The Making of a Top

48 hours, he agreed to 48 hours minus the time they were at work or in class of course. Justin had requested and he granted 48 hours of Justin being the top.

It wasn't bad, he survived, Brian liked it well mostly liked. He liked the physical part of it. Justin had learned all his lessons well, smart boy. He learned from the master, so of course it would feel good. Sex with Justin was always good better than good. It was like he was getting fucked by himself, not bad if you can manage it. And he trusted Justin, trusted him with his life and so much more.

But now he had enough.

They did it how many times? He lost count. Brian came a lot and hard. His ass hurt; his ass and his brain were screaming. He needed to leave. He got out of bed.

He and Justin were basking in the afterglow or some shit like that. Brian Kinney basking, not fucking likely, it was Justin who was doing all the basking and the glowing. Justin was radiating his glow, his smile, and his love.

Brian on the other hand was seething. He wouldn't show it though, he couldn't let on to Justin just how angry and confused he was feeling. So he got out of bed to take a shower…

"Brian where you going?"

"Out"

"Can I come?"

"No"

"Can I shower with you?"

"No, stay in bed, I need to be alone"

"You okay?"

"Yes Justin"

"Bri are you hungry I could make something before you go out"

"JUSTIN!…Justin please… leave me alone"

He didn't mean to shout he needed quiet, to be alone and no talking. He turned on the shower as hot as he could. Brian knew Justin wouldn't join him, his skin couldn't take it. The hot water felt good, washed away the sweat, the cum and Justin's scent. The only thing he wanted to smell was himself, cigarettes and Beam. He'd go to Woody's.

After Brian toweled off he put on his favorite black jeans that hugged him like a second skin, black wife beater and black silk shirt. He caught the look in Justin's eye as Justin watched him zip up his boots.

Justin knew. Brian knew what the boy was thinking and he did nothing to stop it…

"Don't wait"

Brian grabbed his jacket and keys and walked out.

Brian Kinney was on the prowl.

Justin lay there, the tears he refused to show when Brian was getting dressed now flowed like rain. He didn't understand, they've been so happy. Everything was going right for a change, no major dramas. Everyone in their crazy family was well and doing well including themselves. Justin didn't understand.

Maybe it was the past two days, but if Brian didn't want to they never would. Brian said yes and even enjoyed it, Justin was sure of it. So what happened, what changed? Justin had that feeling again, the feeling of falling off a mountain, of an impending volcanic eruption. Mt. Kinney was about to erupt and it would be Justin who would crash and burn.

Brian said 'don't wait', not don't wait up or later, just don't wait. What the fuck does that mean? Should he leave, go home to Daph's what? Nothing made sense.

Brian parked the car several blocks away from Woody's the walk felt good. He didn't drive straight there, he drove around a while surveying Liberty Ave., looking for prospects.

He'd been driving how long, he wasn't sure, maybe an hour. Then he parked and the walk, his walk, the Brian Kinney on the make walk. It felt good. He almost felt like the old Brian Kinney, no not old, the pre-Justin Brian Kinney with not a care in the world. Get up go to work, go to Woody's, go to Babylon, get high and fuck. Yeah, that Brian Kinney. Not…what is he now? A boyfriend? A father? A what? FUCK!

As he passed the alley near Woody's Brian decided to duck in, see if there was anyone interesting, new, someone he hadn't already done. He smirked to himself, can't be many left.

Since it was fairly warm the alley was a bit crowded but he found an emptying section of brick near a dumpster that would keep him hidden. Brian was already feeling the effects of something he just bought from his favorite Liberty Ave. pharmacologist, something to make him high but not loose control. No he never wanted to loose control not ever again.

When did he loose it? That night three years ago when he saw the most beautiful man in the whole world standing under a streetlight. Now he was afraid that he'd never get it back.

Brian stood with his back against the bricks slightly dizzy and pulled out a cigarette. If he was lucky maybe someone decent would suck him off. He laughed to himself, he doubted that he could get it up; Justin had sucked and fucked him dry. He didn't care, all that mattered was that he was here in the alley where he belonged and not sitting with a partner, boyfriend, lover watching some god awful movie or on a date making small talk or goo goo eyes over dinner. Shit.

He was about to leave the bricks when he sensed someone before him then a tug on his zipper. He didn't need to look, he didn't want to look and the alley was dark so no one would ever know it was him. So he waited to see if the trick had any talent, able to get a rise out of his worn out cock.

Amazingly enough the trick had talent. Brian felt himself getting hard more than hard and he liked it. The trick seemed to know where and how to touch him. Brian began to wonder if this guy had sucked him off before. It didn't matter he was getting close real close then he came. The trick licked him clean, tucked and zipped Brian up and vanished. Good little trick, at least he had the good sense to leave without talking. God he hated talking.

The high from the mix seemed to escape him so Brian decided to call on his old friend Beam. No not old, comforting, reliable and Beam never talked back or wanted a commitment. Beam never lied, cheated or hurt him.

The bar wasn't crowded kinda quiet, which suited him. The bartender brought Brian a double and left the bottle, smart man, he'd leave a big tip. The first drink went down fast so did the second, the third lingered. He wanted to savor this one take it slow be in control, not like his life. No more control. The blonds in his life had taken away all his control Lindsey, Cynthia and Justin.

It always came down to Justin, the little blond twink who made Brian's life a living hell and worth living. FUCK! What was he going to do now?

A couple of more hours passed as well as the forth shot. He had enough.

Brian left the big tip and slipped out the back door through the alley again. It was late and midweek the alley was now all but deserted. The Beam had done its job on his head so he leaned up against the cool bricks trying to clear his head enough so he could walk back to his car if he could find his car. He closed his eyes and took another drag of his cigarette.

Again Brian felt a pull on his zipper. There was no way he would get hard. He started laughing, oh well if the trick thought he could do it then who was he to deny the guy the pleasure of trying. Even a soft Brian Kinney was impressive, so he leaned back and enjoyed the warm mouth sucking on his dick.

Brian's mind drifted, wandered over the years, the thousands of anonymous fucks and sucks, meaningless all meaningless except for one. No Justin wasn't a trick wasn't meaningless aside from Gus Justin was the most valuable thing, person in his life. Brian almost hated Justin for making him feel like that, almost. How philosophical does one become in a dark alley when you're drunk and some unknown trick is sucking your cock and doing a damn good job too.

As Brian pondered the fine line between love and hate the trick managed to make him hard. Brian heard a wrapper tear and felt the cool sensation of the condom being rolled on to his dick. Then the trick positioned himself and leaned back hard onto Brian's cock. Brian had no choice but to fuck the tight willing ass that was all but attached to his dick. No he did have a choice and Brian chose to fuck.

The alley was too dark to see much and the guy was dressed in dark clothes besides what the fuck did Brian care. The ass was tight warm and knew what to do so Brian fucked. He fucked as hard as he could, gave the trick a good hard ride. He felt the guy cum, the spasm made his ass clench which in turn made Brian cum.

As Brian held onto the wall to stabilize his wobbly legs the trick removed himself, the condom tucked and zipped Brian up. Then as with the first one he vanished. Again gratefully there was no talking.

Brian's head had cleared sufficiently so at least he new which direction to walk to find his car, driving it would be another matter. Well he'd call Mikey if he had to; first he'd get to his car.

As Brian walked his mind started to race again. He felt like shit, he was a shit. He did it again, pushed away the one person who truly loved him off the edge again. And this time he may never get him to come back. He wanted to be alone and now Brian was afraid that he really was going to be alone. He felt lost and now Brian realized that he walked in the wrong direction. He looked around to find the street signs to get his bearings; he leaned against a light and took out a cigarette. He heard someone approach…

"Busy night?"

"Justin?"

"You okay?"

"No, Justin I'm sor…"

"Sorry is bullshit"

"Justin please"

"Please what Bri?"

"Please take me home, take us home"

The men drove off in silence. Brian dozed while Justin drove them home. Brian allowed the young man to lead him into the building, onto the elevator and inside the loft. Justin locked up and set the alarm then gently guided Brian to the bedroom. Brian let his boy undress him and tuck him into bed. Although Justin had set the alarm it still surprised Brian when Justin undressed and got into bed. Brian was sure that Justin was going to leave.

They settled in and Brian spooned against Justin's back. Gently caressing the pale smooth skin he heard the small sigh that escaped Justin's lips…

"Justin I'm sorry"

"I know Brian"

"I do love you"

"I know that too and I love you"

Again the sigh…

"Baby?"

"What Bri?"

"I want you inside me"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes just go slow"

"Like it's the first time?"

"Yes baby it is the first time"

Justin made love to Brian slowly, quietly and ever so tenderly. When done Justin cleaned them both and Brian drew him close. Neither man said a word but before sleep would take them…

"It was you wasn't it?"

"Yes"

"It will always be you"

"Yes"

"Thank you Justin"

"You're welcome Brian"

"I lo…"

"Shhh go to sleep Brian"

"Yes Justin"

Brian wasn't angry or confused anymore; what he was, is, is an asshole and he vowed he would spend the rest of his life making sure he would never hurt Justin again.

The volcano didn't erupt this time. Justin managed to release enough pressure so that all that it did was spew forth some smoke and a lot of noise. He would live to climb Mt. Kinney another day. Brian needed him, loved him and some times even wanted Justin to top him. But Justin would never ask again. No he could wait. Justin would never take that away from Brian again. Justin would bottom and Brian would be Brian. Justin would never ask again unless Brian wanted him to and that was okay, because it took a very special man to be a top and an equally special man to be the bottom in this relationship.

The trick is to know who's who. Do you?