Chapter 12

The last two months of his pregnancy had been quiet and happy months for Brian. He had started his leave of absence at Kinnetik and had handed over the reigns to Ted and Cynthia which had given him a chance to fully focus on himself and his pregnancy.

Much to his delight Lindsay and Gus had come down to Pittsburgh to stay with him for two whole weeks during Gus' summer break and Brian had more than enjoyed having his sonny boy around. Gus had cheered him up whenever he had felt melancholic or when his pregnancy hormones had gotten the best of him. There had been times when he had been overcome by loneliness and had missed both Justin and Michael. Both men had been such integral parts of his life for so many years and now neither of them were part of his life anymore. Brian knew that in Justin's case only he was to blame and that it had all been his doing, but at times that didn't really make him feel any better. Quite on the contrary. As for Michael, Brian had slowly accepted that they had drifted apart in recent years and maybe Michael had been right when he had told Brian once that just because they had always been friends it didn't mean they had to continue being friends.

Yes, he had missed Michael and missed having his best friend in his life, but it only ever took him a few seconds to remember all the hurtful things Michael had said about Justin and his baby and then the anger would always take over and he'd only be glad that Michael wasn't a part of his life anymore. Brian just knew that he wouldn't be able to deal with comments like that for the rest of his life and in all honesty, he didn't want someone who constantly spouted shit like that around his baby. It would be hard enough to raise the child on his own, knowing that one day he would have to explain the truth about Justin and why he was in New York, but having Michael around wouldn't help anyone.

Even though Michael had slowly drifted out of his life and Brian had mostly ignored his attempts at getting into contact, he hadn't been lonely. Between Lindsay, Gus, Debbie and Jennifer there had always been someone to watch him and help him and keep him entertained during his last weeks of his pregnancy. Much to his surprise Ted had really stuck around as well. Yes, Ted worked for him, but Ted had also proved that he was really his friend. Brian knew that Ted absolutely disagreed with him about keeping the pregnancy a secret from Justin, yet Ted had been there all along the way. Ted had helped him with his relocation to Britin, Ted had taken over at Kinnetik and most importantly Ted had been there to clean up after Michael and had been a pillar of comfort to Brian when he had most needed it. Not that Brian would ever admit that. He had blamed it on pregnancy hormones and Ted had gone along, being the kindhearted soul that he was. More weekends than not Ted and Blake would come out to Britin and spend a day with Brian, always giving him an open ear and any support he needed, even though he never voiced it. 

With all of his family and friends constantly taking care of him, Brian had hardly had much time to feel lonely or sad about Justin or Michael not being a part of his life anymore. At times he had been so annoyed by their constant presence that he had just wanted to kick them all out of his house. He never had though. He had always known that they only worried about him and the baby and if he had kicked anyone out it would have only led to major drama. Drama he could definitely do without.

It had been hard sometimes to ensure that he was having enough private times and sometimes he had cut it pretty close with his evening appointments, if he was honest. He had always been a very sexual man and sex had always been an important part of his life. While he had realised after Justin's departure that tricking had lost its thrill because he didn't feel the same excitement for the hunt anymore as he had before and he didn't get the same sense of self-validation from it anymore, he was still a man with needs and especially during his second trimester those needs needed to be met regularly. God, he had been so horny at times.

Thank God he had been a client of some exclusive escort agencies for years and one of them even catered to the needs of pregnant men. They offered services especially for pregnant men and Brian had had a feeling that he had become one of their most trusted customers during his second trimester. Up until the last week of his pregnancy he had used their services at least three times a week. Thank fuck for discretion! 

Anonymous sex hadn't given him the satisfaction it had given him for years in his twenties and early thirties, not now, not after he had known what true love felt like, but it had done the trick and had helped him get off when he had needed to. Which was really all Brian had expected anyway. He had been realistic enough to know that no sexual encounter would come close to sex with Justin. As that was out of the question however, Brian had learned to settle for the only thing he could have. 

Over the course of the last months of his pregnancy Brian had also learned which battles were worth fighting and which weren't. He had felt so tired at times, he had just given in to some demands that could only be described as ridiculous. There was just no other way to explain how he had ended up in a Lamaze class with Lindsay during her last stay. He had wanted to scream and argue with her about not being caught dead in a Lamaze class, what was he? A lesbian? But in the end he had felt so tired and exhausted, he had just let her drag him there and had gone through with it. Sometimes not fighting was easier.

All in all, even despite the tiredness, the swollen feet and the back pains of the last weeks of his pregnancy, Brian had to admit that he had had a pretty easy pregnancy. There had been no medical emergencies, no forced bed rest, no high blood pressure or any other complications and after his morning sickness had disappeared during his second trimester, he had been having a really easy pregnancy. A pregnancy he had enjoyed immensely at times. Just to feel his baby kick, just to see small footprints on his stomach when his baby was kicking, just to have Gus bonding with his new brother or sister – he had enjoyed those moments more than he cared to admit. Once again he blamed it on the damn pregnancy hormones, but Mother Taylor had only shaken her head in amusement at him and had muttered a quiet “Sure.” when he had told her the same. Maybe he hadn't been doing such a good job hiding how much he had enjoyed his pregnancy. Not that he cared. Not really. He was having a baby, what did it matter if people knew that he had lesbionic feelings about the whole thing? Didn't the fact that he carried a baby already make him more than lesbionic anyway?

Brian was pulled back from his thoughts when he saw the excited face of Mother Taylor at the end of the hallway he had been walking up and down for the last ten minutes.

“Brian? Should you be up, honey?” She asked in obvious concern as she rushed over to his side, eyeing the heavily pregnant man who was wearing one of those typical hospital gowns that did nothing for anyone's appearance.

“Apparently walking helps against the pain or so they say. I think they're lying,” Brian snarked at her, grabbing the saline drip at his side as he slowly moved past her.

“How long have you been here?” Jennifer asked as she went to follow him.

“About an hour, I think. Though it feels like days already,” Brian grunted as another wave of pain hit him.

Jennifer immediately rushed to his side and held the man as he was obviously hit by a contraction. “How long have you been having contractions?”

“Too long,” Brian grunted, not looking at her.

“Where is Debbie? Wasn't she supposed to be with you?” Jennifer frowned, wondering why Brian was wandering the hospital corridors on his own. Debbie had been supposed to be with him. After all she had called her thirty minutes ago to let her know that Brian was in labour and that their grandchild would be born soon.

“She's getting a coffee,” Brian replied, his voice now sounding more calm as the wave of pain had passed. “And before you complain, I sent her. There is nothing she could do and I swear to God, she was smothering me to death.”

“Brian, you're about to have your baby. You shouldn't be on your own,” Jennifer admonished, looking sternly at the man at her side.

“What? It's not like it's just gonna fall out, is it?” He snarked, turning around when they reached the end of the hallway.

“Have they said anything about the c-section?” Jennifer asked, ignoring Brian's snark and mood. She could still remember how she had given birth to Justin and Molly and how excruciating the pain of labour had been and she could only imagine that she hadn't made for nice company either on those days. And that was taking into consideration that she was usually way nicer than Brian anyway.

“They want to give it a few more contractions...Something about the baby getting into the right position and stuff. Apparently it's important that certain evolutional steps are followed even in the case of male pregnancies and c-sections. It's better for the baby. I call bullshit. They are just sadists and enjoy seeing people in pain.”

Brian grunted once more as another wave of pain went through him and once more Jennifer was immediately by his side to offer support. They were joined by Debbie just as Brian was trying to catch his breath.

“Damn, you asshole. I told you to stay in the room and not go wandering off on your own. What if you had fallen and broken something,” she admonished and gave him a light slap on his head.

“Ouch,” he exclaimed and glared at her.

“You think that hurt? Ha, you be glad you don't have to push that baby out through your tight ass,” she cackled and was only rewarded by another glare from the man at her side.

“Thank fuck for these things called c-sections. God must have felt mercy on gay people everywhere when he decided that the asshole is no way to come into this world,” Brian only replied, slowly retreating back to his room. He settled back down on the bed that had been prepared for him and sighed as another contraction hit. “They better bring out the good drugs soon or I am out of here,” he gasped through the pain and was rewarded by two stern pairs of eyes looking at him.

“You will lie your ass down and do as the doctor says,” Debbie told him in a voice that brokered no argument and ran a hand through his auburn hair. “You'll be fine, honey.”

Jennifer could only nod in agreement as she got out of her jacket and put her purse aside. She couldn't believe it, only a few more hours and she would be a grandmother. When Debbie's call had come, letting her know that the contractions had started, she had felt another pang of guilt, knowing that she would be there to see Justin's baby being born when Justin didn't even know he was having a baby, but in the end her excitement at becoming a grandmother had won over.

She and Debbie stayed with Brian for another two hours, helping him through his contractions and the pain, being there when he needed to vent his frustrations and anger at the pain he was experiencing and smoothing things over with the doctor when Brian started yelling at him to get the baby out of him rather sooner than later. Jennifer had expected that Brian wouldn't be an easy patient, but then again she figured that no mother or father to be really was. So the doctor was probably used to being yelled at.

Then the doctor had deemed Brian ready for his c-section and she had never seen someone look as relieved as Brian had as he sank back into the pillows and closed his eyes. “Thank fuck!” 

She couldn't help but laugh at the man's obvious relief, wondering what he would have been like after 27 hours of labour like she had endured with Justin when he had already been ready to rip off heads after only 6 hours. Then again it had always been clear from the beginning that with him being a man he would have a c-section to deliver the baby, so she could kind of understand his point about the whole pain being pointless anyway. At least in her case there had been a natural birth at the end of the pain.

Debbie and her watched as Brian had been prepared for the c-section and was then wheeled to another room. They stopped at the door to the room and looked after Brian, when a nurse called out to them. “Aren't you coming?”

“Coming?” Debbie asked in obvious confusion.

“Don't you want to be there for the actual birth?”

“Can we?” Jennifer asked, not having known that was possible. 

“Of course, we'll just need to get you dressed in hospital garb and then you can be in the OR right along with Brian,” the nurse informed them with a bright smile.

“I-I don't know,” Jennifer started. She didn't really feel comfortable being there when Brian gave birth. Yes, this was her grandchild, but Brian was not her son and they weren't that close that she should be there for this intimate and private moment. Her musings were interrupted by Brian's sharp voice.

“You better hurry and make sure they don't leave me on my own mid-c-section because I pissed them off too much,” he called out in his usual snark, but the look he was giving her and Debbie betrayed his real feelings. He wanted them there for the birth of his child and on some level she could understand. She wouldn't have wanted to be on her own either for the birth of her children. 

“Well, we better get dressed up then,” Debbie answered in her usual pragmatism and pulled Jennifer along to follow the nurse.

Five minutes later they joined Brian in the OR and saw doctors and nurses around him, preparing him for the surgery. They could also see that a screen had been raised above his waist.

“Are you okay, honey?” Debbie asked gently as she made her way over to Brian's side, brushing a strand of auburn hair out of his face. 

Brian nodded at her. “Thank fuck the pain is over.”

”We’ll lower the screen once we’re about to get the baby, but this way you won’t have to see the incision being made,” the nurse explained to them and all three of them nodded at her in reply. 

“Jennifer, come here,” Brian urged, holding out his hand to his almost mother-in-law who was standing a bit back as if she didn't belong. “This is your grandchild being born. You should be here to see this,” he said gently and the tone of his voice surprised even himself. Damn, those painkillers they had given him had to be really strong to make him sound that soft and mellow.

Debbie squeezed his hand and smiled at him, obviously proud that he was including Jennifer in the birth of his child.

After all the preparations had been finished, the doctor swabbed Brian's lower abdomen with an antiseptic and a small, horizontal incision was made where the top of his pubic hair had previously been shaved off. Debbie was able to look past the screen if she leaned back a bit and was able to follow the proceedings with quite an interested look on her face.

“Everything okay?” Brian asked, watching Debbie’s face, it being the only indication he had on what was happening.

“It's just a lot of blood,” Debbie cackled nervously, giving his hand yet another squeeze. 

The doctor kept them informed about what he was doing, telling them about how he was cutting through the underlying tissue once the first cut had been made and how he was moving towards the uterus. He also told them when he was separating Brian’s abdominal muscles, a point at which both Jennifer and Debbie made a face that was hard to interpret but looked slightly disgusted. Lastly he informed them that he was about to make a small horizontal cut in the lower section of the uterus, before a few seconds later addressing the nurse and asking her to put down the screen so that Brian, Debbie and Jennifer could watch while he pulled out the baby.

At first only a small head appeared and then in one fluid motion the whole baby was out and all three watched in fascination as they saw the baby move and a second or two later let out its first cry as it was placed on Brian’s lower abdomen where it was dried off. Neither of them could avert their eyes from the baby as the doctor cut the umbilical cord, before Brian's baby was handed to a paediatrician who did a first quick check to see if everything was okay.

Brian's eyes followed the baby that was still crying and the cries of his baby sounded like music to his ears, knowing that it was a good sign the baby was crying.

The new father himself was also crying helplessly, feeling too emotional to care, all kinds of feelings running through him, the utmost one being love for that small being that he could still see being cleaned up and examined by the paediatrician.

Debbie gently wiped away the tears on her surrogate son's face and smiled at him. “You did good, honey. Really good.”

”It’s a boy,” Jennifer whispered, not sure if Brian had been able to get a look, running a hand through his hair. “A boy,” she said once more, her eyes shining with her own tears as she looked at Brian's eyes. All three of them totally ignored what the doctors and nurses were doing, who were busy delivering the placenta and working on stitching Brian up again. None of them noticed any of that however, because all they could do was stare at each other from happy eyes and look over to where the baby was now swaddled in a light blue blanket. They only had eyes for the new baby and not a word was spoken between the three of them, their eyes doing all the talking that was needed. 

Jennifer could see the happiness and joy and most of all the relief in Brian’s eyes and she knew that Brian could see the same in her and Debbie's eyes as well, but more than anything, they all saw love for the small boy now being brought back to them by a smiling nurse, knowing that they’d love him for the rest of their lives.

All three looked up at the nurse who carefully handed the now silent baby to Brian, informing him that so far everything looked very well and that he had a very healthy boy.

Brian looked at the small bundle in his arms, trying to take in that this small being had been created by both him and Justin, not caring about the tears streaming down his face at the happiness and love he was feeling right that moment. 

“Say hi to your Daddy,” Debbie whispered to the baby as Brian gently looked at it, trying to take everything in before moving his hand towards the baby and gently stroking his head and cheek. “Hey little one...,” he whispered through his tears before he smiled when he saw the baby open his eyes. Brian chuckled through his tears and smiled at the baby. “I am your Daddy and those are your grandmas,” he said and had a feeling that it would be hours before he’d get rid of that silly smile again.

Never averting her eyes from her small grandson, Debbie spoke up. “You have to name him. What name do you think would be fitting for this small fella here?” 

“Luke,” Brian whispered, looking down at the small human being in his arms that he already loved more than anything else in this world. “Luke Victor Kinney-Taylor,” he announced before looking up at Debbie and Jennifer, who both had tears in their eyes, each for their own reasons.

“Bri-Brian... he would be so honoured,” Debbie croaked through her own tears, feeling beyond shocked that Brian would choose her brother's name as a middle name for his baby. 

At the same time Jennifer spoke her own thanks, for having her family name included in her grandson's name. “Thank you, Brian,” she whispered quietly. Justin may never know about this baby, but at least the baby would know that it was part of the Taylor family and loved by her.

Brian and the grandmothers admired little Luke for a few more minutes before the paediatrician came over with a nurse and informed them that he would need to take away the baby for a few more examinations, but that the baby would be given back to them by the time Brian had been wheeled to his room. The nurse informed them that the doctors were done stitching Brian up and that he was going to be wheeled to his room soon, giving Debbie and Jennifer the time to inform the family in the meantime.

All three nodded and Brian, quite reluctantly, handed back the baby to the doctor, before looking up at Debbie and Jennifer. “You better go and tell the others. I'm sure I'll see all of you in a bit.”

The grandmothers nodded and squeezed Brian's hand once more, before leaving the room to inform the rest of their now smaller family about the arrival of Luke Victor Kinney-Taylor. 

***  

Once Brian had been wheeled to his room, he asked for a phone. There was a very important call he had to make. The phone was answered on the fourth ring and Brian smiled when he heard the voice of his son, now his older son.

”Hello.”

”Hey sonny boy, it’s Daddy.”

”Daddy!” Gus exclaimed happily and Brian smiled to himself when he heard the excitement in his son’s voice.

“How are you doing?”

”Mommy and I just painted a picture,” he told Brian before Brian heard a rustle at the other end of the line and heard Lindsay's voice in the background. A second later Gus talked again, sounding even more excited.

“Is the baby there, daddy?”

Brian chuckled, knowing that it had probably been Lindsay who had urged Gus to ask the important question and not waste time on telling Brian stuff he could still tell him later. “Yes, honey. You’re a big brother again. You’ve got a little baby brother.”

”I have a brother?” Gus asked and Brian could hear the amazement in his voice.

“Yes, you do! His name is Luke and he’s already looking forward to getting to know you.”

“Can I see him?”

”Of course you can. Luke and I can’t wait for you to come here and see him, sonny boy,” Brian said and he smiled when he could hear Gus telling Lindsay that they had to go and see his brother Luke now. 

“Mommy says we’ll come,” Gus proudly announced and Brian was happy to hear that Gus only seemed to sound happy and excited at the prospect of meeting his new baby brother.

“Sonny boy, can I talk to your mommy? I’ll see you, soon. I love you!”

”Love you, too, daddy. And I love Luke,” Gus replied before the phone was handed over to Lindsay.

“Brian?”

”Yes.”

”Are you okay?”

”Yeah,” Brian answered, not surprised to hear concern in Lindsay’s voice. “Both Luke and I are doing fine. Will you come over with Gus? I really want him to get to know his brother, Wendy.”

“Of course we will, Peter. Just give us a day or two to get everything organised and then we'll come down to get to know his baby brother,” Lindsay promised. They talked for a few more minutes before ending the call. 

A few minutes later the doctor and a nurse entered his room, bringing Luke with them and informing him that everything was fine and he had a healthy son. Debbie and Jennifer entered the room shortly after the doctor had left, both surprised to see that Luke had already been brought into the room and that Brian was already holding him.

“Hey,” Brian looked up, smiling at them while he was feeding his son, giving him the first bottle of his young life.

“Hey yourself,” Debbie said back as she moved over to the bed and looked at the baby in his arms.

 “How are you doing?”She asked in obvious concern.

“Okay…feeling tired and a bit sore, but most of all relieved that it’s all over and that it went okay,” Brian told both women honestly and they could only nod in agreement. They felt quite the same, minus the sore. 

They all watched as Brian gave the bottle to his son, enjoying the comfortable silence in the room before a soft knock could be heard on their door and then it opened to reveal Ted and Blake standing in the doorway.

“Come in,” Debbie motioned for them to come closer and they both did, looking at Brian who was still feeding the small baby and taking a good look at the newest member to their weird family for the first time.

They both only stayed for a few minutes, wanting to give Brian some privacy as well as time to relax and get some rest after the surgery and the long day of contractions he had just had, promising they would come by the next day again and congratulating him once more on the beautiful boy he had.

With Ted and Blake gone, Debbie and Jennifer took that as their cue to leave as well and started saying goodbye to Brian and their grandson, promising to come back to the hospital the next day to check up on both of them. They hugged Brian goodbye, careful of the fresh c-section wound and then left him on his own with his baby boy who had by now been moved to the small crib next to Brian's bed. After everyone had left it didn’t take Brian long to drift off to sleep which was interrupted a short while later by a small baby crying for his attention, giving him a taste of what his life would be like for the next months, but he only noticed that he didn't care, all he felt was happier than he could remember he had ever been.