Basic Rules for the Proper Care and Feeding of a Twink

by Brian Kinney



Rule one: Find yourself a fresh young, sexy twink, fuck his brains out then let him go; never ever deflower a twink, they're yours for life.

Rule two: Never ask his name and never fuck the same twink twice, this leads to further complications.

Rule three: Establish the ground rules up front, make sure he knows who's top and who's bottom. This may sound obvious but some twinks harbor the false illusion that they will somehow get to top you.

Rule four: Don't care about your twink; when this happens you fall into dangerous territory.

Rule five: Coping with the caring. If the worst should happen and you find yourself actually caring for the little shit, the next set of rules are necessary to maintain your sanity.

      • Education. If you are saddled with a school aged twink, make sure he finishes his education. There is nothing worse than a clueless twink.

      • Feed your twink. This maybe hard on one's wallet. Most twinks, especially the young variety, are bottomless pits, they eat constantly. But a well fed twink does have its rewards. He can suck your cock for hours. If your twink can cook, then go ahead and let him.

      • Dress your twink. For some ungodly reason in the land of Twinkdom, there is an unwritten but well established law; dress like shit. A twink's attire is atrocious. Be prepared to spend some bucks, for endless arguments, the whining and the pouting. I have found that if you promise your twink a FCUK t-shirt as an incentive he will shut the fuck up and wear the label you put on his back or his ass. Such incentives make the shopping experience go a lot easier.

    • Wash your twink. A properly cleansed twink has many advantages, starting with the obvious, they just fucking smell nice. It's a pleasure to hold a fresh smelling twink on your lap and play with him. It's also rather fun to wash said twink. Select an appropriate smelling soap, after all it's your nose that's going to be buried in his pubes or his ass. This is for the comfort of the top more so than just the establishing of good hygienic habits. Next, make sure your shower can hold two or more comfortably. Then the water temperature. I prefer hot showers, but I have learned that my twink has delicate skin, so warm water is best. Indulge your twink. Let him take care of your needs, your hair and wash your back. A useful twink is a happy twink. Then you can wash him. Take care of all the important cracks and crevices, especially around his hole. Tenderly lather and rinse said hole, cock and balls. You may need to repeat this procedure several times until you are satisfied and have achieved the desired cleanliness. If during all this cleaning an erection occurs, then by all means take care of it. There's nothing like a showery suck and fuck.

      • Dealing with the pain. Some twinks come with difficult emotional baggage, often through no fault of their own. It's hard work dealing with the nightmares, mood swings, overall emotionalism but well worth it. To see him finally sleep peacefully, smile contentedly, and mature into a well rounded man, and become the best homosexual he possibly can. It is the responsibility of the top to make his twink into a good homosexual.

There are certain topics and situations a top should never be subjected to, such as boyfriends, fidelity, relationships, lovers, monogamy *shudder* and love. These are all best to be avoided.

Rule six: If successfully trapped by a smart twink, FIGHT! Fight like hell and run. Do your damnedest to get away. But when all else fails and you can't beat him, join him. Sometimes knowing that there is someone always in your corner, helps you to deal with all of the shit life has a way of throwing at you.

Knowing that there's a special man who can match you fuck for fuck, suck for suck, argument for argument; one man who will pull no punches. Tell you when your are brilliant and call you out when you act like a shit.

It's a smart, efficient top who knows when to stop wasting time fighting the inevitable when life is far to short, and resign himself over to the love. Once the top throws out the rules, you and your twink can concentrate on the fun.

One good twink in your bed (and life) is worth a million fucks in the backroom. And it's one hell of a crazy ride.