Cause, getting your dreams. Is strange, but it seems, a little well, complicated. There‘s a kind of a sort of cost. There‘s a couple of things lost. There are bridges you crossed you didn‘t know you crossed until you crossed.” –Schwartz

May 3rd, 2007 One Hour Later

“I’m sorry, but I agreed to an interview with Brian Kinney. Not with you, Mr.?” Justin turned and started to grab up his messenger bag, ready to leave. He was extremely disappointed if that could even actually describe how horrible he felt.

“Look. Kid, the name is Tom Mathews,” the measly, greasy looking reporter grabbed onto Justin’s arm stopping him from leaving.

Justin spun around and shook the man’s hand away from him while glaring daggers at the idiot, “It seems to me that you need to go back to your boss and tell him that I do not appreciate being lured into an interview under false pretenses. Make sure you also tell him I certainly do not appreciate being called a kid by some greasy reporter who wouldn’t know a Picasso from a Rembrandt,” Justin marched out of the café and got into his car.

He was pissed, to put it mildly. To put it harshly, and more accurately, his heart felt like it had been torn into pieces. A million and one questions raced through his head. The biggest one was one he was determined to find the answers to, “Why the fuck didn’t Brian Kinney show up to the interview?” Justin cursed as he parked in the closest parking garage to the Sun Times building.

After about a five-minute walk to the entrance, he had time to cool down a little. When he reached the security building, he was calm enough to hopefully, not look like the raving lunatic he was sure the reporter would paint him as.

After receiving clearance, a man escorted him to the third floor where a petite young blond woman stood staring at him and looking extremely distraught and nervous.“Justin Taylor?” she asked him attentively.

“Yes, are you Cynthia? Was it you that scheduled my appointment with Mr. Kinney?” Justin asked all in one quick breath.

Cynthia could see the disappointment in the boy’s eyes. She knew she should not be thrilled with that, but she was. It seemed as though Justin Taylor was everything Brian deep down wanted him to be. She had always been able to read people and get a feel of them from the first moment she met them, Justin Taylor was no different. If not, she felt like she already knew him. “Yes, I am. It was me that called you, but I can explain,” Cynthia said.

“Where’s Brian?” Justin asked her; not caring if he had raised his tone of voice.

“Will you follow me please so we can talk in private?” she asked glancing around and gesturing to the chaotic cubicles around them.

Justin nodded and followed the well-dressed woman into a nearly empty office. On the door’s nameplate was, Brian Kinney. Justin surveyed the room as he took a seat across from the blond who sat behind the desk.

Brian was not here, and it appeared that there were no traces of his occupancy anywhere in the office.

“He’s not here,” Cynthia said sadly, needlessly.

Justin looked at the woman and saw the stress on her features, “Where is he?”

Cynthia figured she would cut to the chase. She knew that there was not enough time to dilly-dally around the facts. She was certain that what her friend needed, she could no longer give. “Brian was fired today,” Cynthia told him regretfully.

Immediately Justin’s face turned from an annoyed scowl to a worried frown, “What do you mean he was fired? That cannot be possible. Brian is a wonderful writer and photographer. The best the Times has ever had!” Justin leaned forward, a nagging feeling in his gut, “Is he okay?”

Bing! Cynthia could not help but smile, even under the circumstances.

Her expression made Justin glare at her, “What? Are you happy to replace him?”

Cynthia smiled even wider. The artist had some fight in him. He would definitely need it for what and whom he would be up against. By the look in the bright glaring blue eyes across from her, everything made sense to her. Justin Taylor would be the one. “God, no!” Cynthia replied. “Brian is my best friend!” she watched again as relief passed over the artist’s delicate looking face. “Brian is my boss. Err…well; he was until a few hours ago. He was fired because he couldn’t do the interview with you,” Cynthia said.

“Well, if he was sick or something, we could have rescheduled. That guy they sent instead was a total asshole and I refused to do the interview with him,” Justin said.

Cynthia smirked. “I am sorry about that. All we had was your home number and I tried to reach you, but you had already left. You are right. Tom is a total asshole.” Cynthia laughed, but then got serious, “You see, our boss, the editor in chief, well, he has been asking Brian to do an interview personally with you for years. Brian has always refused.” There it is, it’s out, she thought. I can do this. It is for Brian’s own good.

“Why did he refuse? He comes to all of my shows and writes the most amazing things about my art in his reviews. I just don’t get it,” Justin sighed.

“Brian has always loved you and your work,” Cynthia said. She looked at him sternly hoping he would get the double meaning. She watched his face change from the worried look to one of, one that matched the look Brian got whenever he talked to her about Justin.

“Why hasn’t he ever talked to me? If he ever would have…”

“He never could Justin,” Cynthia cut him off. “Brian isn’t like most people.”

“Well, who is? I certainly am not. I mean, I just never got it. If he loves my work why not at least talk to me, phone me, shit!” Justin ran his hands through his hair.

“Justin. You know what I meant right?” Cynthia said quietly. “Brian doesn’t only love your work. That is why it was so hard for him to talk to you.”

“He could have said something. Talked to me just once, I would have loved to talk to him! I mean…”

“Did you talk to him?” Cynthia asked boldly. “I can see that what you feel for him is pretty close to what he feels for you, but why didn’t you ever talk to him?”

“Because he is the most beautiful man, I have ever seen. He is so talented there is no way I could hold a conversation with someone who writes the way he does. So eloquent and meaningful, I am just an artist. Besides, I thought he was straight up until five minutes ago,” Justin thought he could have gone on and on. He then voiced his biggest reason. “Because, I fell in love with him the first time I saw him,” Justin sighed.

Cynthia’s heart lurched. She definitely was not expecting that answer even if she knew it was the truth, “And because you loved him it made you second guess everything right?”

Justin nodded his head. He was sure Cynthia was a damn good reporter too.

“Well, for Brian, he either quadruples guesses things to the point where it drives him crazy and he ignores it. Or, he has things so damn orderly that he doesn’t need to guess at all. Brian Kinney was not taught how to make his own decisions Justin. He grew up in a home that was pure hell. His story is not mine to tell, but what I can tell you is this; he has loved you and spoken your name every single day for six years. But he thought he was better off never speaking to you and you breaking his heart because he thought he wasn’t good enough for you.”

Justin felt tears sting the backs of his eyes, “That’s not true,” he said breathlessly. “God, I mean, I thought the same thing,” he finished.

“I tried to tell him that. I tried to get him to meet you today. Brian suffers from anxiety and OCD complex. He just, he couldn’t bring himself to go today,” Cynthia sighed. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t go to him.”

Justin was trying to process everything Cynthia had told him. It seemed like all he wanted for the last six years was finally coming to head. There were so many obstacles in the way, so many things to discover. He had a feeling that if he went to find Brian, things would get even more confusing. Was he up to it?

“I’ll give you his address on one condition,” Cynthia said, noticing the boy’s hesitance.

“What is it?” Justin asked on guard. He could not believe that a man who wrote with such strength and power was in the least bit vulnerable. Then, he was not the rich artsy asshole type, the image he was sure had prevented Brian from talking to him was not who he was.

“You only use it; you only go, if you plan on sticking around. If you understand, that Brian is not going to be easy to love. He loves you, but beyond what he knows as his feelings for you and even me, he does not know much else when it comes to emotions. He is as fragile emotionally as a child and if you meet him, you cannot walk away. You cannot hurt him that way. You have to decide if what you have waited six years for is the same thing you will want for the rest of your life,” Cynthia went into the desk, retrieved a company pad and pen, and started to write Brian’s phone number and address.

“But, but I haven’t even met him?” Justin questioned.

Cynthia looked up and stared into Justin’s eyes. “But haven’t you?” she asked. “If you honestly believe that you haven’t then, then maybe you never should, up close.” She did not mean for her words to sound harsh, but she could not put Brian into a situation where he would be hurt.

Justin answered by reaching across the desk and ripping the directions off of the pad, and with a smile, he walked out of Brian Kinney’s former office.