Chapter 13 To Overcome

“Every trial endured and weathered in the right spirit makes a soul nobler and stronger than it was before.”-James Buckham

Saturday February 23rd 2008

Brian Kinney hated airports. Airports were a cesspool for germs not only germs, but also everything Brian hated. However, this wasn't the first one he'd been in one and he knew it wouldn’t be his last. Gardner was always sending him to interview or photograph people and places, it would be many normal people’s dream job. Brian’s job was his dream job but he didn’t like traveling but it was part of the job.

Brian avoided brushing up against people whenever possible. He was determined not to let any of his fears get the best of him. He used the breathing techniques his therapist taught him as he walked toward the seating area near the gate Justin’s plane would arrive at. He chose a seat far enough away from other people, but as soon as he sat down a brunet woman and her four young children occupied the seats beside him.

“Stay calm, stay calm,” he told himself. He looked down, focused in on his white shoelaces, and continued to take deep breaths.

“First time flying?” the woman asked.

Brian looked over at the woman who patted the back of a small baby. He looked beside her and saw that the older two boys and girl were surprisingly being well behaved and engrossed quietly with their hand held games or I-pods.

“What?” he asked, his attention diverted to the children, he'd forgotten her question.

She smiled at him warmly and repeated, “Is this your first time flying?”

Brian rubbed his hands on his face and shook his head. “No, I'm waiting for someone.”

“Oh! It's just... You seem really nervous so I figured you were flying.”

Brian cringed a bit. He really wanted to be much more confident by the time Justin got off the plane, scheduled to land in seven minutes, if it was still landing on time. “I am nervous,” he mumbled. Brian forced himself to sit up straighter so he could appear more confident.

“Can I ask who it is you're waiting on?” The woman moved the child from her shoulder and into her arms, cradling her to her chest and slightly rocking her.

Brian stared for a moment at the little baby. When he looked up the woman was smiling at him in a knowing way. “My partner is coming back from California. He's been gone for a long time.”

“Well shouldn't you be more excited then?”

Brian smiled. “I am. I really am excited,” he told her, beginning to feel even more confident. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him.”

“Are you two married?” she asked, persisting in her curiosity of the man beside her.

Brian blushed. “No... not yet.” He ran his fingers through his hair and nervously played with the collar of his shirt. “But I'm going to ask him tonight. I should have asked him before he left.” He didn't mean to say the last sentence aloud but it came out as before he could even think it over. He kept speaking without thinking, “I don’t know if he’s going to come back to be with me.”

“Did you two have a fight?” She asked.

“Sort of,” Brian deadpanned.

“It's never good to fight before one goes away on a trip or even just before they leave the house. I always try to make up with my husband Paul before he goes away on a business trip. He's always flying and is hardly ever home, but it pays the bills. He's been gone this time for two weeks to Italy, so we've come to meet his plane.”

“We did have a fight,” Brian admitted. “Justin, that's my partner’s name. He's pregnant with my child, well children really. We're having twins.”

“Twins!” She held out her hand for Brian to shake. “Congratulations.” The woman awaited his hand. “I'm Georgia.”

“I'm Brian,” Brian replied softly. He face flushed. “I'm...I'm sorry, but I can't shake your hand.”

The woman frowned a bit and dropped her hand away. “Oh. Sorry to bother you.”

Brian was surprised and felt ashamed. “You’re not bothering me,” he spoke honestly, surprised at that fact. “It's just that... It's the same reason I let him go.”

Georgia scrunched up her eyebrows, not understanding. “What do you mean?”

Brian took a deep breath. “I have problems,” he said softly. “I've really enjoyed talking to you, but I just can't...”

“No need to explain Hun,” she interrupted. “My sister Emma has obsessive compulsive disorder. She doesn’t shake hands, give hugs and she won't let my kids in her house.”

Brian looked away for a moment before turning back to her. The way she smiled sadly at him made him feel terrible. “I told him I'd take care of them financially, but that I couldn't be involved with them.”

“But you're here.”

Brian nodded. He suddenly felt all warm inside and smiled a little. “To bring them home. I want to try. I don’t want to live like the way I have. He helped me change, take control over it a little, but I don’t know if I can do it with the kids.”

“As long as you try, that’s better than just living alone, thinking about what might have been. Isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Brian spoke assured. “It is.”

“Well....” she glanced up at the roster of flights. “LAX flight 146 has landed is disembarking at Gate 14, is that his plane?”

Brian glanced up and smiled, his heart ached for Justin. “Yes. I...I'd better go.” He got up from the bench, ready to race to the gated area where families waited. Brian smiled softly and reached out his hand. He trembled a bit. But knew that he could do this. “It was really nice talking to you.”

Georgia reached out and took the photographer's hand. “You'll do fine Brian,” she said taking his hand and squeezing it for a moment before letting go. “Good luck, it was nice meeting you.”

“You too. Thanks.” Brian was extremely pleased with himself when he turned and started to rush toward the gate. Nothing and no one in that airport could bother him. The only thoughts he had were about Justin.

***

Justin carefully stood up from his seat as soon as the 'fasten seat-belts' sign turned off. He’d flown first class and the plane hadn't been too crowded so he thankfully was able to get to the bathroom quickly every one of the six times he'd gone. However, right before they were going to land someone occupied the bathroom and he needed to use it. Then the announcement was given and he had to wait to use it until they landed a half-hour later.

Moving, somewhat quickly he made it to the bathroom, located only a few isles ahead and relieved himself letting out a long sigh when he finished. When he got out of the bathroom, he saw that most of the first class passengers had gone and there was only one flight attendant in the area. She stood guarding his carry-on waiting for him. “Would you like some help with your bags?”

Justin smiled and looked down at the carry-on that was sitting on the seat beside the one he'd sat in. “No, that's all right. I can manage on my own. But thank you very much for asking.”

“No problem sir, thank you for flying with American Airlines.” She then made her way to the last isle to help an older woman get her luggage from the over-head bin.

Justin leaned down into the seat, feeling the weight of his stomach shift in a weird way as he grabbed his messenger bag. He looked around his seat to make sure he hadn't left anything and made his way to the front of the plane.

Justin P.O.V.

God. I can't wait to be home. Then again, at the same time, I can. Whatever is going on with my mother and what Jon needs to talk to me about, I’m not look forward to. And Brian… well fuck. I don’t even know what I’m going to do without Brian. I kept busy and my thoughts weren’t centered on Brian, but the second the plane took off from LAX, he’s been all I can think about. I have constant reminders of the man who will always own my heart, fluttering around right beneath it.

I'm pretty warn-out and all I really want is to go to bed, maybe for a few days. I don’t want to deal with any of the crap I can feel looming. Brian and I haven't talked since I've been gone. He didn't try to call me, and frankly, I didn’t expect that he would and I am still too hurt to call him. I did a lot of thinking about Brian and I the last six weeks and right now, I really don't want to think about anything at all.

But I can't help but dream of him being out here in the airport lounge, waiting for me with his arms wide open. I know it's not good to get my hopes up, but I have.

Oh my god. I think I’m hallucinating. Near the baggage claim, I swear he is standing there, smiling sheepishly at me. This can't be. Brian would never come to an airport unless it had to do with an assignment.

I stop in my tracks, close my eyes, and take a deep breath before opening them again. I look over to the baggage carousal and he's not there anymore. I was just being an idiot, hoping for something that would never be. I told myself I wouldn’t do this when I got home. I promised I’d start over.

Tears burn my eyes and I close them again. I want to collapse right here. I sway from side to side; all the exhaustion is getting to me. Fuck. I drop my bag down beside my feet and open my eyes. I try to take deep breaths and get my footing but the fast pace airport starts to circle inside me. I'm going to be sick.

“Justin!”

I crouch down and grab my stomach. I don’t care if I’m in people’s way. Fuck! I’m hallucinating again. I could swear I heard Brian call my name.

“Justin!”

I'm going to puke. Right here, on the tile floor of the airport in front of a hundred people. Shit! I press my hands to my eyes and hear it again.

“Justin.”

I look up and my vision clears a little. The person calling my name squats down in front of me his hands squeeze my shoulders. “Are you all right?”

Suddenly the pain and sickness sweeps away as quickly as it came. I'm not spinning any longer and the world rights itself around me. The hands on my shoulders and the pair of hazel eyes have grounded me. “Brian?” I gasp out. I wipe my tears away and attempt to stand up on my shaky legs. Brian grabs me around my waist, holding my body steady.

“Excuse me, is everything all right here?” An airport police officer stands above us watching concerned as Brian helps me stand.

I lean into Brian’s strong body. The safety of his arm wrapped around my waist holds me close so I won't fall. I can’t believe he’s here! I can barely comprehend this.

“Are you okay Justin?” Brian asks looking down at me his other hand brushes my cheek.

“Are you hurt son?” the officer asks.

I nod my head and smile at both of their concern. “I'm fine. I just have a bit of jet lag and got dizzy,” I tell them. I don’t want to scare Brian. I know that if I told him the real reason I started to get sick it would only hurt him and cause him to walk away, thinking I would be better off with out him. And, I don’t want to tell the officer that I thought I was hallucinating.

“Would you like for me to get a wheel chair for your husband?” The officer asks, directing the question at Brian.

“No...no...” I answer. “That isn't necessary. I'll be fine. I need to get my luggage and then I can go home to get some rest.”

“Sir. “The officer gives me a small smile. “Forgive me for being so blunt, but it's obvious by that round belly that you don't only have a case of jet lag. I'd feel much better about this if you would allow me to get your suitcase and escort you with a wheel chair to the car. Perhaps by that time your husband could pull your car around to the pick-up deck?”

“Thank you officer. We would really appreciate that,” Brian replies before I can protest again.

Wait! What? I still haven't grasped the fact that Brian is here, and he didn't correct the officer either time he called me his husband. He’s here and he cares! We haven't spoke for six weeks, and he just shows up here and expects me to listen to him and sit, helplessly in a fucking wheel chair. Who does he thing he is. He can show up here. Fine. But I get to say what goes on with me. I appreciate his concern and I’m sure he cares about me but he hasn’t been with me for six weeks. He can’t just show up here and pretend he’s a loving, doting, Father and Partner.

“Hello... But I can make decisions for myself, even in my condition,” I sneer. I step a little away from Brian.

Brian grasps my arm and pulls me back against him. “I know you can Justin.”

“Listen sir, it would be my pleasure for you to just let me do this. Because frankly, if something happens to you when you try to walk out of here, it would be my ass. So, I insist that you let me help you.”

I roll my eyes however; I don't want to cause the officer to get in trouble just in case. Therefore, I nod my agreement.

“I'll be outside waiting for you in pick up,” Brian says. He kisses my forehead before leaving me with the officer. The officer gets on his walkie-talkie and orders for someone to bring us a wheelchair. I'm so…so… so going to kill Brian for making me ride out of here in a wheelchair.

First, I'm going to sleep for three days. When an airport attendant brings the wheelchair I get in, we collect my baggage from the claim, and the officer wheels me through the masses of people toward the exit. I suppose it is sort of nice not to have walk the whole way, and I am really tired.

We get outside and the cold air hits me. The weather was beautiful in California, but it’s definitely winter in Chicago. I pull my light jacket tighter around me against the wind. I look for Brian’s car as the officer pushes me down sidewalk for pick up parking. I spot Brian standing beside his car. He’s smiling at me and looks like he’s about to jump out of his skin with excitement. I can’t help the smile that forms on my face. I suppose I won’t kill him. But whatever is going on, whatever the reason he came here, I’m not going to get my hopes up just yet. We have a lot of talking to do.