Chapter 9

Brian sighed as he watched himself in the mirror and just couldn't seem to be able to hide his bump. No matter what he had tried on, the bump was always visible. Of course that wasn't really surprising seeing how he was now 20 weeks pregnant, but still it annoyed him extremely on this specific evening.

Brian had resigned himself to the fact that his bump would be harder and harder to hide and he had also resigned himself to the fact that his designer clothes didn't fit anymore. He had been slightly relieved when Ted had pointed out a tailor to him that offered services to re-do designer wear so it would fit pregnant men as well. Apparently designer paternal wear wasn't a thing yet. Being the genius that Brian was, he had immediately reached out to a couple of his favourite designers and had hinted in the direction. Maybe one day there would be designer paternal wear as well, even though it would be too late for him. 

After a few tense and stressful weeks at work things at Kinnetik had finally calmed down. Brian had followed Ted's advice and had informed Cynthia about his pregnancy. At first she had been ecstatic but once she had realised that the pregnancy had been the reason for his disappearance when Justin had come into town, she had refused to speak to him for almost two weeks. She had joined him in meetings and had stayed professional, but outside of work related topics she hadn't even given him as much as good morning greeting. 

He still wasn't quite sure why she had suddenly changed her tune, but he had a feeling that it had something to do with Ted, who had probably tried to calm her down and the fact that she saw Mother Taylor make regular visits to Kinnetik. Jennifer had taken it upon herself to make sure that Brian was eating healthily – as if that had ever been a problem for him -  and not overworking. Secretly he wondered if Mother Taylor had spoken to his COO, because Cynthia had been back to her cheery self a day after one of Jennifer's visits to his office. Not really having wanted to dwell on it too much, he had just accepted that she had finally decided to speak to him again and had been happy to know that she had his back once more.

Over the last three weeks he, Ted and Cynthia had had several meetings to come up with ideas of how to cover Brian's pregnancy and the time after the pregnancy when Brian would be a single parent to a baby. They all were realistic enough to know that the days of Brian working for 12 hours six days a week were definitely over. There was just no way he could work those hours with an infant at home and if he was honest with himself, he also didn't want to.

Now that he had had a bit of time to get used to the idea of being pregnant, he was really happy, kind of excited even. Knowing that he was carrying a child that would be a perfect mixture of him and Justin gave him comfort whenever he felt alone and scared. He had immediately fallen in love with Gus when he had been born and he just knew that it would be the same with this child.

The last ultrasound had only been two days ago and Brian had been beyond excited to see his baby on the ultrasound screen once more and to hear the steady heartbeat of his little one. The doctor had confirmed that everything looked good and when he had asked Brian if he wanted to know whether it was a boy or a girl, Brian had said no. In the end all that mattered was that his baby would be healthy. Boy or girl – he didn't care.

What he cared about however was the fact how his baby was going to be cared for. He had talked to Debbie and Jennifer repeatedly and while both grandmothers had offered support and babysitting services, Brian kind of wanted to be there for his baby himself. He didn't want to go back to work immediately after childbirth and he didn't want to spend long hours in the office while there was a baby at home that needed him. He didn't want to miss any important phases or steps in his baby's life and he wanted to be there for things such as first words, first steps and first scratched knees. He had never told anyone, but it kind of gnawed at him that he had missed so many of Gus' firsts. Of course things had been different then and he had never expected to be anything but a sperm donor to his sonny boy who was being raised by his mothers, but ever since holding him for that first time at the hospital, he had loved his son unconditionally and now, years later, he knew that he would never get those years back. He would never be able to see Gus' firsts again. He wouldn't make the same mistake with his second child and wouldn't miss anything there.

He might not have planned on becoming a father, he might not have wanted a child, but now that things had been taken out of his hands and he had accepted the situation for what it was, he was actually excited at the prospect and he had also found his peace with the idea of turning into a full-time father. There was no way he would let nannies or family take care of his child when he could do it himself. His child would always know that he loved him or her and he would always be there for it.

Both Ted and Cynthia had agreed to take over more responsibility at Kinnetik and to take over some of Brian's workload. They had hired two new accountants and one new PA to make sure that they both would actually have time for their new tasks. After a transition period of two weeks, things had finally settled and everyone had settled into the new rhythm at Kinnetik. Brian's workload had already decreased immensely and this week had been the first week where he had actually been able to follow Debbie's request of taking a step back and only working half days. He still had final say on all campaigns, but he wasn't in all meetings anymore. Ted and Cynthia had basically taken over the day to day runnings of Kinnetik and as much as Brian hated giving up control, he knew that there was no way he would be able to do everything himself. Not while pregnant and raising an infant.

He would continue working half days for the next eight to ten weeks and then he would slowly remove himself from Kinnetik's day to day business. He would still be in contact with Ted and Cynthia and he would still be there to oversee their biggest campaigns, but he wouldn't go into the office every day anymore. He would work from home on whatever he could and who knew? One day when the baby was born and things had settled he might take over a more active role at Kinnetik again.

For now however, Brian was pretty happy with the plans they had made and was looking forward to concentrating fully on his pregnancy.

Justin was still calling him, was still sending emails and was still trying to get in contact with him, but Brian could see that his attempts to get in contact with Brian were slowing down. Where a few weeks ago Justin had tried calling him several times a day he was now calling once a day. Some days he wasn't calling at all and Brian was only receiving emails. Brian knew that he was hurting Justin, he knew that Justin was beyond angry at him at this point and he felt bad about treating his partner of five years like that, but just looking down at his bump, resting his hand on the curve of his lower abdomen, he knew why he was doing it and got new resolve to go through with his plan. He knew that one day soon Justin would stop calling, would stop emailing him and would finally accept the harsh truth of Brian's actions. Justin was strong and Brian knew that even though he might be hurting now, he would move on. He would forget about Brian, would focus on his career in New York and he would live a happy life there. He would get the life he had always dreamed of and Brian would be happy for him. Justin deserved it more than anyone else.

Brian sighed when he wasn't happy with the way his shirt stretched over his bump once again. He undressed once more and went to his closet to look for a wider, less tight shirt that would rather hide his stomach than accentuate it.

The ringing of his cell phone interrupted him. Brian frowned as it was too early for a call from Justin. As he picked up his phone he smiled when he saw that it was Lindsay calling him.

“Hey sonny boy,” he greeted cheerily, a smile growing on his face when he was greeted back by his son.

“Daddy!”

“How was your day?”

“It was good. Mommy and I baked cookies. They were yummy.”

“Were they now? That's great.”

“Daddy?”

“Yes, sonny boy?” Brian frowned at the tone of Gus' voice which sounded kind of sad. 

“When will you come and visit me again? I miss you, Daddy.”

“I miss you, too, sonny boy. You have no idea. Things have been kind of stressful at work for the last few weeks, but you know what? I actually booked my tickets to come to visit you earlier today.”

“You will come and visit me?” Gus asked happily and in obvious excitement.

“Yes, I'll be there on Friday and I will stay the whole weekend,” Brian nodded even though Gus couldn't see him.

“Oh Daddy, that is great! I can't wait to see you again! Will you play soccer with me? At the park?”

Playing soccer had become their new thing and every time Brian had come over to visit Gus at their new home in Canada, they had gone to the park close to the munchers' house and had kicked around  for a few hours. Gus had actually joined a soccer team now and he had been beyond excited when his mommy had told him that his daddy had been a soccer player himself as well. Quite a good one at that.

“Of course, I will,” Brian promised, happy to hear his son being excited about his visit. He missed Gus, especially now that he was in another country. Yes, they talked on the phone regularly, but it just wasn't the same as seeing him and spending time with him.

“That is so great, Daddy. First Justin and now you. I am so happy,” Gus enthused.

“Justin?” Brian asked and frowned at the mention of his former partner's name.

“He was here and left earlier today. He came to paint with me and we also played soccer, but he's not as good as you, Daddy,” Gus said seriously. “He missed quite a few easy goals.”

Brian couldn't help but chuckle at the image of Justin playing soccer. Justin had always been a failure at team sports and had always been the artistic type instead of the sporty type, so it didn't surprise him that soccer wasn't really his thing. 

“Did you two have fun?” Brian couldn't help but ask even though he knew that he probably shouldn't. Justin wasn't his business anymore, he had made that decision for them weeks ago and he knew that he should just live with that decision, but if Justin was still visiting Gus and the girls, he figured that he could ask his son about those visits. It would be weird if he didn't, wouldn't it? 

“Yes, a lot of fun. He took me shopping and I got a lot of new colours to paint with. We even made a painting of you,” Gus excitedly told his father.

“You did? I bet it looks fabulous.”

“It looks nice, but...,” Gus stopped there, not sure how to continue and Brian could sense his son's hesitation. 

“But, sonny boy?”

“Justin was sad, I think... I think he was sad that you couldn't be here with him... It's always more fun if you two visit together and we all get to spend time together.”

Brian sighed at his son's words and he knew that he would have to explain to him somehow that he and Justin were not together anymore. He was glad that Justin was still going to Toronto to visit Gus and the girls, he knew how much Gus loved Justin and vice versa and he hoped that Justin would continue to have a relationship with his son despite what Brian had done to them and their relationship, but he couldn't go on pretending that things were alright between them. Even at five and half years old Gus would notice that something was off with them only visiting him separately. Not wanting to get into that conversation with his son on the phone, Brian made a promise to himself that he would talk to Gus on his next visit.

“Yes, that it is, but sometimes it can't be helped, sonny boy. But I will be there on Friday and I promise you that we'll have lots of fun together.”

“Yay, Daddy!” Gus exclaimed, before turning away from the phone. Brian could hear him talk to someone else for a few seconds before Gus came back on the phone. “Daddy, mommy says I have to say goodnight now and get ready for bed. Goodnight, Daddy! I love you!”

“I love you, too, sonny boy. You sleep tight!”

Brian then heard as the phone was handed over and he greeted Lindsay. “Hey Wendy.”

“Don't you Wendy me,” she angrily greeted back, but Brian could hear that there was some amusement in her voice. “So you're coming up for a visit? When were you going to tell us?”

“I am telling you now,” Brian answered matter-of-factly. 

“Shouldn't you have checked with us first? To see if we might have plans?”

“Do you?” Brian asked with a frown. The girls had only moved to Canada a few months ago and were still trying to settle in. As far as he knew they didn't have a lot of friends yet to spend their weekends with.

“No, but maybe you should have checked first if you are our only visitor. It wouldn't do for you to run into a certain blond artist, would it?”

“From what Gus tells me, he has just left, so I doubt he will be back right again next weekend,” Brian sighed, not wanting to get into the topic of Justin with Lindsay.

“Brian, why are you doing this? You should talk to him,” Lindsay urged, but was interrupted by Brian's cold voice.

“Look, Lindsay, it was nice talking to you, but I have to get ready now. Mikey will be pissed if I am late.”

“Michael? You're going out with Michael?”

“Why not? It might stop him from whining about how busy I am and how I never have time for him even though the boy wonder is finally out of my life,” Brian said, his voice tinged with something that sounded a lot like a mix of anger and frustration.

“I am glad you two are spending time together,” Lindsay said honestly. “I know how important he is to you. He's your best friend, Brian and he just wants to be there for you.”

As Michael was another topic that Brian didn't really want to get into, he decided to end the call rather sooner than later. “Look, I'll see you on Friday, okay? And then we can talk to your heart's content. Happy?”

“I am not sure, but whatever you say,” Lindsay replied, before ending the call. “You have fun tonight.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

Actually Brian was looking forward to his night with Michael as much as someone would look forward to a root canal. Michael had been an ass and had gotten on his nerves on end ever since he had found out that Brian had broken off all contact with Justin. Gone was the friend that had been happy to be his best man at his wedding and back was the friend that couldn't look past his stud status. More often than not, Michael had urged Brian to go out and have fun at Woodies or Babylon, telling Brian how important it was to get back into the game and to reclaim his throne as the king of Liberty Avenue. Michael didn't seem to understand that Brian had no intention of returning to his old lifestyle. Justin or no Justin, that part of Brian's life was over, not that Michael seemed to care.

In addition to being annoyed by Michael's behaviour anyway, it didn't help that Brian knew he wouldn't be able to keep his pregnancy a secret much longer. He knew that he would have to tell Michael about the baby soon, but he really didn't want to think about how that might make his friend feel. Brian just knew that Michael would have a field day with that information and would somehow find a way to blame Justin. Not even speaking of how shocked he would be when he found out that Brian had actually allowed Justin to top him. For some reason Michael seemed to have thought that their relationship had only been based on Brian fucking Justin senseless every chance he got and from the way Michael spoke about Justin at times, it felt as if he saw Justin as nothing more than a glorified boy toy that Brian had access to whenever he felt like it.

He had tried to avoid Michael for as much as he could in recent weeks and had only ever met with him whenever his whining had gotten too insistent and had grated on his nerves more than he could bear. Thank God Michael and the professor had been on vacation for the last ten days. Too bad they couldn't have gone longer.

Sighing once more as he tried on yet another shirt, Brian resigned himself to the knowledge that his times of hiding his pregnancy from Michael were most likely over and he finally had to tell him the news of his impending fatherhood.

With that thought in mind, Brian grabbed his keys and wallet and left the loft.