Justin I Love You



Justin was away visiting relatives with his Mom and Molly in New York.  He was only going to be away for a week but it was a week too long as far as Brian was concerned.



Cynthia observed that Brian was grumpy, cranky and snapped at Bob/Brad every chance he got.  When he started to snap at Cynthia she had about all that she could take. It was getting late on Friday afternoon and she was getting tired of Brian’s latest outburst.  As Brian was pacing and cursing Cynthia slammed her appointment book and yelled, “I quit”. The anger in her voice startled Brian. He looked at her wide eyed and she continued, “if you don’t leave now I’m going to quit; do leave you quietly or do I?”  She left him no choice; he packed up his briefcase and picked up his jacket. Heading for the door with slumped shoulders he suddenly stopped went back to Cynthia’s desk and gave her a peck on the cheek. “Sorry”, he said in a tone usually reserved for Justin when caught by him being an asshole.  “Out”, said Cynthia pointing at the door in a gentler tone sensing the true remorse in the man. Brian slithered out. Relishing in the quiet Cynthia returned to her work starting with the phone calls.



Brian went home not happy to be there alone but not in the mood for Woody’s or the diner.  After depositing his briefcase on his desk he went into the bedroom. He kicked off his shoes and removed his jacket, loosening his tie as he lay down.  Thinking he’d close his eyes for only a few minutes sleep overtook him.



Brian found himself in the throws of a horrible nightmare.  All his demons came back to haunt and plague him. Jack, fucking Rage, Ethan, Mikey’s birthday party, the prom.  He kept seeing Justin’s face fading farther and farther away. Justin would ask Brian if he loved him and when Brian hesitated Justin would retreat further.  Brian would open his mouth to try to say the words and nothing would come out. Finally there was nothing left Justin was gone and Brian was left cold and alone.



Brian woke up in a sweat screaming for Justin.  Reaching out for him Brian felt the cold empty expanse of the bed and abruptly sat up.  Slightly confused he got out of bed to remove the remainder of his clothes. He opened the closet and saw all of Justin’s clothes were missing.  Panicked he opened Justin’s drawers and found them empty. He looked in the bathroom all of Justin’s toiletries were gone. Running through the loft he checked the bookcase no art books; the CD rack was devoid of all of Justin’s horrendous music; the pantry empty of all of Justin’s snacks and junk food.  Brian picked up the phone and dialed Justin’s cell---‘the number you have reached has been disconnected no further information available’---“what the fuck?” Brian dropped the phone and cried. He didn’t understand, they hadn’t argued, he didn’t trick, no drugs, only an occasional drink or cigarette; what did he do?  Why would Justin leave him? Brian called the office, the service picked up. He tried Cynthia at home but when her machine picked and he tried to leave a message he got cut off, when he tried to redial the line was busy. He tried Deb’s but no one was home, Mikey, Em no answer. Brian stared at the receiver in disbelief he couldn’t reach anyone.  He went back to bed.



The tears that were stinging his eyes were now streaming down his face.  He curled up in to a ball in the middle of the bed…



“Justin I love you, where are you?”

“Here Baby I’m here”

“Justin?”

“Right here Bri”

“Oh Justin I love you, why did you leave me?”

“Bri I was only gone a few days”

“No you left me, you took everything its all gone, your clothes, your books, CD’s everything!”

“No Baby you were having a nightmare, its all here look”



Brian sat up and looked around.  Through his tears he saw the full closet, Justin opened his drawers and all his things were in place.



“Justin it seemed so real you left me”

“Why would I leave you?”
“Cause I, I”

“What Bri”

“Cause I wouldn’t say I loved you, love you”

“Baby that was years ago you say it all the time with words, every time you look at me, hold me and make love to me”

“Justin please hold me I need to feel you, know you’re real”

“I’m real I love you”



After a time while the lovers lay cuddling holding each other close…




“Justin why are you home, you weren’t due back for a few more days”

“I missed you”

“Missed you too Baby…Justin?”

“Yes Baby”

“Make love to me”

“Oh yes Brian”



As the lovers undressed each other Justin whispered softly to Brian his words of love and assurance.  Justin made love to Brian throughout the night and almost till dawn. Leaving his sleeping lover for only a few moments in the morning he called Cynthia…



“I’m sorry to wake you”

“It’s okay”

“You were right Cyn”

“I figured, he alright now?”

“Yes I think so”

“There’s nothing important for Monday so why don’t you two spend it together”

“Maybe we will I’ll call you”

“Don’t worry Justin and thanks for cutting your trip short”
”No problem I’m right where I want to be; later Cynthia”
”Bye Justin”



“Justin?”

“I’m right here Baby go back to sleep”

“I love you Justin, love you so much”

“I love you too Brian always and forever”

“Mmm forever”

“Sleep now”

“Sleeping now”



Sabina

12/3/03