“Forgive me for I did not know. Cause I was just a boy, you were so much more. Not any god could ever plan, more than a woman or a man, now I understand how much I took from you. When everything starts breaking down, you take the pieces off the ground. Show this town, something beautiful and new. You think that luck has left you there. But maybe there’s nothing up in the sky by air. And there’s no mystical design. No cosmic lover reassigned. There’s nothing you can find, that cannot be found. Cause with all the changes you have been through it seems the stranger’s always you. All alone again in some wicked little town. But when you’ve got no other choice. You know you can follow my voice. Through the dark turns and noise of this wicked little town. It’s a wicked little town. Goodbye wicked, little town.” -Stephen Trask and John Cameron Mitchell- Hedwig and the Angry Inch

***

May 3rd, 2007

“Brian?” Justin whispered the Brunet’s name. He had been rocking and humming to Brian for a few minutes. The man had the material of his shirt in a death grip, “I think we need to go in the house now. You need to get cleaned up.”


Brian only moaned in answer and tried to bury his head against Justin’s chest, even more.


Justin gently put his hands on Brian’s face and tilted it up toward him. He stared into the tear-reddened hazel eyes, “Did you hear me, Brian?” Justin saw the beautiful eyes widen when they looked into his own. Then they started to dart around erratically.


“What happened?” Brian asked quietly, looking back at Justin worriedly.


“I …I really don’t know, Brian. When I got here, you were on the ground covered in all this mess. You looked hurt,” Justin said with a hitch in his voice. “Did someone do this to you, Brian?”


He had not known what to think when he drove up and saw the man trembling and crying on the ground. It seemed as if as though Brian were in a trance. Justin ran straight from his car to hold the man in his arms and Brian had almost retreated into himself completely.


Justin felt as though every word and caress he gave Brian were previously mapped out for him, and it was as if he had given him them a million times before. He knew they had never officially met, and Justin had never before administered the loving caresses he was giving the distraught man, but it felt like they were ingrained in him.


It must also have felt natural to Brian, from the way he buried his head into Justin’s chest, hiccupped his breaths through his sobs; the way Justin leaned down and rained light kisses in the dirty auburn hair, it was all so comfortable and familiar to Brian.

Brian was at a loss for words. He remembered coming outside to bring the trash out, but everything else after that was a blur. How was Justin suddenly at his house? How long had he been outside with him? “When did you get here?” Brian asked as he untangled himself from Justin’s arms and stood up on his shaky and sore limbs.


Looking down at the state of his clothing, Brian felt extremely embarrassed. The first time Justin Taylor was at his home and he had an episode! He took one look at the gorgeous boy and felt himself become short of breath. This time it was not because of a panic attack, it was because Justin Taylor was looking at him with his big blue eyes with a look that Brian was sure, matched his own feelings for the blond. He just did not know how that was possible. He had to be mistaken.


“I need to change,” Brian said softly and began to walk up his steps he turned around and saw Justin’s expression was now one of sadness. “Would you like to come inside?” he asked the artist. The blonds’ expression immediately changed into a beaming grin that caught Brian’s breath and made his chest tighten. He was in complete awe of Justin Taylor. Just as he always was.


Justin said nothing, only nodded. His smile, firmly planted on his face as he followed Brian inside the house. He wordlessly followed Brian’s example, taking his socks and shoes off before entering, placing them beside Brian’s next to the door.


Brian delighted in the simple action Justin performed. He was so happy that the boy seemed to understand what he needed. They entered through the back door and came upon the bare kitchen. Cupboards hung open, and the refrigerator and freezer doors stood wide-open, letting out the cold air. Open and spilled containers were everywhere.


Brian looked at the disarray, quickly starting to close everything. He rushed around the room, in a panic, once again feeling bile rising in his throat.


Justin watched as the writer went around the kitchen in a flurry. He was not sure what he should do. He remembered what Cynthia had told him about Brian. The man had OCD. However, she thought that Justin could help him. Justin was not sure exactly what it was he could do to help. He just knew that he needed to stop Brian from going into the panic attack he could see coming. He decided to intercept Brian, putting his body between him and the refrigerator doors that he closed in the process.


“Justin?” Brian queried cautiously, not sure what he was asking.


“Brian, why don’t we clean you up? We can clean the kitchen up later,” Justin, suggested, taking in once again Brian’s sticky, food covered clothes.


“But…” Brian looked around wide-eyed, protesting.


Justin reached up and put his fingers on Brian’s beautiful lips. They were the only part Justin could see on the man that was not covered in food, bruises or blood. “Let me give you a nice warm bath, and then afterward I’ll help you clean this mess up. Maybe we can even go get some groceries and I’ll cook you an amazing dinner and we can talk.” Justin was not sure if he was overstepping his boundaries, but he loved Brian Kinney and he wanted to help him.


Brian took a deep breath and then reached his hand out to take Justin’s but he stopped short and placed his arm back at his side nervously.


Justin saw the hesitation and fear in Brian’s eyes; he would never reject this man, he thought. He took a step even closer to Brian; their chests touched causing invisible sparks that coursed through both males. Justin took Brian’s sticky hand within his own, “Show me where your bathroom is, Brian.”


Brian looked into Justin’s blue eyes for a moment. He saw desire directed toward him and felt his skin flush as he started to lead Justin through his house to the bath.


When they reached the tub, Justin sat Brian down on the wooden bench, went to the tub and started to fill it with warm water. He went to the cupboard, retrieved a washcloth, and dipped it into the flowing water.


Brian watched, as Justin squeezed the water from the rag and stood before him. “I’m going to wash the stuff off your face okay?” He heard Justin say softly to him. He nodded his head in agreement and soon felt the warm material dabbing at his face gently. The sensation was so soft he wanted to close his eyes and fall asleep but he could not stop staring into Justin’s eyes.


Justin stood in front of him and reached down to remove Brian’s filthy t-shirt. His fingers brushed Brian’s toned stomach, making him shiver with lustful electricity. He still was not sure how exactly he had gotten the courage to go to the man’s house and talk to Brian Kinney, let alone be in his bathroom helping him take a bath.


Then again, maybe it was not courage. It was just love. He pulled Brian’s shirt off and the older man stared up at him. His hazel eyes turning to a deep golden brown. They looked at him with so much trust, lust, and love that Justin had to tear his eyes away.


He felt as though his heart was going to burst! He was sure that there were very few people, if any, that had been privileged enough to see that look.


Justin could not fight temptation anymore. He leaned down and closed his eyes, lightly but firmly pressing his lips to Brian’s own. A warm sensation coursed through his body as Brian’s lips pressed against his. Justin was sure that Brian’s lips had been created for him to kiss. He pulled back and saw that Brian’s eyes remained closed, fluttering open just a few seconds later to release a few tears from the revealed eyes.


“I think the bath is ready for you,” Justin said as he stroked the tears away from Brian’s cheeks.


Brian could only nod. With Justin there helping him, he felt so whole, so content. But, the idea of Justin seeing him fully naked was beginning to make him embarrassed. He knew he had a nice body but now it was covered in scrapes and bruises that he still could feel and for the first time he did not enjoy the reminder and pain of them. However, it was too late to be embarrassed. He was sure that Justin had seen him at his worst a half an hour ago. Yet, Justin had not run from him. He had not even tried to force him to talk about anything yet. He was just there, helping him and being with him. It meant the fucking world to him. Besides Cynthia, no one had dared to be with him longer than they had to be. He was fairly certain that Cynthia was the reason the blond was there in the first place. He would definitely have to thank her for that.


Brian stood up and started to unbutton his jeans. When he got to the last and fourth button he felt Justin’s fingers on his own stilled ones. He looked at Justin who smiled softly and undid the last button for him.


Brian’s jeans pooled around his legs and he stepped out of them. His trusty red boxer briefs showed his obvious hard-on prominently to Justin.


Justin took a deep breath and stepping a little closer, he hooked his thumbs into Brian’s waistband and pulled the material down, looking up at Brian’s face the entire time. He wanted this man so badly he was afraid to look too long at the beauty of Brian’s body. But, once again, he couldn’t help himself. Brian’s thick, dripping cock stood out from what looked to be a precisely trimmed brownish red nest of hair.


Brian felt his face redden. He could not help himself. The second Justin had touched his lips a few minutes before; his cock had hardened and would not recede at all. Then when Justin’s fingers brushed his Fruit of the Loom covered erection, while unbuttoning his pants, he felt his dick straining for release.


“Let’s get you in the bath,” Justin said changing the unspoken subject. He was in much the same state that Brian was, but he wanted to tend to Brian, care for Brian before he did anything for himself. Justin felt honored to do so.


Justin turned off the water and moved a stool to behind the porcelain tub. He watched as Brian got in and winced as the water hit his wounds. He was sure that Brian had done that to himself. He saw the dozens of rough sponges and exfoliates in the cupboard when he was looking for the washcloth. It pained Justin to know that Brian was in so much pain inside that he hurt himself this way.


Brian felt Justin come up behind him and sit on the stool. He felt the artist’s long fingers massage his scalp and then brought his head back to rest in his lap. “Mmm,” he moaned.


Justin started to wash Brian’s body slowly and sensually. He was extra tender with the wounds and the first time Brian flinched from the sting, Justin leaned down and whispered, “I want to wash it all away for you, Brian.”


Brian keened at Justin’s words. He could feel silent tears trace down his face. Justin’s touch was perfection to him. It seemed it was all he needed. “It’s all gone, Brian, you never have to hurt yourself again. You’re so beautiful.” Justin’s hot breath tickled his ear and the only part Justin had not rubbed on him was now leaking into the water.


Normally, this thought would have been enough for Brian to hightail it out of the water. He did not even masturbate without wearing a condom. A very difficult technique but it was clean and tidy that way. Shit, normally Brian would not sit in a tub full of his own filth but with Justin there, many of the things he normally felt like he could not do, he had done without a thought because with Justin, he was content and safe and he was almost sure he was loved. There was no other word to describe the way the boy had touched him, but lovingly.


Justin was not blind or dumb. He knew what he was doing to Brian. He could see the long staff poking out of the water and dripping its almost clear fluid into the clean bubbly water. “You are so beautiful Brian,” Justin said dipping his hand underneath the water’s surface and grasping Brian’s slippery, silky penis.


“Oh, god!” Brian moaned. His voice echoed around the bathroom walls and sent pleasurable chills down Justin’s spine.


This egged the blond on. He leaned his head down and put his lips against Brian’s. “Brian?” He asked, breathless. Looking at a wanton Brian Kinney did that to you.


“Yes?” Brian opened his eyes only to see Justin’s face a centimeter from his. He did not remember closing them. The tight fist around his cock was sending him into another world. He loved this man touching him.


“I want you to come,” Justin whispered seductively. He was sure that his own cock was about to burst just from washing and now holding Brian. “I want you to let everything but me and you, go. It’s just me and you, nothing else matters.” While he said this, his hand was moving faster and faster.


Waves splashed out onto the tile floor as Justin pumped his hand in between Brian’s bucking legs. “Uhuhh,” was the only thing Brian could say before Justin took his mouth in a hard, bruising, and upside-down kiss.


Their tongues touched and danced. Justin felt as though every word Brian had written about him was spoken and felt with that kiss. Brian’s head still rested in Justin’s crotch and it kept rubbing back and forth on his cock as they kissed; he was nearly bent in half but he was flexible and the kiss was powerful so he couldn’t feel a bad strain on any muscle.


Justin’s thumb dug into Brian’s slit and that was it, for both of them.


Justin felt Brian’s come rush out of his cock as it shot out. Brian’s loud groan caused Justin’s own dick to shoot so powerfully he was sure Brian’s hair was going to need a washing after sitting on his lap.


Brian’s naked body tingled and Justin’s still clothed one did the same. They sat there catching their breath. Faces breathing on each other’s until, at the same time, their eyes opened and locked.


Justin smiled, taking what breathing Brian had controlled, away for a moment.


“It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Kinney,” Justin said, chest still heaving from the most intense orgasm he had ever had.


Brian smiled a toothy grin that in Justin’s eyes was the fucking Holy Grail, “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Justin Taylor.”