Chapter 7 

“You fucking asshole,” Debbie screeched and Brian was tempted to just cover his ears and turn around again right away. Maybe coming over and visiting Debbie hadn't been one of his finest decisions.

“Hey Ma,” he tried to smirk, but didn't even get around to a full smirk before her hand connected with the back of his head. “OUCH!”

“You deserve it for being the fucking piece of shit that you are,” Debbie only huffed before leaving the door open and retreating to her kitchen. Brian followed her quietly with his head hung low.

“What is going on in your mind? How can you do that to Sunshine? Do you have any idea how you're hurting him? How can you be so cruel?” She immediately went on as soon as he had entered her private sanctuary.

“I really thought you loved him. I really thought you had finally accepted that he loved you too and was here to stay,” when Brian raised an eyebrow at that comment, Debbie waved her hand. “Well, you know what I mean. In your life. That he was committed to you. I thought you had finally accepted that you loved him too.”

“I do,” Brian whispered, his voice hardly loud enough to be heard.

“Then how can you do this to him? Why are you doing this to him? What is going on, Brian?” 

Brian noticed how her voice had changed with her last question from angry to more concerned and he watched as she came over and stopped right in front of him, looking him straight in the eye. “Are you sick again? Is that it?”

He just shook his head and Debbie studied him closely for a long moment before she finally nodded, apparently accepting his answer as the truth that it was. She pulled him over to the kitchen table and sat him down in one of the chairs before sitting down across from him. When she spoke next her voice was gentle, caring, almost like what he imagined a real mother would sound like. 

“Then what is so bad that you can't tell him? What is so bad that you feel once again that you need to push him away?”

Brian refused to meet her eyes and just stayed quiet, not quite sure how to respond to that. When he had made the decision to come over to Debbie's house and talk to her, he had prepared this great speech in his head, but now he just couldn't get his mouth to open, he just couldn't get the words out that he knew he needed to say.

“Sunshine is a smart little fucker, you know? He knows what you're doing. He knows that you're pushing him away because there's something you can't tell him. He just doesn't know what it is.”

“He can't ever know,” Brian whispered finally after what felt like an eternity of silence between them. 

“Can you tell me?” His surrogate mother quietly asked, taking Brian's hand in hers. “Whatever it is, I am sure it can be resolved, Brian. It can't be that bad.”

Brian only chuckled dryly at that. If only she knew. He then slowly got up from his chair and lifted the shirt he was wearing, exposing his not so flat stomach anymore. He didn't say anything, just showed Debbie his bump. He wasn't sure if he could get out the words that would explain what was going on and he just hoped that Debbie would understand even without words.

He saw her eyes widen as she took in his now rounder midsection and then watched as her eyes travelled up to his face and her gaze rested on his. 

“Is it his?” Was the only question she asked and Brian could only nod. He finally forced himself to press out some words as well.

“Yeah...”

Brian had expected a lot of things, had expected more questions, more comments, maybe even more yelling about what an asshole he was for keeping this from Justin, but he would have never expected what happened next. He was shocked beyond words when Debbie was suddenly standing in front of him and engulfed him in a tight hug that nearly broke his ribs. Not that he cared, he really needed to be hugged, he really needed to be held and needed some comfort. He relaxed into her arms and felt himself hug her back, resting his head on her shoulder as she nearly squeezed him to death.

They stayed like that for several minutes before Debbie pushed back and looked at him from wide eyes. “Oh god, jeez. I am sorry. I shouldn't have done that... Not now when you've got a little one on board. I should have been more careful,” she stuttered and Brian couldn't help but smile at the woman in front of him. Trust Debbie to immediately worry about something as harmless as a hug.

“I am glad you did,” was all he replied quietly. 

“I am gonna be a grandma again... God, I can't believe it... Me, a grandma four times over... Jeez...,” Debbie exclaimed before turning worried eyes on Brian. “I will be, right?”

Brian nodded and couldn't help but smile at his surrogate mother's obvious joy.

“When... I mean... how long... Why haven't you told me?” Now the questions started and Brian couldn't help but chuckle at the blubbering mess in front of him. 

“Three and a half months and I am telling you now,” he answered quietly, once more sitting down at the table.

“Are you taking good care of yourself, honey?” Debbie asked and Brian felt something inside him warm at the concern in her voice. At least someone worried about him, even if his own mother couldn't be bothered, at least Debbie loved him and was concerned about his well-being.

“No, Debbie. I am going out every night getting my brains fucked out while getting drunk and high at the same time,” Brian snarked, but stopped when he saw the thunderous expression on Debbie's face. “Of course I am. What do you think?”

“Good, I want my grandkid to be fine and healthy, so you better make sure to take care of yourself,” Debbie wagged one coloured nail in his face.

“Yes, Ma,” Brian dutifully nodded and watched as Debbie walked over to her fridge, pulled out some leftovers from dinner and put it in front of him. “I am not gonna eat that,” he looked horrified at the pasta salad she had put in front of him. Didn't she know how many carbs that thing had? 

“Yes, you will. You will bloat like a whale anyway. What does it matter?”

“Thanks for reminding me. I can always count on you for the painful truth,” Brian muttered darkly, before taking a forkful of salad under Debbie's concerned gaze.

“And I've always felt like eating makes painful conversations easier, so just think of it as some kind of encouragement now you can't get liquid strength anymore,” she pointed out as she sat down next to him and took a forkful of salad herself.

“I didn't know we were going to have a painful conversation. Isn't this the one where you're all happy and excited about becoming a grandma again and pestering my ass for the next five to six months?”

“Oh, we're going to have that conversation as well, but first you're going to tell me why you're not telling Sunshine about this baby he's having with you,” Debbie said in her no nonsense voice, looking Brian straight in the eyes. “And don't even think about giving me any of your bullshit as a reply. You know I could see right through it ever since you were a teenager.”

Brian laid down his fork and sighed. He didn't see the smile on Debbie's face as his hand once again unconsciously wandered to his stomach and rested on the bump there. 

“I can't do that to him. We... we didn't plan on this to happen. It was an accident and... I can't force him to come back and give up his chance at a career for a careless mistake we made,” Brian said quietly.

“A mistake?” Debbie raised an eyebrow at him and Brian could immediately see the disapproval in her eyes.

“Come on, you know what I mean. We didn't plan on this to happen. It's not like we talked about wanting to have a family and were actively trying for one. This was not planned and... it was an accident.”

“Is that what you're going to tell this baby? 'Sorry, your daddy and I didn't plan on you, you were a mistake, but unfortunately we couldn't return you, so here you are'.” 

“What? Where the fuck is that coming from?” Brian exclaimed. “Don't tell me Michael wasn't an accident either... I am sure you didn't plan on getting pregnant right after finishing high school.”

“No, it wasn't planned, but I have never let him feel like he was an accident or worse a mistake,” Debbie replied calmly.

“And you think I will do that? Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Brian snarked as he nearly jumped up from the chair and turned for the door.

“You get your ass back in that chair. We are not done here,” Debbie said in a stern voice and the look she gave Brian brokered no argument. In the end, after glaring at her for several moments, he quietly returned to his chair again.

Brian was still glaring at Debbie when he spoke next, his voice tinged in anger and frustration. “I know you don't think much of me, but trust me, I would never ever do something like that to my child. This might not be planned and it might not be the best of times, but...,” Brian stopped and this time consciously led his hand to his bump and rested it there.

“You're still happy about it,” Debbie finished for him and all Brian could do was nod. She eyed the man next to her, a man she had seen grown up from a hurt, confused boy into a hurt, confused and complex adult with commitment issues like no one else she had ever seen, but she had also seen him overcome all that and had seen him work through that with Justin's help and had seen him settle into what could only be described as a relationship. He had become a great father to Gus and Debbie knew how committed to that role Brian was even though the girls had taken his son away to another country. 

“I didn't plan on this to happen... I probably would have never agreed to this if Justin had wanted it, but... now that the baby is here and things can't be changed, I can't help but be happy about it. I want this baby,” he whispered and then looked up at Debbie from sad eyes.

The woman nodded at him, clearly understanding his feelings. She had been in his shoes once as well, 35 years ago and back then she hadn't planned on becoming pregnant either, but god knew she had been happy as well and had wanted Michael as well. 

“Don't you think he might feel the same?” She asked quietly, moving her hand to gently rest on Brian's.

“He will... and he will do the right thing and will close up his studio in New York and will come back and then we can be a happy family,” Brian said seriously.

“And that's a bad thing?” Debbie frowned in confusion.

“He will do it because it's what's expected of him and maybe even because he thinks he wants this, but... I can't force him into something he's not ready for. He's only 22, Deb. He's still trying to find his place in the world. He is still trying to build his career and...I have no right to take that away from him.”

“Brian, honey. If you think for a moment that Sunshine would ever choose a career over this baby, you don't know him at all.”

“I know him better than you think,” Brian just answered quietly, then turned to look at Debbie from pained eyes. Debbie was hit by the intensity of the pain she saw in those expressive hazel eyes.

“He will come back and he will be happy and we will move to Britin and who knows, we might even get married. This baby will be born and he will be a doting father. He will be a great father because he just has this chemistry with children and he will take to this new child just like he's taken to Gus and JR and the child will love him too just like they love him. And he will be happy, I will be happy. We will be happy as a family and then... then every day life will start again and at one point I will go back to start working at Kinnetik and he will stay at home and take care of this child and he'll still be happy because that's who he is, but... years down the line... he won't be happy anymore. He will come to resent that life because he will see himself as nothing else than my glorified boy toy. He will come to resent me for taking his chance at a career away and he will come to resent our child for destroying whatever plans he had for his future, for our future. And then? Then he will leave, but it won't only be me he will be leaving behind, he'll also be leaving behind a small, innocent child who won't understand what is happening...”

By the time Brian finished with his dystopic vision of what their life together would end up like, Debbie could see the tears in his eyes. She felt her heart break for the man in front of her who right now looked nothing more than the scared and hurt boy again that had come into her house more than twenty years ago. And much like she had done back then, she leaned over and engulfed him in a strong, motherly hug. Because one thing was obvious: This man needed a mother's love just as much as the boy more than 20 years ago had needed it.

“Honey... I know you think this is what will happen, but... the future is not set in stone. Don't you think you're overreacting?” She tried to soothe him. 

“I know him, Debbie. Better than you think. Unlike public belief we didn't only fuck and suck, we also talked and... I know about his dreams and what he wants in life. We talk about these things,” Brian explained and Debbie only nodded. Yes, some people might think about their relationship like Brian had described it, but she had never been one of those people. She had seen the deep bond between Brian and Justin, she had seen them fight obstacles together and she had always known that there was a real foundation for their relationship, otherwise it wouldn't have lasted as long as it did.

“Brian, you can't make a decision this big for him. Deep down you know that. You might think you're doing the right thing, but... I don't think you've really looked at it from all angles.”

“I have... believe me, I have... I can't take this chance away from him. This is what he has always wanted. And he has a right to pursue his dreams. He's... we're not at the same place in life, Deb. And... we've always known it. Just because I might be at an age and in a position to settle down, he's not. He's so young... He hasn't even had a chance to find his own feet in life. He deserves that and... I won't take that away from him. I will not! He can't find out,” Brian said, looking at his surrogate mother imploringly.

Debbie decided to let it go for now, she knew when there was no point in trying to convince Brian of something. She could see the pain he was in and she could see the pain his own decision was causing him, so instead of arguing with him and pointing out the error of his ways, she decided to be supportive. Brian was pregnant and she knew how scary that had to be for him, she knew how much he needed a mother right now to support him. Chastising him and pointing out the error of his ways where Justin was concerned could wait until later as far as she was concerned. All this emotional stress couldn't be good for the baby, so for now she would let it rest and would be there for him.

“Who else knows about this?” Debbie asked after another long silence, deciding that it was time for a change of topic.

“Ted, I guess Cynthia suspects something is up and Jennifer.”

“Jennifer?” Debbie raised an eyebrow as if to ask for confirmation that they were talking about the same Jennifer. 

“She found out when she came to confront me at the loft, I didn't plan on telling her,” Brian explained quietly and Debbie nodded. That made more sense to her.

“How did she take it?”

Brian only raised an eyebrow as if to ask if she was serious with her question and Debbie nodded. “I thought so.”

“What about Teddy? How did he take it?” Debbie asked, hoping that there had been at least one person who had been supportive of Brian so far.

“He's beyond pissed and angry that I won't tell Justin and is hiding behind a wall of professionalism whenever he has to be in the same room as me,” Brian sighed.

“You need to give him time, honey.”

Brian only nodded and Debbie couldn't help but see the sadness that emanated from every pore of the body next to hers. This was not how a pregnancy should be, she thought to herself. Being pregnant was supposed to be a happy time, a slightly scary time, but most of all an exciting time. Not a time filled with pain and arguments.

“Do you know what it will be? A boy or a girl?”

When Brian shook his head, Debbie lifted his chin with her index finger and made him look at her. “You better let me know as soon as you find out. Grandma Deb is calling dibs on all the fun stuff to buy for grandchildren,” she smiled widely and smacked her gum for good measure.

When Brian eyed her as if she had grown a second head, she just laughed at him and hugged him once more. “You're pregnant, honey. That means I will be a grandma again. If you think my grandmaternal instincts died down with Gus, Hunter and JR, you have no idea what's coming your way.”

“God help us all,” Brian whispered in mock-horror and couldn't help but smile at the woman who had always been more of a mother to him than his own. Debbie might have many faults, but Brian knew that no matter what she was still a mother and in the end her maternal instincts always won over. 

“Hey, no criticizing the grandma, you hear me? Every time you do, that means less diaper changing help for you,” Debbie smacked her gum again and then picked up her fork once more, urging Brian to do the same. “Eat! You're eating for two now. Don't even think I am not going to force-feed you for the next few months now that I know.”

Brian grasped his shirt in mock-horror and smiled at his surrogate mother gently. “Thanks, Ma.”

“You're having my grandchild, that makes you like my second favourite person in the world right now,” Debbie cackled madly, then turned to Brian with a frown. “Does he know?”

When Brian only shook his head, Debbie nodded in understanding. The relationship between Brian and Michael had been strained for a long time now. After the bombing she had thought that things were getting better between them, but for some reason Michael didn't seem to understand that Brian wasn't the same person anymore he had been for years. Michael had gone along with the wedding and had agreed to be Brian's best man which had made Debbie believe that everything was good between them, but after the wedding had been cancelled and Justin had moved to New York, she couldn't help but notice how their friendship had started declining again. From what she had heard on the gay grapevine – sometimes working at the diner sure had its advantages – Michael was acting as if Justin had never been a part of Brian's life now that he was in New York and was behaving as if Brian was still the same person he had been years ago before Justin had come into their life. She had heard rumours about Michael urging Brian to go out and trick to his heart's delight several times a week and she had also heard a rumour from Emmett that Ben wasn't too pleased about his husband's behaviour. At times she wondered what was going on in Michael's head and why it was so hard for him to see and accept that not only had he changed, but Brian had changed as well.

Just because Justin had moved to New York didn't mean that they were over, though... thinking about the most recent events, they most likely were. But not for the reasons Michael thought. Brian's love for Justin had never been an issue. Debbie sighed when she realised that maybe Brian was even loving the blond too much for his own good and was sacrificing too much for the other man's happiness at the expense of his own. She really wondered why Michael couldn't see the deep bond between Brian and Justin. The only explanation that came to her was that he didn't want to see it and was intentionally turning a blind eye on it. Why, she didn't want to go down that road and didn't want to think about that.

“I...,” Brian started and looked at Debbie helplessly. “I don't know how he'll react.”

Debbie sighed and nodded in agreement, she could understand Brian's fear. “And you don't need another person to rain on your happiness about this pregnancy. I get it, honey. Believe me, I do.”

Brian knew that Debbie understood and he felt good about having told her the truth. After all Debbie had been pregnant with Michael as well and had been on her own during that pregnancy. If anyone understood what he was going through, he knew it would be her. She had been in his shoes, she had gotten pregnant without planning to do so and he knew that just like him she had still been happy about the pregnancy anyway. No matter what. Just like he was. If anyone understood him, it would be Debbie and Brian already felt slightly better after having told her and after knowing that she was still on his side.

“I won't tell him. Not until you're ready to tell him first,” she promised and then kissed him soundly on his cheek. She then smiled widely at him and pinched his cheeks in what felt like a death grip. “You'll be fine, honey. You and the baby, you both will be. I know it.”