lay on his stomach and  John put a trail of ice cream along the crack of Tony’s ass and then began cleaning him up.

At that point the game was forgotten and ice cream was put in every possible orophus. Their tongues and lips skimmed over  each other lapping up the sweet, coldness. John turned Tony over once more and trailed his tongue down from his shoulder blades to his lower back and then his tongue slid in.  Chilled and penetrating. Tony gasped.

“John, will you please, Mio Amore, please!  Now, please.”

“John grabbed the lube and a condom.  He slid in slowly, allowing Tony time to adjust. But his restraint was limited.  His strokes grew longer and stronger and soon Tony yelled, “Il mio cuore è solo tuo, my heart is yours, as he shuddered throughout his entire body.

John wrapped his arms tightly around Tony’s waist and held perfectly still as he climaxed holding his love.

Justin heard some scuffling on the patio and looked up.  There stood Tony and John holding an empty ice cream carton. He had an idea what had happened to that ice cream from the looks on their faces.  They walked in and both greeted Tina, each giving her a hug and kiss. They had come to see if there were brownies left from the weekend. They put the pan on the table and everyone helped themselves.  

Some time later the guys headed back to the guest house.  Justin took Tina’s hand. “Feeling better?”

“I’m feeling better than I have in days.  I think my nerves were part of the problem and now I feel like I have support.”

“Tina, I want to do everything I can do to make this easier for you.  Tomorrow I made an appointment with one of Gus’ mom. Mel’s a lawyer. If you agree I think we need to get our agreement down in writing so we all know how things stand.  Is that alright with you? She will know the going rate for surrogates and knows what we need to have covered for legal purposes.” He stopped and looked at her. “Are you alright with this?”

“ This baby is going to have so much love.”  She threw her arms around his neck and gave him a big smack on his cheek.

“Tina, can I ask you one favor?  Tomorrow can you stay up here until I have a chance to talk to Alice?  I think I should tell her before she finds you in the kitchen.”

“Don’t worry, Justin.  In the mornings the last thing I want to do is be around cooking food.”

He smiled softly at her, “I am sorry you feel so bad. Are you ready to head to bed?”

“I am really tired.”

Together they walked up the stairs and went to their own rooms.  “Tina, if you need anything…”

“Yes, Justin,” She smiled, “I know where you are.”

Justin closed the door behind him.  He looked at the big bed and like he had done ever since the last time Brian had shared it with him.  He pulled the blanks off of it and curled up on the loveseat He fell into a fitful sleep.

Brian had left Mel and Lindsay’s not sure where he was going.  He ended up on what he now considered his road. He wondered just how fast he could actually drive it.  He started out at 90 mph. He had done it at that speed many times. He then went up to 100, then 110, 120, 130.  By now he had no idea what time it was. All he saw was the road and at the end of it Justin stood with a disappointed look on his face. After driving the same strip of deserted road for several hours he realized he had driven home. Next time.  He was going to have Gus on Saturday and then …..he would finally find peace.

Justin finally got up at 6:00 am and went down to the kitchen. He made a pot of coffee. When the pot had finished brewing he poured a cup and sat in the lounger he and Brian had shared just a few nights ago. He could feel his body, every muscle, the softness of  his lips. He could still smell the soap he used, and hear the intake of breath Brian took as he had moved his hand down his chest, and whether his eyes were open of closed his face was there. Justin realized his coffee was cold but he didn’t care. He set it on an end table.  If he didn’t have this baby to think about…”

“Justin, Justin, did you sleep here all night?”  Justin’s eyes fluttered open. He smiled that could melt anyone’s heart, male or female.

“Morning, Alice.  I woke up early and was having trouble sleeping.  Maybe I should sleep down here. Obviously I didn’t have trouble here.”

Alice took his cup and emptied the cold coffee and poured him a fresh cup.  There was a glass in the sink and Alice looked at it. “Either the guys in this house started wearing tinted lip gloss or you had a woman in the house last night.”

“Actually that is one of the reasons I came down here.  We now have a woman living at the house.”

“That’s a quick turn of events.  I know I am just the help but ….”

“Alice, you know you are more than just help and you need to know what went on this weekend. Of course, Brian and Gus were here.  He loved the brownies, by the way.” Alice smiled. “Anyway, back up to Thursday. I had gone to talk to Brian and stopped to see Tina.  I know you haven’t met her but she was in New Orleans with us?” Alice nodded. “Well, I tracked Tina down and she didn’t look good. She said she had been sick in the mornings and….”

“That’s wonderful, Justin.  You invited a pregnant friend to stay with you for a while.  I almost forgot to ask if Brian moved back in but now that I think about it. He didn’t did he.”  Justin shook his head.

“And Alice, Tina is a pregnant friend but there is a little more to the story.  Tina is having my baby and once the baby is born I will have full custody. Tina is having severe morning sickness.  In fact, i am going to go check on her.”

Alice wasn’t sure but she followed along.  She was trying to figure out how Tina got pregnant by a man who was so in love with his boyfriend he couldn’t sleep in his own bed anymore. She noticed the blankets on the floor as they walked past the room.

Justin heard the retching before he got to the door. :”Tina,  cutie, are you OK? Can I come in? He heard another round of throwing up.”

“Well, I am not going to stand out here and listen.”  Alice walked in the door. Tina was on the floor in the bathroom.  “Hi, Tina, I’m Alice. :Let’s see if we can get you feeling a little better.”

“Justin, go to the kitchen.  Get some ginger ale, preferably room temperature and, yes, crackers.  Just the plain saltines.” Alice took a cloth and put some cool water on it.  She then layed it across Tina’s neck. Tina shivered a bit but then seemed to relax a bit.  “Do you think you are ready to go back to the bed?” Tina nodded and Alice supported her back to bed. Justin came back with a tray.  He had a glass, ginger ale, crackers, peanut butter, and a knife. Alice half waved him out of the room. Those boys will be wanting breakfast soon.  Go scramble some eggs and check if the bacon in the oven is good.”

Justin, feeling dismissed, went down and started making breakfast.  An hour later Tony and John had eaten and left. Justin had started cleaning up the kitchen when Alice walked in. She walked over to Justin, took his face in her hands and kissed his cheek.”

“What was that for?”

“Tina told me the whole story.  You are her hero.”

“Some hero!  If it wasn’t for me she wouldn’t be pregnant .”

“That might be true or she may be pregnant with a rapist’s baby instead of someone that has the biggest heart I have ever seen.  It’s obvious you are hurting but this woman and your baby take precedence over your feelings.”

Changing the subject away from himself he asked, “Alice, how did you know what to do up there?”

“Well, besides having a couple kids myself, I was an ob gyn nurse in another lifetime.  The peanut butter was a great catch. Sometimes a little protein helps.”

“Alice, I don’t want an answer right now but, would you considering being my nanny when the time comes?”

“Well, I have to admit I have had a fantasy about changing your diaper but…” Justin threw a dish towel at her.

“You could have the room down here.  I am thinking the nursery will be in the room next to us, I mean me.”

Alice draped an arm around his shoulder, “It will get easier, I promise.”  She kissed his cheek.

Justin did a shivering motion.  Alice looked at him quizzically.  “You just told me you want to change my diaper and then you kiss me…”  They both started laughing and the mood became much lighter.

Justin let Alice know that he and Tina would be heading into town to talk to Mel.  He also told her Jennifer would be here for dinner. She said she would make a separate dish for the other house and deliver it sometime today.

Tina came down looking a little shaky but much better than earlier.  She walked over to Alice and put her arm around her waist and gave her a squeeze.  “Thank you. I feel much better this morning than I have before 2:00 in a long time.”  

Alice poured a big glass of milk and put it in front of her. “Drink it, unless you are lactose intolerant.  It will help your stomach and it is good for the baby.”

Tina and Justin headed into Pittsburgh and arrived at Mel’s office.  Justin took one look at Mel and said, “Someone has a big mouth.”

“That isn’t new to you, Justin.”

Introductions were made and Justin and Tina spelled out their plans to Mel.  She saw no problems with it and said she would draw up the paperwork. As the meeting drew to a close, Mel asked Tina to give them a minute, family stuff.  Tina stepped out into the main lobby. Mel looked at Justin, “How are you doing, Justin?”

“I’m Ok.  I need to be.”  He got a big grin on his face. I’m going to be a father.

“And you are going to be the best father I can imagine but the other father in the picture….do you know what he is up to?”

“Mel, I can’t worry about him anymore.  He made his choice. He likes the risks more than the idea of being a family.  So, now I have my own family. Don’t get me wrong. You know I will always love Gus as my own and Brian will always be a part of my life because of that but he won’t be with me as long as he can’t start thinking things through before making such stupid choices.  Thanks, Mel, my mom is coming for dinner to meet Tina so we need to head out. I leave for Salt Lake City in a couple days so I needed to get this stuff in place.”

They drove back to the house in near silence.  Tina could tell Justin needed to think about something and it wasn’t her place to  to barge in. As they drove up the drive Justin noticed his mom’s car was already here.

“I’m warning you now, Tina, the grandma to be is here.  Tell her to back off if she gets overly stifling. I really think you will love each other.”

They walked into the house and Jennifer appeared. “Oh, Justin.”  she already had tears in her eyes.

“Mom, this is Tina.  Tina, my mom, Jennifer.”  The women hugged each other and he disappeared in the eyes of these women.  Obviously, boys weren’t invited. He smiled. This is exactly what he had hoped would happen.  

Jennifer told Tina she understood why she couldn’t raise the baby.  She listened to stories about Tina’s family and told Tina about Justin as a little boy.

When Justin brought up the fact he would be gone from Wednesday until Tuesday Alice and Jennifer started divvying up time so Tina wouldn’t be in the big house by herself at night.  Justin, thankfully, slipped into his own thoughts. He knew his joy would come, he just wasn’t sure when.